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Thread: "Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chlodovech View Post
    I wouldn't divorce her nor remarry because a Catholic can't do that
    That's extreme. But anyways, doesn't the Bible say somewhere men can divorce an adulterous wife?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gefjon View Post
    That's extreme. But anyways, doesn't the Bible say somewhere men can divorce an adulterous wife?
    Yes, the Bible says that in the case of sexual immorality divorce is allowed (because of the hardness of the human heart, since God hates divorce), but one can not remarry until either wife or husband die - that would be an offense against natural law - that's what Christ said several times. So it's only technically possible. Of course, what Christ and St. Paul exactly meant with their teachings on divorce has always been a source of much debate - although the Bible is pretty straightforward on this matter, me thinks.

    I don't know about other Christian sects, but for Catholics there's also the possibility of the annulment of a marriage - there are several reasons as to why that could be in order. Some of the more common reasons could be the absence of consent/a forced marriage or when either husband or wife turn out to be homosexual and hence unable/unwilling to procreate - but this is not the same thing as divorce. In that case the marriage was never valid in the first place, i.e. the marriage never existed.
    “Remember that all worlds draw to an end and that noble death is a treasure which no-one is too poor to buy.” - C. S. Lewis, The Last Battle

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    Some of the posters above mention the Bible saying that it's okay for a man to divorce an adulterous wife, and I'm curious if they are referring to the exception clause in Matthew. I am no scholar of Greek, but I do recall hearing that the word porneia is often (mis)translated into English as unfaithfulness. Christ was referring to some passages in Leviticus about marriages within a prohibited degree of consanguinity or other relationships that are prohibited by divine law.

    I think that the Catholic understanding of the passage in Matthew indicates that some marriages are unlawful or illicit (i.e. null from the beginning). In the Catholic Church, adultery isn't grounds for a decree of nullity (annulment), but the innocent spouse is certainly allowed to separate from the adulterous spouse if communal life is rendered too difficult.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sól View Post
    Do you agree with this saying? If someone has betrayed you, is s/he very likely to betray you again? Do you trust, should you? Does the likelyhood increase if they betrayed twice or more? How many times can you forgive before you can say this person is a serial cheater?

    Another question, does everyone cheat? Do you know example of someone who hasn't cheated once in his life?
    Now I have a question: open relationships with more than one partner should be considered cheating too?

    I think the saying is generally true, but I've heard about some cases of people finding "the right person" whom they married and after that they never felt like cheating again! But I cannot be sure of that, I'm not omniscient to know everything.

    From my experience... I accepted from the very beginning to be in a sort of open relationship... Now I'm thinking maybe I was stupid to accept that... I agreed that he could have multiple girlfriends if he wanted to, but I wanted to know it from him from the very beginning, otherwise I would consider it cheating! This was valid for me as well, we agreed on that. I'm not sure if he respected that at all, because I've heard some not so nice things from other people. A woman even told me that he was OUR boyfriend!!! I was shocked, of course, because I had no idea about that, and I called him soon after to ask him about it. He didn't want to talk about that, he avoided it. Well, as long as I accepted that it was fine if he tells me before it happens, I was sticking to that. But to cheat even in such an agreement... that's not acceptable! Was I stupid? I am still thinking about it...
    Another time, just at the beginning of our relationship, he wanted to cheat with another woman just in front of my eyes! I didn't want that to happen, so I stayed there. He tried to force me to leave, so the two of them could be alone doing whatever they wanted to, but I didn't want to leave. Now I think I was so stupid to still be in a relationship with him from the very beginning...
    He encouraged me to look for other men too, which I didn't want to... but a few times it happened that I fell in love with someone else, and he was the first person I told that to, I thought it was fair to do so, as we agreed from the very beginning! But I never cheated on him, nothing like that ever happened!

    However, I believe that if you feel tempted to have another partner besides the one you already have, then you are not with the right partner, probably. I tend to believe that if you are with the right person you don't have any reason to cheat on him/her. It wouldn't make any sense.

    Those who are cheaters... it's their own business, as long as they don't interfere with me and my relationships.

