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Thread: How a man's mind really works

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    Senior Member Phlegethon's Avatar
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    Post How a man's mind really works

    How a man's mind really works

    Wed Oct 1, 9:54 PM ET

    By Jill Serjeant

    LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - It's the universal question on many women's lips. "What could he be thinking?" she shrieks, or sighs or sulks at her husband, boyfriend or son.

    What is it with men and cars? Why doesn't he notice how much housework needs to be done? Why does he need to keep a grip on the remote control? And the most bewildering one of all -- why won't he just talk to me?

    The answers, says social philosopher and author Michael Gurian, lie not in laziness, sexism or sheer pigheadedness but in profound differences between the male and female brain -- and scientists now have the technology to prove it.

    "What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man's Mind Really Works," combines two decades of neurobiological research with anecdotes from everyday life and Gurian's experience as a family therapist to present a new vision of the male psyche.

    It's a vision that Gurian hopes will help promote a better understanding of men and reverse what he sees as the dangerous assumption born of the past 40 years of radical femininism that men have simply become redundant.

    "As a culture, we've made profound mistakes in the last few decades by assuming that men were unnecessary. Many people have even gone so far as to negate or dismiss what is at the core of a man," Gurian writes.

    Gurian, author of the 1996 groundbreaking book "The Wonder of Boys" and its follow-up "The Wonder of Girls," is no anti-feminist. He is married with two daughters, and his book mines the field of brain science to help improve relations between couples.

    Culture plays a part, but Gurian argues that biology matters much more than previously realised.

    "The science has been crucial. Wherever I go, I start by showing PET scans and people can see for themselves the differences between the male and female brain. I think that alters life and marriages," Gurian told Reuters.

    THE SCIENCE PART

    Such are the advances in technology and understanding that PET radioactive-imaging and MRI magnetic-imaging scans can now show whether a man and a woman are truly in love by measuring the amount of activity in the cingulate gyrus, an emotion centre in the brain, Gurian says.

    Like a guide through a secret forest, his book leads the nonscientist through the complex world of brain science and relates it to some of the most frustrating sources of conflict between men and women in long-term relationships.

    The male brain secretes less of the powerful primary bonding chemical oxytocin and less of the calming chemical serotonin than the female brain.

    So while women find emotional conversations a good way to chill out at the end of the day, the tired male brain needs to zone out all that touchy-feely chatter in order to relax -- which is why he wants the remote control to zap through "mindless" sport or action movies.

    His brain takes in less sensory detail than a woman's, so he doesn't see or even feel the dust and household mess in the same way. Anyhow, the male brain attaches less personal identity to the inside of a home and more to the workplace or the yard -- which is why he doesn't get worked up about housework.

    Male hormones such as testosterone and vasopressin set the male brain up to seek competitive, hierarchical groups in its constant quest to prove self-worth and identity. That is why men, paradoxically (from a hormonally altered new mother's point of view), become even more workaholic once they have kids, to whom they must also prove their worth.








    BACK TO NATURE

    Gurian says his book is aimed mainly at women. "Men get this already. They are living this brain but they don't have the conscious language to explain it. Women are not living it.

    "If they are relating to a man, I hope they will be touched, informed and entertained and will have a new vision of the way they can make their relationship work.

    "I beg people to go back to nature, look at the PET scans, look at the brain differences and see if it makes sense."

    If it does, the consequences are profound for a generation of "liberated" women brought up to believe it is men who have to change, and men who must respond to a female way of relating in order for marriage to succeed.

    Gurian says men can learn new skills and alter their behaviour but they will not be able to meet all of women's expectations.

    "Popular culture focuses so much on trying to get people closer. Most people believe that marriages break up because men and women are not close enough. But what I am learning about the brain leads to the idea of intimate separateness, in which the brain seeks less intimacy at times," Gurian said.

    "People want to love each other. If we can learn who we might be -- not what IS he thinking, but what COULD he be thinking -- then I am optimistic."
    And all my youth passed by sad-hearted,
    the joy of Spring was never mine;
    Autumn blows through me dread of parting,
    and my heart dreams and longs to die.

    - Nikolaus Lenau (1802-1850)

    Real misanthropes are not found in solitude, but in the world; since it is experience of life, and not philosophy, which produces real hatred of mankind.

