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Thread: Internet Dating/Long Distance/Online Relationships

  1. #81
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    Well I can think of someone who has been in a long distance relationship for about a dozen years now and there's no end in sight. Can't say that I'm overly pleased with it; not only because of who his partner is, it generally has had a negative impact on my life.

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    I was in a long-distance relationship once and when it ended I swore they were a waste of time and I'd never do it again. Well, since then I've also come to accept that even if she lived right down the street from me there are always obstacles and there is no guarantee. So...for the moment I think they can work, but it can't drag out for years. The two involved have to visit and communicate sufficiently and then eventually one or the other has to be willing to move. And then? Well, who knows...life can be so unpredictable.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ælfrun View Post
    Depends how far the distance is if it is within a few hours of driving, then fine. In my experience, they never work out and I always end up heartbroken. I have had 2 LD relationships.
    People, never blame the distance if relationship doesn't work out. If you persist and it fails, it means you've chosen a wrong person, person who cares more about his/hers petty needs and distance than the two of you. This is even a good way to test a union.


    ya, but long distance is always half string attached...,cause you're not there for each other when needed most...!
    How so? There are many ways of communication - e-mail, skype, phone. No offense but it's just a lame excuse among many.

    Even if some are petty by nature, we are Germanics and we are not to abandon our own just because some shabby distance, be it kilometers or miles! Isn't this forum a small but evident proof of it? Even if pressed hard, we are to stand strong and keep our bounds that way through all difficulties.

    And yes, the only man i ever cared about and so do for many years is from another country, a Norwegian, the most beautiful creature that walks the Earth, intelligent, creative, diligent, honest, loyal and with such spirit that inspires me in many ways. To let go of him because of distance - outrageous! I have waited and will whenever and for as long as needed to be reunited with him again and again.

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    Senior Member arvak's Avatar
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    Warning To Dating On Line

    From experience I have found ALL the russian dating sites full of money grabbing scam merchants. This is a major problem, all begging for money and help. In fact organised scams including bogus air travel agencies. Bogus meetings places. Put up russians dating scams, and look at the pictures and the womens faces. And the various letters sent to the men.
    It seems there is a lucrutive buisness in scamming. This includes scamming english women by europeans by hords of nigerian negros taking pictures of white men and scamming them for money. In fact playing upon there kindness and sympthy. Even other dating sites used are full of scam merchants. You pay for a site you get scammed and you end up short of pocket. For me its a no no.
    you men and women have been warned. The dating site on skadi was here but I never see it. Why did it close? because of the above problem?

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    Don't use them. Half the time they are scams, and you have to be a really distinguished person i.e. know people in the right places to be able to get anything out of them. I know a woman who was very successful with match.com, but they let her set up a profile for free. I wonder why. HMMMM. I tried and I payed a fortune and none of my contacts were active users. DUH!

    I guess I'm speaking about my former self in a way, when I say, If you can't find a woman in real life, you should probably not try at all, unless you are willing to change who you are.

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    As many know, my successes in the real world have been few. I'm not too comfortable with myself; I have a lot of issues surrounding my appearance, my bearing, my voice, even my personality -- which latter I feel is better expressed online, where said insecurities don't permeate every dimension of my every interaction.

    I'm not completely pathetic outside a computer, but most of my relationships there are very superficial, not to mention scarce. Not much of my character is ever revealed to the people I meet, and I rarely stand out as anything more than acquaintance material. Naturally, then, I've attempted to forge some kind of relationship instead with girls I've met online, where I'm free of the things about me I dislike, and where I feel on a relatively even footing with my 'competition'. Twice I tried to do this. Neither came to anything good, and only proved to me that even in trying to find an imaginary girlfriend I'm a failure.

    But I think for some people, the saddest among us, the type of person who refers to that mysterious realm beyond his door so utterly alien to his sensibilities as 'meatworld' -- a world where people are characterised by this strange squishy substance, and not the letters and punctuations marks that seem so much more natural -- I think these types have no choice: the internet is their home. The main question for these types isn't whether they should look for a relationship online, but rather if they should ever bother actually to meet each other, or just have the courtship, proposal, wedding, honeymoon, sex, children, fights, affairs, marriage counsellings, failures to make things work, separations, attempted reconciliations, divorces, legal proceedings, custody battles and visitations with their children, purely online.

    I'm not quite there myself. Neither on the internet nor in the real world do I feel particularly welcome. But it is, as I said, a safety net for me, a way of circumventing both my insecurities and the truth of my nature, which fates me to a loner's existence, unwilling to commit himself to any relationship he can't switch off for a couple of days if he feels overborne.

