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Thread: 10,000 B.c.

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    Senior Member János Hunyadi's Avatar
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    10,000 B.c.

    I just got back from seeing that steaming pile of crap!

    Yeah I knew it would suck and I knew that it got bad reviews from pretty much every single major film critic but I decided to go and see it anyway because a couple of my friends invited me to go and see it with them.

    It must be said first:

    Anyone looking for a historically accurate pre-historic drama should look elsewhere, because this is a stupid Hollywierd flick which goes all the way with pyramids being built by Egyptians ruled by an evil Nordic god king at least 7,000 years before the oldest known pyramids had existed and had domesticated horses at least 5,000 years prior to what we currently know. In addition to sailing around in ships with sails, they also fought with swords, and steel tipped spears/arrows more then 6,000 years before steel was invented.

    So the whole film is told in narrarative perspective telling us that this is the "story of blue eyes" and some other mystical garbage, it's obvious that 10,000 BC is a bad ripoff of Apocalypto. Which is to say, it's the tale of a small-town hunter-gatherer boy whose woman is stolen by bad guys from the big city full of pyramids and priests with weird makeup and strange fingernails.

    So Steven Strait (D'leh) and his lover Camille Belle (Evolet) live in the snowcapped mountains of Central Europe. Their village is a rainbow coalition full of Europeans, mestizos, mongoloids, pacific islanders, and mullato types living together side by side in harmony.

    The movie traces the growth of D'leh a humble mammoth hunter who must travel to the south when a bunch of people from his tribe were taken prisoners by "the four legged demons", wild men who domesticated the horse thousands of years before everybody else. Among the people taken is D'leh's darling, Evolet (using very fake blue contacts) who is the last member of a mysterious "blue eyed" people that were killed by the four legged demons.

    So D'leh takes off in pursuit of the four legged demons. After a pursuit of what seemed like only a few days, D'leh is already out of the mountains. Suddenly, D'leh finds himself in some tropical jungle full of bamboo trees and some very fake looking meat-eating ostriches.

    After escaping from the killer ostriches, D'leh soon finds himself in the mysterious steppes of sub-Saharan Africa where he will tell a trapped saber tooth tiger not to eat him once he frees it from its trap.

    So after the saber-tooth tiger decides not to eat him, D'leh encounters a tribe of African villagers. Like their real life counterparts, the tribe of negroes are angry about some cracker breaking in on their crib so they think it's fair to gang up against D'leh and his mate, a superior hunter (played by the Maori actor Cliff Curtis) called Tic-Tac, but then the freed saber tooth of before comes out of nowhere and shows D'leh some respect, and you know how negroes feel about respect, so they decide to spare the lives D'leh and Tic-tac.

    Turns out the smartest negro speaks American English too and he tells D'leh he's the one who will liberate his negroid people as foretold by prophecy. So D'leh gangs up with the negroes and gathers plenty of other negroes from other tribes as he goes around until he reaches "the mountain of the gods" which is in fact a pyramid under construction.

    So D'leh gangs up with the negroes and they all cross the Saharan desert together and they encounter the city of the gods. A city full of Turkish/Middle Eastern looking slave dealers who use domesticated mammoths and negroes for labor in order to build pyramids for their evil Nordic god King!

    Pyramids? Steel? Domestication of horses? Ships with sails? Hell they just should've called this movie 2,000 B.C.!

    The director then realized he was running out of time and needed to wrap stuff up, so D'leh organizes a rebellion amongst the free and enslaved negroes and before you know it, all the negroes chimp out in a massive bongo party. There are some aerial shots showing the negroes rampaging and for a moment there I thought it was like the L.A. riots of 1992 but in Egypt!

    The evil Nordic pharaoh threatens to kill the blue eyed girl if D'leh doesn't back off, but he impales his cracker ass with a spear. So the Pharoh tumbles down the steps and his cloak falls off revealing his pinkish-pale complexion, blue eyes, and blonde hair to the crowd. More TNB behavior follows and the movie ends with D'leh and his negro friend showing affection for each other in a manner that I can describe as mildly homo erotic.

    Also of note back in the year 10,000 BC, being a beautiful blue eyed White woman surrounded by thousands of enslaved negroes did not guarantee an invitation to rape.

    I hope I don't need to say anymore.

    Anyone else seen it?

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    IMDB User Rating: 4.9/10 It must be really bad.

    I saw the trailer, I found it hilarious that it featured the Egyptian civilization thus contradicting it's title.

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    Don't laugh at its narrow box-office appeal. In a world of science, humanity desires aesthetic paths to truth. This film is about defining the terms upon which we will ultimately meet the unreasonable.

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    "Apocalypto" is a great movie in my opinion, though having its weaknesses, but even if just looking at the preview of "10.000 B.C." one can see that this is absolute garbage with some more or less impressive images made by the computer-animation which became a normal standard in Hollywood already - so nothing that special neither.

    Like so often, even with a limited budget, they could have made a great movie about prehistoric times, but it seems they have no idea how to start and lack the knowledge and fantasy these days, preferring to make crappy copies of old movies with a little bit of "political correctness".

    But thanks for the info, I won't even view the DVD now and rather boycott it
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    Senior Member BeornWulfWer's Avatar
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    I haven't watched it yet. I tend not to judge films by its accuracy to historical detail.
    I judge it by whether I like it or not.
    "The only way to get smarter is to play a smarter opponent."

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    Quote Originally Posted by János Hunyadi View Post
    So Steven Strait (D'leh) and his lover Camille Belle (Evolet) live in the snowcapped mountains of Central Europe. Their village is a rainbow coalition full of Europeans, mestizos, mongoloids, pacific islanders, and mullato types living together side by side in harmony.
    WTF?!? Is this film's target audience brain-dead alcoholics or something?

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    Senior Member Renwein's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by János Hunyadi View Post

    Anyone looking for a historically accurate pre-historic drama should look elsewhere, because this is a stupid Hollywierd flick
    I think most people know this by now.. but hold on!

    pyramids being built by Egyptians ruled by an evil Nordic god king
    wait, wait. are you saying that this was NOT the case? :p

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    True. I'm pretty sure that the Pharaohs were blond, blue-eyed uber Nords.

    But thanks for the review Janos--it gave me nice chuckle.

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    Senior Member Berrocscir's Avatar
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    I've just seen this today....sigh...I'm sat there thinking "Right - Eurasian landmass, 12,000 years ago...so why all the mixed race characters? Egypt?! Jeez.

    Not recommended for serious students of anthropolgy/pre-history!! This film was a multiculturalist's wet dream!

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    Wow! I was thinking about seeing 10,00 B.C. on Saturday but instead saw Doomsday, which was awesome! As far as I could tell from the reviews and trailer was exactly Janos said. I felt as though it would be a movie to brainwash the sheeple into more multi-culturalism and white guilt. I'm actually kind of curious now to see the movie and witness the bastardization of history myself.
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