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Thread: Successful Marriage Depends on Husband's Attitude

  1. #1
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    Successful Marriage Depends on Husband's Attitude

    Does the man make or break a marriage? Recent research suggests it may be so.

    A team of researchers from the University of Chicago claims that the health and personality of the husband may be the key to avoiding conflict and maintaining a happy marriage.

    Published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, the research surveyed older adults who participated in the National Social Life Health and Aging Project. It compared and contrasted the characteristics of husbands and wives whose marriages had lasted an average of 39 years.

    The results: When the husband showed a higher level of positivity, the wife in a couple reported less marital conflict. Moreover, positivity levels had no effect on the husbands' reports of conflict.

    The nature of conflicts examined centered around whether a spouse is perceived as making too many demands, perpetually criticizing, or getting on the other's nerves.

    This particular study examined individual marriages, as opposed to married couples in general. This allowed researchers to obtain reports on individual traits as well as the quality of the marriage from each participant.

    Is there a worthwhile point to this study?

    It may be helpful to understand how important a man's attitude and level of positivity is. In fact, I can safely say that after 25 years of counseling and coaching, in my experience women are much more likely to be positive and connected in relationships than men are. Also, when a healthy, positive man is in the mix, it is rare that there are serious marital difficulties. That's because the majority of women reciprocate the positive attitude.

    I can't say the opposite is true, however. It is common for a healthy, positive woman to be stuck with a negative, emotionally unavailable man who isn't interested in making any self-improvements.

    Still, what's the point? On a practical level, this information might not be that valuable. The point is, does your relationship respond well to an infusion of positive energy?

    Here is a good test to find out where you stand:

    1. Without reservation, invest your conscious effort over time (at least a month), focusing on your partner's positive attributes, giving warm feedback, showing generosity and appreciation and being a GREAT person to be around. (If you simply cannot do this, then you know where to begin - with your own attitude or psychological attachments). http://inlpcenter.org/psychological-attachments/

    2. Notice what happens. Most likely, one of the following scenarios will occur:

    A. Your partner will respond well, increasing happiness and fulfillment in your relationship. This is a great sign. You now know what you can do to increase your mutual joy and create positive loops in your relationship.

    B. Your partner will ignore you, not respond, or pretend not to notice your efforts.

    C. Your partner will actively resist your positive efforts, becoming even more negative or troubled. He or she may even try to sabotage your good will.

    If you know you've been a great partner, yet cannot create a positive emotional connection, then there are deeper issues to look at. For example:

    Boundaries and respect

    Are the boundaries clear enough to honor each individual in the relationship, or are you trying to control each other?

    Self-Sabotage and negative psychological attachments

    Self-Sabotage compels people to do the opposite of what makes the happy. It is driven by psychological attachments to old, familiar states of misery (like rejection and humiliation) that we are not strong enough to let go of. We unwittingly sabotage our happiness and chances for success by subconsciously clinging to an old story, a familiar misery or what we've always known. For more on self-sabotage, watch this enlightening free video.

    Compatibility

    It could be that you and your partner are simply not compatible. In other words, it is nobody's fault. You just don't see life the same way, yet expect each other to do just that. Of course, choosing and clinging to an incompatible lover could be an perfect example of individual self-sabotage.
    https://www.naturalnews.com/044678_s..._attitude.html

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  3. #2
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    I didn't see the name of the study mentioned at all in the article from Natural News, but I think that it was Marital conflict in older couples: positivity, personality and health.

    The comments are heartbreaking, though. Men have suffered greatly, and while the family should be the exemplary place for solidarity (based on the reciprocity of the genders), it sadly isn't in many cases:

    What about when men enter a relationship positive and emotionally available, but are incrementally whittled down by the neurotic, nagging character assassination of a women who is impossible to please, no matter how much effort the man puts in? Or does that scenario never happen on whatever planet this article was written?
    Because no woman ever has been unreasonable and completely ruined a marriage despite a good man's attitude. Terrible article.
    women are evil in general, except my mother.
    Totally agree with this. Women have repeatedly stolen from me, lied, been abusive etc. The truth is that men will just put up with more. That is the actual message from this article.
    Wow.. this sounds like more feminist propaganda to once again try and blame men for a marriages success or failure.

    But.. it could be true at the same time because women have far more trouble controlling their own emotions and attitudes, so of course it has to be up to a man to either avoid such conflict "yes dear, yes dear".. hence the further feminization of men and that is where the feminist propaganda part comes into play.

    The man's 'positive attitude' has a greater impact because as usual, the woman looks to the man as daddy 2.0 and so she has to play off of his moods, attitudes and energy.

    But women are taught TO cause conflict, to argue, both intentionally and because it's the nature OF many women to constantly strive for power over the man as it's been from the beginning. So in that sense it's up to HER to prevent those arguments by learning to submit.. but women really want to be forced TO submit mentally and emotionally which is why they challenge men constantly because she needs constant validation that he is a "man" and in charge. Only then will she feel a natural desire to submit in most cases.

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    Now we know .... it is all above you guys

    So for now on .... do not dare to blame women here!

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  7. #4
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    After starting to read the article, first thing I stopped and went to the source to see if the author is a woman or a man... It's a man, I am surprised!

    Good points, Alice, good you've noticed also the comments, I didn't look into there, but I share some of the thoughts you quoted...

    I believe this is to be treated case by case. About relationships is not good to generalize things, it simply doesn't work. Each relationship is different, just as each individual is different. As in natural medical systems (for example Ayurveda, or Chinese), there are not diseases, but patients to treat. The same "disease" can have different causes in each patient, so it must be treated in a different way. That's how Nature works like.

    I believe it's the same with relationships... or even more complicated, as there are two people involved (at least), not just one... Maybe just modern way of thinking, which has gone far from Nature, tries to generalize things... but that's usually a big mistake.

    So, I believe it is more reasonable to say this:

    Compatibility

    It could be that you and your partner are simply not compatible. In other words, it is nobody's fault. You just don't see life the same way, yet expect each other to do just that. Of course, choosing and clinging to an incompatible lover could be an perfect example of individual self-sabotage.
    But even if partners are not compatible, the relationship can work for a while... For example, incompatible elements, as water and fire, make great sexual attraction. That's also a good opportunity to transcend your egos, as the challenges you have to face are not so easy. But it cannot last forever like that, it can be self-destructive too, after a while. Good to learn, to experience, to evolve... but if too incompatible it cannot work forever. No matter how much love is there... Or maybe there can be exceptions, too, but just exceptions... Don't want to generalize this idea, either...

    Too much compatibility can sometimes be bad, too... if things are going just too smooth, without any challenges... not so many opportunities to transcend your egos or for spiritual evolution, though...

    However, women can be very moody and fickle, and unfortunately the vast majority are like that... not too good for relationships... Some people are really unable to make a relationship work, they are just bringing in suffering for both partners. And I do not refer to women only here, but also to men. As some wise man was saying at a conference about couples relationships, like there are driving licences for driving a vehicle, so there should be licences for getting into relationships... because some people are just soooo bad at it! And when getting into a relationship they also damage their partners, bringing in a lot of emotional trauma to them also... Wise saying, I think... People should learn first how to build a relationship, before getting into it... There are lots of books, and conferences, about that nowadays... no excuse for that!
    Die Farben duften frisch und grün... Lieblich haucht der Wind um mich.

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