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Thread: Internet Dating/Long Distance/Online Relationships

  1. #21
    Member Oresai's Avatar
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    Ever been in a long distance relationship, including online relationship?

    I`m in one now, have been for about a year. I live in Orkney, he comes from Belgium.

    Are they real relationships?

    They can be, this certainly is, he is here with me now for the second visit and staying for a couple of months. As in offline relationships, you get out what you put in. We have both invested ourselves in this relationship, and it shows.

    Can they realistically last?

    They stand as much chance as any other kind of relationship

    Do you think it's possible to love someone you haven't met in person yet? What about if you hear their voice on the phone or see them on webcam?

    Love? Hmmm...don`t think so...I think to love someone, you have to know them. Certainly before we saw one another through webcam, or spoke on the phone, a definate connection was there. But to love someone, I believe you have to know them, and to do that, you have to spend real time with them in person.


    If you fell in love with someone online and met them in person and decided it's "true love", but they lived very far away, would you move to their country?

    I`d definately consider it, but right now we have made another decision so I won`t be moving.

    If your spouse had to go to prison for some years, would you wait for them? What about if they got life, would you remain by their side?

    Eek! That`d depend what he went to prison for...if it was for a sex crime or child abuse, absolutely not. I know from past experience that love, in spite of the wealth of poetry, song and literature to the contrary, does not conquer all, and it is actually more fragile than folks realise..it can be killed stone dead in a heartbeat in my experience.
    But for anything else? Yes. When I love, I`m loyal.

    Should long distance/online relationships follow the same rules as other relationships? i.e. no dating/sex with other people?

    Yes, absolutely. Fidelity is a big issue with me, having been cheated on in the past, and I refuse to stand for it again. I also don`t `do` open relationships.
    I believe that if you love someone, you`re presumably in it for the long haul, good and bad. If your other half can`t go without sex or the companionship of another woman in an intimate, close way, until you can be together, do you really want to be with him? I don`t. I agree with the poster who says that for a long distance relationship to work, you must strive to meet and be together, otherwise what is the point? So until we can be together, I give and expect fidelity as much as I would were we in the same country.

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    Ever been in a long distance relationship, including online relationship?
    Yes, and yes.


    Are they real relationships?
    Sometimes.

    Can they realistically last?
    Realistically, yes, I believe they can.

    Do you think it's possible to love someone you haven't met in person yet?
    Yes.


    What about if you hear their voice on the phone or see them on webcam?
    Even without that.

    If you fell in love with someone online and met them in person and decided it's "true love", but they lived very far away, would you move to their country?
    Not at this point in my life. (Of course, at this point I would not be in a relationship with anyone.)

    If your spouse had to move to another country very far away, would you follow them?
    Yes.

    If your spouse had to go to prison for some years, would you wait for them?
    Depends on what it was for. Most likely, no. But at the same time, I would not go running off to find someone else either.

    What about if they got life, would you remain by their side?
    Same answer as above.

    Should long distance/online relationships follow the same rules as other relationships? i.e. no dating/sex with other people?
    It depends on what the couple decides and is comfortable with. If they want it that way, then yes. But there is also a difference in just dating and in having a committed, exclusive relationship.
    "I do not know what horrified me most at that time: the economic misery of my companions, their moral and ethical coarseness, or the low level of their intellectual development." Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf

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    Thee ALLURE of the net....

    The allure of long range relationships is that your not together.

    Yes, the love may be genuine, but some facts about the person will always be hidden, censored or ignored by both parties. Sure, a few marriages and good relationships can develop, but the big question is why can you develop a relationship by phone, letter or online and not in person???

    Sure, the reasoning can be that right person isn't available in close geographic proximity, but have you tried? And that's the common denominator in online relationships, people want to be close in heart but physically seperate because they know deep down it wouldn't work, it's much easier to just write or type or talk on phone.

    In a Nutshell, if your not trying (or it's not working) in the physical world, it's just going to be online bliss in the cyberworld for 99% of you.

