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Thread: How Do You Feel About Ageing?

  1. #151
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leliana View Post
    I agree with all of that, Huginn, but having children isn't a decision you make all alone like going out for a night. You need a partner who's loyal, who's 'father material' and who shares at least most of your ideals and virtues. And not only in a political way btw. Starting a common household in our times is difficult, the struggle begins with renting or buying an appartment or house. The property- & housing market is overrun. The most difficult task is to find a soulmate partner and to build up mutual trust of the highest form, because only then the fundament of the relationship is strong enough to endure the most vile storms.
    I totally agree with this!


    Quote Originally Posted by Leliana View Post
    I don't support that 'live sections fellow' thinking. I'm not starting something to think about its end. There shall not be an end but death.
    What do you mean here, Leliana?


    Quote Originally Posted by LillyCaterina View Post
    The worst thing you could do is anxiously put the cart before the horse, so-to-speak. If you really desire to have children, you will naturally need to meet and marry the right man first.
    I agree with this too! I knew some women who wanted so much to have children, that it didn't matter with whom and in which conditions (some would even go to sperm banks)... But seriously, acting like this... I think it's not such a good idea... Those children would ideally need a father too, and a proper family... But unfortunately not everyone thinks this way, and then drama happens for both the parent taking care of the child and the child itself... Not so happy childhood I suppose...

    I recently met a woman who has an adopted child... It's difficult to be a single mother and, also, she admitted that the child needs a father too... But still, between the child being abandoned by his natural parents and growing in an orphanage, and growing with a single mom... I guess it was much better for him to have been adopted.

    I might consider adoption too, but I will think well about it. However, usually the laws make it difficult to adopt children, and you also need to assure those children you adopt high living conditions... Taking care of children, no matter if they are yours or adopted, is a lifetime responsibility, it's not something to play with...


    Quote Originally Posted by LillyCaterina View Post
    I eventually met the right man. But I still can't produce healthy children. This doesn't mean my life is meaningless.
    Well, things like these were already discussed in other threads, but no problem to repeat them when needed, I guess.

    Yes, I agree that someone's life is not meaningless if they don't have children. Not everyone is supposed to be a parent, that's it, we have to accept it.

    I know especially childless women approaching their menopause who were worried about not having children... But the older you get, even though biologically you're still able to have children, the more difficult it will be to have children, generally. There might be exceptions too, of course, but from the women I know... They had very difficult pregnancies in their early 40's, very difficult births, and also extremely difficult postpartum periods... However, these can happen to younger women too, but the older you are to have children, the more difficult it is...

    Personally, I don't care anymore about having children. Meeting the right man? Seems like an impossible mission to me... I'm not even looking for it anymore... Life is too short to have regrets... Life goes on, that's it... And being single is not that bad either... Indeed, my parents and grandma will eventually die at some point and I will no longer have close relatives, but that's it... It could have been worse... I'm glad I had and still have a wonderful family (parents, grandparents and great grandparents). Some people weren't as lucky as me. Besides family, there are friends too, and thanks the Gods, I have friends for whom I am important and we are important for each other. Of course, things could change over years... But even when you have children and grandchildren... it's not a guarantee you'll not end up dying alone. Some children leave their parents... so having children is not a guarantee for anything. Life is full of surprises, more or less pleasant... Some people also die younger...

    So... I am very grateful for what I already had and still have. I am happy with this. I was and still am a lucky person, one could say...

    Time is a terrible force... when we lose our time, it's gone forever.

    Maybe all we should care about is the spiritual world... of course, for those who aren't atheists. Even when you have children, you will still die and leave this world... and what matters most is what's going to happen with you after leaving this physical realm we're in now. The life after we leave this world... We should prepare for that, first of all... Having or not having children, this is less important in the big picture...

    Yes, if you meet the right man or woman to have a traditional family with, then why not? But our main purpose in this life should be to be prepared for what's going to happen after we die... This is an important thing in all great religions, not only in Christianity... How one prepares for death and what's beyond it, there are many ways, depending on one's own religion or spiritual beliefs. But in my opinion this is the most important thing when it comes about ageing. To be prepared to die properly... We never know when this moment will come... Some die unexpectedly young, so it can happen anytime... Better to leave this world properly, and I am not referring only to what we leave behind, but also to what we can actually take with us when we leave...
    Die Farben duften frisch und grn... Lieblich haucht der Wind um mich.

