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Thread: Why Breakups Are Actually Tougher on Men

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    Why Breakups Are Actually Tougher on Men

    Quote Originally Posted by Chlodovech
    Women end 60-80% of ALL relationships, that's a very large part of the explanation. Obviously you're not going to care as much if you initiate the breakup, a few exceptions notwithstanding. Plus, men's love is more intense and less 'planned'. And women always have their social circle to fall back upon - some even have a plan B. Also, these articles don't mention family courts.

    Trivia: women in lesbian relationships break up at the same rate as those in heterosexual ones. So women also do it to each other.
    Source: PsychologyToday

    A range of studies shows that men are less steady on their own than women.

    We all know the stereotype: Men, bored by the constraints of monogamy and domesticity, heartlessly dump their girlfriends or leave their wives. While newly single men enjoy the freedoms of bachelordom, their exes sob into a pint of ice cream.

    But men crave relationships and marriage as much as women. What’s more, women may end more unions than men. Women initiate more divorces than men (Hewitt et al 2006; Kalmijn and Poortman 2006) and there is little gender difference in which spouse has an affair preceding a divorce (England, Allison, and Sayer 2014). In addition, on average, women may suffer less post-break-up. Marriage is strongly associated with overall happiness for both genders, in part because marriage is associated with financial well-being and better health (Stack 1998). But not only may marital happiness be higher for men than women (Corra 2009), the protective health effect of marriage is larger for men (Rendall et al 2011; Wu et al. 2003). Men may be happier in their marriages than women and men may have more to lose in a divorce or break-up in terms of health and happiness.

    Indeed, divorce is associated with worse physical and mental health more strongly for men than for women (Robards 2012). These negative health effects are not trivial, men are more likely than women to develop suicidality after a separation (Kolves 2010). Women may actually experience some health benefits from breaking up. For example, when stable heterosexual couples are asked to sleep apart (not sharing the same bed or sleeping space), women’s quality of sleep is improved whereas men’s quality of sleep is reduced (Dittami et al 2007).

    So why are break-ups harder on men?

    Much of the negative effect of divorce on health may be explained by changes in lifestyle—such as tobacco and alcohol use (Hemminki and Li 2003). Wives encourage husbands’ healthy behavior (Reczek and Umberson 2012); without this positive influence, divorced men may rapidly fall into old, unhealthy habits. In addition, men may be more emotionally dependent on their romantic partners and have fewer alternative sources of support. When asked who they would turn to first if they were feeling depressed, 71 percent of men selected their wives. whereas only 39 percent of women selected their husband (author’s calculations from the General Social Survey, 1972-2012). Married women may maintain a more diverse network of emotional support than married men, and this non-spousal support is important during a separation. That isn’t to say that men don’t have friends or family, but they may be less accustomed to seeking or receiving non-spousal emotional support. In fact, some researchers have even argued that men are neurochemically predisposed to find break-ups more difficult than women and to resist seeking help from friends (Young and Alexander 2012).

    Rebounding with someone new

    Divorced women are less likely than divorced men to remarry, but in the short term, it may be harder for men than women to rebound with a new partner. Online dating sites, for example, often have an excess of men. In addition, it is not clear how much of the gender gap in remarriage is due to opportunity (e.g., women may be less able to remarry) and how much is due to desire (women may be less keen to remarry). Many women, especially widows, but also divorced women with children, don’t want a second go at marriage (Lampard 1999; Davidson 2001). Previously married women often associate marriage with increased care obligations and reduced freedom whereas men may miss the material and emotional care they received from their spouse—on average, men may be more emotionally dependent on their spouses, which would make remarriage more desirable. Indeed, it is the men with low levels of social support from friends who are most desirous of remarriage (Carr 2004).

    Break-ups are hard for everyone

    This isn’t to say that break-ups aren’t also hard for women. They are. Both divorced men and women suffer poorer physical and emotional health. But the harmful effects may be stronger for men—and men may receive less support from friends or family, in part because men may be less likely to seek out this support. If you know a guy who has recently gone through a break-up, don’t assume that he’s taking it easily. Obviously, it is important to provide the same help and sympathy to women, but women may have an easier time seeking a confidant and asking for assistance.


