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Thread: What to Do if You Suspect Your Partner of Cheating?

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siebenbürgerin View Post
    I think it's better to break all contact with the exes, unless it's a special case where the old fires are completely gone and the present partners don't mind either.
    I personally don't think it's necessary to break contact with your ex-s, in fact you can become better friends than with someone of the opposite sex that you had never had a relationship with, because the sexual desire has already been let out and dissipated, while in the case of regular friends of the opposite sex there might always be some underlying sexual attraction, hindering the friendship.

    However, like you say, when you have a good relationship, it is always good to keep your distances with the ex-s, even when it is a completely innocent thing, just for purposes of courtesy and civility.
    Anyone would be intimidated if his new partner told him 'I'm going to my ex's to stay for a couple of days' :eek: and packed condoms with her.

    Funny story:
    I mentioned I have an ex who is now my best friend. Our relationship had never been passionate though, we were mostly friends to begin with. He stood by me in the hardest times and it's not too much to say that I owe my sanity to him

    Anyways at some point, he met a girl and started a relationship with her. As soon as he mentioned that he is still in friendly terms with his ex (me), she started yelling & screaming, created scenes and spoke most rudely and vehemently about me without even knowing my name.
    She thereafter forbade him to have any contact with me whatsoever so as long as it lasted me & my friend were only talking on MSN (she even made him erase my phone numbers).

    Her motto was "once two people have slept together all they have in common is their sexual experience" and how "two ex-s should not be in the same room ever again because they will certainly ****" and "what do you talk about with her? The sexual positions you tried?" eyes: and stuff like that....

    My friend was trying to explain that we shared a lot more than sex and that we are now a very important part of each other's lives because we helped each other a lot in difficult situations, etc....but all in vain as she was convinced that sex is the only force that drives mankind.

    Eventually he dumped her because she was insanely jealous, plus obsessed with wealth, prestige and material things in general.

    After a month or so she found another guy who proposed her and she accepted because for her it was a 'perfect catch'...business man, wealthy, prestigeous and so on
    Poor guy travels a lot because of his business obligations so she stays alone for 1-2 weeks every month...
    ...so guess what she's doing while her new boyfriend is away....

    She's spamming her ex (my friend) with phones and messages telling him that she's horny and literally begging him to go over and have sex with her..

    So I guess she knew what she was talking about, eh?

  2. #22
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    That's a good story Blaxis. I am on friendly terms with one of my ex's and sex is the last thing I would think of doing with her so I can understand that. I understand everyone's feelings on the situation here. The idea of someone meeting up with their ex seems a bit strange but it all depending on the circumstances between them. Again the contraceptives were in the bag from the previous weekend but the main point that drew my concern was the "overnight" part and the "dressing up" part. So I feel this calls for a conversation. If she and her ex broke up over something like distance and they were meeting behind my back I would drop her like a bad habit.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blood Axis View Post
    I personally don't think it's necessary to break contact with your ex-s, in fact you can become better friends than with someone of the opposite sex that you had never had a relationship with, because the sexual desire has already been let out and dissipated, while in the case of regular friends of the opposite sex there might always be some underlying sexual attraction, hindering the friendship.

    However, like you say, when you have a good relationship, it is always good to keep your distances with the ex-s, even when it is a completely innocent thing, just for purposes of courtesy and civility.
    Anyone would be intimidated if his new partner told him 'I'm going to my ex's to stay for a couple of days' :eek: and packed condoms with her.

    Funny story:
    I mentioned I have an ex who is now my best friend. Our relationship had never been passionate though, we were mostly friends to begin with. He stood by me in the hardest times and it's not too much to say that I owe my sanity to him

    Anyways at some point, he met a girl and started a relationship with her. As soon as he mentioned that he is still in friendly terms with his ex (me), she started yelling & screaming, created scenes and spoke most rudely and vehemently about me without even knowing my name.
    She thereafter forbade him to have any contact with me whatsoever so as long as it lasted me & my friend were only talking on MSN (she even made him erase my phone numbers).

    Her motto was "once two people have slept together all they have in common is their sexual experience" and how "two ex-s should not be in the same room ever again because they will certainly ****" and "what do you talk about with her? The sexual positions you tried?" eyes: and stuff like that....

    My friend was trying to explain that we shared a lot more than sex and that we are now a very important part of each other's lives because we helped each other a lot in difficult situations, etc....but all in vain as she was convinced that sex is the only force that drives mankind.

    Eventually he dumped her because she was insanely jealous, plus obsessed with wealth, prestige and material things in general.

