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Thread: Is Marriage Necessarily Important for a Couple to Bring Children Into This World?

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    Senior Member Ominous Lord Spoonblade's Avatar
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    Is Marriage Necessarily Important for a Couple to Bring Children Into This World?

    Is marriage necessarily important for a couple to bring children into this world? Or is this just an old fashioned notion? Maybe it is just better for legal purposes? Should a man or a woman decide to have children on their own without a significant other?

    Basically, is the two parent model automatically the best way to raise children? I dont believe that it is. I think that every child can be raised differently, and there really is no right or wrong way to raise a baby (there are extreme exceptions of course, such as abuse, etc.) For example, on one hand you could say that children need both a mother and a father, and you could believe that it is wrong for a woman or man to adopt a child on their own...but then what about children that grow up with a widowed parent, the other who died while the child was just a baby. Is it alright in that circumstance? Is that child going to grow up not as well adjusted as a child from a two parent home? Is it just a matter of a role-model from each gender, whether or not it is that childs parents?

    Also, what do you think of societies standards for when people are ready to get married/have a baby? 18 or 20 may be considered too young to get married and start a family, but shouldn't that be based on the individual? Is it really a matter of being too young, or is it just a matter of how long it takes people to become financially stable, start their career, and be materially ready to start a family in our society?
    I envision a world where people dawning long white robes and elaborate headdresses run rampant down the streets, waving their arms in the air while screaming "we've gone mad, we've gone mad", like defrocked monks breaking the silence of ages past.

    Spoonblade: Sharper than a knife and twice as deadly.

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    I do believe that marriage between a man and woman is necessary. Each child needs a male and female role model upon which to base his identity. He needs to see this adult relationship as a road map for his own social development and later adult relationships.

    If we take the perfect single parent and the perfect married couple and compare them side by side, the couple will win. Two parents can provide more attention, more care, more diversity of education and insight, and more material stability than a single parent.

    As I stated in another forum, babies make their first emotional & psychological attachments between age 6 months and one year. The primary caretaker during that period is usually Mom. Mom's abandonment of the child is usually devastating to the child. I'm not saying that a Father's exit is OK, but it appears that a Father's exit has less emotional impact. I'm not minimizing the importance of the Father, I'm just stating what evidence and research has shown.

    A healthy single-parent home is, of course, preferable to an abusive two-parent household, but if the child can have a healthy two-parent home, then that is best.

    Children in Foster Care would certainly benefit from a good single-parent home as opposed to being moved from Foster Home to Foster Home, but if I have the opportunity to place a child into an equally suitable two-parent home, I will.

    The most well-adjusted, happiest and most successful children I come across seem to have these points in common:
    • A two-parent home
    • Parents who present a united front (so the kids cannot play one parent off of the other)
    • Parents who demonstrate appropriate amounts of affection towards each other in front of the children and towards the children
    • Consistency of discipline
    • Breast-fed beyond four months
    • Very, very limited access to TV and other media
    • A pet for which the child has some responsibility
    • Contact with extended family
    • Family Ritual practices, such as church, annual summer camping vacations, annual spiritual or culture celebrations


    Yours,
    Sigrun

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    Senior Member cosmocreator's Avatar
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    Then what about one man with 7 wives. Each wife with their own children but all 8 in the family helping each other out. There are Mormons who live this way and personally I think it's a good system especially given how difficult it is today to raise children.

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    Post Re: Marriage/Children

    Originally posted by Vanessa
    Is marriage necessarily important for a couple to bring children into this world? Or is this just an old fashioned notion? Maybe it is just better for legal purposes? Should a man or a woman decide to have children on their own without a significant other?
    I don't know if marriage (in the religious and legal sense) is really that important, but certainly I believe that a child thrives best if raised in a loving home by his/her parents.

