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Thread: The Rise Of Female Infidelity: As More And More Women Have Affairs, A Provocative Book Claims To Lay Bare What’s Behind The Increase

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Finnish Swede View Post
    No matter what, clearly bigger ''risk'' (what comes to cheating) is males endless needs/instinct for having sex. Searching opportunities all the time .... if not active ways, then passive ways.
    European men usually aren't some kind of apes that have to sleep around and can't help it, at least if we get enough sex from our wives/girlfriends. Sure, we think about sex all the time and not only with our partners, that's something we can't control due to our evolution to have as many offspring as possible but what we can control and what counts are actions, not thoughts.
    In times of abortion and contraception and hardly any child mortality, that natural argument to have as many offspring both doesn't work and isn't necessary anymore anyway. And men that look at it logically will come to that conclusion.

    And what exactly is a passive way to search for an opportunity to have sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chlodovech View Post
    I don't know whether the risk is bigger than in the case of women today ... and looking for opportunities to cheat? Nah, that doesn't fit the profile of an average male cheater. Women have always ulterior motives for their actions, there's always something more than what you see on the surface, with men less so.
    We are supposed to be the logical sex/gender, no? So why would men go for cheating due to instinct/emotion?

    Men who cheat usually still love their wives, they simply snatch the opportunity. They don't have a plan.
    I dispute that someone(man or woman) who actively cheats on his partner can still love them. And to hide the affair, at least if it isn't a one timer, from them, definitely needs a plan and almost criminal energy. Some men even have whole separate families with their affair.

    What about the children? They come first. Usually it's in their best interest when their parents make amends. Staying together for the kids is entirely legitimate.
    That depends on how good they can work together despite not wanting to be together anymore. I'm fairly certain it's mentally even more harmful for children to have parents that hate and possible abuse each other physically and mentally.

    There's such a thing as repentance and forgiveness. What if the lies and the cheating end? Cheating isn't allowed in Catholic marriages either - but it's better to fix a marriage than to break it, no?
    Some things simply cannot be forgiven and if someone is rotten enough to cheat, why would they suddenly stop? Someone like this is worthless, they know no loyalty. Why would you let yourself be cucked by them and forgive them, especially if it possibly(/probably) happens again?
    It's possible that relationships end because the love and even mere acceptance for the partner runs out and you simply cannot fix the relationship anymore, even if you try everything. In that case i would try to separate as amicably as possible, if she does the same.
    But if she cheats on me while we are still in a relationship and especially if she tries to hide it, I would take everything I could - financially - from her. I have no time or tolerance for traitors.

    I belong to a tiny minority for whom divorce is never an option. If I had a wife and she wanted to leave me, I wouldn't stop her, but I would never start any kind of relationship with any other woman - either she returns or I'd go my own way. Catholics are supposed to fix their marriages and if that doesn't work, they should remain single for life. Like Saint Gummarus, a Frankish nobleman and soldier who married a shrewish, haughty, abusive and extravagant woman in the 8th century. He tried to patch up their marriage but failed, then he became a hermit. And eventually a saint, the patron saint of difficult marriages. They had no children though.
    So basically Gummarus' marriage failed by no fault of his own, he tries to save it but can't because of the woman but he is punished by not being able to have a new, better wife and not having children, his line ending with him. Sorry but what kind of distorted ideology is that? Why would a God do that to you?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wuotans Krieger View Post
    The purpose of sexual intercourse is to conceive a child.
    No, it's not. We are not animals.

    This can be a purpose, of course, but not the only one. I assume we are human beings. And I'm not a Christian to believe in the dogma that we are only supposed to have sexual intercourse for having children. There are some spiritual traditions that have other opinion on this matter, and I agree with those. Again, we are not animals, and we are not descending from monkeys. Alright, those who want to believe they descend from monkeys, it's their own problem.


    Quote Originally Posted by Juthunge View Post
    (...)but what we can control and what counts are actions(...)

    We are supposed to be the logical sex/gender, no? So why would men go for cheating due to instinct/emotion?

    I dispute that someone(man or woman) who actively cheats on his partner can still love them. And to hide the affair, at least if it isn't a one timer, from them, definitely needs a plan and almost criminal energy. Some men even have whole separate families with their affair.

    That depends on how good they can work together despite not wanting to be together anymore. I'm fairly certain it's mentally even more harmful for children to have parents that hate and possible abuse each other physically and mentally.
    I agree with those remarks.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Víðálfr View Post
    No, it's not. We are not animals.

    This can be a purpose, of course, but not the only one. I assume we are human beings. And I'm not a Christian to believe in the dogma that we are only supposed to have sexual intercourse for having children. There are some spiritual traditions that have other opinion on this matter, and I agree with those. Again, we are not animals, and we are not descending from monkeys. Alright, those who want to believe they descend from monkeys, it's their own problem.



    I agree with those remarks.
    Firstly the purpose of sexual intercourse IS to create a child. That is why Mother Nature has equipped the male with a penis and the female with a vagina. She has not done so out of any base instinct.
    Secondly we ARE animals and some human beings though are more bestial than others, resembling little more than the beasts of the field, so long at they eat, drink and rut.
    The fact that we are animals does not presuppose that we are descended from monkeys as you appear to claim. I am a believer in the theory of involution, not evolution, vis-a-vis Julius Evola.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Víðálfr View Post
    No, it's not. We are not animals.

    This can be a purpose, of course, but not the only one. I assume we are human beings. And I'm not a Christian to believe in the dogma that we are only supposed to have sexual intercourse for having children. There are some spiritual traditions that have other opinion on this matter, and I agree with those. Again, we are not animals, and we are not descending from monkeys. Alright, those who want to believe they descend from monkeys, it's their own problem.
    At least in the Catholic theology of sexuality, sex has a unitive and procreative nature.

    I agree with what you said about monkeys. It's annoying when people try to make the cause for promiscuity and non-monogamy by comparing humans to apes. I've read studies about bonobos, and they have sex with relatives, juveniles and infants (!)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juthunge View Post
    We are supposed to be the logical sex/gender, no? So why would men go for cheating due to instinct/emotion?
    Strange question, Jut! The answer is horniness. Many men stop being logical when faced with the opportunity to get their rocks off. I don't understand this myself, because I'm not wired or raised that way. Why throw everything away for sex? Even if it's with a hottie?

    I dispute that someone(man or woman) who actively cheats on his partner can still love them. And to hide the affair, at least if it isn't a one timer, from them, definitely needs a plan and almost criminal energy. Some men even have whole separate families with their affair.
    I didn't have affairs in mind, captain obvi. I don't know whether most cheating consists of affairs, but I have a feeling it does not - horniness is a bigger issue for us men than being calculating scum in this regard - as far as I can tell it's mostly uncontrolled passion which leads to cheating, the spur of the moment - a thing that happens once. And you may not understand that people can still love someone after having cheated on them - me neither - but many men still love their girlfriends and wives nonetheless, that's what they say - even when they have no reason to lie about it (anymore). Even when they have lengthy affairs! Some people are very good at compartmentalizing.

    That depends on how good they can work together despite not wanting to be together anymore. I'm fairly certain it's mentally even more harmful for children to have parents that hate and possible abuse each other physically and mentally.
    Captain, captain ... indeed. If it's that bad, if the marriage is seriously harmful to the children - then separation is justified and recommendable. Hopefully only for the time being. This is why Catholics can still separate.

    Some things simply cannot be forgiven and if someone is rotten enough to cheat, why would they suddenly stop? Someone like this is worthless, they know no loyalty. Why would you let yourself be cucked by them and forgive them, especially if it possibly(/probably) happens again?
    And some things can be forgiven. It's a case by case situation, Jut. And you may now think that you'd never forgive your cheating wife - but what if you've been married to her for 15 years, mostly good times, and you have an eleven and eight year old running around your house? Plus it was a one time thing for her that happened at an all time low in your marriage (perhaps in part your own fault) - and she told you the truth herself and hates what she did and does not want to lose you? Envision that situation. If you're truly capable of imagining that situation, you will at least have some doubt, I think. Maybe not, but then that's the way you are wired. I wouldn't be sure about throwing everything away myself.

    It's possible that relationships end because the love and even mere acceptance for the partner runs out and you simply cannot fix the relationship anymore, even if you try everything. In that case i would try to separate as amicably as possible, if she does the same.
    Weakness! What a lame reason... Show some resilience, please - at least when it comes to marriage. Just think of something else! Try to rekindle the fire. Go sky-diving. Show her the best spots in the Schwarze Wald. Remind yourself what it is that made you love your wifey. And don't be such a millennial.

    So basically Gummarus' marriage failed by no fault of his own, he tries to save it but can't because of the woman but he is punished by not being able to have a new, better wife and not having children, his line ending with him. Sorry but what kind of distorted ideology is that? Why would a God do that to you?
    The good saint married the wrong woman, he could've married the right one, but no. That's his problem. We only know his hagiography though, we can't truly analyse his marriage. Sometimes we don't even know the story of saints of that era anymore, just their names and that they used to be saints. But what's the issue? St. Gummarus died as a holy man and went straight to Heaven. That certainly is preferable to the alternative. It's not the end of the world that he never fathered children. Saint Gummy lived a good, full, interesting life from start to finish. Don't forget that he was an exception, it's not like there were millions of other Franks in his situation, the Frankish birth rate came never under pressure because of this Church teaching - in fact, no-one's birth rate ever did.