    But in my relationship, after I realized he avoided to discuss such things, my trust in him started to vanish. So even if he wouldn't cheat, I couldn't trust him anymore. I can't stand to be lied to. If there's no trust, how can a relationship work?


    Quote Originally Posted by Bärin View Post
    The temptation and opportunity to cheat might show up but a loyal person will pass it and stay true to their relationship/marriage. Nobody forces you to cheat.
    Exactly! If someone forces you, then that would be called rape, not cheating! As long as it is cheating there is no excuse for it!


    Quote Originally Posted by SpearBrave View Post
    Since I'm not opposed to divorce, I very seriously believe that if someone is ready to cheat on their partner it is time to end the relationship. There are plenty of people out there that don't cheat so why stay with one that do.
    Exactly! If someone is ready to cheat, then it means they are not with the right partner, so why would they still be in a relationship?


    Quote Originally Posted by Herr Rentz View Post
    I believe once a cheater always a cheater. My first wife did it multiple times before I finally found out, and my second wife did it once and I left the next day. I took a day off and cleaned out everything I owned in the house loaded it into a U-Haul, rented another house and was gone.
    Wow! Congratulations for the strength to do that so quickly!


    Quote Originally Posted by Herr Rentz View Post
    Once that has happened I will never trust that person again.
    Same here.


    Quote Originally Posted by Herr Rentz View Post
    I have never cheated on a spouse or girlfriend. I am a one-woman man and always will be.
    Wow! I really wish more men would be like that!

    I tended to believe that the men were the ones more likely to be cheating, not the women...


    Quote Originally Posted by Chlodovech View Post
    The thing about cheating is: lately, women's magazines have popularized and normalized cheating. "Everyone is cheating, why aren't you doing it?" Like it's cool, trendy and hip and the thing to do if you want to be part of the cool kids. Making cheaters fashionable can only have a negative effect.
    That's why I stopped reading women's magazines! I was still a teenager when I read something like that in a magazine for girls... so not even a women's magazine! Then I stopped reading magazines like that... what a waste of time and money!


    Quote Originally Posted by LillyCaterina View Post
    After enduring what I now realize was a toxic relationship, I never thought I would meet anyone who would treat me right until I met my second husband. Gareth is everything my first husband proved not to be... Gareth is my soulmate.
    Good for you that you found each other!
    It's not easy to escape a toxic relationship... when you're in it you tend to think maybe it's normal that things are the way they are. Even if they are not.
    I really hope I'll meet someone too whom I will love, who will love me, who's a one-woman man and who will want to be in a relationship with me! Maybe I was stupid to think that it's normal for men to have multiple lovers...
    Die Farben duften frisch und grün... Lieblich haucht der Wind um mich.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sól View Post
    Do you agree with this saying?
    Yes, I do.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sól View Post
    Another question, does everyone cheat? Do you know example of someone who hasn't cheated once in his life?
    Oh, who can answer that kind of question ... except person behalf of himself/herself? Nobody monitor another person 24/7 ... day after day, week after week, year after year.

    I like to believe (= hope) that all men are not cheaters .... but even then I don't know is it so because some of them simply have that high moral (= absolute) or that they just have not met/faced a woman (= opportunity) with whom they would be ready to cheat their wifes. Having a bar much higher than so called ''cheater '' men .... those who will often even active ways search ''opportunities'' to cheat and who will often also use those.

    No idea.

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    “Remember that all worlds draw to an end and that noble death is a treasure which no-one is too poor to buy.” - C. S. Lewis, The Last Battle

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chlodovech View Post
    ''Women cheat more than Men - Do you agree?''

    This is Easy Piecy: Nope & not!

    And we don't even need approach this issue from any moral sides .... but just from biological sides. Cheating (= mating with several females) .... so called unconscious interest for that (all the time) is more natural for males .... to secure that their genes will be transported to next generation. Period!
    Plus old times it has been women who have taken care about the possible ''problems'' ... if there has been one 9 months later.