    Originally posted by Vanessa
    Basically, is the two parent model automatically the best way to raise children? I dont believe that it is. I think that every child can be raised differently, and there really is no right or wrong way to raise a baby (there are extreme exceptions of course, such as abuse, etc.) For example, on one hand you could say that children need both a mother and a father, and you could believe that it is wrong for a woman or man to adopt a child on their own...but then what about children that grow up with a widowed parent, the other who died while the child was just a baby. Is it alright in that circumstance? Is that child going to grow up not as well adjusted as a child from a two parent home?
    It's just as Sigrun said.
    My own father died when I was 5 years old, and I can tell you that it affected me deeply and in every way. There are certain 'archtypes' ingrained in the minds of each of us. 'Mother' and 'Father' are two of these. If something happens to either of our parents during our formative years, it can scar us on a very deep psychological and even spiritual level. It warps our perception and understanding of these important archtypes.
    There are people in this movement who have went through what I have went through. I can see it in their actions and behavior.

    Originally posted by Vanessa
    Also, what do you think of societies standards for when people are ready to get married/have a baby? 18 or 20 may be considered too young to get married and start a family, but shouldn't that be based on the individual? Is it really a matter of being too young, or is it just a matter of how long it takes people to become financially stable, start their career, and be materially ready to start a family in our society?
    Maturity plays a big factor as well. How many 18 year olds do you know who swear they have met the man or woman of their dreams?
    5 years from now you tell me how many have stuck with that man or woman.

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    Senior Member Ewergrin's Avatar
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    I do not believe that legal marriage is necessary at all. As long as both of the parents are available to the child or children then the base of what is needed is covered. I myself am divorced and I have 2 sons, ages 4 and 2. I am there for them whenever they need me and even when they dont. The relationship between their mother and I is good and in fact is better than when we were married.
    I do feel it is inappropriate for a single adult to decide to have a child without a significant other. It does not seem fair to the child.
    As Sigrun stated, it is important for both male and female counterparts to be present to help instill a basis for the child to develop an identity from.



    >>Breast-fed beyond four months

    Not sure how this is really a factor.

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    Senior Member Ominous Lord Spoonblade's Avatar
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    Post Re: Re: Marriage/Children

    Originally posted by Azdaja
    How many 18 year olds do you know who swear they have met the man or woman of their dreams?
    5 years from now you tell me how many have stuck with that man or woman.
    The same thing goes for someone of any age though. How many single 40 year-olds are there without the person of their dreams? Plus, over half of all marriages end in divorce anyway!



    I do not believe that legal marriage is necessary at all. As long as both of the parents are available to the child or children then the base of what is needed is covered. I myself am divorced and I have 2 sons, ages 4 and 2. I am there for them whenever they need me and even when they dont

    I agree, I don't think it is necessary to be married under the eyes of god or even the government( ) The way I see things, is that yes, it is important for children to have strong role-models of each gender, but I don't think that the two parent model is necessary at all. It just seems like some old christian tradition to me (though I'm not saying that I myself would never get married and have that "traditional" family).
    I envision a world where people dawning long white robes and elaborate headdresses run rampant down the streets, waving their arms in the air while screaming "we've gone mad, we've gone mad", like defrocked monks breaking the silence of ages past.

    Spoonblade: Sharper than a knife and twice as deadly.

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    Senior Member cosmocreator's Avatar
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    To me marriage means living together and having sexual relations.

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    Vanessa wrote: It just seems like some old christian tradition to me
    The two-parent model existed before Christianity was an issue with Europeans.

    -Sig

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    Senior Member Ominous Lord Spoonblade's Avatar
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    I am aware of that, but it seems like Christianity is what "kept it around".

    edit: Though I cant say that it wouldnt have stayed around without Christianity...
    I envision a world where people dawning long white robes and elaborate headdresses run rampant down the streets, waving their arms in the air while screaming "we've gone mad, we've gone mad", like defrocked monks breaking the silence of ages past.

    Spoonblade: Sharper than a knife and twice as deadly.

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    I think tried & true practices and principles are what "kept it around".

    -Sig

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