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Thread: The Concept of "Dating"

  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juthunge View Post
    Doesn’t that sort of come across as even more consciously stingy as just not paying anything of hers? (And I’m saying that as a Swabian. )
    Not sure, but I always had the charisma and the voice to pull it off. TBH, I also think most women this day and age are happy the man offers to pay for anything at all.
    In my opinion, this could provoke thoughts along the lines of "So he's paying something because he feels he has to (Why? Does he only want to get me into bed?) but I'm not worth paying the full bill?".
    Both men and women, as a general rule, don't overthink things if the date's sound, relaxing and promising. At least not until later.

    A lot of women these days, even those that aren't the one-night-stand types go to bars simply to have men who think they're going to get into their pants pay their drink, too.

    It mattered to me to not be considered 'that type of guy', so you're looking towards some intermediate position which still bears the potential of coming across as charming and not play the idiot. :

    Was that “tactic” very successful?
    It never failed me, not once.
    It fact, it failed me way too rarely. It's no secret that I've "been with" more women than any sane man, even less so a man of principles, should admit to.
    -In kalte Schatten versunken... /Germaniens Volk erstarrt / Gefroren von Lügen / In denen die Welt verharrt-
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    -Auch ich verspüre Demut / Vor dem alten Geiste der Ahnen / Wird es mir vergönnt sein / Gen Walhalla aufzufahren?-

    (Heimdalls Wacht, In kalte Schatten versunken, stanzas 4-6)

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chlodovech View Post
    Practice makes artificial. It's a strange thing to practice.
    Public speakers need experience to adequately convey what they want to get across, as well. It's not about changing what you are and what you stand for, but managing to stay clear-headed and relaxed, and not get caught up in the thrill of it all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chlodovech View Post
    Know thyself is what I suggest; we're probably not as great as we think we are. It's a fine line between confident and ignorant. Deep down you know what she's going to say anyway.
    If you're going into a social interaction, with the assumption you're not going to be well-received, I think that will quickly become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chlodovech View Post
    Plus, I would consider come ons between strangers rude.
    Do you feel the same way about talking to a random person of your own age and sex, or older people, or children? For my part, I find that much easier, as there's no perceived "hidden" intentions in the air (in this case, sexual attraction) from any of the parties. If you're just trying to get to know a person, or enjoying some casual small-talk, instead of treating another person as an object of your fantasies, there isn't any rudeness involved.
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    Reality is largely a product of the mind, anyhow. If there is something that scares you about rejection, then that is just as much an "artificial" illusion as being completely unabashed by it. You can either settle with a perception that is a product of factors outside of your control, that inhibits your fulfillment and success in life, or you can seize control of your perception, and shape it to accommodate for your goals and challenges. In the ancient times, there was Valhalla and Elysium, Helheim and Hades, and later, the Heavens and Hell, which served a similar purpose, to help one adhere to one's principles and goals when met with adversity and fear. If these concepts are all a deception, or not, is largely irrelevant.

    In the context of this topic, 'Hell' is dying alone and being a evolutionary dead-end. Whereas 'Heaven' is building a loving family and passing on your heritage into the unforeseeable future. Luckily, for most people, that is a conscious choice to make, and not something written in stone.
    A nation is an organic thing, historically defined.
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  4. #44
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    The talk about paying for the date invites 'gold diggers' is amusing. Most I think would have an idea if a girl was that type before they asked her out, but if not it would generally be pretty obvious after a few dates and as mentioned paying for her a few times is hardly going to send you broke.

    Unfortunately waiting for things to take their course and the opportunity to arise as if destined have been no luck for me. Being shy I've twice let the fish slip away, on both occasions attraction seemed obviously mutual, but instead of just going over and saying 'would you like to go out?', I thought there will be a better time to ask and don't be so forward. They are two of my biggest regrets. There was a female member here years ago called Freja Se and she said that it was a form of cowardice. I really wish I could go back because I would just go up and ask them out and if lucky enough to go on a date I would pay, they could have champagne and caviar & I honestly wouldn't care. It reminds me of the old saying it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
    Our beauty is our power, our strength. We can’t allow them to change us, to lessen us. I will never grant them that satisfaction, and neither should you!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chlodovech View Post
    Were you able to confirm that yourself, RB? Did you experience it for yourself or is this something you've read?
    I can tell you for sure I know what "being in love" is. It's a rollercoaster, haha.

