Tory map of the world

[Loki]

This has been posted before, but I think many haven't seen it yet.

[anonymaus]

:

[tuddorsped]

Here's a nice TRUE story to go with it.



Colonel "Mad Jack" Wintle: A Brief Biography

(Culled fom Timpson's 'English Eccentrics').


In the 1950's the best known eccentric in England was probably 'Mad Jack' Wintle, epitome of the English officer and gentleman, whose monocle remained in place no matter how dire the situation, and whose immaculate umbrella he unfurled only once, to insert a note reading: 'This umbrella has been stolen from Colonel A D Wintle'. This was the man who wrote in his diary: 'There are essentially only two classes of Englishman; those who believe themselves superior to foreigners, and those who know they are!'

To the general public there was only one eccentric in the Wintle family, but the most publicised incident of his astonishing career came about through the eccentricity of one of his relations, a second cousin called Kitty Wells. It was the very odd will she left that resulted in Colonel Wintle luring her solicitor into a hired flat, where he forced him at gunpoint to remove his trousers, photographed him wearing a dunce's cap made out of newspapers, and released him, still trouserless, into the street. It was an exploit which earned him a six-month prison sentence, but also the applause of the nation - even more so when he became the first layman to conduct his own appeal in the House of Lords, and won. Even The Times became a little light-headed; its headline read:

'Calvalry Officer Jumps Last Fence to Win'.

The case of the debagged solicitor was the high spot of a career that combined gallantry with idiosyncrasy. In the First World War, when the man next to him was blown to pieces, Wintle forced himself to stand at attention, with the shells bursting around him, 'until I was able to become again a man of action'.At Ypres he was blown up by a mine, lost one eye and much of the sight of the other, plus a kneecap, five and a half fingers and one and a half thumbs. But he discharged himself from hospital, returned to the front, captured 35 prisoners single-handed and won the Military Cross. He was still only twenty.

Between the wars he met Cedric Mays, who was to be involved in his famous court case and in his final touch of eccentricity. Wintle was in a military hospital after recovering from a riding accident when he found Mays, a boy trumpeter, in part of the ward known as the 'Stiffs Retreat', suffering from a near-fatal combination of mastoiditis and diptheria. 'What's all this nonsense about dying, Mays?' he roared. 'You know it is an offence for a Royal Dragoon to die in his bed. You will stop dying at once, and when you get up - get your bloody haircut!' As Mays said later: 'After that, I was too terrified to die.'

Wintle began the Second World War as dramatically as he ended the first. He tried to commandeer an RAF plane to fly to France and lead the French air force to freedom. When he was stopped and told by the Director of Intelligence he would be court-martialled he drew his revolver and shouted: 'You and your kind ought to be shot.' Now suspected of being a spy, he was taken to the Tower of London, but his young officer escort lost the committal paper en route. Wintle snapped: 'For God's sake wait here while I get another.' He duly got it, and as no senior officer was available, he signed it himself! After a few weeks in the Tower the War Office had second thoughts, reduced the charges against him to a minor one and gave him a severe reprimand. And in 1942 he did get to France at last, as an undercover agent, was captured, escaped, and then captured again. At this stage he decided that his Vichy French guards looked too scruffy, and threatened to go on hunger-strike unless they smartened up. Such was the glare of that one monocled eye that, amazingly, they cleaned their buttons, polished their boots and promised to shave every day. The next time he escaped, most of the guards went too and joined the Resistance...

Meanwhile Wintle's sister Marjorie was looking after his eccentric cousin Kitty, a reclusive lady who sent herself letters, bulky envelopes stuffed with old bus tickets, to impress the postman. Marjorie tended her for 25 years, but when Kitty died it was found that she had left her only forty pounds; the remaining 100,000 going to her solicitor, Fredrick Nye, who had drawn up the will. Wintle was outraged, especially when he found the will was phrased so abstrusely that even his solicitors failed to comprehend it. He appealed to Nye to do the decent thing, but Nye returned his letters unopened. Then he wrote insulting letters about him in the press; still no reaction. Finally, to get his day in court, he undertook 'Operation De-Bag.'

At Lewes Assizes in 1955 his grievances over the will were ignored and he was sentenced to 6 months for assault. With the help of Cedric Mays, former boy trumpeter, he compiled a dossier on Nye, appealed to the High Court - and lost. So he fired his solicitors, mortgaged his last possessions, and with May's assistance took the case to the House of Lords. It lasted six days, and at the end of it Nye was ordered to forfeit all his benefits and pay all the costs. It was a famous victory.

Lieutenant Colonel Wintle often said that he had fought clots all his life, and expected to die of one. In 1966 he did. He had told Cedric Mays that he would dearly love the band of his old regiment, the Royal Dragoons, to play Schubert's 'Serenade' at his funeral, but it was serving abroad, so ex-trumpeter Mays displayed the kind of eccentric gallantry that Mad Jack would have been proud of. He fortified himself with a bottle of whisky, stood to attention in the Chapel of the Cavalrymen of Great Britain in Canterbury Cathedral - and sung the entire Serenade himself.

[lei.talk]

pitcairn, the channel islands and singapore
had me laughing.

the true story of colonel "mad jack" wintle
gave me goose-bumps
and made me proud to be speaking some thing akin to english.

there is much to be said for "direct action".

[RedJack]

Loki, thanks for posting the map again, it's priceless. I'm going to print it out and hang it on my wall. :

Tudor, thanks for posting the story of Col. Wintle.
Makes me proud to be born on the same island. :notworth:

[Lundi]

good to see the Tories got my land right haven’t forgotten the cod wars I see


great map by the way, spot on

[hauer]

Apparently I live in Porno Land. :icon1:

[Loki]

Apparently I live in Porno Land. :icon1:

:laugh:

Sadly, many people believe that if a woman has blond hair, long legs and is pretty, then she is a "slut". This is a common stereotypical misperception about Scandinavia. Scandinavia is not any more promiscuous than most other Western European countries. :

PS: I can remember as a schoolboy that I once read an illustrated publication appropriately named: "Pleasure of Copenhagen".

[Loki]

I particularly chuckle at "Union of Soviet Russian Commie Bastards".

[tuddorsped]

:laugh:

Sadly, many people believe that if a woman has blond hair, long legs and is pretty, then she is a "slut". This is a common stereotypical misperception about Scandinavia. Scandinavia is not any more promiscuous than most other Western European countries. :

PS: I can remember as a schoolboy that I once read an illustrated publication appropriately named: "Pleasure of Copenhagen".

Think 'Porno Land' refers to Denmark.

Largely true. Only Holland is as liberal in Western Europe as regards the distribution and sale of hardcore pornography.