Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Career Woman Changes Attitude & Saves Her Marriage - Her Advice

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    J.Yaxley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Last Online
    Friday, June 14th, 2019 @ 06:18 AM
    United States United States
    Thanks Thanks Given 
    Thanks Thanks Received 
    Thanked in
    214 Posts

    Career Woman Changes Attitude & Saves Her Marriage - Her Advice

    This is an interesting and useful read for young women who have never had a good female role model. It's written by a career woman who realized that by behaving in a more feminine way she was able to fix her failing marriage and improve her relationship with her husband:

    Men are just so much simpler than women. Not simple as in dumb, as is often portrayed in the media. Simple in that they have far fewer needs than women do. What men want most of all is respect, companionship and sex. If you supply these basics, your husband will do anything for you—slay the dragons, kill the beast, work three jobs, etc. Men will happily do this if, and only if, they are loved well in return. It is when men are not loved well that problems arise. That is the nature of the male-female dance.

    Now I know what you’re thinking: that I’m putting everything on you. I am, and I’m not. Your husband is 100% responsible for his own actions. If he makes stupid choices, such as getting repeatedly drunk, it’s his job to own up to that behavior and stop it. Same goes for his emotional outbursts, if he has them, or his not coming home when he said he would. Or even his having an affair.

    What I am saying is that men tend to follow women’s lead. Your husband’s actions are more often than not reactions. He’s reacting to something you said or did, or to something you didn’t say or didn’t do. He’s reacting to your moods, your gestures, your inflections and your tone. That’s how men are. Your husband wants you to be happy, and when he sees it isn’t working he thinks he’s failed. That’s when he acts out.

    Another way to think about the male-female dance is to consider the game of chess. In chess, the king is the most important piece but also one of the weakest. He can only move one square in any direction—up, down, to the sides, and diagonally. The queen, however, is the most powerful piece. She can move in any one direction—forward, backward, sideways, or diagonally. And how she moves affects how he moves.

    As a woman, you can respond to this dynamic in one of two ways: you can resent it, or you can embrace it. I used to resent it. I’d think to myself, How can I possibly make sure my husband isn’t negatively affected by my every mood swing? I’m a Pisces, for God’s sake! My moods shift with the wind! Plus, why am I responsible for my husband’s reactions? The whole thing seemed like a whole lot of pressure, not to mention unfair.As a result, I embraced my alpha personality as though it were a baby in need of protection. If my husband chose me, obviously he likes that about me. Why should I have to change? Who would I be if I changed? And how could I be someone different, even if I wanted to?

    But my alpha ways were bumping up against his alpha nature. We were like two bulls hanging out in the same pen together, and there was too much friction. And because I had zero interest in my husband adopting a more feminine role, I set about to become the feminine creature our culture insists women not be.And here’s what I learned: It’s liberating to be a beta!I’m an alpha all day long, and it gets tiresome. I concede that I thrive on it; but at the end of the day, I’m spent. Self-reliance is exhausting. Making all the decisions is exhausting. Driving the car, literally or figuratively, is exhausting.It took me a ridiculously long time to get it.

    But once I did, once I accepted that the energy I exude and the way I approach my husband directly affects his response and behavior, I changed my tune. And when I did, something happened.

    The tension disappeared overnight.

    Just like that.
    Well, almost like that. It was a lot of stop and go at first. First I’d handle something the “right” way—i.e. by not arguing with him, or by not directing his traffic, or by being more service-oriented—and marvel at the response. Then life would get busy, and I’d resort to my old ways. Sure enough, I’d get a different response. So I’d make a mental note of how I messed up and make sure to get it right the next time. Eventually, it became second nature.
    Long story short: Mrs. Venker was a stereotypical 'pushy career woman' and she brought that attitude into her home life - and her husband hated it. She changed her attitude and stopped micromanaging her husband and then he got his act together on his own.

    It's important for young women to understand that bringing a combative attitude into a relationship will cause that relationship to end horribly. Every time. If your husband / boyfriend is doing something wrong (like cheating on you) then you don't have to tolerate it - but try not to nag him about little things.

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to J.Yaxley For This Useful Post:

  3. #2
    Funding Member
    „Friend of Germanics”
    Funding Membership Inactive
    Gefjon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Last Online
    Married parent
    Thanks Thanks Given 
    Thanks Thanks Received 
    Thanked in
    190 Posts
    Don't think women should work anyways, unless it's a stay at home, part-time job or something, and even then, it should only be if the husband is disabled and can't work. Otherwise, it's the man's duty to be the breadwinner, and the woman's duty to take care of the household. Cook healthy food, keep the house clean, do the laundry & so on. When the time comes, take care of the kids, be there for them, educate them. Problem is, this dynamic has been screwed with. And it's not just feminist women who are career seekers. I know plenty of women who work cause their husbands send them to work. They'd like to stay at home with their kids, but they need to send their kids to babysitters or daycare, and they hardly ever see 'em. Nothing traditional about that. In reality, there are few men out there who will gladly work two or three jobs for their wife/family. I've even known cases where the dude sent his wife to work while he sat home on welfare. My advice is, if ya wanna be a housewife and mother, but the guy will make excuses about being the provider, such as bringing up "the economy" and the like, drop him like a hot potato. Such folks ain't traditional and despite what they say, you're gonna end up fulfilling the opposite role of it.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Gefjon For This Useful Post:

  5. #3
    Omnia in bonum
    „Friend of Germanics”
    Funding Membership Inactive
    Alice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Last Online
    Saturday, January 25th, 2020 @ 01:34 PM
    English and German
    Nordid + CM
    Thanks Thanks Given 
    Thanks Thanks Received 
    Thanked in
    611 Posts
    Ah, Suzanne Venker is Phyllis Schlafly's niece. Schlafly was an opponent of the Equal Rights Amendment and denounced feminism, and she was also critical of multiculturalism.

    I leafed through a preview of Venker's book, and while I didn't appreciate the anti-Catholic rhetoric in the first pages, she nevertheless has some very valid points.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Alice For This Useful Post:

Similar Threads

  1. Successful Marriage Depends on Husband's Attitude
    By Gefjon in forum Men, Women, & Relationships
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: Thursday, November 15th, 2018, 01:16 AM
  2. Australian Woman 'Marries' Herself 'To Become My Own Soulmate & Best Friend'
    By Nachtengel in forum Men, Women, & Relationships
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: Sunday, September 2nd, 2018, 08:32 PM
  3. Career Advice for Young White Men
    By Nachtengel in forum Economics, Business, & Finance
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: Monday, August 7th, 2017, 08:17 PM

Tags for this Thread


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts