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Thread: Why You Should Put Your Phone Away

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    Why You Should Put Your Phone Away

    I've seen one too many relationships destroyed by phone. Either the man obsesses with his work and buddies or the woman spends time on social media... I've seen couples sitting at the same table and playing with their phones instead of talking to each other. People literally have a "triangle" relationship with their phone. Couples who spend a lot of time on the phone separately are more disconnected, and likely to involve in cheating. An article:

    About a month ago I realized something had to change. I was too tied to my phone. Too distracted. Too stressed out. And missing important moments in my time with my family. So I put my phone away for three days.

    Literally, I locked it in a safe. It was awesome. And then I decided to stop sleeping with it right next to me on the nightstand. I need the alarm, though, so I just put it on the dresser on the other side of the room. And then I read this in Psychology Today:

    “In a much-discussed 2014 study, Virginia Tech psychologist Shalini Misra and her team monitored the conversations of 100 couples in a coffee shop and identified ‘the iPhone Effect’: The mere presence of a smartphone, even if not in use — just as an object in the background — degrades private conversations, making partners less willing to disclose deep feelings and less understanding of each other, she and her colleagues reported in Environment and Behavior.”

    And this:

    “…as relationship researcher John Gottman has documented, the unstructured moments that partners spend in each other’s company, occasionally offering observations that invite conversation or laughter or some other response, hold the most potential for building closeness and a sense of connection. Each of those deceptively minor interludes is an opportunity for couples to replenish a reservoir of positive feelings that dispose them kindly to each other when they hit problems.”

    Those “unstructured moments” and “minor interludes” are what smartphones destroy. And that’s truly sad because today’s hurried marriages and friendships could really use those moments and interludes!

    The importance of unstructured moments and minor interludes
    I need those moments. My family needs those moments. And I need to realize that some of the best moments of my life happen in those unstructured, minor moments and interludes. The stuff I remember on my deathbed will probably be the stuff that seemingly happened in the margins, but are actually very important moments in my life:

    The dance I shared with my little girls in a hillside bungalow while the ocean extinguished the sun.
    The long talk with my brother about deep stuff that happened in a treehouse in a field, doing “nothing.”
    The unrushed joy of losing a game of Stratego to a small child.
    Sipping coffee with my soulmate, pretending to be tourists in our own town, having a deep conversation from our hearts.
    I don’t want to be “absent present.” I don’t want to photograph my kid’s childhood instead of really seeing my child. I don’t want to be thinking about how this will look on Instagram when I should be thinking, “I’m so glad I get to be here.”

    Am I watching my kid perform in a play so my Facebook friends can see it? No, I’m doing it because I want to connect with my child.

    I also want my partner to feel listened to and heard deep down in her soul. I want “spending time together” to mean more than “browsing Facebook together.”

    What about you? Is your smartphone your first love? I doubt it. Your true loves in your life are more important—family, close friends, relatives, your partner, your kids.

    Less tech-time, more face-to-face time
    So, do you need to ban all smartphones from the kitchen or dining room at certain times of the day, like breakfast or dinner? Do you need to set aside time for your family to hang out and enjoy each other’s company without the distractions of technology? It’s a strategy that some families use, and it helps to set healthy boundaries that reinforce the importance of face-to-face attentive connection with those you love.

    I’m afraid that too much tech use is like carbon monoxide poisoning: the first symptom is that you stop recognizing symptoms. Do you need to recognize symptoms? Do you need to try shifting things for a week or two? Is it possible that you don’t even know what you’re missing?

    Try it for a week and see what happens. Try it even for a day. Notice what changes in your interactions with those you love. Notice the positivity and connection that comes from it.
    https://www.gottman.com/blog/put-you...tured-moments/

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    Agreed. Aside from taking care of business via phone, they often become a rude source of distraction when used inappropriately as a source of entertainment.
    “A dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot.” Robert A. Heinlein

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    I totally agree with that!

    I don't even have a smartphone and I am happy to live without one. For the reasons mentioned above and for some others as well.

    Things are even more serious than they may seem to be.