    How Men Deal with Breakups, and Why They Get It Wrong

    Source: Elitesingles

    Whether you’re a man reeling from being unceremoniously crumpled up and lobbed into the trash can of love, or you’re a woman baffled at the behavior of an ex who you were convinced was sane, chances are you’ve happened upon this article in the middle of a frantic heartbreak-induced Googling session.

    While the internet is awash with break up advice for women, there’s very little information out there on how men deal with breakups. For the most part, it seems men are left to figure it out for themselves. Therefore, in an effort to aid all the sobbing ex-boyfriends of the world, let’s pull on our lab coats and have a rummage around inside the average male head!

    The Science of Men’s Behaviour after a Break Up

    In heterosexual relationships, the foremost study into the differences in how each gender deals with heartbreak comes from researchers at Binghamton University, who pried open the personal lives of 6,000 participants across 96 countries by asking them to rate the emotional pain of their last break up. On a scale where 0 was painless and 10 was unbearable, on average, women ranked emotional pain at 6.84, while men reported a slightly lower average of 6.58.

    The twist comes, however, when looking at the break up on a longer time scale. While women are hit harder initially, the study also found that they recover more fully, rising from the ashes of their old relationship like a phoenix
    (albeit one with a fresh hair cut, an updated profile picture and a new subscription to yoga classes). Conversely, when it comes to how men deal with breakups, the study found that guys never truly experience this type of recovery, instead simply carrying on with their lives.

    There are several reasons why women tend to sail into the sunset post break up while men wallow in their underwear for months on end. Several studies into men’s behavior after a break up have found that a married man is encouraged by his wife to partake in healthier behaviors, such as quitting smoking and reducing the amount of alcohol he consumes. Post relationship, a man is likely to slide (or nosedive) back into old bad habits, partly in an effort to ‘rediscover’ his old single self, and in part to numb the negative feelings that naturally arise in the wake of a split.

    Beyond giving his liver a good kicking, a newly single man will also suffer from the loss of his spiritual ‘home’ – his partner. Whereas women tend to have large, complex social support networks within which they can share their grief, men’s friendship networks are, on average, much smaller and less intimate. In a study that asked participants who they would turn to first if they were feeling depressed, 71% of men chose their wives, while only 39% of women chose their husbands as their go-to confidant.

    As the stereotype of masculinity in today’s society dictates that men be aggressive, self-reliant, and conservative emotionally, males are discouraged from opening up to one another from a young age, and naturally this has a dire effect on how men deal with breakups. Consequently, their partners soon take the role of listener-in-chief, the one on whom all the man’s worries, hopes and fears are heaped. When a woman leaves her partner, often she unknowingly takes his entire emotional support system along with her.

    (Actually Useful) Breakup Advice for Men

    As you may have surmized by now, the majority of research points towards men being generally dire when it comes to handling break ups. So, then, the million dollar question: what’s a lovelorn man to do? Fortunately for you, dear reader, the answer is right before your eyes. In short, do the opposite of everything detailed in the above paragraphs. But where to begin? After a lifetime of ingesting maladaptive coping strategies, is it possible to get back on track? (Don’t worry, it definitely is.)

    For many men, the first instinct in a break up is self destruction – to pirouette back into the past, filling free time with unhealthy habits and cheap alcohol to numb the pain. Hint: don’t do that. Alcohol is a depressant. Exercise, however, is the opposite – it increases blood flow to the brain, releases endorphins, and boosts production of serotonin, which is largely responsible for our day to day happiness.

    Instead of spending the sudden stack of empty hours you’ve acquired moping around in your sweats and scowling out at the world through cracks in drawn drapes, use your new free time to improve yourself, or get back into a hobby you’ve lost touch with. If you’re searching to reconnect with the old ‘you’, you’re much more likely to find the answer in your favorite pastimes than at the bottom of a glass.