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  3. #152
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leliana View Post
    I agree with all of that, Huginn, but having children isn't a decision you make all alone like going out for a night. You need a partner who's loyal, who's 'father material' and who shares at least most of your ideals and virtues. And not only in a political way btw. Starting a common household in our times is difficult, the struggle begins with renting or buying an appartment or house. The property- & housing market is overrun. The most difficult task is to find a soulmate partner and to build up mutual trust of the highest form, because only then the fundament of the relationship is strong enough to endure the most vile storms. I don't support that 'live sections fellow' thinking. I'm not starting something to think about its end. There shall not be an end but death.

    Tbh, I'm a bit of a burned child when it comes to my former relationships and a certain event. But in hindsight, none of my exes was truly father material. Sure, we all make mistakes and I'm no exception but everything has causes and following reactions.
    As someone who is a single mother in her 40s, having a child with the wrong person can totally change your life, not to mention your child's life, who will be the most affected by this decision. It's easy to demand and expect women to have children, but it's not as simple as finding some guy to get you pregnant. And if it fails the woman is always blamed, even when it was the "father" who became irresponsible and got scared of the concept of family. As a single mother it will be double as hard to find a partner, your child will be seen as unwanted baggage and you cannot only think about yourself, from now on your child must come first so if you want to find a partner as a single mother you can't base it on love or attraction alone but on what's best for your child. A lot of men nowadays aren't suitable father material. Unless you want to be a single mother, then all that matters is whether the father is good genetic material.

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  5. #153
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aeternitas View Post
    Indeed a lot of women my age say it's hard to find a good husband candidate, let alone someone who's willing to commit to the prospect of a serious, long-term relationship. Due to the effects of hormones and their biological clocks, women this age who are still single may start to panic; they know there's only a small window left where they can still conceive naturally and give birth to relatively healthy offspring, so they know they need to take advantage before it's too late. This emergency mode can scare away men, particularly those who are already afraid of commitment for other reasons (such as financial). Put the prospect of children on the table to boot and they might feel cornered like a breeding stallion and run away while they can. Some men actually see unmarried 30+ y.o. women as red flags, and prefer an either younger or older demographic (which means no pressure and deadlines). So being a woman in your 30s who desires marriage and/or children can be a stressful position. You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.
    Single 30 year old women are often the product of feminist ideology, which brainwashes them that:

    - they have to be independent and powerful, finish their studies and careers before settling down
    - they should "live their lives while they can" and enjoy sleeping around as much as they can before they marry (make sure they "don't miss out on things" )
    - motherhood is oppressive and not truly a career, or being a stay at home mother with many children is being a burden on husband and society because you don't "contribute" (in a greedy capitalist sense)
    - they should find a man their equal, who is educated, has degrees, titles, just like her
    - other nonsense like having too many children is damaging to the climate

    So a lot of women when they are in their 20s they reject men because they're not "good" or educated or "powerful" enough or their wallet isn't fat. They hold them to unrealistic standards and they also slut around because they think there's still plenty of time and they're not ready to be parents. This continues until they're in their 30s and in the meantime all those men they rejected became more settled and educated and powerful. But those men no longer want the same woman, especially the ones who want families, they don't want a feminist who competes with them. They want younger women who act as magnifiers for themselves, women who make them feel successful, loved, respectable and focus on them and their families not selfish. Feminists want to have the cake and eat it. Sleep around, have careers and put men on hold while they do it, then have them waiting in line when they finally decide to marry and be serious. But they're not going to wait around. The longer a woman waits to marry and have children, the less likely it will happen.

    So yes, often if a woman is 30 and unmarried, there is a red flag somewhere. Either she's a feminist who did all of the above, or she has some character issues which prevent men from staying around. If a woman really wants to get married, she'll find a partner eventually.

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    Brin: So yes, often if a woman is 30 and unmarried, there is a red flag somewhere. Either she's a feminist who did all of the above, or she has some character issues which prevent men from staying around. If a woman really wants to get married, she'll find a partner eventually.
    Where do you dream up this stuff?

