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Thread: Happy New Year to all and a few more words

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    Happy New Year to all and a few more words

    Dear friends,

    First of all I want to wish you all a happy belated new year. I am sorry I was not around to send my wishes on time. I hope you all had a happy holiday.

    Secondly, I want to share this burden that I have with you. I know that it is not the time to make you sad, but we've been through so much we've all opened up to each other so I feel like sharing my feelings once more.

    On the 28th of December, I dreamt about my ex-b/f and best friend returning from his short vacation to northern Greece were he'd gone with friends to celebrate Xmas at a friend's country home. Until the last minute I was about to join them but I retracted due to events I can only attribute to Fate.

    In my dream, he came straight to my home still carrying his luggage, and he was so happy to see me and so calm and peaceful. I was so happy too as I was expecting him so anxiously to return so we could celebrate the rest of the holidays together. Seconds later, I was woken up by a phonecall, announcing his death in a car accident. The road was slippery and they were hit by a bus as they were returning from the journey. His two other friends that were in the car lived but he didn't make it.

    We had been in a relationship for 1,5 year and we had been living together in my appatment until last January. Breaking up did not seperate us from loving each other as soulmates, since we'd been through so much together and we knew each other inside-out.

    He was the closest person to me, the one that I confided everything, and I can only describe him as my companion in life.

    Now I am feeling numb as I run out of tears and thoughts. I am getting better...I managed to sleep and eat and I am trying to pick up the pieces and memories to go on.

    I want to share with you some of his drawings, as to offer you a small glimpse inside a great person's soul.

    He drew these last year for me:





    He wrote my name in runes in this one:



    Random drawings he did, he signed some of them as WLGT (short for Wiligut, inspired by the book "The Secret King" he was reading at the time):







    Just before he left, he gave me a present: he bought me a book about the Amazons, saying that he always wanted me to be dynamic, independent and free like I was when he first met me. He left this wish to me, never to compromise myself and my ideas for anything in the world and to be strong and courageous.

    That's what I am going to do, because whatever doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

    I do not feel sadness anymore, but joy, that he had a good life, and pride, that I contributed to his happiness. Even the few years that we knew each other, he had said they were his happiest times. He had also said that he matured and changed for the better when he was with me, and I can only say likewise.

    He was 27 years old, he listened to German Military Marches day to night and he was reading a lot about the Third Reich and occult. He was a brown shirt fetishist and he met me dressing like himself.

    During the last months, I hade made him a copy of "The Triumph of Will", from a copy that Wissen ist Macht had sent me by mail some months ago. He was viewing it everyday over and over and almost learnt it by heart!
    So, Wissen ist Macht, know that you contributed to a friend's happiness even in an indirect way.

    He was bugging me everyday to make a fanzine together. He was very enthusiastic about writing texts and making drawings. I did not have the time or will at the time, and of course should I have known, I would have done so.

    Lastly, he was a nordicist too He had greatest admiration for Germany and the northern nations and great contempt for modern "Greeks". He was writing joke texts about the majority of turkish-bred modern greek citizens being apes (lol) and he dreamt of a world of pure-blooded and beautiful people like those described in the ancient greek epics and those shown in the Trimph of Will.

    Once, he interrupted me while I was talking to Ulex over MSN, and when I told him that I was talking to a Danish friend, he had said: "That's right, speak only with these people and not with Balkanian üntermenschen!"

    I leave you with these humorous words to lighten up the atmosphere, and I hope I didn't spoil your moods too much. Know that there was a great soul in the world and think highly of him.

    Best regards to all.

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    Senior Member Xanthochroid's Avatar
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    This must be the coldest winter for you.
    Wow, Dreams can sometimes play aweful tricks. :speechles
    Damn... :frown:

    This is why one should not attach themselves too much to others...

    But, Life must go on! :rose:
    You shall meet him again some day in the realm of the cosmos.
    The third shall be the final and decisive one.

    He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool - shun him.
    He who knows not, and knows that he knows not, is a child - teach him.
    He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is asleep - wake him.
    He who knows, and knows that he knows, is wise - follow him.

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    B_A, I'm sorry to hear this :frown:

    Words won't help much, I know, and nothing else helps than time.

