View Poll Results: How long have you been in your relationship?

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  • Under a year

    10 28.57%
  • 1 - 3 years

    6 17.14%
  • 4 - 8 years

    9 25.71%
  • 9 - 15 years

    5 14.29%
  • 16 - 20 years

    2 5.71%
  • 21+ years

    3 8.57%
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Thread: How Long Have You Been in Your Relationship? What is the Secret of a Successful, Lasting Relationship?

  1. #21
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    ^ Just out of curiosity, how many children do you have?

  2. #22
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    Having children is of course important and the ultimate goal if we want to ensure the continuation of our Germanic genes, however finding a compatible partner is just as important.

    Our folk is currently struggling with many broken up, dysfunctional families. It is not only the quantity that counts but also the quality.

    The problem with the newer generation is that people separate dating and sex from marriage and family, so they will go out with people they would have otherwise thought as poor cohabitation or marriage material, because... well, it's "just dating". I don't think that's a very positive model for our future generations to follow. Of course, having fun with your partner is also important, however, if you don't see yourself entertaining the idea of something of durable or permanent nature with that person, there is little point wasting both your and their time with something of a shallow nature.

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  4. #23
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    Been married twenty-seven years.

    It isn't the good times that prove the strength of a marriage, it's the bad times.

    Ask not what your spouse can do for you, but ask what you can do for your spouse.

    Swallow your ego.
    Aside from an ever increasing number of mortals who have willfully chosen to worship Satan and his minions, our battle has always been against the powers and principalities operating surreptitiously throughout this twisted world.

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  6. #24
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    In the fourth year of our relationship. I have been married 1.5 years.

    Quite happy with my marriage.

    Its kind of hard to offer advice on how to keep a good thing going, but it takes a lot of sacrifice, hard work, vulnerability, and tenacity.

    Its not easy, but I would say it is worth it.

  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpearBrave View Post
    This quote was from 2009

    1999 started living together

    2015 separated

    2016 divorced

    my math was bad 17 years.

    Oh, well I should have listened to my gut instinct back then and stayed living together.
    You mean now you think you should have stayed together in 2015 instead of separating?


    I was thinking to start a thread and ask folks about marriages, but I guess this one should work as well. I've seen so many unhappy and failed marriages, and very very few happy and successful ones... so this is why I wonder how many of you who are married are really happy in your marriages... and also, those who have more experience with marriages, what advises do you have. Now some answers were already given in this thread. But I would also be curious, statistically, how many are in happy marriages, and how many are or were not...

    Personally I still dream to get married one day... I've been for 7 years in a relationship, and I wanted to marry since the very beginning, but he didn't want to. Now I'm glad we didn't marry, because it would probably have ended in divorce and I wouldn't have been happy in such a marriage. Probably he had enough life experience, being 25 years older than me, to know it was not good to marry. However, I still believe in the idea of marriage, even if I don't want to have children...

    We've been confronting with lots of problems in 7 years, since the very beginning, but LOVE was the most important thing and it was LOVE that saved our relationship each and every time. However, problems still exist today and I am not sure if in the last one or two years we've been just good friends or we've still been in a relationship. Or something in between. But we still love each other and this is the most important link between us. Even if our relationship will end, I think we will still remain good friends.
    Die Farben duften frisch und grün... Lieblich haucht der Wind um mich.

  8. #26
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    Firstly, SpearBrave, after reading again the whole thread I think I've got what you meant.

    Secondly... I reconsidered things a little bit during the last few weeks... But I'll take it step by step to answer the thread question...

    Quote Originally Posted by Nachtengel View Post
    The 'seven year itch’ used to signal a time of turbulence, or even doom, for couples in serious relationships. But now average relationships last just 2 years and 9 months...
    The seven year thing... oh, no...
    Actually, it seems there's usually a big challenge at about 3 years of relationship, another big one at 7... and so on... It probably has to do with some natural cycles, people who are more into astrology than me should know more about it...


    Quote Originally Posted by Nachtengel View Post
    How long have you known your partner and how long have you been in a relationship with them? Did you get married immediately or did you date at first? Maybe started out as friends?

