View Poll Results: Do you believe in Love for a lifetime?

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  • Yes!

    38 57.58%
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Thread: Do You Believe in "the One"?/ Love for a Lifetime?

  1. #61
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    I believe in "the one" as well as in love for a lifetime, although the premise that it must be one's first and only relationship is more the case of a romantic past or even fairy tales and movie scripts. There has been various research made on the topic and statistics predict that one may fall in love between 2 and 7 times (depending on the source) before they tie the knot. It has been said that one also experiences different stages and types of love as one advances in life, where the ideal end stage is, of course, finding "the one".

    Often, we experience our first love when we are teenagers or young adults. This is an idealistic type of love, often anticipated from movies and fairytales; then it suddenly happens to us - it hits us, and it hits us hard. We invest all our energy and feelings into it. This love also has an element of altruism. We want to do it for the sake of the society or for our families. Some people enter it with the belief that it will be their one and only love and it doesn't matter if something about it doesn't feel right because deep down they believe that person was predestined to them. For a lucky few, it's really written in the stars and they've found "the one"; for many others however, this type of love is filled with unrealistic dreams, expectations, and plans for the future. From the outside or on paper, it may look like a good match but might end in disillusion. Nonetheless, first loves are hard to forget. No matter how much time goes by or what the reason for this love to end was, it will always be special because it was our first.

    The second is a difficult, complicated type of love, a love that builds experience and teaches us some major lessons in life. We think we already gained some valuable experience and are making different choices from our first, but in reality we are still learning through trial and error. We still have so many illusions that may have to be broken. During this stage, people grow to know more about themselves and what they want from life as well as from their partner. This kind of love can be passionate, dramatic, an emotional rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows, multiple break-ups and make-ups, and often ends up shattering people's hearts to pieces, leaving them crippled and either afraid to try again, or feeling caught in a vicious cycle. It is like a double-edged sword; we stick through the lows with an expectation for the high. Few people find "the one" with this type of love, as it is toxic; trying to make it work becomes more important than whether it actually should. We've probably all known that couple who is constantly in an on-again, off-again relationship. For some, this stage can last over the course of their adult lives and it is not until they've had an awakening and eventually break the cycle that they can move on and potentially find "the one".

    And then there is a third type of love, one that shows up when we least expect it. For the most part, we don't even look for it, rather it finds us. We have never imagined that such a love could be right. It challenges some of the misconceptions and expectations we had and takes away the pressure to fit a perfect pattern. Some embark on it after multiple disillusions, not hoping for too much, others try to deny it. It can look all wrong or even impossible at first, but in reality, it may be just what we need. The connection that binds us with the other person is hard to explain; the realization that someone out there truly gets us is perplexing and fantastic all at the same time. And although this love also faces hardships, at its core it feels uncomplicated. It leaves us wondering what we had been doing our whole lives up until this person showed up. When we experience this type of love, we may not be able to believe that it is actually happening. Yet it continuously tells us that it has arrived, no matter how much time we take to respond. And before we know it, it starts to feel like a long overdue, the best thing that has ever happened to us. We finally learn that we are worthy and deserving of this kind of love and we are able to share it with our partner of choice.

    Of course, not everyone will experience the same stages. However, there is definitely a pattern emerging as one compares these stages to the various relationships in one's life and their impact. I met my partner the third way, unexpectedly, at a stage in my life where I wasn't looking for love or relationships. And yet his impact on me was immediate and significant; I felt inexplicably drawn to him, as if I kind of knew in the back of my head, that he was going to play some important role in my life. The connection I have with him is something I've never experienced before, a connection I'd find hard to reproduce with anyone else. He is the person who knows and understands me best, sometimes more so than I understand myself. It is deeper than love, the closest thing I could imagine to a soul-mate; he is definitely my "one".

