View Poll Results: Pick all options that apply:

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  • Financial problems

    1 12.50%
  • Lack of attention from your partner (feeling ignored)

    2 25.00%
  • Lack of communication

    4 50.00%
  • Lack of interest/commitment to the relationship (either from your or your partner's side)

    6 75.00%
  • Frequent arguments

    3 37.50%
  • Jealousy

    0 0%
  • Physical changes (such as weight gain)

    2 25.00%
  • Ideological changes/differences

    6 75.00%
  • Health problems (illness)

    1 12.50%
  • Lack of intimacy/sex

    4 50.00%
  • Lack of equality

    0 0%
  • Addiction (alcohol, drugs, pornography, video games)

    7 87.50%
  • Domestic abuse (physical or emotional)

    6 75.00%
  • Infidelity or extramarital affairs

    7 87.50%
  • Infertility

    2 25.00%
  • Finding a new/better/more suitable partner

    1 12.50%
  • Other (specify)

    1 12.50%
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Thread: What Would Make You End Your Relationship?

  1. #1
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    What Would Make You End Your Relationship?

    Somewhat inspired by the marriage thread.

    According to statistics, the most common reasons for divorces are:

    • Financial problems
    • Lack of attention from your partner (feeling ignored)
    • Lack of communication
    • Lack of interest/commitment to the relationship (either from your or your partner's side)
    • Frequent arguments
    • Jealousy
    • Physical changes (such as weight gain)
    • Ideological changes/differences
    • Health problems (illness)
    • Lack of intimacy/sex
    • Lack of equality
    • Addiction (alcohol, drugs, pornography, video games)
    • Domestic abuse (physical or emotional)
    • Infidelity or extramarital affairs
    • Infertility
    • Finding a new/better/more suitable partner


    Hypothetically speaking, which of these would be unacceptable enough for you that you would want out of your relationship or marriage? The poll is multiple choice so pick all that apply.

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  3. #2
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    Thank you for this. Interesting pole. I will answer for this bit later.

    Some of those are still quite ''theoretical'' a'la: People should not have gotten married at all (at first places) ... but I guess the idea here is to value all those so that all of them were just fine/ok at the time couple got married ... even as that feels bit unlikely (reality)?

    I also assume now that the couple has discussed about those matters and they still are there (have not disappeared and will not disappear). That is how the thread is purposed, or?

  4. #3
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    I think that as long as there's genuine love, benevolence and commitment between the couple, I don't see many reasons to end a relationship.

    I didn't vote for 'physical changes (weight gain)', but in extreme circumstances, where it would ruin my physical attraction for a partner, I might consider it. Depending on it being a self-induced state of affairs and not induced by some illness.

    I'd also contemplate leaving a partner if there was no chance she could conceive. Might be harsh, but just as I feel a responsibility of staying committed to a partner, I also have a responsibility to carry on the genes of my forebears. I can't say for sure, as I've never been in such a situation, but it would be a very difficult choice to make.
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  5. #4
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    I picked:

    Lack of interest/commitment to the relationship (either from your or your partner's side)
    Ideological changes/differences
    Addiction (alcohol, drugs, pornography, video games)
    Domestic abuse (physical or emotional)
    Infidelity or extramarital affairs

    Most other matters, such as financial difficulties or illness I would rather try to work on. However, if my partner lacks an interest in the relationship, I cannot and and do not wish to force him to take any. Ideological differences if they were too strong. I would not accept infidelity, addictions or abuse.

  6. #5
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    I think most of the points could be good reasons for ending a relationship but not a marriage. If you discover major problems in a relationship that you don't think you can solve, you probably shouldn't marry or even be in a relationship. You are also supposed to figure out which flaws your partner has and take that into account before marrying. When you marry on the other hand, you should be aware of your partners flaws and imperfections and it shouldn't come as a surprise that you might have to work with these issues and some things you might just have to live with.

    However, I think there are a few acceptable reasons for divorce, on this list I would say those are domestic abuse, infidelity, infertility and in some cases addiction.

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  8. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vittra View Post
    If you discover major problems in a relationship that you don't think you can solve, you probably shouldn't marry or even be in a relationship. You are also supposed to figure out which flaws your partner has and take that into account before marrying. When you marry on the other hand, you should be aware of your partners flaws and imperfections and it shouldn't come as a surprise that you might have to work with these issues and some things you might just have to live with.
    Those are good points. If you don't mind ... I would like to ask bit more about those matters? First adding some other issues.

    In Finland (and probably also here in Sweden, in Norway etc.) the age when people will get marry rises little by little all the time. Some faces this as a problem (as the age of getting first child rises as well). I agree all those what you wrote above ... but how to fit those to this matter? People should be ''picky'' ... rightfully. But what is being ''too picky'', ''not enough picky'' or ''fine''? And how one will/can know those? Even earlier/quicker than today?