    You still have all the good moments to remember about him. In that way he will live as long as you do.

    :hug:

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    Senior Member Arcturus's Avatar
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    :frown: I'm so sorry B_A :grouphug:

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    Cattle die and kinsmen die,
    thyself too soon must die,
    but one thing never, I ween, will die,
    fair fame of one who has earned.
    Lík börn leika best.

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    I'm soo sorry for your loss D and as Ajatar said, "words won't help much and nothing else helps than time".

    All i can say is that we are here for you, we are your friends and we support you in these days of darkness as we have supported you in the days of joy.

    We are thinking about you and many of us can also feel your loss, remember, you don't stand alone, you will never stand alone.

    :grouphug:

    Ich hatt' einen Kameraden
    von Ludwig Uhland

    Ich hatt' einen Kameraden,
    Einen bessern findst du nit.
    Die Trommel schlug zum Streite,
    Er ging an meiner Seite
    In gleichem Schritt und Tritt.

    Eine Kugel kam geflogen:
    Gilt's mir oder gilt es dir?
    Ihn hat es weggerissen,
    Er liegt vor meinen Füßen
    Als wär's ein Stück von mir

    Will mir die Hand noch reichen,
    Derweil ich eben lad'.
    "Kann dir die Hand nicht geben,
    Bleib du im ew'gen Leben
    Mein guter Kamerad!"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerthus
    I'm soo sorry for your loss D and as Ajatar said, "words won't help much and nothing else helps than time".

    All i can say is that we are here for you, we are your friends and we support you in these days of darkness as we have supported you in the days of joy.

    We are thinking about you and many of us can also feel your loss, remember, you don't stand alone, you will never stand alone.

    :grouphug:

    Ich hatt' einen Kameraden
    von Ludwig Uhland

    Ich hatt' einen Kameraden,
    Einen bessern findst du nit.
    Die Trommel schlug zum Streite,
    Er ging an meiner Seite
    In gleichem Schritt und Tritt.

    Eine Kugel kam geflogen:
    Gilt's mir oder gilt es dir?
    Ihn hat es weggerissen,
    Er liegt vor meinen Füßen
    Als wär's ein Stück von mir

    Will mir die Hand noch reichen,
    Derweil ich eben lad'.
    "Kann dir die Hand nicht geben,
    Bleib du im ew'gen Leben
    Mein guter Kamerad!"
    Yes, that was his favorite march and I listened to it many times during the last days.

    Thank you all so much, your support means great to me.

    He's off to a better place and his memory shall live on forever

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    Senior Member Blondie's Avatar
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    I am so sorry to hear of your terrible loss. I wish you the best and remember: memories never die.
    http://tinypic.com/fuud54.jpg
    For the first time in my life a feeling of overpowering stinging melancholy seized me. Before, I had never experienced aught but a not unpleasing sadness. The bond of a common humanity now drew me irresistibly to gloom. A fraternal melancholy! For both I and Bartleby were sons of Adam. I remembered the bright silks and sparkling faces I had seen that day, in gala trim, swanlike sailing down the Mississippi of Broadway; and I contrasted them with the pallid copyist, and thought to myself, Ah, happiness courts the light, so we deem the world is gay; but misery hides aloof, so we deem that misery there is none. - Herman Melville, Bartleby the Scrivener

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    I had to cry when I read that. He sounds like he was a great person, who I would've liked to have known, there aren't many people of that quality. The drawings are very beautiful. I'm so sorry and sad that this happened.

    I'm also glad that nothing happened to you.

    He returned to you in your dream, so no doubt that's where he wanted to be. I think he is still with you in spirit. And I'm sure that you will find the way back to each other again in future lives.

    I will put up one of his pictures in my apartment so that his memory can live on.

  10. #10
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    Thank you all again so much..

    Blondie, I had once showed him your baby's pics and he loved them...he said he thought it was one of the cutest babies he'd ever seen

    NordicPower88, thank you so much. I know it sounds silly but I feel my dream was not random, and that he somehow wanted me to know that he is happy and peaceful where he's going. Your support means a lot to me, and thanks for appreciating his art..he would have been flattered

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