    What to Do after a Breakup for Guys

    Next, it’s time to fill that girlfriend-shaped void in your support system. The answer here (although tempting) isn’t necessarily to rebound and cling to the next potential partner who throws a sympathetic smile your way. Instead, swallow all that silly masculine fear of appearing weak, and open up. Whether it’s a cathartic vent over a drink with friends, or a teary phone call to your parents, opening up is the first step towards making a full recovery.

    Your old support system was one person which, while a lovely enough notion, is impractical for functioning healthily – imagine trying to build a cathedral using only one pillar. A problem shared is a problem halved, so keep sharing, and eventually, though it may not be possible to imagine it in this moment, you’ll feel your old self again – and not just that, but you’ll be more well grounded and secure than ever before.

    If you’re still feeling glum, here’s one last nugget of advice from 19th century wordsmith Kahlil Gibran:

    “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”


    Men may never truly get over a relationship break-up, says study

    Researchers found that men suffer as the impact of the loss 'sinks in' and they have to start 'competing' all over again



    Women are emotionally hit hardest after a break-up – but men suffer more in the long term and may never truly get over it.

    That’s according to researchers who found that men suffer as the impact of the loss “sinks in” and they have to start "competing" all over again for a significant other.

    Craig Morris, research associate at Binghamton University, says the differences boil down to biology. Women have more to lose by dating the wrong person, and so are better at accepting a relationship is over and selecting a new partner.

    "Put simply, women have evolved to invest far more in a relationship than a man," Morris said. "A brief romantic encounter could lead to nine months of pregnancy […] while the man may have 'left the scene' literally minutes after the encounter.”

    As a result, the women among the 5,705 participants in the study – surveyed across 96 countries – reported higher levels of emotional investment and pain when a relationship came to an end than men did.

    However, that same need to choose a good “mate” also makes women very "selective" about who they date, so they are good at enlisting the support of their friends to pull through and choose someone else.

    But men are more “competitive” in their approach, meaning the loss of a woman they see as a good catch could be deeply felt for months or even years.

    "The man will likely feel the loss deeply and for a very long period of time as it sinks in that he must start competing all over again to replace what he has lost - or worse still, come to the realisation that the loss is irreplaceable," says Morris.

    And because women have more to loose by choosing the wrong partner, they are also more likely to pull the plug on a relationship – with 70% of divorces in the US filed by women.

    So when a break-up next occurs - as it will three times on average for US and UK adults, with at least one relationship counting as a significant loss - perhaps spare a thought for which party to side with.

    Source: Independent
    “Liberalism is the exoteric religion of the financial oligarchs, the high priests of Mammon who rule the West. Appealing to the vanity and self-regard of the profane, they manufacture consent by way of elections, propaganda and all manner of distractive spectacle. Manipulation of the popular consciousness, a black art honed to new levels of refinement over the last century, is now accomplished through electronic memes and quite literal programming in television, music and film. An inverted hierarchy will promote inverted values. Who among us today honors saints and warriors past as heroes worthy of our emulation? Under the usury bankster regime, we instead offer adoration to the savage and the harlot.” — Mark Hackard, from ‘Counterfeit Paradise'

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    It doesn't take a genius to figure this one out. Women have far more choices than men. You feel less sad about losing a Volkswagen if you also have a Porsche and a Ferrari to drive. On the other hand, imagine if a person worked for years or months to afford a Volkswagen, but it crashes on its own or is stolen through no fault of his own? That's what it looks like for a lot of men.


    Basically, it boils down to power and women, specially young women, having far more power by controlling a very limited resource.


    "Put simply, women have evolved to invest far more in a relationship than a man," Morris said.

    Quite the opposite, women don't need to invest much in relationships at all, as men have to do all the courting, rejection and generally put up a good effort to keep her interest and the relationship going.