    I married my wife when she was 34 and she definitely isn't a feminist. I'll ask her about her 'character issues' though ... I take it you don't have any?

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  9. #155
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aeternitas View Post
    My own perspective as someone who has gone through the quarter-life crisis and felt the same way about turning 30 is that things look less grim after you get past that milestone. I also started to freak out after my 28th birthday and my 30th felt more like a funeral.
    Now that you mentioned it... I also remember that I felt the same way when I was approaching my 30th. And yes, it also felt more or less like a funeral. Now it's funny to read and think about it, but then it wasn't that funny, I really felt bad about it.


    Quote Originally Posted by Aeternitas View Post
    Yes, it can be scary, but in a way it's strangely also liberating. Once you actually turn 30, you get the realization that you're still you, there's no magical wisdom that you acquire overnight and on the bright side, you have 10 more years until you're 40. While you're not exactly youth anymore, you're still relatively young, at least younger than a 40 year old. It's relatively normal to feel conflicted when approaching milestones, but one shouldn't dwell too much on that feeling. We cannot turn back time and change what had already been, we can only look forward to the future.
    I totally agree on these... I'm just two years younger than you, by the way...


    Quote Originally Posted by Aeternitas View Post
    Back in the day, the elders would sit around a fire and impart their wisdom, reflecting on the "good old days" while the younger would take in as much as they could and learn something from their stories.
    I still enjoyed doing this as a child, to listen to older people talking to each other and sharing interesting life experiences. I loved to be around elders for that reason... And I still appreciate such company, to get a glimpse from their wisdom, when I have the chance... Wisdom still comes with age, for most people...


    Quote Originally Posted by Nachtengel View Post
    As someone who is a single mother in her 40s, having a child with the wrong person can totally change your life, not to mention your child's life, who will be the most affected by this decision.
    Exactly what I wanted to say in my previous post, but I don't have my own experience as a single mother, thanks Gods! From other women's experiences I've heard and seen the same thing. I also have friends who grew up without fathers, and they were very affected by this (one of them, a friend from high school, didn't even want to speak about his father, he was thinking in a very bad way about him!). Maybe I learned more about such situations from my friends' experiences over time, and now seeing also the perspective of single mothers it only strengthens my stand on this issue. I'm very sorry to read that you and your child are in this situation, Nachtengel!


    Quote Originally Posted by Nachtengel View Post
    It's easy to demand and expect women to have children, but it's not as simple as finding some guy to get you pregnant. And if it fails the woman is always blamed, even when it was the "father" who became irresponsible and got scared of the concept of family.
    Exactly!

    But sometimes it can be the other way around too... Some women are also irresponsible, they have children with men they don't want to be with... then they break up and the poor child sometimes grows up without knowing anything about his biological father. I know about such a case. The father wanted to be in touch with his child, but that woman made the choice to cut any contact with him, even though he was not a bad man at all. I find it hard not to judge that woman, because I personally know both the people involved, and I feel so sorry for both that child growing without knowing anything about his biological father (which was only the mother's decision) and for the father itself. I think there was another male Skadi member here who was in a situation that he probably had a child with a woman that he don't know anything about anymore, nor about his child. So sometimes it's women being... (you say how)... not just men...

    From my experience, fathers are also blamed, not only mothers, in such cases. I don't know anything about my friend's father, from high school, but who knows what really happened there and how much was the woman's fault and how much the man's? Of course if the mother stops any contact with the father she will only tell horrible things to the child about his father, just to keep a good image about herself. She will always blame the father for that, at least in front of her child. Regardless of the child's gender, this will affect him or her deeply on the long run... Such a child will have some issues in life, not easy to overcome...

    I think it's hard to tell whose fault is... Each particular case is different, with some scenarios being repeated, of course. The only thing which is certain here is that both the child and the person taking care of the child (usually the mother) will have their life changed, and usually not in the best way possible.