    Study from University of Bergen, Norway:
    New Research about Facebook Addiction

    Are you a social media enthusiast or simply a Facebook addict? Researchers from Norway have developed a new instrument to measure Facebook addiction, the Bergen Facebook Addiction Scale.

    By SVERRE OLE DRØNEN Updated: 22.03.2018 (First published: 07.05.2012)
    – The use of Facebook has increased rapidly. We are dealing with a subdivision of Internet addiction connected to social media, Doctor of Psychology Cecilie Schou Andreassen says about the study, which is the first of its kind worldwide.
    Andreassen heads the research project «Facebook Addiction» at the University of Bergen (UiB). An article about the results has just been published in the renowned journal Psychological Reports.
    She has clear views as to why some people develop Facebook dependency.
    – It occurs more regularly among younger than older users. We have also found that people who are anxious and socially insecure use Facebook more than those with lower scores on those traits, probably because those who are anxious find it easier to communicate via social media than face-to-face, Andreassen says.
    People who are organised and more ambitious tend to be less at risk from Facebook addiction. They will often use social media as an integral part of work and networking.
    – Our research also indicates that women are more at risk of developing Facebook addiction, probably due to the social nature of Facebook, Andreassen says.
    According to Andreassen, the research also shows that Facebook addiction was related to extraversion. People with high scores on the new scale further tend to have a somewhat delayed sleep-wake rhythm.

    Six warning signs

    As Facebook has become as ubiquitous as television in our everyday lives, it is becoming increasingly difficult for many people to know if they are addicted to social media. Andreassen’s study shows that the symptoms of Facebook addiction resemble those of drug addiction, alcohol addiction, and chemical substance addiction.
    The Bergen Facebook Addiction Scale is based on six basic criteria, where all items are scored on the following scale: (1) Very rarely, (2) Rarely, (3) Sometimes, (4) Often, and (5) Very often:

    • You spend a lot of time thinking about Facebook or plan use of Facebook.
    • You feel an urge to use Facebook more and more.
    • You use Facebook in order to forget about personal problems.
    • You have tried to cut down on the use of Facebook without success.
    • You become restless or troubled if you are prohibited from using Facebook.
    • You use Facebook so much that it has had a negative impact on your job/studies.

    Andreassen’s study shows that scoring of “often” or “very often” on at least four of the six items may suggest that you are addicted to Facebook.

    About the Scale

    In January 2011, 423 students – 227 women and 196 men – participated in tests for the Bergen Facebook Addiction Scale. The scale can facilitate treatment research, clinical assessment and can be used for the estimation of Facebook addiction prevalence in the general population worldwide.
    The Bergen Facebook Addiction Scale has been developed at the Faculty of Psychology, University of Bergen in collaboration with the Bergen Clinics Foundation, Norway. The researchers involved are also working with instruments measuring other addictions, such as the recently introduced Bergen Work Addiction Scale.

    Contact details

    Doctor Cecilie Schou Andreassen
    Telephone: +47 480 41 699
    E-mail: cecilie.andreassen@psych.uib.no
    Source: https://www.uib.no/en/news/36380/new...book-addiction

    When I firstly read this study, I realized I was addicted to facebook too, even if not that much, but still showing some of those six signs. So I started to be aware of it and took measures. That problem is serious! And I see it clearly all around!

    Now that, of course, can also be said about Instagram or other social media, which I don't use, maybe some of you know more about them.


    And another article related to the above mentioned study, same things but some more details:

    Addicted to Facebook

    The Bergen Facebook Addiction Scale measures the level of restlessness for people who are addicted to social media.


    By WALTER WEHUS Updated: 10.11.2017 (First published: 17.06.2011)
    The social networking community Facebook has more than 600 million users worldwide. Every month these users spend a total of 700 billion minutes on the website, according to Facebook's own figures. Many people use the website to stay in touch with friends or family, to kill a few minutes on the bus, or to do marketing in social media. But one group of people contributes more than most to the increased use of the website, and the term "Facebook addiction" is now being used by scientists.
    A number of studies in the last few years have dealt with the increasing dependency on social media. Scientists at the University of Maryland recently published research showing that four out of five students experienced significant mental and physical discomfort when they were forced to be without digital technology for a full day.