    I've only read about the labor of love, I've never been in a truly lengthy relationship. I'm inclined to believe it's real, I wouldn't be able to tell you about the difference though. Certainly, love is too big a word to describe a relationship to someone you've only met a few weeks/months ago, I was thinking about a longer time period. Nonetheless: if love is only something that occurs after years of being in a relationship or even a friendship, let's say three or more, then I've no clue as to what love is. No regrets here, though.
    I don't think it's that complicated, it's just a combination of knowledge, trust, emotional kinship with another person. Heck it could even be love for a friend or a pet (although that's not quite the same, haha)

    What I meant about "it takes years" is that it takes some time before one knows somebody well enough to know whether you're still going to be on good terms even if bad things happened. There isn't really a time limit on it, but in the short term people who are convinced they "love" another person are just deluding themselves imo. That doesn't automatically mean that in the longer term it won't still be the case, just that in the short term it's unrealistic to be so certain about it.

    You simply know them or you don't, it's all in God's good hands. Bothering strangers and other typical black behaviour isn't appreciated around these parts.
    People can be a mystery sometimes, you think you know them and you don't.

    Also, remember the saying that God helps those who help themselves. Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. =)
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Aesthete View Post
    The talk about paying for the date invites 'gold diggers' is amusing. Most I think would have an idea if a girl was that type before they asked her out, but if not it would generally be pretty obvious after a few dates
    It isn't always that obvious, some operators are quite skilled. And because it's a dating / romance situation, people can sometimes be quite dense and will stop thinking rationally.

    But for what it's worth, if I were dating I'd be very wary of prospects who had average kinds of jobs yet wore trendy & fashionable clothes and possessed matching high priced gadgets, lived in trendy areas etc. That's already a giveaway that they're living beyond their means, and that it won't be long before you'll be the one funding their consumerist habits.

    When one encounters such a person, run!
    ~ **** Democracy! It's 2 wolves and 1 sheep deciding what's for dinner.

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    I've lived in both Europe and the US, and I've definitely noticed a difference when it comes to dating. In the US, dating fits its classical definition of a ritual: a man (usually/in the past, but nowadays its also common for the other way around) asks a woman out, and makes it officially a "date". Both partners prepare for it by picking the perfect clothes, whitening the teeth for a perfect smile, practicing the best lines, etc. Dating is usually dinner/dance and a movie, going together at a school event like a prom, etc. There are also certain rules for both genders while they are dating, e.g. don't text back immediately, don't answer the phone over the weekend, etc. Dating is considered a time during which you get to know the other person and decide if you want to get "to the next level" (i.e. more serious) with them. If you've been through several dates and all goes well, the next status would be boyfriend-girlfriend. Many people who are on a dating basis also see other people, and don't fully commit to their dates. They like to test the waters and trying out as many options as they can is socially acceptable as long as you "only" date. There are also several "bases" one can reach with their date (first base = kiss, second base = touching/fondling/making out clothed or semi-clothed, third base = usually oral sex or other non-intercourse sexual activity, home run = sex proper).

    But despite this ritualistic element, in the US dating is a pretty spontaneous and casual thing. Some people literally swipe between potential partner choices (e.g. apps like Tinder). One night stands are also more and more common. My impression of American style dating has been that the ritual of the date itself, as well as "scoring" or even being in a relationship is more important than the person you are with. It felt as though each person played their role in the perfect relationship, but could easily repeat it the following week or month with somebody else. In the US, it's also common to be "Facebook official". Dating and relationships are often in the open, people talk about their partners or dates with friends of the same or opposite sex. They also try to get hints of queues whether others "are into them" and some "hook others up". Dating just for "hooking up" is also common. You will often hear Americans who say X is okay for dating, but not for marriage. So dating can be serious or less serious.