    Quote Originally Posted by Nachtengel View Post
    As a single mother it will be double as hard to find a partner, your child will be seen as unwanted baggage and you cannot only think about yourself, from now on your child must come first so if you want to find a partner as a single mother you can't base it on love or attraction alone but on what's best for your child.
    Good to think about this and take it into consideration before risking having children with people you're not sure about. If it's difficult to find a partner while being just single, without children, a child would make it even much more difficult. In this time and age it's more common to be in such a situation, but not so long ago being a single mom was even worse than it is now...
    I hope someone suitable to be both your partner and the father of your child will come into your life soon enough! Good luck with it!


    Quote Originally Posted by Nachtengel View Post
    A lot of men nowadays aren't suitable father material. Unless you want to be a single mother, then all that matters is whether the father is good genetic material.
    Well, in my opinion one can't be good genetic material if one isn't a suitable father or mother material too. Indeed some people are better than others when it comes about parenthood, but generally someone decent enough is a decent mother or father material too... So personally I'd be stricter on this.
    However, we can always do mistakes, we can never know how people might change... People can get scared of parenthood for various reasons, our psychology is very complicated, there can be various reasons why someone who seemed as good father material, for example, might get scared and run away unexpectedly. So... who knows?


    Quote Originally Posted by Brin View Post
    Single 30 year old women are often the product of feminist ideology, which brainwashes them that:
    First of all, I hope to put on the right gloves, because I don't want to infuriate you again!

    Well, the only thing I am commenting on that list is this:

    Quote Originally Posted by Brin View Post
    - other nonsense like having too many children is damaging to the climate
    which I find really hilarious, and unfortunately I've heard such an argument so many times (in the beginning I thought they were just joking)... Well, if Africans or some Asians would say this, then I would totally agree they should have less children, but hearing this from the mouths of white people isn't the right thing, and it's obviously that people have been brainwashed just in white countries to think like that for some obvious reasons (to make the white race disappear and to create a new race easy to control, as in the Kalergi plan).

    All the others... it's not the right moment and thread to comment on them.


    Quote Originally Posted by Brin View Post
    The longer a woman waits to marry and have children, the less likely it will happen.
    I agree with this. It's natural, isn't it?


    Quote Originally Posted by Brin View Post
    So yes, often if a woman is 30 and unmarried, there is a red flag somewhere. Either she's a feminist who did all of the above, or she has some character issues which prevent men from staying around.
    Or maybe she just didn't live in the right place, having people from the right ethnic groups around? Take here the possible examples of Finnish Swede women in Finland who want to marry Germanic men, or of any other Germanic women in a country where Germanic people aren't so many. And I include myself here too, even though more culturally than blood-wise (if you don't consider Daci as a Germanic tribe).

    No offence, but what communism did wrong in some countries was to encourage motherhood on large scale without taking into consideration that there are different ethnic groups there, and simply trying to put everyone in a big melting pot. The outcome: Gypsies, for example, had more children, as usual, while people of better genetic background had less children anyway, being focused more on career and work (because communism encouraged that in women too). In many countries from the former Eastern communist block the liberalism is the only viable alternative to communism. And communism also went hand in hand with feminism in many aspects, especially those related to career and equality in work between men and women. The same people are behind both communism and feminism, so no wonder...


    Quote Originally Posted by Brin View Post
    If a woman really wants to get married, she'll find a partner eventually.
    Eventually... but hopefully yes.

    I really appreciate you for having many children and being "a mother heroine" (as communists said), but you should understand that not everyone is meant for that, and that can be for different reasons... However, I can't force my views on anyone else, and you shouldn't do it either, unless you want to live in a totalitarian world, without any free speech at all, like it was under communism. I strongly oppose communism, so here we're in totally different sides. I'd always vote for the liberals, if they're the only alternative to the communists, even though I am not a big fan of the liberals either.
    Die Farben duften frisch und grn... Lieblich haucht der Wind um mich.

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  11. #156
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    Quote Originally Posted by SaxonPagan View Post
    Where do you dream up this stuff?

    I married my wife when she was 34 and she definitely isn't a feminist. I'll ask her about her 'character issues' though ...
    Ever heard of generalisations? I very much doubt that Brin meant that all women over 30 have such issues. Also didn't you say you have been married for 32 years? I doubt your wife's generation experienced the same issues 32 years ago as contemporary 30 year old women do today. While Boomers were affected by the 68 currents, feminism was still not as rampant as it is today. Millennial 30 year old women are much more likely to identify as feminists than older generations.

