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Thread: German Humour [?]

  1. #11
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    Re: AW: Austrians: The Ugliest People of Europe?

    Quote Originally Posted by Svartr View Post
    Don't the frenchs say that about germany? I don't remember, but i really want to know how that cliché was created, since germans have alot of humor, if not - to much.




    Gruß,
    Svartr
    I read somewhere a joke which was supposed to be representative of German humour. Here we go (hold on!):

    Two red fish turning in round in an aquarium, cross (in a round one obviously). One of them says: "Oh, already Monday!"

    So? What do you think?
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscripti catapultas habebunt.

    « -Oh my God, but you're a neo-nazi?!...
    -But why neo? »

  2. #12
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    Re: AW: Austrians: The Ugliest People of Europe?

    Quote Originally Posted by Weg View Post
    I read somewhere a joke which was supposed to be representative of German humour. Here we go (hold on!):

    Two red fish turning in round in an aquarium, cross (in a round one obviously). One of them says: "Oh, already Monday!"

    So? What do you think?

    I'm sure you've read that in your french Anti-Boche Propaganda-Magazine.
    We got jokes in that way too. But we call them "Antiwitz" which means "Antijoke". They're not supposed to make sense or be funny, and because they don't make sense some people laugh about them.

    Two would be:

    "2 Retards wander through a desert, one says "Hey! Now i want to walk in the middle!"

    or

    "2 Snails are on the railroad. Snail 1 says: "Beware! A Train is coming!"
    Snail 2 says: "Where? <crack>" Snail 1 says "There! <crack>"




    More typical german jokes would be those (might be offending for some):

    After the birth of a child in the hospital. The accoucheuse holds the newborn up high, shows it to her mother, throws it against the wall and later throws it into the dustbin.
    "Oh my god, why have you done that?!" yelled the desperate mother.
    "Ha, i was just kidding - it was already dead."

    or

    "Mom, why do we have a christmastree already? And why do you light up the candles? It's Whitsun!"
    "Just this time, my boy. Because you got leukemia ..."


    Of course not every german likes them. But that's typical german humor.



    Gruß,
    Svartr
    "We Germans fear God, but nothing else in the world; and already that godliness is it, which let us love and foster peace."
    - Otto von Bismarck, 1888

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    Re: AW: Austrians: The Ugliest People of Europe?

    Quote Originally Posted by Svartr View Post
    After the birth of a child in the hospital. The accoucheuse holds the newborn up high, shows it to her mother, throws it against the wall and later throws it into the dustbin.
    "Oh my god, why have you done that?!" yelled the desperate mother.
    "Ha, i was just kidding - it was already dead."
    You know that actually happened, well more or less. It wasn't a nurse though, it was a women(well a black) that just gave birth to her own child, she then went on a frenzy and killed other newborns, they just locked her in the looney. Supposedly some after birth trauma or something.

    As for the jokes in general, I thought they were good.

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    Re: Austrians: The Ugliest People of Europe?

    A few more Antijokes

    Two loafs of bread walked down the stairs. In the middle they realise they don't have legs. So they walked back up again.

    What is green and is hanging in the treetops? - A table tennis table of course!

    A pack of cucumbers scavenge the forest. What's wrong? - Cucumbers don't hunt in packs.

    A man walked into a forest and saw a mushroom. He said, "oh a mushroom". The mushroom turns around and says, "oh a man".

    What is pink and swings itself from cake to cake? - Tarzipan of course!

    A few more in Svartr's vein. (remember, offending to some!)

    "I think it is terrible that you make all those jokes about concentration camps. My grandfather died in Auschwitz" - "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know. My condolences." - "Never mind, he was drunk. Fell of the watch tower."

    It's 1940. A German boy and a Jewish boy talk about what they'd do if they were the Führer. The Jewish boy answers, "If I was the Führer, I'd kill all my fellow Jews and a milkman." - "Why the milkman?" - "That's my point, no one cares about the Jews!"

    A girl and a child abuser walk through the dark forest. The girl says, "Child abuser?" - "Yes?" - "I'm a little afraid." The child abuser shrugs and says, "Can you imagine how bad it must be for me! I have to walk the same way back all on my own."

    The fourth Reich has just been established and the anti-fascists are being hung in a row. The commander-in-chief takes out his mobile phone and calls the stonemason. When he's hung up, his second-in-command asks "why did you phone the stone mason?" - "Oh", says the commander. "I just ordered a memorial stone: Here, 2957 antifascists were killed."
    -In kalte Schatten versunken... /Germaniens Volk erstarrt / Gefroren von Lügen / In denen die Welt verharrt-
    -Die alte Seele trauernd und verlassen / Verblassend in einer erklärbaren Welt / Schwebend in einem Dunst der Wehmut / Ein Schrei der nur unmerklich gellt-
    -Auch ich verspüre Demut / Vor dem alten Geiste der Ahnen / Wird es mir vergönnt sein / Gen Walhalla aufzufahren?-

    (Heimdalls Wacht, In kalte Schatten versunken, stanzas 4-6)

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    Re: Austrians: The Ugliest People of Europe?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigurd Eirikson View Post
    It's 1940. A German boy and a Jewish boy talk about what they'd do if they were the Führer. The Jewish boy answers, "If I was the Führer, I'd kill all my fellow Jews and a milkman." - "Why the milkman?" - "That's my point, no one cares about the Jews!"
    I remember it like this from heretical.com

    The scene is a bar in Berlin in January 1933, filled with Nazis. Goering is skulling stiens of beer with the brownshirts, Goebbels is sipping cocktails with a couple of groupies and Hitler is seated with a wild-eyed Hess discussing pupil diagnostics.