    In Europe, on the other hand, "dating", if it can be called so, is more traditional but at the same time less ritualistic. In some countries, the man is still expected to make the first step. It used to be uncommon for someone to ask somebody out whom they met in a grocery store or so. The two would need to have been friends already or have some common ground or mutual friend base before this would happen. Europeans often meet their partners this way - friends, friends of friends, coworkers, etc., basically same social circle. In fact, Europeas often go out in groups. Getting a coffee, etc. is not such a big deal. Europeans are also more likely to be happy with the single state and don't believe in rushing and potentially making the wrong choice of partners. If a European pair is going out together, it usually means committment or at the very least not going out with someone else at the same time. I've found European men to be less prone to have sex on the first romantic encounter, they're usually not just aiming to score on some "base". They also don't tend to brag and tell their partners they slept with X or Y gave them a blow job. Europeans also have less rules and "games". If somebody wants to text their "date" immediately after, it's acceptable. Europeans don't have the dating-related lexicon that exists in the US. If a European woman asks you to come up for a cup of coffee, it may not necessarily mean she is ready to have sex (or viceversa, a man inviting you to watch a movie at his place might not have sex in mind). European men are usually more on the chivalrous side, especially the older ones. Also, they tend to be family oriented. If a European introduces you to their parents, there's no need to freak out, that doesn't mean they want to marry you (though it might depend on the case).

    A rather rude IMO practice I've seen in the US is "ghosting". You've been on a date with this nice girl/guy, and you think it went well, but then they suddenly disappear, and don't write back. What happened is that they didn't feel the same way you did, but they're too shy or afraid of telling you. Perhaps they don't want to hurt your feelings or come across as rude. Europeans however will usually tell you if they're not into you romantically, either directly or through subtle, yet clear messages.

    Personally, I prefer the European style of forming relationships. There is less pressure to fit into a box and European men also don't expect women to be magazine models or celebrities. The American style is not for me, but it may correspond to other people's needs. Anyway, to each their own.
    "Tradition doesn't mean holding on to the ashes, it means passing the torch."
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  9. #48
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    I guess I'm more into European style of dating too. The way you described the US style really freaks me out! Europeans are more normal. US is a sick society from that point of view, to be honest.

    As for me, personally, there is being friends or being more than friends. I don't feel comfortable with traditional dating either. I prefer to be friends first, and if things come naturally to something more that's alright, otherwise not. Even when I fell in love with someone, I preferred to know them better, as friends, after considering going further, instead of "dating". I really appreciate friendships more than "dating". I guess I've never been dating in a more or less traditional way, but rather considering I was making new friends. If it happened to be more than friends, alright, that was perfect! And if things went wrong, at least we could consider staying just friends again. But with "dating", if I got the right idea of it, it seems like waste of time... if it's not good match, you only gain experience. While with making new friends, at least you may have new friends, besides experience. Having friends is good too.

    Also, I've been around the opposite sex since childhood, I usually made better friends with boys than with girls. So maybe that's why I consider all men equal to me, to be friends first, and not seeing them just as "potential dates". I wouldn't feel comfortable kissing or doing whatever else with a guy I don't know well enough in advance.

    Of course, this doesn't mean that my friends are potential dates either, I have a line there, and usually my friends cannot become more than friends. If they could they would already know it of course. With friends you can discuss anything, so of course I would be honest about that too.

    I guess it is better to start a relationship as friends, and then becoming more than friends, instead of dating. At least for me this is how it works.

    Even with my ex, in some way he was courting me... but personally I consider we became friends... and then we became more than friends. Now we're friends again, like in the beginning. I like it to be more natural, and let things flow that way, than being too conventional about it.

    Maybe I'm quite serious too. I don't like wasting my time on things that I feel they wouldn't last. So one night stands are not for me either. I can be single and live without sex without any problems. Better to do something better with my time. I can do lots of nice things with my partner when being in a more serious relationship, no need for one night stands to experience that. When time will come, I am sure I can make love in really nice ways with my partner... Good quality things are worth the waiting!
    Die Farben duften frisch und grün... Lieblich haucht der Wind um mich.

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