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Thread: 'Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pictures Of All Time'

  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heidenlord
    Well I found the photo earlier today and now it appears they have updated their page and the link no longer works.

    The 80s hair metal is another hilarious thing in the music industry. I wonder how at that years guys like Posin or Twisted Sister were considered to be cool.

  2. #122
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    I see that picture is working again. That guy is breaking on of my pet peeves. He is too skinny to be shirtless! I hate it when ugly people don't wear enough clothes or fat people where too tight of clothes. If I was as bird-chested as that guy, you wouldn't see me with my shirt off anywhere (I might keep it on during a shower and sex). Which reminds me...


    This guy gets the award for skinniest guy who needs to wear some long sleeved shirts all the time. Maybe after 3 years of creatine, HMB, protein shakes, vitamins, and eating good he can go to short sleeved shirts.

  3. #123
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heidenlord
    I see that picture is working again. That guy is breaking on of my pet peeves. He is too skinny to be shirtless! I hate it when ugly people don't wear enough clothes or fat people where too tight of clothes. If I was as bird-chested as that guy, you wouldn't see me with my shirt off anywhere (I might keep it on during a shower and sex). Which reminds me...


    This guy gets the award for skinniest guy who needs to wear some long sleeved shirts all the time. Maybe after 3 years of creatine, HMB, protein shakes, vitamins, and eating good he can go to short sleeved shirts.



    In this pic Varg looks ultra-skinny.

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    You do have a very good point...That doens't look tough at all, more like a CK commercial.

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    I don't mind some of the older Norsk bm bands...but seriously...alot of them can only play 5 chords max (...just play them hyper speed with a few accent notes).....Not what I would call musically talented or true musicians.
    A true musician can play anything..., and their knowledge is evident in their overall style. Most of these bm bands can barely play any lead guitar...if any...eyes: ...disgraceful!...:thumbsdow

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    And another pic that is just SOOOOOO metal...

    -In kalte Schatten versunken... /Germaniens Volk erstarrt / Gefroren von Lügen / In denen die Welt verharrt-
    -Die alte Seele trauernd und verlassen / Verblassend in einer erklärbaren Welt / Schwebend in einem Dunst der Wehmut / Ein Schrei der nur unmerklich gellt-
    -Auch ich verspüre Demut / Vor dem alten Geiste der Ahnen / Wird es mir vergönnt sein / Gen Walhalla aufzufahren?-

    (Heimdalls Wacht, In kalte Schatten versunken, stanzas 4-6)

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    Re: 'Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pictures Of All Time'

    These then Pictures shoore look rediculous but some time has pased and the new release of another 10 rediculous pictures has bean released. They are Called.
    (THE OTHER)
    TOP 10 MOST RIDICULOUS
    BLACK METAL PICS
    OF ALL TIME


    http://ruthlessreviews.com/top10/10blackmetal2.html

    They are possible even more rediculous than the first set especually the one that got first place.


    Mike From Hobart Presents:



    It has been about one year since the release of the original Top Ten Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics, and it is just as popular as ever. Despite the endless cascade of praise, criticism, and death threats -- and the fact that Horgh has become the patron inverted-saint of Ruthless Reviews -- I’ve been reluctant to compile another list. But, alas, the demand is just too high. And so is the volume of totally pathetic source material. So, with some help from the Ruthless Forum Black Metal Horde, I proudly present: (THE OTHER)
    TOP 10 MOST RIDICULOUS
    BLACK METAL PICS
    OF ALL TIME


    2005 Edition

    How Mike Got It Down To Just 10 (Again)
    We Will Never Know


    #10

    Dani Filth



    Weighing in at #10 is our good friend, Dani. Yeah, yeah, we all know Cradle of Filth isn’t black metal -- they're more a retarded version of Marilyn Manson aimed at really sexually frustrated teenage losers -- but I say tough titties!! I’ll be damned if that isn’t the most angst-ridden, irritable bowel grimace I’ve ever seen. Is that a cold sore on his lip? Oral herpes? Fuck, what is that!? The microphone, as displayed, is clearly a homage to the mighty phallus. You would think he’s preparing for a blood-curdling banshee wail, when in fact he’s going to plunge the faux-cock directly into the hole of his fishnet Spider-Man shirt in a gesture of unprecedented homoeroticism. Carry on, Dani. #9