    To relate a true story on the severe bad side of online dating: Ms. X was widowed for one year and got involved in online chatting, it morphed into a online relationship with a Mr.Z 1500 miles away. It was much easier for Ms.X to go online, as she had a teenage daughter and a job with a long commute from the country. Ms.X chatted with him 1-2 hours for a month until they finally called. They hit it off and a meeting was going to be arranged, the phone calls got longer, the emails and chats got longer and Ms.X started neglecting her daughter, house chores, friends. A time was set at 5pm everyday they would chat, by the chats you would've guessed they were already married. It snowed heavy as the Upper Midwest does and Ms.X was late for the 5pm appointment by 15 minutes, Mr.Z was mad and displayed the first time his temper and other thoughts. A call was placed and they argued, both swearing at each other and proclaiming they don't love each other no more. Days passed and it was Thanksgiving where family and friends gathered at Ms.X's. A knock on the door right in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner and the look of Ms.X seeing who it was through the window was a sight to behold, she went outside and we could hear yelling, some went to the windows and doors to see if everything was alright. The daughter gave us clues to whom it was, Mr.Z took a plane and rented a car w/o consulting Ms.X. He eventually went, Ms.X was embarrassed to death and in tears in which she wasn't available for the rest of the dinner.

    How do I know? I was the relative at the dinner. Ms.X was afraid to get out and used the "I don't have time to get out" excuse as the reason to spend time online, on the phone, because she was afraid of the real world.

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    I have never been in one, but I think they could be excellent choices for people who are slowly becoming the minority in their own cities. The European metropolis is becoming a multicultural place where white people become the exception more and more. It is preferrable to use the Internet or a long-distance matchmaking service to find a racially compatible partner than to settle for a foreign partner from your city.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juge
    why can you develop a relationship by phone, letter or online and not in person???
    I guess I should have quoted more than just the above line....

    Your assumption is that most people who develop a relationship on-line is afraid of or unable to develop them in the real world. Since there is no research on this topic then there is no way to tell if your claim is true or not. We all like to tell horror stories about people who have developed relationships with people on-line only to have it blow up in their face down the road in real life. I can tell a few stories myself. Very rarely do you hear people tell about the good, long lasting relationships that began on-line and then became off-line. In part, this may be because the concept of internet dating is still a relatively new phenomenon. Those who are in long term relationships, which began on-line, often have a host of people just waiting for the ax to fall. We do not know if these relationships will last long term, or even how many of them are out there. We certainly know how many of them end miserably.

    But what about off-line relationships? Isn't it true that many of them end miserably as well? Dating in the real world is not all that much different. People go out, put forward their best foot, and hide all their imperfections. If it lasts long term, there is still no guarantee of success.

    Relationships are made and broken daily. It is no wonder that marriage is big business in this capitalistic society. The youth of today think relationships are expendable. I can think of a tv commercial where a boy is siting with his gf and suddenly two girls walk past and he uses his camera phone to watch them.... his gf drops him a text message about what a pig he is. How about another commercial where a boy is looking through photos on his computer of him and his gf... then he suddenly crops her out, and then he is with a new girl and has pics of he and her together. How about the t-shirt that says "if you're cute, I'm single." The grass is always greener on the other side..... in reality people don't realize that the grass on the other side is often full of hungry grubs. The new person only seems "better" because they are still showing their game face.

    I do not believe that on-line relationships have any less chance of survival than any other relationship. There are those who play around on-line, and there are those who play around off-line. There are liars on-line, and there are liars off-line. There are cheats on-lien and cheats off-line. And there are also those who are serious and true on-line and those are serious and true off-line. The only thing different is the medium. On-line presents additional challenges, but people are still people.

    I wouldn't say that those who develop relationships on-line are afraid of the real world. Nor would I say that they are afraid to, or unable to, develop a relationship in the real world. Sure, those people exist. Doesn't mean they are the majority.
    "I do not know what horrified me most at that time: the economic misery of my companions, their moral and ethical coarseness, or the low level of their intellectual development." Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf

