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Thread: Why Men don't respect women

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    Post Why Men don't respect women

    Why men don't respect women
    By Vox Day
    © 2004

    There is a rather infamous blog on Salon with the arresting name, "Why Your Wife Won't Have Sex With You." The author, an intelligent woman and self-described formerly frigid wife, provides a long laundry list of explanations for this unhappy state of affairs. She has entire sections devoted to: Disgust, Discomfort, Distraction, Insecurity, Anger, Fat, Misunderstanding, Boredom, Infidelity, Technique, Motherhood, Aging and Depression, Bad Company (as in toxic friends), Religion and Childhood Abuse.

    Indeed, one wonders that women have sex at all after plodding one's way through this morass of marital misery.

    Now, Ms. Deckham Grey, the author, is no man-hater – the Tiger Beat pictures of Wesley Clark alone would disprove that – and perusing her material makes it clear that she's fairly reasonable. But something about her blog reminded me of an e-mail I once received from a single male reader in response to one of my own more infamous columns, entitled "Spiting Their Pretty Faces." This reader belonged to a church singles group, and after hearing an encyclopedic list of the ways in which modern men fail to live up to women's expectations of their responsibilities, he said: "OK, that's what men should do. Thanks. Now, what is a woman's responsibility in a marriage?"

    Total silence.

    In the movie, "As Good As It Gets," Jack Nicholson's character, a romance novelist, is asked how he is able to write such effective and believable women. He responds: "I think of a man, and then I take away reason and accountability."

    Why is it that three disparate sources should all echo this same theme? Is it nothing more than a coincidental combination of overly demanding spouses, toxic spinsters-to-be and overactive Hollywood imaginations? Or is it possible that there is a fundamental difference between men and women when it comes to the notion of personal responsibility? And if so, could it be this, and not some outdated notion of physical prowess that accounts for what both men and women perceive as a lack of respect for women?

    I suggest that this may well be the case. A weightlifter will certainly scorn a spindly-armed accountant's inability to lift more than a pencil, but he is unlikely to carry that same lack of respect over to matters outside the weight room. And yet, even the most ardently sensitive New Age male, awash in feminist propaganda from kindergarten through university, usually finds it difficult to show even the most accomplished women the respect that they deserve.

    Let me state that I don't know why this is, I only suggest that it appears to be the case. Perhaps men are irredeemably sexist – although I fail to see how the husband-as-child motif so popular in soccer-mom circles is any less so. Perhaps women have been spoiled by a lifetime of freely saying things to others that would have earned a man doing the same a black eye. Perhaps it is the coddling of parents and teachers, which has led to things like female recruits in boot camp being permitted to turn in blue cards to their sergeants on days that they can't deal with being yelled at.

    It is strange, too, because women are by no means the second sex. As Camille Paglia conclusively demonstrates, women are without question the dominant sex in our society. No one who has ever seen the desperate attention-seeking of teenage boys or intricately-shaped lavender soap in the private bathroom of a rich and powerful CEO can doubt it. It is usually not much more than a decade, somewhere in the years from 15 to 30, that a man is not under the strong influence of a woman.

    There is a saying, that a woman is, and a man must become. Perhaps it is this need on the part of males to become, this sense of a battle fought and won, that separates the sexes more than any other.

    Or perhaps it is that women simply do not understand that male respect is never given freely, it must always be earned. And the only way it is earned is by taking complete responsibility for one's words, one's actions and one's decisions. Avoiding responsibility for these things may be a successful strategy in the short term, but it will inevitably cause most men to regard you as a lightweight, little more than a child, whose opinions can be safely ignored at will.


    Vox Day is a novelist and Christian libertarian. He is a member of the SFWA, Mensa and the Southern Baptist Convention, and has been down with Madden since 1992. His weekly column is syndicated nationally by Universal Press Syndicate. Visit his web log, Vox Popoli, for daily commentary and responses to reader email.

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    Post Re: Why Men don't respect women

    That's a classic, especially with Jack Nicholson backing it up! -

    In the movie, "As Good As It Gets," Jack Nicholson's character, a romance novelist, is asked how he is able to write such effective and believable women. He responds: "I think of a man, and then I take away reason and accountability."

  3. #3

    Post Re: Why Men don't respect women

    The woman-bashing on this site is really entertaining.

    My grandfather, the coolest guy ever born despite being Catholic, worked two jobs to support his seven children and his wife. He never complained and never spent 78,980 hours a week playing xBox because his family meant something to him. His family was important enough that he set aside his desire to go out with his buddies and oogle chicks and instead worked, worked, and spent time with his children and grandchildren, including me. He taught me to read & write in the few free hours he had after his two shifts. He took me to the park and the library on Saturdays and taught me about boxing when we watched the fights together. He gave to his family and made sure we were all taken care of. Once in a while, he had a free night and he'd go to his VFW, Sons of Norway, or Knights of Columbus meetings to have some beers with his friends. Now that his children are grown, he writes about history and Catholocism. He waited until his children were grown before dedicating himself to himself.

    My grandmother worked her rear off every single day to cook three meals for everyone and their friends, clean the house, do 5 loads of laundry, help with homework (seven kids in the home plus me), and take care of us emotionally. She finally graduated from the university at age 54 - after her children were grown. My Gramma was beautiful and smart and talented, but she put aside her desire to pursue music and instead raised her seven kids and took care of her husband. She waited until her children were grown before she dedicated herself to herself. That's how she earned her respect. She didn't bring in money, but she made the money that my Grandpa earned, which wasn't much as school teachers aren't well-paid, work for a family of ten plus the usual friends hanging out at the house. She never complained.

    Respect is earned, I totally agree, but earned in different ways. For every hard-working, responsible man you show me - I'll show you a woman who equals him in diligence and practicality. No man "gives" me anything. I earn it and so do many, many women.

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