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Thread: When Men Remarry, They Go Way Younger. Women Pick Someone Older.

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    Sees all, knows all Chlodovech's Avatar
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    When Men Remarry, They Go Way Younger. Women Pick Someone Older.





    When people first marry, they tend to pick someone pretty close to their age. When they try marriage again, however, the gap tends to get way wider, according to data from the Pew Research Center. And that gap is different depending on which gender you're looking at: when people remarry (in different-sex couples, that is), the wives get younger and the husbands get older.

    The data, which doesn't include same-sex couples, shows that men and women alike tend to stray further outside their own age bracket for remarriages than for first marriages. However, men are way more likely to go for younger women the second (or third, or fourth) time around.

    15 percent of men marry someone six or more years younger than them for their first marriages, but that's only true of 3 percent of women. For second marriages, men are much more likely to go younger: 38 percent of men choose a significantly younger woman, compared to 11 percent of women.

    Women, meanwhile, get far more likely to seek out someone older when they decide to remarry. 27 percent of women go much older the second (or third) time around, compared to 6 percent of men.

    This isn't a small population we're looking at here, either; according to Pew, in 40 percent of marriages today, one or both partners had been married before. But the desire to remarry is also unequal across genders. When Pew asked divorced and widowed people if they would like to remarry, only 30 percent of men said no, compared to 54 percent of women.

    Source: Vox.com
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    #1 reason why I don't want to end up divorced.

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    I guess my circle of friends is rather atypical. Most of my friends chose older partners, not younger ones or close to their age. Females, for example, chose much older males thinking they were more mature. And after years of relationship, and even after more relationships like that, many of my female friends came to the conclusion that much older men being more mature is just a myth, men are still children regardless of age. So they said that now they look for younger partners, closer to their age.

    Personally I also think men are children regardless of age. I was discussing about this with a more experienced woman, much older than me too, and she said that from what she noticed, men only become mature when they become fathers. But this doesn't happen all the time though, there are cases and cases. Maybe older men who are fathers are more mature, but older men who aren't are still children, most of the time.

    It's funny to be with someone who is two times older than you... and realize he's still a child.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vlfr View Post
    Personally I also think men are children regardless of age. I was discussing about this with a more experienced woman, much older than me too, and she said that from what she noticed, men only become mature when they become fathers.
    What you incl. on that immature/childish behavior?

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    It's somewhat normal. If you're going to have to restart your life, you have to focus on what's important. As a man, if you've already been married and hasn't worked out, you're not going to get any younger. Especially if you still want to have children, you'll need a younger wife. As a woman, if you already have children or you want to have them in future, you'll need a man to help provide for that. An older man is more likely to be established and want the same things that you do.

    However, I'm not a fan of divorces except for very few extreme cases. Since the combination younger woman - older man works, people should try it from the beginning. It's the traditional way, has been working for centuries. It allows for the woman to be a mother, housewife and caregiver and the man the protector, provider and head of the family. If people stuck to these simple, natural principles from the beginning, maybe there wouldn't be as many divorces.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Brin View Post
    Since the combination younger woman - older man works, people should try it from the beginning. It's the traditional way, has been working for centuries. It allows for the woman to be a mother, housewife and caregiver and the man the protector, provider and head of the family. If people stuck to these simple, natural principles from the beginning, maybe there wouldn't be as many divorces.
    The traditional way for whom? That's not the Western European marriage pattern - older at first marriage, small age gaps, etc. For example, my people for the past four centuries (and two continents) have had an average age gap of 5 years or less.

    Not to mention the dysgenic quality of a much-older father.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coillearnach View Post
    Not to mention the dysgenic quality of a much-older father.
    How is it dysgenic?
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    Quote Originally Posted by oreiar View Post
    How is it dysgenic?
    Like eggs deteriorate, so does sperm quality unfortunately. A significant part of the problem is an increased rate of de novo mutations which contribute to new dominant genetic disorders, a 45 year old man is creating these at 4-5 times the rate of a man in his early twenties.

    There is a significant risk of:

    mental disorders (autism and schizophrenia in particular) - it actually gets quite high, it was a 1 in 4 chance with a wife of 11+ years younger, and it rose to basically a coin flip if the man was 50 years old and wife was 11+ years younger
    spontaneous abortions and still birth
    childhood leukemia in particular (I think it was 50% higher risk for men over 35)
    lower intelligence (for men older than 45)
    reduced fertility in offspring

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coillearnach View Post
    The traditional way for whom? That's not the Western European marriage pattern - older at first marriage, small age gaps, etc. For example, my people for the past four centuries (and two continents) have had an average age gap of 5 years or less.
    I think you're absolutely correct. Large age gaps between spouses were never the norm in northwestern Europe, except in the nobility, and marriages were more companionate in nature. Even after the Black Death, the age at first marriage was relatively late (estimated to be 23 for women and 26 for men). In contrast, larger age differences between couples in southern Europe (Italy, for instance) were more common, because men there weren't expected to marry until they completed an apprenticeship and training. In addition, the male as primary breadwinner, for the most part, is a product of the Industrial Revolution.
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