View Poll Results: I believe marriage is...

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  • ...a religious union before God which is sacred.

    25 33.33%
  • ...a civil contract which is necessary for social reasons.

    26 34.67%
  • ...an agreement to share lives together, no matter whether civil or religious.

    46 61.33%
  • I do not believe in marriage.

    6 8.00%
  • Other. (what?)

    6 8.00%
Multiple Choice Poll.
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Thread: The Meaning of Marriage

  1. #21
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    For me, it is "a civil contract which is necessary for social reasons". I think the agreement to share lives together is made personally, you don't need a piece of paper or father's blessing to do that. I can't understand it for example, how some women are desperate to marry their man, because they want him to "settle down" and stop being a womaniser. They somehow expect marriage will obligate them to be faithful. If your man isn't faithful to you unless the law obligates him, then there must be something wrong with your relationship! eyes:

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bärin
    I can't understand it for example, how some women are desperate to marry their man, because they want him to "settle down" and stop being a womaniser. They somehow expect marriage will obligate them to be faithful.
    You hit the nail on the head there, Bärin!

    Actually this is the standard mentality of most greek women....their whole lives revolve around how to lure a man into marrying them....

    The answer to your question is that marriage will keep a man faithful to his financial obligations. So as long as he pays the bills, they don't care if he cheats on them or not... eyes:

  3. #23
    Senior Member MockTurtle's Avatar
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    I view it as a more or less natural consequence of the Western European tendency towards monogamy and substantial emotional attachment towards offspring. The 'marital bond' has been a means for determining the sexual availability of men/women in our monogamous culture. So, I suppose that the ceremonial aspect serves a 'social' purpose, but it follows logically from the deeper evolutionary strategy that the West has developed over the course of many centuries.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Octothorpe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MockTurtle View Post
    I view it as a more or less natural consequence of the Western European tendency towards monogamy and substantial emotional attachment towards offspring. The 'marital bond' has been a means for determining the sexual availability of men/women in our monogamous culture. So, I suppose that the ceremonial aspect serves a 'social' purpose, but it follows logically from the deeper evolutionary strategy that the West has developed over the course of many centuries.
    I would augment your argument with the observation that 'monogamy' has never been more than the official position, rather than what occurs on the ground. Nearly two-thirds of married couples have experienced infidelity of one sort or another (I'd give you that citation, but I'm not at my office/classroom right now--I keep my data in the file cabinets there). Moreover, with the divorce rate at a steady fifty percent (even on subsequent marriages), we are looking at something more akin to 'serial monogamy,' where couples are faithful--for a period of time, then seek out new mates. Increasing lifespan and prosperity have added pressure to that statistic.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Mrs. Lyfing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fallen Angel View Post
    Now lemme say that I have an open marriage where me and my husband can flirt and hang around with others as long as we don't bring them into our home and mess around with them there. I don't consider that cheating since we agreed about it. I have no problem with this and it makes our relationship more enjoyable, he doesn't have to lie and go behind my back with anything cause let's face it, all men will cheat sooner or later.
    I don't understand why people marry if they want an open relationship? I know, different strokes for different folks, but why marry if ...?

    All men do not cheat sooner or later. You can not categorize every male that way, by your own experiences or the way you see things, still does not make every man/women the cheating kind.

    I feel if it truly makes ya'll happy as a married couple to live this way, then OK.
    Although, I am still confused as to why even get married if you or him are not ready to settle down and be faithful to each other?

    Doesn't that make the whole ceremony a joke/lie? Whats the point?

    I think this lifestyle could cause many problems in a relationship. What if he has a fling with the same women over and over? While you have no one for a long period of time? Or vise versa? Doesn't that cause jealousy issues? Neglect or something? I will not believe it causes nothing but happiness, no matter what you say. I just can't understand this one.
    "We've become a nation of strangers. There seems to be very little in common to bond us to our fellow Americans outside of our immediate families,some don't even have that to fall back on."

  6. #26
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    I voted for nr 1. I´m married myself. My religion tells me that marriage is a sacrament, so for me it´s not a question but a fact.

  7. #27
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    I believe in marriage if two people plan on staying together and/or raising children in that relationship. Not for religious reasons...but as a sign of commitment to the outside world.
    Things are different now..they seem very much more `relaxed`...from when I was a girl. Back then, I really do think it was that little bit harder for men or women to cheat when married as there was scandal attached to it. Now, it seems to be a free for all where if you hear of someone cheating within marriage it`s no big deal and certainly not news or scandal.
    Don`t know what happened, but somehow, marriage and the strength of a monogamous relationship seem to have diminished in value, along with many other things. Whether that`s a moral issue or simple apathy I don`t know. But I find it quite sad.
    I don`t think it`s inevitable that men (or women) will cheat, though I do think it`s more prevalent (or more apparent?) among younger generations than older...I know many older couples who have stayed married to one another from the start and stayed faithful (or if not, it was not displayed in public nor did it result in the break up of the marriage) because of the value they placed on the marriage and the investment they had put into it. It has value, worth, it`s important enough to think twice before they throw it all away like so much garbage. Sorry for the generalisation, obviously that isn`t true for everyone!
    I believe in live and let live so have no problem with folks like Fallen Angel if that is her choice.
    But it wouldn`t be for me, for the simple fact that I am a jealous woman and wouldn`t be able, I know it, to stand the thought of my man in the arms of another woman , even just for sex. It would torment me wondering if he thought her prettier/smarter/more desirable than me.
    I would also worry about them falling in love. I know it can happen without sex, but wouldn`t want to help matters along by consenting to it!
    People are territorial, and that extends to other people in our lives.
    There used to be a kind of unwritten `rule` generally, that married folks were out of bounds. Now though, it doesn`t seem to matter and the media shows us how fleeting marriages are, with the end results being all about the split of finances afterwards, and with celebrities jumping from one husband to the other faster than you can blink.
    In a way, maybe folks have become lazy...to make a marriage work takes commitment and hard work and occasionally, acceptance of the others flaws and mistakes (and your own...)
    and though I also believe there`s a cutoff point..for example, if your marriage is destructive physically or emotionally hurtful to you to an extreme degree, then by all means do the clever thing and get out if you can`t change it!...I also believe that without the value placed on marriage, and the staying power needed to keep it alive and thriving, it will continue to be treated like many other things in our disposable society.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Idis's Avatar
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    It can be any of the first three options:

    "...a religious union before God which is sacred.
    ...a civil contract which is necessary for social reasons.
    ...an agreement to share lives together, no matter whether civil or religious.
    "

    It depends what your religious and personal views are. My husband and I wedded civilly and religiously, but we naturally also made a private commitment. I'd like to maybe propose another option, marriage is also the intention to start (or rather continue) a family. When people marry, they usually make some future plans together and especially in the past, more often than not this included passing on the family name and their genes.

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    Smile Honesty works

    I think that a couple must be very upfront and honest before they ever get married. Marriage may begin with lots of attraction but ends with much friendship and intimacy over the years. So many marriages have started off on the wrong foot due to failing to disclose personal wants and goals or even debts. People should discuss the number of children too, whereas one partner may feel betrayed later if they have less children as originally agreed. Being married is like a continual negotiation so that people feel satisfaction and progress over time. Overall, marital union offers more stability to children who find comfort with mom and dad being married.

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    Two single people, male and female, dedicating their lives together until death do they part.

    And other people should not attempt to interfere with this sacred committment.

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