    Rob Darken
    (Graveland)




    Look everyone; it’s Rob Darken, the black metal Mongolian warlord with fuck-me pirate boots! Jesus... Genghis Horgh, man. Nobody LARPs quite like Rob, and I mean nobody. He’s probably got enough LARP gear in his closet to reenact the battle of Helms Deep for fuck’s sake. He’s also black metal’s biggest racist idiot -- which is a hell of an accomplishment. I should do a Top Ten Most Ridiculous Rob Darken pics. Could he have possibly found a more half-assed hodgepodge of garments to wear? It must’ve taken him hours to put all that shit on. I hate to say it Rob, but shoulder pads + fingerless gloves = GAY. Also, where's the fucking parrot? Half-assed black metal pirate dork.... #8

    Immortal
    (Undisputed Champions of Ridiculous BM Pics)




    Man, Horgh is just flat out tubby; there’s no two ways about it. That gut-guard is about to burst, and when it does, watch out for a lethal barrage of flying metal studs. You can’t see it in the picture, but his right armband has HORGH written on it, which fucking rules! And what on earth is Abbath doing? What kind of pose is that? It looks like he’s about to be hit by a bus and Horgh, unable to rescue him, is on the sidewalk screaming, “Nooooooooo….” Maybe he thinks he's in some black metal version of The Matrix -- Bullet Time Abbath. One of our Ruthless brethren put it best when he said, “If a man has grown tired of Horgh’s nipples, he has grown tired of life.” The best part is that Immortal isn't even a band anymore. These two just get together for photo shoots. Jesus... Horgh should just go pro wrestler and get it over with... Bam-Bam BigaHorgh... #7

    Handful of Hate



    Wow! Look at these fucking guys! This might not be the most ridiculous, but it sure is the most misleading. And by "misleading," I mean super-duper uber gay! I just have so many questions. When did Glenn Danzig lose twenty-pounds and join an Italian black metal band? Does the guy on the left have spikes coming out of his fucking back? And if he does, like, what? And what’s with the fucking meat hook? Is that Cher on the right? Because there is no way in hell that’s a man, not with that hair. I think they’ve all got something planned for the little guy, and it involves those chains, a studded belt, a bottle of lube, and that rusty meat hook. Or worse. #6

    Galder
    (Dimmu Borgir)




    I’ve never seen anyone in the black metal world make as many fucking annoying faces as Galder. Whether it’s on or off the stage, he is perpetually making a fool of himself by grinning, snarling, pursing his lips, sticking his tongue out, or widening his eyes. It’s as if he’s in a constant state of surprise. Perhaps it’s because he can’t believe that he still plays in the awful, awful, Demon Burger. And what the hell is his shirt made out of, melted crayons? #5

    Vrangsinn’s Ass
    (Carpathian Forest)




    Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit! Vrangsinn got back! If you’ve seen these guys live, you’d know they are totally tongue-in-cheek, (Vrangsinn saunters around the stage in a pair of black speedos) but I never expected to actually see the cheeks! My freaking eyes! That is the flabbiest, cottage-cheesiest abomination of the flesh I have ever witnessed. It looks like a giant slab of weathered and pitted marble. Only Satan himself knows what foul contents have been purged from those unholy haunches, especially after night of drinking cheap beer. Rad! And what the hell could Natte possibly be doing? Taking core samples? #4

    Maniac
    (Mayhem)