    That picture changed after women sexual revolution 1960's as since then also women have been someway possible to act like men. But no species in Earth will change just in 60 years. Some individuals can, yes .... but not in any larger scale. And not especially any as complicated as humans.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Finnish Swede View Post
    And we don't even need approach this issue from any moral sides .... but just from biological sides. Cheating (= mating with several females) .... so called unconscious interest for that (all the time) is more natural for males .... to secure that their genes will be transported to next generation. Period!
    Which may be one of the reasons women possibly cheat more than men. Men are generally much easier to coach into having sex than women, so if you're a dissatisfied wife, you have a much easier time finding a secret romantic partner, than if you were a dissatisfied husband.

    Motive requires opportunity to facilitate fruition.

    I don't think the question of which gender cheats more is the most interesting, though, but rather how men and women relate differently to cheating. For men, cheating seems to often be only about carnal pleasure and desire, with no deeper emotional connections or disloyalty involved. And while women very seldom approve of their husband sleeping with another woman, the main concern seems to rather be about the husband's emotional commitment; whether or not he places his wife and family first, and will still continue to care for them.

    The male view on female infidelity, is pretty much the other way around. While men definitely don't like their wife having deep emotional connections with other men (besides her family, of course), it is generally preferred by a huge margin to having their wife sleep with another man.

    Makes a lot of sense from a biological point of view.

    Quote Originally Posted by Finnish Swede View Post
    Plus old times it has been women who have taken care about the possible ''problems'' ... if there has been one 9 months later.

    That picture changed after women sexual revolution 1960's as since then also women have been someway possible to act like men. But no species in Earth will change just in 60 years. Some individuals can, yes .... but not in any larger scale. And not especially any as complicated as humans.
    The biological incentive for women to cheat has always been present, typically manifested in the women who sleep with the aggressive and dominant 'alfa males', only to seek stability and nurture for themselves and their offspring through 'beta males', something the stereotypical 'alfa male' might have difficulty in providing.

    Besides, why couldn't human mentality and norms change drastically in a matter of a couple of generations? 80 years ago, most Europeans barely thought of Africans as human beings. Nowadays, most of them won't even utter a word of protest if their daughter choose to marry one.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Žoreišar View Post
    Which may be one of the reasons women possibly cheat more than men. Men are generally much easier to coach into having sex than women, so if you're a dissatisfied wife, you have a much easier time finding a secret romantic partner, than if you were a dissatisfied husband.
    Oh, dissatisfied wife? That is impossible! I mean men are perfect creatures (right?) so wifes will be automatically happy.
    I mean, if the husband is a man (and not *****).

    Quote Originally Posted by Žoreišar View Post
    For men, cheating seems to often be only about carnal pleasure and desire, with no deeper emotional connections or disloyalty involved.
    LOL ... so no disloyalty?

    Quote Originally Posted by Žoreišar View Post
    And while women very seldom approve of their husband sleeping with another woman, the main concern seems to rather be about the husband's emotional commitment; whether or not he places his wife and family first, and will still continue to care for them.
    Care about them? ... in his way! Not good enough, not nearly good enough! And who even cares about his ''care''?

    Quote Originally Posted by Žoreišar View Post
    While men definitely don't like their wife having deep emotional connections with other men (besides her, it is generally preferred by a huge margin to having their wife sleep with another man.
    If that is the case ... maybe their husbands should have done something different earlier? Maybe their ''care'' (see above) just were not enough?

    Quote Originally Posted by Žoreišar View Post
    The biological incentive for women to cheat has always been present...
    In any cases ... less than males. Period.

    Quote Originally Posted by Žoreišar View Post
    Besides, why couldn't human mentality and norms change drastically in a matter of a couple of generations? 80 years ago, most Europeans barely thought of Africans as human beings. Nowadays, most of them won't even utter a word of protest if their daughter choose to marry one.
    Norms and mentality? Maybe so. Instinct, hormones etc? Hardly. And which ones are more deeper matters?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Finnish Swede View Post
    ''Women cheat more than Men - Do you agree?''

    This is Easy Piecy: Nope & not!
    There' a longer version of this video, but I was unable to find it on YT. In it the lady explains that cheating used to be a mostly male affair with women only doing 10% of the cheating, but technology (the internet) and changing attitudes towards cheating have made it so that women do 50% of the cheating today, at least in the States.
    “Remember that all worlds draw to an end and that noble death is a treasure which no-one is too poor to buy.” - C. S. Lewis, The Last Battle

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