    - Giacomo Leopardi (1798-1837)

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    Respecting and defending each other's privacy, huh, Phleg?

    We don't need to get closer - we need to respect each other and accept that no matter how much you love someone or how many years you've been together, each person is and always will be alone in his mind.

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    Senior Member Phlegethon's Avatar
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    "Mankind occurs as male or female, as something or nothing. Woman has no share in ontological reality, no relation to the thing-in-itself, which, in the deepest interpretation, is the absolute, is God. Man in his highest form, the genius, has such a relation, and for him the absolute is either the conception of the highest worth of existence, in which case he is a philosopher; or it is the wonderful fairyland of dreams, the kingdom of absolute beauty, and then he is an artist."

    Otto Weininger
    And all my youth passed by sad-hearted,
    the joy of Spring was never mine;
    Autumn blows through me dread of parting,
    and my heart dreams and longs to die.

    - Nikolaus Lenau (1802-1850)

    Real misanthropes are not found in solitude, but in the world; since it is experience of life, and not philosophy, which produces real hatred of mankind.

    - Giacomo Leopardi (1798-1837)

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    A man's women folk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity. His most gaudy sayings and doings seldom deceive them; they see the actual man within, and know him for a shallow and pathetic fellow. In this fact, perhaps, lies one of the best proofs of feminine intelligence, or, as the common phase makes it, feminine intuition.

    H.L. Mencken

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    Senior Member Phlegethon's Avatar
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    "The fixed stars signify the angel in man. That is why man orients himself by them; and that is why women have no appreciation for the starry sky; because they have no sense of the angel in man."


    Otto Weininger
    And all my youth passed by sad-hearted,
    the joy of Spring was never mine;
    Autumn blows through me dread of parting,
    and my heart dreams and longs to die.

    - Nikolaus Lenau (1802-1850)

    Real misanthropes are not found in solitude, but in the world; since it is experience of life, and not philosophy, which produces real hatred of mankind.

    - Giacomo Leopardi (1798-1837)

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    Senior Member Ominous Lord Spoonblade's Avatar
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    I like the starry sky.

    And Mencken quotes are always the best.
    I envision a world where people dawning long white robes and elaborate headdresses run rampant down the streets, waving their arms in the air while screaming "we've gone mad, we've gone mad", like defrocked monks breaking the silence of ages past.

    Spoonblade: Sharper than a knife and twice as deadly.

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    Senior Member Gladstone's Avatar
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    How could you Sig?

    Mencken is a traitor to his gender!! Away with him!!

    Now we just got to find a good quote from a feminine gender traitoress to even the score. This must not be left unavenged.




    Gladstone
    Turman found a copy of The Graduate, and thought highly enough of the story that he made a movie he considered to be 90-percent faithful to the book.

    But Turman and director Mike Nichols made one key adaptation, changing the Braddocks from WASP-y blonde characters into a dark-haired, more ethnic-looking family.

    From NPR's Present at the Creation

    http://www.npr.org/programs/morning/features/patc/graduate/

    http://www.norcalmovies.com/TheGraduate/tg11.jpg

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    Senior Member Ominous Lord Spoonblade's Avatar
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    Oh Mencken is far from being a traitor to his gender. he was not one of those pro-feminist men of his time that's for sure!

    If he was, his quotes wouldn't be so good
    I envision a world where people dawning long white robes and elaborate headdresses run rampant down the streets, waving their arms in the air while screaming "we've gone mad, we've gone mad", like defrocked monks breaking the silence of ages past.

    Spoonblade: Sharper than a knife and twice as deadly.

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    Senior Member Stríbog's Avatar
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    Mencken was a genius and a font of wisdom.
    In my opinion, he was one of the great Americans of all time.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Gladstone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stríbog
    Mencken was a genius and a font of wisdom.
    In my opinion, he was one of the great Americans of all time.
    Et tu Stribog?
    Turman found a copy of The Graduate, and thought highly enough of the story that he made a movie he considered to be 90-percent faithful to the book.

    But Turman and director Mike Nichols made one key adaptation, changing the Braddocks from WASP-y blonde characters into a dark-haired, more ethnic-looking family.

    From NPR's Present at the Creation

    http://www.npr.org/programs/morning/features/patc/graduate/

    http://www.norcalmovies.com/TheGraduate/tg11.jpg

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