    After a month or so she found another guy who proposed her and she accepted because for her it was a 'perfect catch'...business man, wealthy, prestigeous and so on
    Poor guy travels a lot because of his business obligations so she stays alone for 1-2 weeks every month...
    ...so guess what she's doing while her new boyfriend is away....

    She's spamming her ex (my friend) with phones and messages telling him that she's horny and literally begging him to go over and have sex with her..

    So I guess she knew what she was talking about, eh?
    Hmm, it seems we have different views. In my opinion, if an actual partner isn't comfortable with the other speaking with the ex, I think it would be better for the ex to be out of the picture completely. If the presence of the ex bothers the actual so much that it can damage the relationship, I think the relationship is more worth saving than the friendship with the ex. Honestly, if my boyfriend had a friendship with his ex, I would break up with him. I don't forbid him but it's nothing acceptable under my terms. I think in relationship, partners shouldn't do things that upset the other. I equally don't do things that upset my boyfriend.

    Quote Originally Posted by Leof View Post
    That's a good story Blaxis. I am on friendly terms with one of my ex's and sex is the last thing I would think of doing with her so I can understand that. I understand everyone's feelings on the situation here. The idea of someone meeting up with their ex seems a bit strange but it all depending on the circumstances between them. Again the contraceptives were in the bag from the previous weekend but the main point that drew my concern was the "overnight" part and the "dressing up" part. So I feel this calls for a conversation. If she and her ex broke up over something like distance and they were meeting behind my back I would drop her like a bad habit.
    I hope you don't mind this question, but are you sure you are sure about the condom part? Aren't you just trying to convince yourself that the condoms aren't a problem? Because the members here noted that the condoms are a clear sign, and there must have been something about them since you felt the need to mention them in the first place.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Siebenbürgerin View Post
    I hope you don't mind this question, but are you sure you are sure about the condom part? Aren't you just trying to convince yourself that the condoms aren't a problem? Because the members here noted that the condoms are a clear sign, and there must have been something about them since you felt the need to mention them in the first place.
    It's a fine question to ask and I greatly respect everyone's input on this thread. If she seemed more cunning I would be quicker to jump conclusions here but she is absent minded enough to walk out into oncoming traffic without looking. I'm not going to drop this by any means.

  5. #25
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    I am on excellent terms with an exboyfriend and my husband is on excellent terms with his ex as well. We are all friends but only see each other a few times a year. If I went out to lunch with my ex that would not bother my husband even if I did not tell him until afterwards. We have several years of trust to keep the hounds of jealousy at bay.

    I think a calm direct talk is best in this situation. Explain your position and ask her to explain hers. I know that I am more likely to dress up some when meeting friends that I have not seen recently irregardless of our type of relationship.

    If she is inclined to an open relationship then you need to confront that issue. She might want to date for a few months before committing or some such.(What is included in dating matters. Coffee, movies or dancing is one thing, needing condoms another.) If that is the case make a firm timeline/date when things are decided.
    Land of the Free because of the Brave.
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    Update: no idea if she was cheating on me but I haven't talked to her much lately and looking elsewhere.

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    We always given with two ''Choices ''to stay or walk out. Only you could make that decision. Good luck Leof!
    Jeg er over gjennomsnittet bitter, og liker stort sett ingen andre enn meg selv


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    Forget about that "Slut" - sorry, but there are no other Words for such Women and keep moving on, stop wasting your Time with her, and next time, get the Person known more, before you consider starting something with her.




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    If you dont have trust, loyalty or love in the relationship then whats the point of staying together or even talking? Loyalty, honor, honestly and trust are some of the most important factors that contribute to true love and eventually of course a good healthy lasting marriage. They are also very rare commodities in this day and age in general. If you naturally lack them in your character and unable to learn and apply them, then there is no hope really. Just living with a series of lies, deceitfulness and lust-- all of which lead to a messy end and will likely leave one dying alone and measurable as its their inevitable dictated life's course .

    Talking to an ex-lover or fling whatever the case is, while in a new relationship is a big no-no and sign of bad things to come. Its also a major turn off or just annoying when your partner always brings up an ex even in a negative repetitive way, it shows phoniness and that person is still on their mind.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Leof View Post
    Not only that but I know for a fact the bag she took with her had condoms and lube.
    If you know for a fact that she had condoms and lube, then she is cheating on you.

    You dont take yankees tickets to a football game.

    I honestly don't know why you didn't confront her about the condoms. As soon as I would have seen her put condoms in the bag I would cuss her out then be out of the door.

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