    Sorry but what kind of distorted ideology is that?
    A very awesome one. It means you are obliged to think very deeply about whom you marry - then fight for that marriage. In that sense it's also a great measure against thottery and drunkenness, it makes for much more committed people & marriages and a much more sane society. The best thing yet though is that, yes, even though some people fail and have to live with the consequences for greater good - it historically meant many more people made an effort to make their marriages work and stick with one another - the stigma, the shame, the crushing guilt, the devotion, the fear of the Lord ... were too strong to separate. It was only possible because of the Church's teaching on marriage, all in accordance with the will of Christ.

    All of these good things would never have been within reach had St. Gummarus been able to remarry. He sacrificed himself and potentially his own desires - so other marriages may work - that's greatness, my millennial friend. Thanks to brave men and women like him children were raised by their actual, biological parents - the way it should be.

    Furthermore, when you start messing with marriage or any other teaching of the R.C.C., eventually you get female priests, gay marriage and other erring and delusions. All teachings regarding the family exist for a reason and they're backed by tradition and a deeper understanding of the human psyche, it's ancestral wisdom. Something humans can only ignore to their own detriment. And once in a while a know-it-all revolutionary upstart comes along and screams "what kind of distorted ideology is this?", "Give me muh ten wives" & "not enough women and gays behind the altar" and we can only shake our Catholic heads at them. This system worked for centuries, Jut. It gave our nations tons of children - with a father and a mother. Because it's God's system.

    Life isn't fair - literally - you can complain about having no second chance when your marriage fails, but there's no second chance for us anyway - we only have this very short life, one each, and at the end of it we are judged only once. You can think that isn't fair either. Well, it is to God - and it's up to you to put your cards right - and if you make a mess, to pull yourself out of it before your soul is endangered.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juthunge View Post
    And what exactly is a passive way to search for an opportunity to have sex?
    Well...not totally passive of course ... LOL. I though something like this:

    You (= man) have a work trip. You are staying night in a hotel (being in different town). You have time in the evening (after meetings) and you go to hotel's bar ... just to drink one beer .... but you'll see and meet somebody there and one thing will lead to another.

    So passive? At the point the guy went to the bar, he did't go there exactly to looking for company. That just ''happened''.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Finnish Swede View Post
    Well...not totally passive of course ... LOL. I though something like this:

    You (= man) have a work trip. You are staying night in a hotel (being in different town). You have time in the evening (after meetings) and you go to hotel's bar ... just to drink one beer .... but you'll see and meet somebody there and one thing will lead to another.

    So passive? At the point the guy went to the bar, he did't go there exactly to looking for company. That just ''happened''.
    If the man is married, he should keep the encounter platonic. If he's single, he is free to play his hand with the lady. If she's willing to comply to consensual sex in his or her room, that's perfectly okay as far as I'm concerned. No-one is being raped in this perfectly normal scenario. Who knows where this will lead... Hell, they might actually fall in love and get married. Gotta start somewhere you know.
    Aside from an ever increasing number of mortals who have willfully chosen to worship Satan and his minions, our battle has always been against the powers and principalities operating surreptitiously throughout this twisted world.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gareth Lee Hunter View Post
    If the man is married, he should keep the encounter platonic. If he's single, he is free to play his hand with the lady. If she's willing to comply to consensual sex in his or her room, that's perfectly okay as far as I'm concerned. No-one is being raped in this perfectly normal scenario. Who knows where this will lead... Hell, they might actually fall in love and get married. Gotta start somewhere you know.
    If he is single...then that is ok.

    So of course I meant that he would be married (or in serious relationship...living with someone).

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    Women Who Get Around While Unmarried Get Around Once Married

    In continuing to document who is marriage material and who is not, well, life’s about trade offs, right? The following table shows the number of men a woman has had sex with since the age of 18 and whether or not she has ever cheated on her husband while married. The table starts at 2, since someone who has been married and is either a virgin or only had sex with one man hasn’t cheated (as is always the case, a few respondents or data transcribers muffed up somewhere though, responding that they were married, never had sex, but had still somehow managed to have sex with someone other than a spouse while married) :

    Name:  cheat.png
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    Not surprisingly, women with high sex drives who got around a lot before they married are more likely to continue getting around after taking their vows. The same applies in non-marital relationships. If your girl has a lot of sexual history (and likes to talk about it), don’t go in desiring any kind of serious or long-term relationship. You’re in pump and dump territory.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Þoreiðar View Post

    Not surprisingly, women with high sex drives who got around a lot before they married are more likely to continue getting around after taking their vows. The same applies in non-marital relationships. If your girl has a lot of sexual history (and likes to talk about it), don’t go in desiring any kind of serious or long-term relationship. You’re in pump and dump territory.
    I have to agree with this, in many cases.

    If someone is promiscuous before marriage, most likely those habits stay with them. If one doesn't learn how to practice self-restraint and sacrifice before marriage, it will be even more difficult to learn during marriage. Also, a lot problems and issues within marriage can traced back to a spouse's promiscuous past.
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