  6. #26
    Member Oresai's Avatar
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    In the good old days, before the Internet (yes, I AM that old, har...) folks had pen pals, and many of those got together and made lasting relationships, and yes, many also failed...just like ordinary life where lads and lasses would meet in the local pub or at the local dances.
    I`m with my man, having met online, and he is here with me right now in the room. He came from another country to be here with me. He made that effort.
    Neither of us are afraid to make a lasting relationship..quite the opposite, in fact. We took the time to get to know one another, by emails, webcam chats, msn, phone calls, etc...which is more than those older folks had, when they had to write letters then wait for them to reach their loves then wait even longer for a response...
    In fact, sometimes, I think the enforced waiting til you can actually meet in the flesh is a good thing, in that it means when you do meet up, you`ve usually invested so much already in the relationship that you meet with the intention to make it work. If that made sense.
    I think one of the dangers of online romance, is that of folks enhancing what and who they are...of maybe making themselveds out to be something they aren`t.
    So absolute honesty is the key, especially if you do intend to meet up!
    Aside from that, the net seems just another means, another tool, we use nowadays to contact likeminded others, so I don`t see why romance can`t blossom over it just like anywhere else.
    Last edited by Oresai; Tuesday, October 14th, 2008 at 08:29 PM. Reason: wrong smilie!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fallen Angel View Post
    Ever been in a long distance relationship, including online relationship?
    If for long distance it counts dating someone from the same country, but another city then yes. I've never been in an online relationship and I never will.

    Are they real relationships?
    In my view, online relationships aren't real relationships. It's above my understanding how two persons who never met realistically can have a true relationship.

    Can they realistically last?
    No, in my view. I've seen a lot of people with online "relationships" switching partners often.

    Do you think it's possible to love someone you haven't met in person yet? What about if you hear their voice on the phone or see them on webcam?
    No. It can be an illusion of love, but not real love from my point of view.

    If you fell in love with someone online and met them in person and decided it's "true love", but they lived very far away, would you move to their country?

    If your spouse had to move to another country very far away, would you follow them?
    I couldn't love someone online. But if a boyfriend asked me to move with him in another country, I wouldn't accept it unless I had plans or considerations to go there myself.

    If your spouse had to go to prison for some years, would you wait for them? What about if they got life, would you remain by their side?
    I don't think I would wait.

    Should long distance/online relationships follow the same rules as other relationships? i.e. no dating/sex with other people?
    Yes, isn't fidelity a part of relationships? In my view, yes.

    A friend of me just got out of an online "relationship". I warned him about it but he wouldn't listen. It turned out his girlfriend had other online "boyfriends" and she swore true love and dedication to each one. She just wanted a little online fun, and he took the thing seriously.

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    Senior Member Hrodnand's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by QuietWind View Post
    Ever been in a long distance relationship, including online relationship?
    Long distance, yes - but only after I've spent 2years with her in a steady relationship, in the same town. Online, no - we wrote real letters to each other.


    Are they real relationships?
    It depends on the situation.

    Can they realistically last?
    It depends on the situation.

    Do you think it's possible to love someone you haven't met in person yet?
    No way.

    What about if you hear their voice on the phone or see them on webcam?
    It's not enough. Personal, face to face contact is needed.

    If you fell in love with someone online and met them in person and decided it's "true love", but they lived very far away, would you move to their country?
    One single meeting is not enough for "true-love" IMO. The "trueness" of a love is a long term question which one finds out in years. So no, I wouldn't move just like that. Maybe after a few years, after I've met her several times and spent a considerable amount of time with her.

    If your spouse had to move to another country very far away, would you follow them?
    Probably yes, but it depends a lot on the situation.

    If your spouse had to go to prison for some years, would you wait for them?
    Most probably yes. An oath is an oath and it is to be respected.

    Should long distance/online relationships follow the same rules as other relationships? i.e. no dating/sex with other people?
    Yes, very much.

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    How Do You Feel About Dating Sites/Internet Dating?

    How Do You Feel About Dating Sites/Internet Dating?

    What is your opinion of them? Have you ever tried them? Does using them lower you to an abject level?
    Last edited by Northern Paladin; Wednesday, January 19th, 2011 at 07:29 PM. Reason: merged duplicate threads

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    I've kind of toyed with them, out of curiosity. I don't like them, I feel like some are just playing games and the whole thing just feels shallow.
    I grew up on a belief of honour, courage and the old world values. The world isn't about that anymore, preferring to die a slow death of fast food and cheap thrills.

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