    Researching web addiction

    – The use of Facebook has increased rapidly. We are talking about a subdivision of internet addiction connected to social media. There are a number of opinions and views on this, but there has not been any significant research in Norway on this so far, says Cecilie Schou Andreassen, Doctor of Psychology at the University of Bergen.
    Schou Andreassen has been heading a research project at the University called “Facebook Addiction”. Her doctoral thesis was on work addiction and she has practised in clinical psychology and also as a senior consultant to the private sector, thus making her perfectly situated to assess this new form of technological addiction.
    – Many companies need more expertise in dealing with their employees’ Facebook habits. How it affects work and how to handle it. If you go to a company meeting today, you may very well find employees who spend the meetings receiving notifications and updating their Facebook status, she says.

    Six warning signs

    As Facebook has become as ubiquitous in our everyday life as television, it is becoming increasingly difficult for many people to assess whether one is becoming addicted to social networking or not. Schou Andreassen’s studies use six basic criteria to identify whether or not you are addicted to Facebook:

    • You think about Facebook even when you are not online.
    • You have tried to cut back on your visits without succeeding.
    • You experience withdrawal symptoms when not on Facebook.
    • Facebook use has impacted negatively on your work or your studies.
    • You use Facebook to forget about private problems.
    • You feel the urge to use Facebook more and more.

    The studies show that the symptoms of Facebook addiction are closely related to addiction to drugs, alcohol, and chemical substances.

    Women in danger zone

    The researchers have clear theories about why some people develop Facebook dependency.
    – It clearly occurs more regularly amongst younger users than amongst the older. We have also found that people who worry a lot and are more anxious and socially insecure, use Facebook because they find it easier to stay in touch with others through social media, says Schou Andreassen.
    People who are better organised and more ambitious tend to be less at risk from Facebook addiction. They will usually prioritise differently and use social media as an integrated part of work and networking. A workaholic may spend a vast amount of time at his or her computer, but tends to use social media differently from those who develop Facebook addiction, according to Schou Andreassen’s research. For the addict, using Facebook may be a way to avoid performing dreaded work chores and to socialise instead.
    – Our research indicates that women are more at risk of developing Facebook addiction, mainly due to the social nature of Facebook. Men are overrepresented when it comes to addiction to gambling and similar, whereas women are overrepresented when it comes to texting and mobile addiction, explains Schou Andreassen.

    The Bergen Scale

    The Bergen Facebook Addiction Scale is a tool developed by Schou Andreassen and her research team as part of the project. This embraces the six danger signs mentioned, which are regarded as a central element in any type of addiction.
    Preliminary research was conducted in January, with participation from 423 students from three different campuses. The average age of the participants was 22. Next the research team will be using this material to study potential reasons and fallout factors in a Norwegian context. In particular they will be focussing on use of Facebook at work.
    Schou Andreassen heads the project, and is working closely with Professor Ståle Pallesen from the Faculty of Psychology at the University of Bergen.

    Translated from the Norwegian by Sverre Ole Drønen.
    Source: https://www.uib.no/en/news/36414/addicted-facebook

    If these were already posted here, sorry for repeating things, but even though, things should be taken into consideration and even emphasized.


    Quote Originally Posted by Bärin View Post
    I've seen one too many relationships destroyed by phone. Either the man obsesses with his work and buddies or the woman spends time on social media... I've seen couples sitting at the same table and playing with their phones instead of talking to each other. People literally have a "triangle" relationship with their phone.
    That's very annoying, indeed! And not only with your love relationship, but also with close friends. I found it very annoying when I was visiting one of my best friends and she was using her computer for no matter what while talking to me, or while I was talking to her. That's horrible! Now smartphones are like small computers, it's even worse. And in couple relationships it's even more heartbreaking, to want to spend intimate moments with your loved one, and then he/she is distracted by his/her smartphone.

    I sometimes use my phone too much as well, just to write messages, even if it's not a smartphone. It's horrible to see so many people distracted by their phones and missing so many wonderful moments that can only happen here and now.
    Die Farben duften frisch und grün... Lieblich haucht der Wind um mich.

