View Poll Results: Do you believe in Love for a lifetime?

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  • Yes!

    38 57.58%
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Thread: Do You Believe in "the One"?/ Love for a Lifetime?

  1. #71
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    Absolutely. If there is anything that history has taught us is that human beings were not meant to stay with one person for a long length of time.

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    Senior Member hyidi's Avatar
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    It's proven by men and women cheating!
    Sure people say they found the 'right one' but they still cheat. Mainly because they have urges to spread thier genes around with other portentral mates.

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    Yes, I do believe in "the One"

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    Truth be told, I believe in 'the one' for the moment but not as an absolute term for life. There are too many changes and different ramifications in our lifetime to have a lasting lottery win. Some have that luck but I'm not one of them.

  5. #75
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    Yes, I want to believe so!

    Maybe it's not the first one, not the second one... but it's important to keep on trying! Hope dies last, wise people say!

    The following is an excellent post, I couldn't have said it better than that, so I am quoting the entire post here, it's definitely worth reading!

    Quote Originally Posted by Aeternitas View Post
    I believe in "the one" as well as in love for a lifetime, although the premise that it must be one's first and only relationship is more the case of a romantic past or even fairy tales and movie scripts. There has been various research made on the topic and statistics predict that one may fall in love between 2 and 7 times (depending on the source) before they tie the knot. It has been said that one also experiences different stages and types of love as one advances in life, where the ideal end stage is, of course, finding "the one".

    Often, we experience our first love when we are teenagers or young adults. This is an idealistic type of love, often anticipated from movies and fairytales; then it suddenly happens to us - it hits us, and it hits us hard. We invest all our energy and feelings into it. This love also has an element of altruism. We want to do it for the sake of the society or for our families. Some people enter it with the belief that it will be their one and only love and it doesn't matter if something about it doesn't feel right because deep down they believe that person was predestined to them. For a lucky few, it's really written in the stars and they've found "the one"; for many others however, this type of love is filled with unrealistic dreams, expectations, and plans for the future. From the outside or on paper, it may look like a good match but might end in disillusion. Nonetheless, first loves are hard to forget. No matter how much time goes by or what the reason for this love to end was, it will always be special because it was our first.

    The second is a difficult, complicated type of love, a love that builds experience and teaches us some major lessons in life. We think we already gained some valuable experience and are making different choices from our first, but in reality we are still learning through trial and error. We still have so many illusions that may have to be broken. During this stage, people grow to know more about themselves and what they want from life as well as from their partner. This kind of love can be passionate, dramatic, an emotional rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows, multiple break-ups and make-ups, and often ends up shattering people's hearts to pieces, leaving them crippled and either afraid to try again, or feeling caught in a vicious cycle. It is like a double-edged sword; we stick through the lows with an expectation for the high. Few people find "the one" with this type of love, as it is toxic; trying to make it work becomes more important than whether it actually should. We've probably all known that couple who is constantly in an on-again, off-again relationship. For some, this stage can last over the course of their adult lives and it is not until they've had an awakening and eventually break the cycle that they can move on and potentially find "the one".

    And then there is a third type of love, one that shows up when we least expect it. For the most part, we don't even look for it, rather it finds us. We have never imagined that such a love could be right. It challenges some of the misconceptions and expectations we had and takes away the pressure to fit a perfect pattern. Some embark on it after multiple disillusions, not hoping for too much, others try to deny it. It can look all wrong or even impossible at first, but in reality, it may be just what we need. The connection that binds us with the other person is hard to explain; the realization that someone out there truly gets us is perplexing and fantastic all at the same time. And although this love also faces hardships, at its core it feels uncomplicated. It leaves us wondering what we had been doing our whole lives up until this person showed up. When we experience this type of love, we may not be able to believe that it is actually happening. Yet it continuously tells us that it has arrived, no matter how much time we take to respond. And before we know it, it starts to feel like a long overdue, the best thing that has ever happened to us. We finally learn that we are worthy and deserving of this kind of love and we are able to share it with our partner of choice.