    Then again, women could be shooting up men in droves and these liberal scumbags in the academic world would find a way to twist that into a virtue.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gegenschlag View Post
    It doesn't take a genius to figure this one out. Women have far more choices than men. You feel less sad about losing a Volkswagen if you also have a Porsche and a Ferrari to drive.
    Yes, theoretically, but women drive cars too nowadays. If they drive a BMW they're going to want a guy who drives a Rolls Royce. Women who make 100.000 dollar/year will want a guy who makes 200.000 dollar a year. The pool of high end car drivers is small. Some women will (begrudgingly?) settle for less, half or even most don't.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gegenschlag
    Then again, women could be shooting up men in droves and these liberal scumbags in the academic world would find a way to twist that into a virtue.
    Women: we are wired this way, we can't help ourselves
    Society: stunning and brave!!! Take our money!!
    Men: we are wired this way, sometimes we can't help ourselves
    Society: toxic! Sick! Deprive them of rights and liberty. Ruin their lives!
    “Liberalism is the exoteric religion of the financial oligarchs, the high priests of Mammon who rule the West. Appealing to the vanity and self-regard of the profane, they manufacture consent by way of elections, propaganda and all manner of distractive spectacle. Manipulation of the popular consciousness, a black art honed to new levels of refinement over the last century, is now accomplished through electronic memes and quite literal programming in television, music and film. An inverted hierarchy will promote inverted values. Who among us today honors saints and warriors past as heroes worthy of our emulation? Under the usury bankster regime, we instead offer adoration to the savage and the harlot.” — Mark Hackard, from ‘Counterfeit Paradise'

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chlodovech View Post
    Yes, theoretically, but women drive cars too nowadays. If they drive a BMW they're going to want a guy who drives a Rolls Royce. Women who make 100.000 dollar/year will want a guy who makes 200.000 dollar a year. The pool of high end car drivers is small. Some women will (begrudgingly?) settle for less, half or even most don't.
    Those are only whims, though. It would be similar to a guy saying "No, my female looksmatch is not enough. She has to look like my perfect waifu!!!" How many men have that requirement? Most men are happy to find any woman that is somewhat similar to them in looks. And that is also because the only women who ever approach you as a man are always below you in looks.

    Also, money is a stupid way of judging people. What is passed on in reproduction is genetic value, not money. Money is largely a measure of social success and compatibility. And in a sick society, social success goes hand in hand with moral corruption and compromise.

    Spoiled people can afford whims, but they should not be vindicated in their privilege.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gegenschlag View Post
    The only women who ever approach you as a man are always below you in looks.
    Really now, if there's one thing women are willing to compromise on its looks. Somewhat, at least - you can't be too short or have a weak jawline. And this despite lookism ( ) playing a bigger role for women than is usually assumed. In general women are pretty good at filtering mates regarding genes and money, but it's as hard for them to read a man as it is for us men to read a woman, that's where many fail. Or they have the wrong priorities themselves to begin with.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gegenschlag
    Spoiled people can afford whims, but they should not be vindicated in their privilege.
    Mweh, spoiled, sure, for other reasons. But you can't exactly blame women for doing what God - or mother nature if you want to - programmed them to prefer when it comes to mate selection. The only thing that we can fix is the gender dynamic; the context in which mate selection happens.
    “Liberalism is the exoteric religion of the financial oligarchs, the high priests of Mammon who rule the West. Appealing to the vanity and self-regard of the profane, they manufacture consent by way of elections, propaganda and all manner of distractive spectacle. Manipulation of the popular consciousness, a black art honed to new levels of refinement over the last century, is now accomplished through electronic memes and quite literal programming in television, music and film. An inverted hierarchy will promote inverted values. Who among us today honors saints and warriors past as heroes worthy of our emulation? Under the usury bankster regime, we instead offer adoration to the savage and the harlot.” — Mark Hackard, from ‘Counterfeit Paradise'

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    Really now, if there's one thing women are willing to compromise on its looks. Somewhat, at least - you can't be too short or have a weak jawline.
    I always found it interesting that the women who approach me are never what I consider good looking/relationship material.

    Funny how money, status, etc and all these other things women supposedly value so much suddenly become irrelevant when you have clearly better genetics than they.