    That said, the only destiny I believe in is the one we forge ourselves, that which is a result of our own actions and choices. Even if we believe that someone was brought to us by God or the universe, life is not a cheesy, romantic comedy or soap opera where no matter what we do, we will still end up with this person and have a fairytale ending. If we want love for a lifetime, we have to work for it, like we would for anything else we desire. In the past, there used to be many more "Mr." and "Mrs. Rights" than during our era. Is that because the universe was more generous to them? No, I rather think it came down to the fact that back in the day, relationships and marriages were seen as more of long-term/permanent nature and when something went wrong, they tried to fix it instead of throwing the whole thing away. A relationship is like a house, it is hard to replace the foundation, but if a light-bulb breaks, you don't go and buy an entirely new house. So maybe in this respect, a comeback of romantic concepts like "love for a lifetime" would be more beneficial than concepts like "sexual liberation" and "female empowerment" which promote an entirely different set of values.

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  3. #62
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    i believe that there might be a person out there, you may have to change very slightly for them, but that can be growth in itself. One must be cautious when strengthening the bonds of any relationship, for you may tie a knot you don't know how to undo.

    Im still very young though, ill change, my world will and how i see people will.

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    No it is over-romantic nonsense. There are lots of people of the opposite sex that would make good mates. eHarmony is just trying to play that up to get people to sign up.

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    No i do not believe in such a notion.

  6. #65
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    I strongly believe in the concept of "the one", but I don't think the criteria listed above are useful in ascertaining it, some people's perfect match is someone that falls into place perfectly, other people's perfect match is someone who they have to work on and vice-versa. Most people are probably somewhere in between.

    I do think every pot finds its destined lid, but that some people may simply either die before they meet the perfect partner, give up believing in the perfect partner and fail to meet them, meet them and have such odd circumstances accompanying that it seems too difficult to make it work and falter trying to overcome such hurdles or fail to seize the opportunity when it arises.

    The rest ends up with their perfect partner earlier or later, but will have to kiss many frogs before they find their prince resp. let many Cinderellas try on the shoes before they find their princess. I hope I'm part of that rest that ends up with their perfect partner and haven't somehow let them bypass already, perhaps even without noticing that I have.
    -In kalte Schatten versunken... /Germaniens Volk erstarrt / Gefroren von Lügen / In denen die Welt verharrt-
    -Die alte Seele trauernd und verlassen / Verblassend in einer erklärbaren Welt / Schwebend in einem Dunst der Wehmut / Ein Schrei der nur unmerklich gellt-
    -Auch ich verspüre Demut / Vor dem alten Geiste der Ahnen / Wird es mir vergönnt sein / Gen Walhalla aufzufahren?-

    (Heimdalls Wacht, In kalte Schatten versunken, stanzas 4-6)

  7. #66
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    I suppose that at one time I did believe in ''the one'', but experience and disappointment has caused me to lose faith in such romantic ideas. So, unless some truly exceptional girl comes along to change my mind, there is no reason for me to entertain that belief any longer.

  8. #67
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    I believe there is a whole population of people you are compatible with. Sure, a small subset of this population will be better than the rest, and sure some people out of this sub-set will be the best possible match for you but chances are you will never cross paths with them. Your best possible match might have died 4 centuries ago or be born 4 centuries after you die.

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    Since my last 6-year relationship has broken last fall i am unsure if there is "The One" Woman. People may change by the time, like my last girlfriend. But i'm confused her "new one" looks similar to me: blonde hairs and i believe he has blue eyes, too. But although she didn't change the look of her boyfriend, she changed in other parts of life and behaviour dramatically.

  10. #69
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    I don't subscribe to whatever the hell "e-Harmony" supposedly promotes, but I have been married for twenty-one years to a wonderful woman who is so similar to me in all the ways that matter I know the Good Lord brought us together.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sefo View Post
    No i do not believe in such a notion.
    With 6billion on this planet' me either!

    What if 'the one' was lets say across the globe?
    Remember we only have one 'the one' perfect match' how you suppose to find them amongst 6billion persons? I believe humans were meant to have multiple partners in our life time.

    *Germanic partners of cause.

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