    As for normal people who seek people online, well, the people I know who've tried it have found it fairly disastrous. A lot of men there are looking for hook-ups and nothing more. Many are married and spin a fake persona and backstory for the sake of one easy lay, then BS themselves out of the whole thing, not leaving a shred of evidence as to their true identity that could lead to the breaking up of their happy home, which they had no intention of forsaking. If normal people have no problem meeting each other in real life, I've no idea why they'd bother with the online stuff, to be honest.

  7. #87
    Senior Member Bo's Avatar
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    People of both sexes often complain about how difficult it is to meet somebody decent and yet it appears the singles world is more unrealistic than ever; the expectations and obstacles can be insurmountable. As a male and from my point of view I have regularly encountered snotty attitudes, materialism, pro-multiculturalists, clique mentalities, and misandry. These are very serious roadblocks.

    I have met females both out and about and via the internet. Neither path is simple. I do think the internet is a viable way to meet someone of the opposite sex, but I also think it's generally better to meet them during your daily life because It's easier and by far more common for a person to misrepresent themselves across the web opposed to face-to-face.

  8. #88
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    Yesterday I happened to be watching part of a documentary about facebook, which included the story about the two Kelly Hildebrandts who met each other and fell in love via that site. I'd never heard of this before.

    http://www.thestar.com/living/article/669304

    I guess the key point here is that they have similar religious beliefs, which have a fairly specific set of guidelines when it comes to relationships and marriages that they had both had been raised to appreciate.

    In terms of dating sites, I've kind of used them twice. Once about five years ago, and last year I signed up with ChristianMingle.com to have a look-see. I would have to say that the latter has been quite discouraging. Many so-called (or supposed) Christian women can be just as vain, vapid, and materialistic as their non-Christian counterparts.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hamar Fox View Post
    As many know, my successes in the real world have been few. I'm not too comfortable with myself; I have a lot of issues surrounding my appearance, my bearing, my voice, even my personality -- which latter I feel is better expressed online, where said insecurities don't permeate every dimension of my every interaction.
    All people want to feel good and that means they want to be around people who make them feel good. If you're thinking negatively about yourself then that energy will be picked up by women and its not a positive energy. It doesn't mean you're a negative person, you're just hard on yourself when it comes to dating.

    Women are mostly attracted to confident men, even cocky men. Many women will deny it but thats what they like. Men who love themselves. These men give off positive energy and are fun to be around. They might not be successful in other areas of life (job, intelligence etc) but they make women feel good.

    So my advice would be to start thinking about yourself more positively. When in the company of women be confident. It won't feel natural at first because its not the way your brain is programmed but practise it and it'll become natural and easy to attract women. Put in the effort and you'll be rewarded.

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    Online Dating Site Experience

    I gave an Internet dating site, okcupid, a preliminary try as per Heinrich's advice. I did manage to successfully narrow my prospective onlookers down to more what I'm looking for by being brutally honest in my profile.

    I came across a lass that was checking out my profile and seemed to match me very well. We answered our matching questions very similar and seem to be interested in some of the same things. She's Anglo-American, the same age, attractive, and lives only thirty miles away from me. There was just one questioning detail I noticed about her. So I decided to unwrap the impressive smoothtalk and send her a message:

    Quote Originally Posted by smoothtalking me
    Hello [screen name],

    I couldn't help but notice your love of animals and your simultaneous statement that you do not want kids. Now, I'm not in a mad rush to marry someone and have kids, but I find it ironic that you care so much for animals but not so for your own people. If beautiful and intelligent people don't replace themselves, how will there be any in the future?

    Sincerely,
    Perhaps a close match but not quite
    Quote Originally Posted by lass
    There are plenty of children in this world that need my help - I don't need to contribute extra mouths to feed and future users of limited resources when I can adopt children and/or take in foster kids.
    Quote Originally Posted by smoothtalking me
    Hmm... but you see, the problem is that India and sub-Saharan Africa are the very guilty parties concerning world overpopulation, while the numbers of Americans and Europeans are actually decreasing to dangerous levels over the next century. India and sub-Saharan Africa should take care of their own children and people, not women like you who are already becoming rarer and rarer. No other specie on this planet nurtures another competing subspecies of the same species to it's own detriment and replacement.
    Of course there was no response after this, since her beliefs had been logically defeated and she doesn't want to abandon her beliefs. Beliefs like hers aren't rationally based, but upon emotion. So she in all likelihood decided to ignore the truth and move on.

    It's encouraging that I found almost a great match in a little over a day, but also discouraging that so many of our own seem to be infected with illogical political beliefs that will be their doom. On the bright side, I can hope that those without a preservation instinct will cull themselves out of the herd, and only those with the preservation instinct will remain.

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