    Of course, not everyone will experience the same stages. However, there is definitely a pattern emerging as one compares these stages to the various relationships in one's life and their impact. I met my partner the third way, unexpectedly, at a stage in my life where I wasn't looking for love or relationships. And yet his impact on me was immediate and significant; I felt inexplicably drawn to him, as if I kind of knew in the back of my head, that he was going to play some important role in my life. The connection I have with him is something I've never experienced before, a connection I'd find hard to reproduce with anyone else. He is the person who knows and understands me best, sometimes more so than I understand myself. It is deeper than love, the closest thing I could imagine to a soul-mate; he is definitely my "one".

    That said, the only destiny I believe in is the one we forge ourselves, that which is a result of our own actions and choices. Even if we believe that someone was brought to us by God or the universe, life is not a cheesy, romantic comedy or soap opera where no matter what we do, we will still end up with this person and have a fairytale ending. If we want love for a lifetime, we have to work for it, like we would for anything else we desire. In the past, there used to be many more "Mr." and "Mrs. Rights" than during our era. Is that because the universe was more generous to them? No, I rather think it came down to the fact that back in the day, relationships and marriages were seen as more of long-term/permanent nature and when something went wrong, they tried to fix it instead of throwing the whole thing away. A relationship is like a house, it is hard to replace the foundation, but if a light-bulb breaks, you don't go and buy an entirely new house. So maybe in this respect, a comeback of romantic concepts like "love for a lifetime" would be more beneficial than concepts like "sexual liberation" and "female empowerment" which promote an entirely different set of values.
    Very interesting, I definitely find myself in the first two stages. My last relationship was the one from the second stage, a lot of drama in it, and me wishing it was 'the one' and wanting it to make it last forever, even though for some other people from outside it was obvious we were not really made for each other...

    So should I expect the next one will be the third stage, the love for a lifetime? I really wish so, of course, but exactly as described there, I feel so tired of looking and searching for that one, that I just stopped looking and searching. I hope it will be like in the description there too, that I'll find 'the one' at this stage, or 'the one' will find me, as at the moment I really have no interest in looking for anything else. Maybe that will change, I don't know, I cannot predict it right now.



    Quote Originally Posted by Bärin View Post
    If you mean the kind of teenage love where you can't sleep and your heart beats fast because of infatuation, then I have to say no. But if you mean affection and care and companionship and close bonds, then I have to say yes.
    There are many ways to experience love, and not everyone loves in the same way, or falls in love in the same way! It's pure astrology here, it's the position of planet Venus in signs. As for me, with Venus in Gemini, I will always fall in love like a teenager, when you can't sleep or when you think about him or her all day and night, and so on... That's just typical me and the way I love, even after being in the same relationship many many years... It's nice to fall in love again and again with the same person too, why not? I've tried that too, and it's the same teenagers type of falling in love for me each time. Of course, in time there can be some changes, to become more mature, but basically it's the same kind of feeling. Falling in love like a teenager can lead to what you wrote in the second part there, to affection and care and companionship and close bonds. Then it's more mature love, but for me it all begins the same.

    Even in my second stage love relationship, as described in the other post I quoted above, even if I was not in love with him from the very beginning, and I was gradually falling in love with him, it was basically the same feeling and type of heart beating and so on when I really fell in love with him! But if it is like that for me it doesn't have to be the same for everyone. In most cases it is like you wrote above, that kind of teenagers love will fade away, during the ages. Also, I think it would be immature of me to expect to be loved in the same way as I do, exactly for the reasons I just mentioned.

    Time will tell.

    Now I wonder... what can be done to find that one, or the one to find you? It's just karma... but you can do something about it too. As in the end of Aeternitas' post, this is exactly what karma means, to reap what you saw.

    I have nothing more to say on this at the stage I am in now.
    Die Farben duften frisch und grün... Lieblich haucht der Wind um mich.