    Have you had any breakups and back-togethers along the line or has your relationship been a continuous line, without significant ups and downs?
    ...
    If you are separated or divorced, but still had a long-lasting relationship over the years, what made it last for so long before you drifted apart? Did one partner have to make more compromises than the other?
    ...
    Finally, what are the biggest challenges that come with having been together for many years or even decades? Does routine get boring or do you prefer living a certain way?
    We have been together for more than 7 years, as I said before... We knew each other for a while before starting to be involved in a romantic relationship. We felt attracted to each other since we first met, he actually remembers seeing me more than one year before I even noticed him. We became friends gradually, and then... things went that we became more than friends. In the beginning I was in love with someone else, so I had no interest in being more than friends with him, but we became friends because we also shared common interests and tastes regarding music and political views, so we had really interesting discussions. In the beginning we didn't see each other too often, just occasionally... just after it was obvious I didn't have any chance with the one I was in love with, things went that we saw each other more often, discussing things and discovering more common interests and tastes. After about 2,5 months since we first met (and talked to each other) we became romantically involved.

    We had lots of ups and downs, since the very beginning. We were so different in some aspects, me a water sign, and he a fire sign, so very incompatible elements. But still, if you really want to make things work, they can work! That type of relationship is very good for growing up and learning a lot of things, but as it is challenging, it is never too peaceful. Water and fire are also complementing each other, and they make good chemistry...

    We fought many many times, but as I said before, LOVE was winning all the time... He came back to me many times, saying that "it doesn't matter who is right, it matters who loves more"... He would give up our relationship many times, but I didn't want to end it, so I tried my best to keep things working. Well, when I love someone I just LOVE... and for me love is forever... If I will ever say to someone "I don't love you anymore" that would either mean that I never loved them, or that it has happened something really bad to not love them anymore... But I still love everyone I loved at one moment or another, even though we are no longer together. If it's real love, it should last forever. But it takes more than just love to make a romantic relationship working, I guess.

    We had a big challenge when we were more than 6 years together... I wanted to end things, but however, in the end... we were still together. After many years, conflicts were more easy to deal with, and they were not so intense as in the beginning. Love won each time. He always said he's not the right guy for me, that I deserve someone better and younger, but I didn't find anyone better than him to fall in love with and to love me back, and I wanted to still be with him.

    We didn't live together for too long... Actually many are saying that it is not good to live together, as the passion dies and you start to grow apart. In many cases, this is true, not sure if it's like that all the time. To live with him was what I wanted in the beginning... and we lived together for a while, but it was not so nice. He preferred that we lived separately, which we did, but then he was so busy, hardly finding time for me.

    Now... we're separated, but we are still good friends. I asked him if he would want me back and he laughed at it saying that I am cute and of course he would want me back! It's difficult, but... he said he wants me to be happy and find a better man than him to love me and be happy with him. I fell in love with someone, to be honest, and this made me reflect more on my relationship and what I really want. If the one I fell in love with is the one I am supposed to be with, alright then... Otherwise... I don't know, maybe going back to my ex would be best option. Time will tell...

    We began as friends... we are still friends... That will never change!


    Quote Originally Posted by Stormraaf View Post
    And how many subtle hints to get married do you get per day?
    Quote Originally Posted by SpearBrave View Post
    Since we have lived together all of that time, I get at least one hint a day. I just want to make sure she is the right one. Ha Ha
    Haha, I was like that too in the first few years! I wanted him to marry me...



    Quote Originally Posted by Aeternitas View Post
    We've known each other for 13 years, together for about 9. We have some shared history, shared values, common world view and similar interests which makes us both good friends and partners. A relationship is a two-way street, people have to be in it together for it to work. Sometimes opposites attract or complement one another, but generally the more people stand for the same things, the easier it is to understand and support one another.

    One of the most important things in a relationship, probably even more important than romance is IMO friendship. Our relationship is first and foremost a friendship. Of course love and passion are also important, but if we look at the most successful social bonds, those based on friendship last longer. Oftentimes, people find themselves thinking, how could they ever have been together with that person, when they were really so different. Some people rely on their friends even more than they do on they partners, and it's not surprising. A friend is always there and accepts us as we are. So why not also share this kind of bond with one's partner? There have been studies done on couples married 15+ years and both husbands and wives put "liking spouse as a person" or "spouse as best friend" as one of their main reasons behind their marital success.

    The next most important thing is communication. If two people can't find a way to openly and honestly communicate their needs and feelings to one another, the relationship may not stand much of a chance long-term. Couples must find a way to communicate regularly, openly, and directly. Lack of communication can cause distance and a sense of alienation to grow, and over time, if issues are left unresolved, the relationship is likely to become yet another statistic of failure. Unresolved conflicts are, in essence, the beginning of a death for any relationship. Of course there are also times when silence is golden, and some arguments are not worth starting. Many couples fight and bicker over the most trivial things, especially when put into context of issues of true importance. We rarely have arguments, and verbal or physical violence is unknown in our household. We've never had a big fight or broken up. That doesn't mean that everything has been rosy, we've faced other kinds of life's challenges, but we try to make our time together pleasant and whatever comes we are usually in it together. He compliments me often as I get ready for work, we part with an embrace and a kiss, and we meet with one, regardless if one is recently off the plane or if one if just going out or coming back from work. He is my rock and I am his, if something bothers me he is there for me to listen and help, and I there for him. There is always a topic of conversation, if anything there is not enough time to exhaust it.