    So, for example, when I lived in Sweden it was the middle eastern and chinese girls who approached me. I don't recall a native or even a European woman ever taking any clear action, unless she was ugly or handicapped, except for some Italian girls.

    But there is always a surplus of men. The real problem are the women of good genetics that marry uglier men for the money/status. They create an imbalance that is impossible to solve. I am talking about trash like Stone, Claudia Schiffer, Elina Svitolina, Brigitte Nielsen etc. This is truly the scum of the Earth.

    And this despite lookism ( ) playing a bigger role for women than is usually assumed. In general women are pretty good at filtering mates regarding genes and money, but it's as hard for them to read a man as it is for us men to read a woman, that's where many fail. Or they have the wrong priorities themselves to begin with.
    If they are so good, why is the world so screwed up? Maybe because they have been making all the wrong choices because they lack the capacity to properly judge people. Their understanding of the world (to the extent that they have any) comes form their friends, magazines, movies, education and other sources of liberal propaganda.


    Mweh, spoiled, sure, for other reasons. But you can't exactly blame women for doing what God - or mother nature if you want to - programmed them to prefer when it comes to mate selection. The only thing that we can fix is the gender dynamic; the context within in which selection happens.
    There is no way of knowing what exactly they are wired to do. They simply seem to go for what they interpret to be above them, in their primitive and erroneous little minds. There shouldn't be a multiracial society, but to the extent to which it exists, racial laws must be put in place to restrict females from marrying foreign men.

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    I understand the the topic of this thread all too well. The mother of my children and wife of 16 yrs initiated divorce proceedings. Devastated me, and for no real valid causes but her own selfishness.
    "Almost every name belongs to well-known families of English stock....these soldiers were of ancient American lineage"- Prof. N.S. Shaler on the 1st Kentucky "Orphan" Brigade, Confederate States Army

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    Quote Originally Posted by KYAnglo View Post
    I understand the the topic of this thread all too well. The mother of my children and wife of 16 yrs initiated divorce proceedings. Devastated me, and for no real valid causes but her own selfishness.
    Sorry to hear that. You are not alone.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6f3vwJCVmkc

    At least you were able to father children. To be honest, if I already had children, I wouldn't even bother with women. And what a relief that would be.

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    Quote Originally Posted by KYAnglo View Post
    I understand the the topic of this thread all too well. The mother of my children and wife of 16 yrs initiated divorce proceedings. Devastated me, and for no real valid causes but her own selfishness.
    Stories like these are the reason I will never marry. Children? Gladly. Marriage? No.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gegenschlag View Post
    Sorry to hear that. You are not alone.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6f3vwJCVmkc

    At least you were able to father children. To be honest, if I already had children, I wouldn't even bother with women. And what a relief that would be.
    I made many mistakes in earlier years, but gave it my very best in commitment to my vows to her overall, which I lived as sacred and binding. She did not. She bought big time in later years into the conditional "what makes me happy", solely personal feelings-based, vows and commitment be damned, finally. Pure blindness to her own faults and disfunction that caused such problems, refusal to do what she needed to do with herself to improve things, no matter how very hard I tried for my part
    In a word, pure self-entitlement, selfishness, and probably female "mid-life crisis" in the rotten mix.
    All about what made her "happy' and "free", and like so many, didn't give a damn how badly it harmed me or the children, that she became a faithless oath-breaker. There was nothing like physical abuse, adultery, etc committed by me in over 16 years of my marriage. I literally kept my vows sworn to her until the end.
    The lies girls are fed now about so-called feminine "empowerment" and self-gratification are pure poison, I'm a sad existing testament to.
    I consider it very unlikely I'll ever remarry.
    One doesn't "get over" being so completely and finally betrayed by someone who was the only true love of one's life.
    "Almost every name belongs to well-known families of English stock....these soldiers were of ancient American lineage"- Prof. N.S. Shaler on the 1st Kentucky "Orphan" Brigade, Confederate States Army

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