View Poll Results: Ever been engaged?

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Thread: Engagement

  1. #1
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    Engagement

    Ever been engaged? Do you think engagement is necessary or do you think it's antiquated these days?



    An engagement is a promise to marry, and also refers to the time between proposal and marriage. During this period, a couple is said to be affianced, engaged to be married, or simply engaged.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Matamoros's Avatar
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    I have never been engaged. I think women still like to get engaged, because it's more romantic etc. At least with all the women I know, there is no way you'd get away with getting married without getting engaged first. :o

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    Senior Member Next World's Avatar
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    Never been engaged.


    I don't really favor the classic engagement, or even the classic method of asking. Probably because I'm not good at responding appropriately when put on the spot, most guys I've met have very poor timing, and I just generally think it should be more of a "discussed" issue, rather than a "yes" or "no" ordeal. Even if a guy tried to make it a normal proposal, I'd probably give him 20 questions and then some. I can't trust that a guy and I are at the same point in a relationship unless we speak frankly about it with one another. I'd feel pretty bad if I turned a guy down for marriage, I feel bad enough turning guys down for dates. Plus, a marriage seems more like a contractual agreement (and is, in ways) than other relationships. If I weren't intending to have children, I probably wouldn't care all that much for the concept of marriage. The guy I marry is going to be the man who I have children with, the man I spend at least a large portion, if not the rest, of my life with, so on and so on and so on. There's a lot on the line that can't be reasoned out with a simple "yes" or "no". I'd hope that a guy I'm serious with would somehow pick up on me seriously being ready for marriage without me asking him or dropping obnoxious hints, but people tend to have different perceptions from the other side of a relationship.

    However, I do support a sort of handfasting/trial marriage that is like a lot of engagements are these days. I would want us to be legally married, but not tell people about it. To live together, but only be a couple, rather than fiance and fiancee or husband and wife. At the end of the year, if no serious turbulence was uncovered, I'd figure upon it being safe to have a wedding and announce to the world that we are married. If not, there's a heck of a lot smaller mess to clean up when only a year has been given up to the cause and no children have been had, yet.

    Abstract, but I'm going to go with the flow. My thoughts and feelings are temporary. I'd also like to meet my husband a certain way, but really, these are the kind of things I'm not going to nitpick with. They don't compromise my children's well-being as far as I can see.
    Polygamy: it might not be for you, but what right do you have to keep it from me?

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    Yeah sure
    Ceterum censeo Iudaeam esse delendam.

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    Not any more antiquated than marriage. You can't get a house without earnest money and a promise -- why should you be able to get a bride without forking over a gigantic diamond ring? Don't sell your assets short, ladies!

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    No, and I think it's stupid.

    Not only marriage has turned into a money industry (have an Orthodox marriage in Greece and see how it costs :p) but the engagement issue is another useless money-drainer.

    What is a "promise to marriage"? Promises are made to be broken.
    If I want to get married then I'll just go ahead and do it, not need to go through this procedure.

    To me, engagement in American settings is just an overrated custom that only serves the interests of self-centered women who will go around for a few months, boasting a ring that is the size of an iceberg.

    In orthodox settings, it was always a matter of semantics. It used to be done so that two people who have a relationship can call themselves 'engaged', otherwise the woman is a slut and will be shunned from the community.
    In modern orthodox settings it is nothing more than an opportunity for the two families to spend a couple of hours in the same room and start trashing each other behind their backs.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elisa View Post
    why should you be able to get a bride without forking over a gigantic diamond ring?
    Because diamonds are hyper-inflated due to monopolistic control and a massive marketing campaign by the De Beers company of South Africa. As far as gemstones go, they are not even that rare or colorful, there's nothing really that special about them other than 'everyone has to have one'.
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    Senior Member Next World's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SwordOfTheVistula View Post
    Because diamonds are hyper-inflated due to monopolistic control and a massive marketing campaign by the De Beers company of South Africa. As far as gemstones go, they are not even that rare or colorful, there's nothing really that special about them other than 'everyone has to have one'.
    I agree. Diamonds aren't that good looking, and when it comes down to it, it's just a chunk of crystalized carbon. A diamond may be "forever", but relationships sealed with them certainly are not. It's very easy to take off a ring.

    A gumball machine ring is worth a lot more, even though the assumed value is considerably less, than a diamond ring if the gumball machine ring comes from someone who truly means it as a promise to always try their best to live a successful life with you and yours and the diamond giver just views it as a tradition with no solid meaning.
    Polygamy: it might not be for you, but what right do you have to keep it from me?

  9. #9
    Odin
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    Never been engaged and couldn't care for engagement. Too old fashioned for me. If I like I girl I don't even have to marry her, marriage is just a piece of paper and social status anyway.

  10. #10
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    I believe in engagement. It is old fashioned, and that is exactly why I like it. Engagement is to me like a test period before marriage.
    THINK! It's not illegal yet.

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