    Trust, safety and respect - we need someone who makes us physically and emotionally safe, someone we can open up to, work together with and entrust with our personal issues or belongings. But at the same time we need to show that we too can be trusted and provide these things in return to our partner. If I accidentally leave my computer running I know my partner will not snoop through my personal stuff and only use it if he needs it for something. At the same time I've never understood the desire of girlfriends to snoop through their partner's phones and this becoming so widespread to the point where I am considered the one strange for not engaging in such activities. It's not about having something to hide but about having some respect for the other's privacy and personal space. If my partner wants to share something with me, he will share it, and if he doesn't, it's probably unimportant, uninteresting or doesn't concern me. Many people don't snoop because they suspect something but they end up creating scenarios in their heads after they snoop. Also, going through someone's stuff without permission and without a good reason makes them feel distrusted and uneasy. It's better to address such issues in a face to face conversation.

    Loyalty, empathy, patience and compromise - relationships are about not only taking, but also giving. Sometimes we may take more than we give, sometimes we may give more than we take, sometimes our patience is tested or we test the partner's patience. This needs to be evened out with time and reach an overall balance. Being there for one another, supporting each other through thick and thin, sharing both the good and the less fortunate moments basically goes hand-in-hand with the above. There have been difficult times when my partner said he would understand it if I left, and times when I told him he could leave me, but neither of us gave up on the other. Some people said we are loyal to a fault, unfortunately, many people forget the part about "richer or poorer, in sickness and in health" and bail out as soon as they face such challenges. What was once considered normal and reasonable is now considered exceptional or even deviant.

    Assumption of permanence (i.e., that the relationship will last a lifetime) - this is something that may seem obvious but many omit. Of course, nothing is certain in life but relationships generally break from the inside. If one doesn't believe it can last, it probably won't.
    Again, such a good post! I just emphasized what I consider to be most important, I agree very much with what you said there!

    Communication, or lack of it, was a real challenge in my relationship. Sometimes it was so difficult to understand each other, like if we were speaking different languages. Here I guess astrology can be quite accurate, at least in my case it proved to be... Being different elements is indeed like speaking different languages, while with people from the same element, meaning water, I can communicate so easily and we can easily understand each other, even without words. The best friends I had in my life were almost all water signs, statistically speaking. With fire the chemistry was always very intense, all my romantic relationships were with fire signs, but the communication was always... still to be improved.

    I never snooped into my partners phone either. He even gave me his password to his email address, to check his address when he doesn't have internet access... I already knew what I needed to know, so why bother with things like snooping. I've seen some couples doing that, and I think too that it's horrible. I don't want that to ever happen to me, so I don't do it either. If you can't have trust in a relationship, then I don't think that can ever work fine. If I ever had a crush on someone else I was telling him, and he did the same. Discussing things directly all the time. I know about all his ex-girlfriends and crushes from him, we are, first of all, FRIENDS, so we can discuss anything, even falling in love with someone else or someone else trying to get us.

    In our case... he said I could leave, a lot of times... but I never dared to say that to him, because I didn't want him to leave... And I felt so sorry each time I fell in love with someone else (just a few times, though), even though I can understand what he means when he says he wants me to be happy, even if that means that I would be with another man. He thinks he doesn't love me enough and he hopes I will find someone more suitable than him to love me more and be more happy one with each other.

    I think the last paragraph of your post is the most important, it sums up everything, and I don't think it could be said better than that. One has to believe in their relationship and to want it to last. I am that kind of person who wishes that my relationship would last forever, so... it's not easy to give up on him. He doesn't seem to believe in it, though, as long as he encourages me to find someone "better than him"... Or he's just being so nice... This is so overwhelming, but also very complicated... Time will tell what will happen. If I am supposed to be with someone else, "better than him", I would be willing to make that relationship last forever too... At least I am good friends with the one I consider to be worth being with, but who knows how things are going to be... The Universe has its own mysterious ways... (but we also have to do something about it!)
    Die Farben duften frisch und grün... Lieblich haucht der Wind um mich.

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