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Thread: Universexuality: The New Sexual Revolution

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    Senior Member IlluSionSxxx's Avatar
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    Universexuality: The New Sexual Revolution

    The following is an interesting satirical article from our friends at Corrupt.org

    Universexuality: The New Sexual Revolution
    by Alex Birch on Sat, 12/01/2007

    When Robert Stewart was found at the Aberley House Hostel in south west Scotland, desperately trying to have sex with his bike, he couldn't possibly have foreseen the immense effects of his deviant act. Although critics wrote the case off as "absurd" and "impossible," Robert's case would turn out to be just a small drop in the ocean of a growing trend in our modern society: universexuality.

    Just last monday, a middle aged man from Britain was caught trying to insert his penis into a vending machine. "If I hadn't run out of coins, I would have come," the man told the local press. Another shocking incident occurred in the remote town of Bergen, Norway, where the parents to 14-year-old girl Marit Andersen found their daughter trying to masturbate with the gear lever in their new car. "Every time I backed, it was like being banged by an elephant," Marit said before she was taken into custody.

    "What we're seeing here is an explosion of what we call 'universexuality' in the West; a sexual attraction to just about anything from cheese, milk bottles and car seats, to roller skates, water melons and bed sheets. It's a revolt against the discriminating hetrosexual culture that for a long time has oppressed the need for equality and individual freedom," Dr. van Horse, specialist in the field, told CORRUPT News today.

    While gay lobbies and lesbian feminists have tried to make gender science, "cruising" and AIDS socially acceptable for decades, the modern universexualists have taken the fight for sexual revolution one step further. Matt Steiner, a self-exclaimed universexualist who claims having sex with mannequins in stores is the best thing in the world, agrees that the battle will soon be won: "Before, we had the white middle class family as standard. Now people have realized that sex should be free for all, regardless of gender, race, social status and sexual orientation, just like these wunderbar mannequins here."

    Robert Stewart, who is now facing up to six months in jail for having assaulted and brutally raped a bike seat and two chairs, refuses to comment on the recent events: "Please stop harassing me. All I did was something that every horny man together with his bicycle would do, if they were left alone." Despite the police's efforts to stop the sexual offenders from creating a world wide sexual revolution, Dr. van Horse is optimistic about the future: "It may very well be that we can abolish the hateful cultural tradition of heterosexual marriage and start to love all of life's creatures again." van Horse was later caught trying to insert a 3,5 metre long stethoscope into the anus of a homeless dog.

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    Senior Member Elysium's Avatar
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    And this is good for society, how?

    I wonder what their great-great-grandparents would think if they knew what these generations turned out to be... psychotic, dissillusioned nymphomaniacs.
    Perfection.

    War is God's way of teaching Americans geography. - Ambrose Bierce

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    Naturbursche
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    This is the Result of the so called "Free Self-Development" which actually turns into absurd perversions than developing. Humanity is degnerating.




    Gruß,
    Boche

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