    An American journalist enters, sees the full crew and realizes he's sitting on the scoop of the century. He asks the barman: "Which one shall I ask for the absolute bottom line on the Nazi plans?" "Goebbels, of course" answers the barman, "He knows everything." The journalist approaches and says "I want the bottom line on what this Nazi thing is." Goebbels flashes him a smile and says "We intend to kill six million Jews and one postman." The journalist's mind races. "But why do you want to kill one postman?" Goebbels shouts over to Hitler: "See Adolf, I told you no-one gives a fig about the Jews!"


    "
    I think it is terrible that you make all those jokes about concentration camps. My grandfather died in Auschwitz" - "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know. My condolences." - "Never mind, he was drunk. Fell of the watch tower."
    I recall that there was a bottle of Jaegermeister involved.



    Also a joke that had me smile for a bit was the following:

    Ladies first: A journalist had written a story on the gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf war and she remembered then that women customarily walked about 10feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that it was now the men who walked several yards behind their wives.

    She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women to achieve this reversal of roles?"

    The Kuwaiti woman replied: "Land Mines."


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    Re: Austrians: The Ugliest People of Europe?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigurd Eirikson View Post
    The fourth Reich has just been established and the anti-fascists are being hung in a row. The commander-in-chief takes out his mobile phone and calls the stonemason. When he's hung up, his second-in-command asks "why did you phone the stone mason?" - "Oh", says the commander. "I just ordered a memorial stone: Here, 2957 antifascists were killed."
    Er... Can you explain where the humour is here, bitte?


    Here is an outlining of a central principle of British humour, for comparison's sake;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_eG4t7hiwM
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLob61J6NSQ

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    Re: Austrians: The Ugliest People of Europe?

    Quote Originally Posted by Oswiu View Post
    Er... Can you explain where the humour is here, bitte?

    It's somewhat making a parody of our german Eternal-Guilt-Monuments.


    Here another joke from germany which is very very true.


    A Dutchman, an American and a German are entering a bar.
    Dutchman says,
    "Bartender, give me a Heineken, please."
    The American says, "Bartender, give me a Budweiser, please."
    German guy hesitates, then tells the bartender to get him a peppermint tea. Other blokes, quite amused, ask the German, "So, why did you order peppermint tea?"
    The German replies, "Look guys, if you don't drink beer, I won't either."


    So true so true.




    Gruß,
    Svartr
    "We Germans fear God, but nothing else in the world; and already that godliness is it, which let us love and foster peace."
    - Otto von Bismarck, 1888

  8. #18

    Grin Re: German Humour [?]

    Sorry to go off topic a bit here... but people can always ignore my post if they want to.

    The humour in the Anglosphere (US, Britain, maybe even Australia) is different to the humour in the German cultural area:
    "Anglosphere" countries tend to have greatly varying senses of humour though...

    In Australia the Americans are often known for having a very obvious, slapstick type of humour which is quite often very politically correct. Americans lack subtlety usually, and don't like to laugh at their own or other's expense.

    The Brits are known for having 2 distinct types a) dry, cutting and ironic AND b) obvious and slapstick. I think it's a class difference thing.

    A common thing I hear from foreigners about Australian humour is that it's insulting and often involves laughing at people's idiocy and mistakes in a derogatory manner. Mostly though, we tend to take the piss out of ourselves and people who take themselves too seriously here are thought of as knobs and will be brought down a peg or two (with much enjoyment ). Our jokes are often racist, sexist and crude.


    Some Aussie jokes :

    An Englishman wanted to transform himself into and Irishman, so he visited a Dr to find out how he could achieve this. "Well," said the Dr, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong, but I will have to remove half of your brain." "Yeah, that's ok", said the Englishman, "I've wanted to be an Irishman all of my life, so I'm prepared to take the risk."
    The operation went ahead and sometime later the Englishman awoke to find a look of horror on the face of the Dr. "I'm terribly sorry!" the Dr exclaimed. "Instead of removing half of the brain, I've taken the whole brain out!"
    The patient replied, "No worries mate!!"


    Bruce is driving over Sydney Harbour Bridge one day in his ute when he sees his girlfriend Sheila just about to throw herself off the bridge into the water far below.
    Bruce slams on the brakes & shouts "G'day Sheila! What the hell do you think you're doing?"
    Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says "G'day Bruce - You got me pregnant & so now I'm gonna kill myself."
    Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this and says "Sheila, not only are you a great root, but you're a real good sport."


    A lion in the zoo sitting there licking it's hole.
    A visitor says, "That doesn't look very vicious to me."
    "Well he is." Says the zoo keeper, "he just grabbed a Kiwi (New Zealander), pulled him through the fence and ate him all up."
    "Is that right?" says the visitor, "he seems pretty casual, why is he licking his arse?"
    And the zoo keeper says, "He's trying to get the horrible taste out of his mouth."


    Man rings up his wife; "I've won the lottery! I've won a million dollars! Pack your bags!" Wife says; "That's great! What should I pack for? A beach holiday in Queensland? Skiing in the snowy mountains?" Husband says; "I don't care... just fuck off!!"

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