    But anyway exceptions exist everywhere, she simply noted that there could be a red flag, what is in many cases true.

    There is an undeniable pattern that was mostly caused by feminism and the sexual revolution. Why wait until your 30s to marry and have children, especially as a woman (apart from exceptional cases)? Age is a major fertility factor for women. The longer you wait, the more issues you may face. Brin is absolutely correct when she says the longer a woman waits to marry and have children, the less likely it will happen. Women have been conditioned to be extremely fussy and have unrealistically high standards when it comes to relationships. Men's standards haven't changed drastically: all we want is a kind, decent looking (no supermodel looks necessary), healthy mother for our children. Women's list... don't even get me started, we may be here until tomorrow.

    I take it you don't have any?
    If only the average woman had Brin's character and determination, then our problems would be far, far less.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vlfr View Post
    I really appreciate you for having many children and being "a mother heroine" (as communists said), but you should understand that not everyone is meant for that, and that can be for different reasons... However, I can't force my views on anyone else, and you shouldn't do it either, unless you want to live in a totalitarian world, without any free speech at all, like it was under communism. I strongly oppose communism, so here we're in totally different sides. I'd always vote for the liberals, if they're the only alternative to the communists, even though I am not a big fan of the liberals either.
    Where did she say that everyone must be forced to have as many children as possible? What she said was that if a woman really wants to get married and have children, she'll find a partner eventually.

    Brin has 3 children. Is that such an unrealistic number to ask of Germanics, especially considering our birth rates are in decline? Perhaps Romania is doing well enough to afford this luxury, but Germany has a serious problem with birth rates and they're one big reason all these immigrants were brought in. In a few generations, Germany will risk to be no longer German. So if Germanic women refuse to have children, non-Germanics on the other hand don't mind. You don't hear Muslim or African women complaining about oppression and embracing feminist values.

    It never ceases to amaze me how defensive some women get when it comes to the topic of children. As soon as you even hint at it, they lash out at you. It's not as though they'd be asked to become slave laborers or cut off an arm. Motherhood is a woman's natural role. Since when all this disgust towards it? You don't like "authoritarian" measures, but how does liberalism help when we are dying out? What if tomorrow, all Germanic women declined to have babies? Do we leave our nations to become extinct? We are in this situation precisely because of liberalism. Nobody cares about their duty towards the nation anymore, all they care about is shallow, individual choices. Feminism has given women more power and freedom of choice, the results are slut walks and millions of aborted babies. What is the liberal response to this? Are people supposed to sit on the sides and watch our decline with their hands crossed?

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    Quote Originally Posted by SaxonPagan View Post
    Where do you dream up this stuff?

    I married my wife when she was 34 and she definitely isn't a feminist. I'll ask her about her 'character issues' though ... I take it you don't have any?
    There is a certain truth to it though. There are many exceptions of course (my own wife is 32) but the change in marriage trends coincides with the rise of feminism. Even women who don't actively subscribe to it might have still been affected by it. I've had several guys tell me stories of how they got burned by women over 30. Before, a woman's rite of passage into adulthood was marriage. Now, her priorities must be education, career and having a bit of "fun" before she decides she wants to marry. There are certainly some legit reasons for marrying later in life but the truth is, finding love and a suitable partner becomes harder as we get older and women have it much worse because men seem to have more selection the older they get while women have less. Women on the other hand have a 5-7 year window to find an ideal man before their opportunity fades. What they don't realise while they're young and reject potential partners is that their beauty would fade, and if they don't find someone by the time they're 30, it becomes exponentially harder to find their Prince Charming since he has already moved on with someone else, maybe a younger someone, who is much more open to settling down.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vlfr View Post
    Take here the possible examples of Finnish Swede women in Finland who want to marry Germanic men,
    Or any small minority's members. Yes, the same comes even more challenger. My mom was pretty ''lucky''. Originally my dad moved to Finland just temporary (for 2 years project work). He did't apply/search for that kind move and did't want to receive/accept that ''mission'', but as he was youngest engineer of the company (and not married)... he was the one who ''needed to'' leave. He lived in city here too. So even that my parents ever met .... has been extremely delicate. Call that luck, fate, destiny, miracle.