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  10. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Finnish Swede
    In Finland (and probably also here in Sweden, in Norway etc.) the age then people will get marry rises little by little all the time. Some faces this as a problem (as the age of getting first child rises as well). I agree all those what you wrote above ... but how to fit those to this matter? People should be ''picky'' ... rightfully. But what is being ''too picky'', ''not enough picky'' or ''fine''? And how one will/can know those? Even earlier/quicker than today?
    I can't really say how you know what is good enough since that depends on who you are and what you are searching for. If you are unable to find anyone who meets your standards, you might have to lower them.

    I think one major problem today is that a lot of people don't get to know each other very well even though they have been dating for a long period of time. If you just do nice things together, like going out for drinks, having dinners and watching movies, you probably wont have that many conflicts. I think you should try to do more challenging things once in a while to test if you are able to cooperate and how well you do when stressed or tired. It is also important to discuss your goals and dreams in life early on, so you don't have incompatible goals. For example, if you want a big family, you shouldn't stay with someone who doesn't want to have children in the near future. And if you dream of a quiet life on the country side, it's probably a bad idea to settle with someone who thrives in big cities. Discuss your values, morals and opinions on various subjects. And observing how a person acts and behaves in different situations is often a better way to get a picture of their character than asking.

    Another good thing to do early is meeting each others family and friends because when you marry, you are not only marrying each other, you are also marrying into each other's families and circles of friends. These people will be able to give you valuable information about what might be your future spouse, both directly and indirectly. Major problems within the family are red flags that need to be discussed and taken into consideration. If your parents are divorced, you don't want to repeat their mistakes and if your date has mental health problems running in the family, you would probably want to know about that risk. It is also good to get a second opinion from those that are close to you if they think your date is suitable for you or not.

    A common mistake is getting intimate too fast. You should get to know each other well first and figure out whether you are a good match, because as soon as you get intimate with each other, your brain will be soaked in chemicals making you bond and unable to think in a rational way about the other person (i.e. you fall in love) and you risk wasting time on someone you're not really compatible with in the long run.

    I believe it is possible to get to know each other fairly well in a short period of time if you are determined to do so and if people did this, they wouldn't have to waste so much time to find a suitable partner.

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  12. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vittra View Post
    I believe it is possible to get to know each other fairly well in a short period of time if you are determined to do so and if people did this, they wouldn't have to waste so much time to find a suitable partner.
    Yes, to an extent - but let me black pill you: you don't truly know each other until that very first fight or challenge you have to overcome together. In times of conflict you get to know each other for real. If a couple fails that test it will turn out that they were in love with an idea of someone, not the true person but a fiction. It may take a year or even a few years before the first challenge shows up, but things can unravel very quickly then.
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  14. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nachtengel View Post
    Hypothetically speaking, which of these would be unacceptable enough for you that you would want out of your relationship or marriage?
    Out of dating relationship? Any of those, hypothetically. Dating is a discernment process, and part of the purpose is to determine if there are things that preclude marriage to that person. Dealbreakers are highly personal. If you discern behaviours, attitudes, values and beliefs that are incompatible with your own and subsequently decide the person isn't for you, then dating has worked. If someone isn't a good fit for marriage, there is no purpose to be saddled with an unsuitable person out of a false sense of responsibility.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vittra View Post
    However, I think there are a few acceptable reasons for divorce, on this list I would say those are domestic abuse, infidelity, infertility and in some cases addiction.
    Personally, I think it's justifiable to cease common living in those instances. For me, the case of infertility would be a little trickier, though. If someone knew he was infertile and hid this fact from me, that would certainly constitute fraud, or error about a person.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vittra View Post
    A common mistake is getting intimate too fast. You should get to know each other well first and figure out whether you are a good match, because as soon as you get intimate with each other, your brain will be soaked in chemicals making you bond and unable to think in a rational way about the other person (i.e. you fall in love) and you risk wasting time on someone you're not really compatible with in the long run.
    Absolutely agree. Premature intimacy, in my opinion, can obscure and play down real points of incompatibility.
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  15. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chlodovech View Post
    Yes, to an extent - but let me black pill you: you don't truly know each other until that very first fight or challenge you have to overcome together. In times of conflict you get to know each other for real. If a couple fails that test it will turn out that they were in love with an idea of someone, not the true person but a fiction. It may take a year or even a few years before the first challenge shows up, but things can unravel very quickly then.
    I agree and that's why I wrote that you should try to do more challenging things together. Might be hard to put yourself in a situation where real conflicts will occur though, even if you try, but I still think you can get to know each other better by going on more demanding activities together, like travelling with a packed schedule or spending a week in the woods in bad weather. You will never know when you know a person well enough, you will have to take a risk by committing to them. When you have a kid that keeps you awake most of your nights, you will know if you made a good choice.

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