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  7. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Víðálfr View Post
    Very interesting, I definitely find myself in the first two stages. My last relationship was the one from the second stage, a lot of drama in it, and me wishing it was 'the one' and wanting it to make it last forever, even though for some other people from outside it was obvious we were not really made for each other...

    So should I expect the next one will be the third stage, the love for a lifetime? I really wish so, of course, but exactly as described there, I feel so tired of looking and searching for that one, that I just stopped looking and searching. I hope it will be like in the description there too, that I'll find 'the one' at this stage, or 'the one' will find me, as at the moment I really have no interest in looking for anything else. Maybe that will change, I don't know, I cannot predict it right now.
    It happened with me this way as well. The third type of love which Aeternitas described in her posting, when it comes by surprise and you least expect it. In fact, I had pretty much resigned myself that my dream of having a traditional family wouldn't be accomplished because I hadn't met the right person and I was already in my 30s. So I didn't put much effort into meeting peoples for that purpose. I accepted the possibility that I might even be by myself. Then life made it so that I met one of my former partners again, with whom I had tried a long distance relationship before, but life had separated us. But this time we were both in the same place and we got to know each other more deeply this time, and we quickly realised how compatible we were. We were also both older and wiser so we decided to give it a try and stick to it this time. He proposed, which surprised me, because I'm usually a believer in long engagements, but both my mind and heart felt sure. In my view, love is not just a sponteneous feeling of attraction, love also has to be cultivated and encouraged, and it can grow more and more overtime. But many peoples put too much emphasis on the initial spark, and don't "feed" their marriage, so overtime it breaks. I believe love for a lifetime is possible, but we've also to work for it, as others said already. It's not handed out to us.

    There are many ways to experience love, and not everyone loves in the same way, or falls in love in the same way!
    Indeed, I've to agree. Even the same two people's love can change over time, and there are things peoples can do to rekindle their love or encourage a type of love. But other than that, we're all individuals with specific feelings and there's no universal pattern. Personally, I find it adorable to see elderly couples who still look each other in the eyes with love and passion. But I also admire those peoples who learned to love each other on the way, and have a friendly or cordial type of love. Whatever brings and keeps peoples together, I think.

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  9. #77
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    Maybe I see "the only one" in wrong context now...but just as quite many people tends to talk like there would be only one person who would fit to them....

    I don't believe on that.

    How many germanic people are in the world? 300million or even more? Half of them are men/women. Is someone really saying that among of that 150million people ... only one will/would fit? To even meet/face him/her would need better luck than win in lotto.

    Nope, I think there are many "suitable" persons for our partners, but of course then we have made our minds and chosen one (him/her)...we should stick on that decision.

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    Yes I think it depends how we define the one. Because in reality of course there will be more than one person who possibly shares our personality, wishes and goals, and who could be theoretically compatible with us. Most peoples have generic wishes in what we'd like in a romantic partner (for example a gentleman, or good father/family man, someone who respects us) and there's more than just one person with that profile out there. Some peoples are more specific and also have a profile for hair and eye color, maybe subrace and body frame, political ideology, ethnicity, etc. but even then there's more than one person fitting that description. It's also true that person may live on the other side of the world and we may never meet. Unless we believe that God or nature/the universe arranges for such meetings. However, I wouldn't live my life expecting it to happen like that.

    In my view, the one is the person you choose to be with for the long term committment (marriage, for example). Like Aeternitas said, that person mustn't even be the only person we date or have a relationship with, there rare cases where we find the perfect person in our first try. So "the one"? Yes. But "the only one"? Unlikely. Sometimes, relationships fail, especially if we have them young (nowadays many teenagers start to date with 13-14). Although I've also seen cases where peoples married their first and only love, but this was more common before than today. However, our culture changed. Today more peoples divorce than in the past. But is it because they're less compatible, or because the idea of marriage has changed? Were peoples more compatible in the past? I'm not quite sure, maybe a combination of both...

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