    Maniac slides into #4 for two obvious reasons: (1) His new pseudo-mullet hairdo is anything but metal; he looks older than my fucking dad. (2) That Shredder-style, spiked armguard with a pig’s head impaled on it might be the lamest black metal prop ever. Did he do the entire show with that on his hand? Looks pretty cumbersome to me. Anyway, how about the necrobestialerotic faces he’s making? I like the way he kicks out his hip in the first pic, showing off for the cameraman who is surely beating his cock raw to all of this. I mean, is that supposed to be sexy? Or tough? Or unholy and grim and inverted? Also, nice pants asshole. Old Navy was having a sale? Next... #3

    Children of Finland



    These guys can’t be older than 15. Only one of them has sufficiently long hair and unfortunately for him, he looks like a fucking rodeo clown. Listen kids, to do this right you’ve got to cut back on the white and add more black; black lips only make you look like a faggoth. You need some around your eyes to look evil. No fucking top hats and no In Flames shirts, unless you’re aiming for the Demon Burger look. Which is bad. Additionally, no god damn black fingernails either! The teenaged Mexican Slayer kids in Los Angeles would fuck these guys up and then some -- weak! And who’s that little shit in the back and what the fuck is he doing? Somewhere in Finland, there is a father that needs to take the flat side of a broadsword to his child’s behind. The future of black metal is doomed. Wait, there is no future of black metal...

    *hangs head in defeat* #2

    Vulture Lord



    Wait a minute, since when was it cool to have a fucking gimp in your band!? A BLACK METAL GIMP!! Not only that, but a gimp with homemade armbands that would make Frost jealous. He’s even got a chain around his neck! The whole fetish/bondage theme is taken to unparalleled heights here. Do these guys work at a hardware store? Also, check out that inverted bovine femur cross!!! God damn!! Trondr’s dull hatchet looks about as threatening as Abbath with his pants unzipped. These guys are too much. Tell me, what good are the bullet-belts without fucking guns!? The only reason why these guys didn’t make #1 is because... #1

    Høst
    (Taake)




    Rock out with your cock out!! Really, why say anything else? This photo encapsulates the best of what black metal has given us over the years. The poor guy’s cock n’ balls ripped through his pants, yet in the true spirit of evil, he just kept on rockin’. And why shouldn’t he? Forget the spikes and chains because your cock is as metal as it gets.
    Dummheit kennt keine Grenzen

  8. #128
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    Re: 'Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pictures Of All Time'

    Quote Originally Posted by lg
    I thought black metal was supposed to be ridiculous.
    Eh, for the most part; there are very few acts that can be taken seriously. It's mainly the product of kids taking Venom to heart, but you already knew that, I hope...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blutwölfin
    But here are some very good Black Metal Photos, made by Peter Beste:

    just follow this link click on "enter portfolio" and have a look at his great Norwegian Black Metal pics...
    Never seen anything like this before...No doubt, Peter Beste has done a terrific job with that Norwegian Black Metal shots and I really do adore the way he captured this intense BM atmosphere...

    One thing that really fascinated me about this project is the appearance, that it shows the various BM characters in quite personal situations. Therefore it wonders me that they appear to be so willing for the shots and not having doubts about an exploitation of their lifestyle and their privacy. So they really seem to respect him and his work highly and have a quite an honest relationship to him. As far as I'm informed, Nocturno Culto was even invited to come to the exhibition in Japan, which in my point of view portrays serious respect to Peter Beste.

    However, I've been thinking about buying some of his prints, but they're anything but affordable for the average man... Would be curious, how many he has been able to sell yet. I mean it's probably a way to protect the unique and rare character of his art but also the one to annoy die-hard fans with lack of the necessary change...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blutwölfin
    The beard of Varg is cool. Don't say anything else. :



    But here are some very good Black Metal Photos, made by Peter Beste:

    just follow this link click on "enter portfolio" and have a look at his great Norwegian Black Metal pics...
    Peter Beste has some great pictures .I like the picture of Samoth and his kid.

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