    That's why I have partly talked about moving abroad. But it is also ''pain'' to think that I would exactly the last person in our family's 300 years chain/history who owns these lands here .

    Yes, maybe most of woman can/could get marry if she just wants that (and cares nothing else). Should she do that just to get child, even if there would be clear signs/clouds on the sky that the marriage will not carry very far? Plus any child of hers is only 50% ''hers product'' and automatically 50% another side's product (partner/man). 50%? In any other context that would be kept as a huge number (%). Meaning: Another 50% counts something too? Does't it? Maybe even so much that it will be/can be ''a game breaker'' (basically counts ''all'')?

    Judging women only (and not men at all) is something really pisses me off!

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    Longlivety isn't what its about, existence goes on, once you're dead it doesn't matter how long you lived. You live on in your children as a living part of their body, you and the other parent. In my family the men die early to mid 70s but the women live to their mid 80s to mid 90s, the girls all made the same comment, " I've lived too long!"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Finnish Swede View Post
    I was once in common sauna (those big car ferries travelling between Helsinki and Stockholm) with one of my Swedish cousin. There were also 2 older age Finnish women (in their 40's, early 50's maybe). My cousin sit closer to them. They probably thought that we both were Swedish (speaking swedish) as they talked pretty openly to each others. I remember one comment of another women said: ... something that at one point woman will become ''invisible'' in the eyes of men. Meant by that, as getting older .... men's heads will not anymore turn on the streets etc. Before anybody answer anything here .... I doubt those were any kind of ''low moral'' or ''bad'' women (or someone who would actually try/tried that). Just normal older women, who probably have simply noticed that.

    Sooo... any idea here at which age that happens (more a less)? Might vary person by person, but I think it is one milestone then you have become ''old''.
    This is what some people call "the wall":

    The wall is the point in a woman's life when she is no longer highly desired (sexually) by men. It is when she is no longer "hot", indicated by the decrease in her physical attractiveness, evidenced by a dramatic fall-off in approaches by men, lower expressed sexual interest by men, and fewer compliments from men - offline and online. When a woman "hit the wall" or reaches the age when her physical attractiveness decreases, her Sexual Marketplace Value (SMV) drops significantly, usually in her late twenties and early 30s. Most peg the age at which a woman hits The Wall at between 28 and 35, with many pegging it at 30 years old. It is called The Wall because of the effect felt by women is like having their face being hit by a wall.
    My personal impression would it is somewhere around the age of 35. Of course today a lot has changed due to cosmetic surgery, however I would say that women peak in their 20s. Contrary to feminist trends, that's the ideal age to marry and have children. It is not too young. "The wall" seems to directly correlate with a woman's fertility. Eventhough nowadays sex and reproduction are no longer directly linked, people are still programmed biologically to look for a partner who would make an ideal parent for their children. This is why women with a youthful appearance and a hourglass shape are considered among the most attractive (it indicates child-bearing hips and healthy, good quality genetic material).

    By the age of 30, some women already begin to encounter physical issues (breasts begin to sag, they might gain weight more easily, fertility drops). This can make them appear unattractive in some men's eyes. Of course there are plenty of exceptions, and I would not call women over 30 or even 35 old. But they're also not what every man might imagine as the "ideal" woman. Of course men also have their own wall and contrary to stereotypes, men also have a biological clock, after which their fertility drops. However, some men can afford to marry later in life because they still can offer other assets that make up for that (for example, social or financial status can also be an indicator of a provider). Women's lists of qualities they look for in men are far more elaborate and extensive than the other way around. So the way the current system is geared is extremely disadvantageous towards women. They are encouraged to spend their prime years on studies, careers and promotions and a lot of employers look for young women because they are the most ambitious and the least likely to have children. Women over a certain age are more likely to marry and go on maternity leaves, which can be disadvantageous to their employers. Meanwhile after the age of 30-35 promotions are harder to come by.

    So IMO the best a woman who wants to raise a family can do is start young. Ideally, find a man who is a bit older and financially independent, who can provide for her while she has children. If she really wants to finish her studies or have a career she can do this from home, or at a later stage, after the children are no longer entirely dependent on her.

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