View Poll Results: Would you marry/start a serious relationship with smb before you established sexual compatibility?

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  • Yes (I am male).

    2 22.22%
  • Yes (I am female).

    5 55.56%
  • No (I am male).

    1 11.11%
  • No (I am female).

    1 11.11%
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Thread: Sexual Compatibility

  1. #1
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    Sexual Compatibility

    There's a few threads here on pre-marital sex, virginity and sexual morality but none of them addresses this specific question. How important is sexual compatibility in your relationships? Would you see yourself marrying or getting in a serious, long-term relationship with someone before you had any sexual contact with them? What about if you're still dating? At what point do you think is it appropriate to begin intimate/sexual activity with your date or love interest?

    I added a poll divided by gender, please vote accordingly.

    By sexual compatibility is meant the degree to which you and a partner are on the same page in the bedroom, This includes values, beliefs, desires, sex drive, preferences, and expectations around sex.

  2. #2
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    One should probably figure out if they have a compatible sex drive before any serious commitments are entered, as I don't know if that's something one could really change about each other. But as for sexual preferences and desires, I don't see it as a major issue. If two people love each other, their primary concern should be to satisfy the other party, which then molds their sex life to fit both of them. It would be hard to encounter any issues with sexual incompatibility in such a situation.

    Also, I don't think it's a good idea, nor a sign of high morals, to enter a sexual relationship with someone you're not committed to long term. Ask yourself if your future spouse would have liked if you jumped into bed with plenty of other people prior to meeting her/him. If the answer is no, I think it borders to infidelity.

    Exactly when it's okay to start having sex, has no straight answer. But I would say if you wouldn't mind having an "accidental" child together is a good point of measure.
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  3. #3
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    I voted no but meant to vote yes. This "sexual compatibility" seems like a modern issue (influenced by erotic/cosmopolitan sex culture) and therefore probably not a valid one. It shouldn't influence a person's decision to be in a relationship.

  4. #4
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    "Sexual compatibility" is only important to me in the sense that my husband must be able to conceive children. If there are any impotence or infertility issues, it's something I need to know about before tying the knot. Of course it's not necessary to have sex with someone to find out whether they're fertile. If you trust them, their word is enough - and if you want to marry them, they better be trustworthy - or if they're not sure, they can take a medical exam and find out.

    I don't think there's a specific cutoff point in a relationship where people should have sex, but the criteria I think should be if you don't mind having children with this person (and obviously, raising them together). If you don't want children with that person or don't feel ready for children in general, then you shouldn't have sex with them. And if you know they want marriage and children, don't waste their time with casual relationships.

    To make sexual gratification the primary reason behind the relationship is degenerate, modern bullsh*t. Within a marriage, if there is both love and physical attraction, there shouldn't be any "sexual problems"

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    Yes, I would have a serious relationship with someone before sharing my bed with them. In fact, that's the right way to do it in my view. Intimacy doesn't start and end with sexuality and sexuality in my view should be something that takes place in the relationship at a later stage, as peoples gain some history, experience and especially trust with each other.

    Although neither of us were virgins when we went to the altar, my husband and I decided to abstain from sexual relations until after we were married. This is because of religious reasons - we are both Christians - and because we didn't want to conceive any child before the wedlock. We didn't regret this decision, as we were already physically attracted to each other and loved each other and the wait was worth it. Where there is love, there shouldn't be any problems of sexual nature, I think. If you love your partner, then you care about making them feel loved and wanted, if your partner loves you, then your satisfaction is also important to them.

    There are very few cases I can imagine where there is "sexual incompatibility", for example if one of the partners is into unconventional or deviant sexual practices and the other isn't accepting of it, but usually this type of thing is obvious from the individual's ideology and personal style.

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    Yes, I would. I don't believe in abstaining from sex before marriage, however I frown at casual sex. I wouldn't have sex with someone I wasn't serious about. And to know whether I'm serious about them, I'd need to get to know them well first. Being "good in bed" is not at the top of the most important things in a relationship, IMO. Since you're not going to be having sex all the time, but spend time with each other and walk through life, there are more important things. And being "sexually compatible" is something that can easily be worked on. What doesn't come from instinct and nature you can learn and work on, I guess. If you're attracted to someone, their presence and touch is already enough to make you happy. I suspect that concepts like "sexual incompatibility" are just pretexts, anyway.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gefjon View Post
    There's a few threads here on pre-marital sex, virginity and sexual morality but none of them addresses this specific question. How important is sexual compatibility in your relationships? Would you see yourself marrying or getting in a serious, long-term relationship with someone before you had any sexual contact with them? What about if you're still dating? At what point do you think is it appropriate to begin intimate/sexual activity with your date or love interest?

    I added a poll divided by gender, please vote accordingly.

    By sexual compatibility is meant the degree to which you and a partner are on the same page in the bedroom, This includes values, beliefs, desires, sex drive, preferences, and expectations around sex.
    Being able to reproduce is enough. My wife and I were betrothed before we did anything. Yes, we hadn't gotten registration taken care of yet. Many throughout history have their wedding with a pregnant bride and there's been nothing illegitimate about such children.

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