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    I would put a huge tax on smartphones to make them unaffordable for 90% of people. The internet and normal mobile phones I can just about accept, but a mobile phone with internet access? No way. Society is already too over-technologised and the smartphone is the worst poison yet - only a step away from people having wi-fi receivers implanted in their brains.

    I was in a pub once with a friend and he answered three calls on his phone. I said to myself: "If he uses that phone one more time, I will walk out." But he seemed to sense he was going too far and didn't use it again that evening.

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    Click image for larger version. 

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    This is how you fight addiction.........kill it............

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    I'm not of the Russian Orthodox faith, but this article struck me.....

    Russian church head: Smartphones could precede Antichrist



    MOSCOW (AP) — The head of the Russian Orthodox Church says the data-gathering capacity of devices such as smartphones risks bringing humanity closer to the arrival of the Antichrist.
    In an interview shown Monday on state TV, Patriarch Kirill said the church does not oppose technological progress but is concerned that “someone can know exactly where you are, know exactly what you are interested in, know exactly what you are afraid of” and that such information could be used for centralized control of the world.
    “Control from one point is a foreshadowing of the coming of Antichrist, if we talk about the Christian view. Antichrist is the person who will be at the head of the world wide web that controls the entire human race,” he said.

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    Quote Originally Posted by schwab View Post
    I'm not of the Russian Orthodox faith, but this article struck me.....
    Romania is basically an Orthodox country, so I've heard a lot of things like that there too. Many important priests of Orthodox faith from Romania warn about the same thing. I've read and heard a lot while being there. Not only about smartphones, as these are quite new. But also the entire 'world wide web', and the microchips from identity cards (in some countries they even started to implant their under people's skin: the employees from a company in Sweden did that, as an example, if I remember well from an article), and also the microchips from the new type of health insurance cards. Some priests even warn people not to accept those kind of cards, no health insurance cards with microchips or identity cards like that or passports, because accepting them it's like making a pact with the devil. They say these are a step towards implanting them under people's skin, and in people's forehead or right arm, as described in the Apocalypse. There it also says that one who doesn't have the sign of the devil cannot buy or sell anything. There are people who wrote articles on that explaining how the bar codes from all products we buy now from shops and that are marked with a bar code are representing the sign of the devil or the number 666. Also the 'world wide web' marks the same number. They use some code from the bible to prove that. There are many books and articles about that, at least in Romanian language. I have some friends who are Orthodox Christians and who often go to church and monasteries, especially at those with priests that are known to be good. These priests often warn people about such things in their churches.
    Die Farben duften frisch und grün... Lieblich haucht der Wind um mich.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Víðálfr View Post
    Romania is basically an Orthodox country, so I've heard a lot of things like that there too. Many important priests of Orthodox faith from Romania warn about the same thing. I've read and heard a lot while being there. Not only about smartphones, as these are quite new. But also the entire 'world wide web', and the microchips from identity cards (in some countries they even started to implant their under people's skin: the employees from a company in Sweden did that, as an example, if I remember well from an article), and also the microchips from the new type of health insurance cards. Some priests even warn people not to accept those kind of cards, no health insurance cards with microchips or identity cards like that or passports, because accepting them it's like making a pact with the devil. They say these are a step towards implanting them under people's skin, and in people's forehead or right arm, as described in the Apocalypse. There it also says that one who doesn't have the sign of the devil cannot buy or sell anything. There are people who wrote articles on that explaining how the bar codes from all products we buy now from shops and that are marked with a bar code are representing the sign of the devil or the number 666. Also the 'world wide web' marks the same number. They use some code from the bible to prove that. There are many books and articles about that, at least in Romanian language. I have some friends who are Orthodox Christians and who often go to church and monasteries, especially at those with priests that are known to be good. These priests often warn people about such things in their churches.
    You are well informed on that subject. The problem is that these days so many Christian preachers from all denominations have their own interpretations of what's coming.
    The biblical book of "Revelations" is hard to understand.

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