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Thread: Sweden VS Canada

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    Sweden VS Canada

    Swedish Students are Blonder

    By: Sophie Shaw

    Swedish students have always been superior to Canadians. Now a researcher from Holdenville University has found out why and life at Townsend will be getting a little… blonder.

    Studies over the last 85 years have shown that, compared to Canada, Sweden has higher rates of literacy, physical fitness, social cohesion and disco-style pop bands per capita. They have also defeated Canada many times in international hockey tournaments.

    Until now, no-one has been able to conclusively determine why. That was until the late August meeting of Region 7 educators in Barilko, Ontario. After a mid-afternoon break of coffee and croissants, Holdenville University researcher Shawna Abu Mazen presented her study comparing students in Holdenville, Ontario with those in Stockholm, Sweden.

    Swedes - Blonde, Superior and Laughing at Us

    Abu Mazen's findings were startling. While the Swedish students had similar height, weight and cranium size, they were up to 85% blonder than their Holdenville counterparts. The researcher referred to the difference as the "Blondeness Quotient" (BQ).

    To reinforce her findings, Abu Mazen conducted follow up studies throughout Sweden and confirmed that there is a direct correlation between blondenss and Swedishness. She also unearthed these startling discoveries:

    The average 60 year old Swedish man is up to three times blonder than the average 30 year old Holdenvillen.
    Blondes traditionally have 4.62x (+/- 0.5%) more fun than brunettes
    Swedes are able to construct rooms full of low cost urban furniture using only a single Allen Key.
    In the face of this shocking research, parents across Holdenville demanded a response. "This is an absolute disgrace" said PTA Vice-Chancellor Suzanne Lennard "Like our poor parking and most other problems, our massive BQ deficit is the fault of one group - those misers at the Region 7 budget office. If Feldman and his cronies won't give us the funds we need for our blondenss initiatives, the Swedes will continue to dominate us in every way imaginable!"

    Townsend VP Horton Andujar was also shocked by the findings; "Well, the data speaks for itself", said the erudite VP. "Let me say to the parents of Townsend. The data has been seen, and the facts are conclusive, your school administration will respond."

    As promised, the response was swift. At a hastily assembled meeting between Townsend senior staff, PTA representatives, cafeteria snitches and one member of student council the school unveiled the Blonde Townsend Initiative (BTI), unanimously endorsed by all participants.

    The school has bought huge amounts of hair dye and announced it's intention to radically change the hair colour of the Townsend population. City council has also announced plans to encourage immigration of young blonde families to Holdenville. With these plans in place the goal of "Reasonable Blondeness Parity" with Stockholm by the year 2007 did not seem out of reach.

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    That's a great article! hahaha!

    Blondes traditionally have 4.62x (+/- 0.5%) more fun than brunettes


    Ya know, generally that may be true, but no one has more fun than me! Well, maybe the devil does :dwink
    I envision a world where people dawning long white robes and elaborate headdresses run rampant down the streets, waving their arms in the air while screaming "we've gone mad, we've gone mad", like defrocked monks breaking the silence of ages past.

    Spoonblade: Sharper than a knife and twice as deadly.

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