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Thread: Do Men Want Children, Too? / Are Modern Men Afraid of Commitment?

  1. #71
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    I had a unique reason for wanting a family, in that my own family was a complete disaster (my parents abandoned me, I was put into foster care, I ended up being adopted, but it all worked out great for me, honestly - just not from the "familial" perspective).

    But I wasn't interested in starting a family too early just for its own sake, especially since I was having a pretty good time in my 20s as the quintessential "ski bum" in the American Rockies.

    But once I found the love of my life and we decided to start having children, I oriented everything in my life such that I could be a full-time father, and be at home, and help my sweetie out with whatever she wanted to do, and really be present to raise the kids. This isn't the typical way of the American family, since usually there's a lot of Day Care and babysitters and public school. We didn't do any of those things. I've been here with my three kids pretty much from the moment(s) of their birth(s).

    There's lots of ways to accomplish the whole baby-family-relationship thing. I'm just one example. But I'm really happy with how I've accomplished what I set out to do, especially since it has completely erased the travesty that my parents presented. I'm happy they had me as a kid, since I like being alive (right?!?), but now that I'm a father I've taken great satisfaction at "getting it right".

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ernst Von SprM View Post
    A lot of guys I know my age, below and above, want children. Some of them are weary about commitment before the age of 27-28, which I can totally empathize with. I myself want children, but a little later in life, I have projects that require my full attention, effort and passion, projects that will serve to make my future, the future of my children and the children of hopefully most other people a better one. I've recently turned 21, I already have friends my age who are married and have kids. They were able to afford it, I can't, not at the moment.

    When I have children, I'll do my best to spend as much time with them as possible and raise them as close to nature as possible. I am determined to make it work. Ideally I'd have 7 kids, three boys and four girls. I already know what I'm going to name them and what their roles within the family will serve as. Maybe it's to early to tell, or I'm counting my chickens before they hatch, but it's always better imo to get into something with a game plan.
    Males of your age and below should not be thinking about breeding. You were a child yourself just a few years ago. I can guarantee that those boys you know who have foolishly married will no longer be married within 5 years time and will only occasionally get to see their children. Do not make the same mistake! If you ever do breed, don't marry the woman! Co-habit if you must but never marry! The divorce rate in Germany is 40%.

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    Senior Member Sigurdsson's Avatar
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    I would definitely like to have children at some point.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gefjon View Post
    Here's a good vid explaining the syndrome of the "eternal boyfriend", aka dudes who won't propose. The guy looks and sounds a bit like an incel tbh, but he speaks the truth about such dudes:



    Long story short: if a guy hasn't proposed to you in the first 6 months (give him a year if he's old fashioned or shy), it's highly unlikely he will ever do it. He's probably content with ya as ya are, and why buy the cow if one can get the milk for free, he thinks. So girls, it's time to assess your relationships. If the guy hasn't brought up marriage or kids, but he's still with you, he might only be with ya for sex, companionship, or consider you a live-in maid. There's very few exceptions, some dudes beat around the bush or expect the girl to ask. If your guy is shy, give him some hints ya'd like to get married. Question is, are ya gonna be satisfied with this status forever? Live with a guy who doesn't consider you good enough for marriage? Remember, it's not only girls who have a plan B.
    Interesting...

    I watched this, being curious, because I was in a long term relationship and had an "eternal boyfriend" as well... However, my case was different. I wanted to get married of course, but didn't care about having children, actually we both didn't want any children... I wanted to get married with him, but he was kind of scared of the idea of marriage... Well, much older than me, he could have been my father, and he said he wanted to get married at some point in his life, but not at that age when he was with me (thinking it was too late to marry, and what good for?)...

    More than that, I wanted to be with him much more than he wanted to be with me, I think... but still, I have my dream of getting married... With or without kids, this is less important for me... My guy was happy he could consider me like his daughter and 'raise me' like I was his daughter (he said he wished to have a daughter like me)... and it felt really nice sometimes to be with him.

    But I really have no regrets about that... We were and still are very good friends, he's still one of my best friends and he will always be.

    Honestly, I don't like the guy in the video, but he has some points... However, not that valid in my case... I agree women are easy to be fooled though...

    And by the way, my guy didn't have any sex with me in the last years of our relationship (I didn't want to), but he still hoped about that and still wanted to be with me. But he was always willing to let me free too if I found a better guy to marry and eventually have kids with. If that is not true love, I don't know what it is... He's one of my best friends now, so...
    Die Farben duften frisch und grün... Lieblich haucht der Wind um mich.

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    For the longest time i've wanted to have children and still do want children.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wuotans Krieger View Post
    Males of your age and below should not be thinking about breeding. You were a child yourself just a few years ago. I can guarantee that those boys you know who have foolishly married will no longer be married within 5 years time and will only occasionally get to see their children. Do not make the same mistake! If you ever do breed, don't marry the woman! Co-habit if you must but never marry! The divorce rate in Germany is 40%.
    What a load of BS! It's not the age that decides whether a marriage and family will be successful or not, it's the personal maturity and character. My husband was 23 when our first child was born and we're still together and married.

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    What a load of BS! It's not the age that decides whether a marriage and family will be successful or not, it's the personal maturity and character. My husband was 23 when our first child was born and we're still together and married.
    Broadly speaking, I tend to agree with WK that most marriages will fail if young people of 21 go rushing into them.

    As you say, some folks mature more quickly than others but all things being equal I think 21 is a bit early.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nordic Angel View Post
    What a load of BS! It's not the age that decides whether a marriage and family will be successful or not, it's the personal maturity and character. My husband was 23 when our first child was born and we're still together and married.
    I agree. My stepsister got married just after graduating from high school, and they're still together.

    Age has little to do with rather a relationship succeeds or not.
    Not all in life is at it appears to be.

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    I think men do want kids and marriage. Men can commit despite popular theory. The problem is marriage and kids for men is like playing Russian Roulette with all the chambers loaded. Divorce can be attained for any reason and the woman gets to walk away with just about everything and the man keeps paying for years. Not a very appealing game overall given the risks.
    I grew up on a belief of honour, courage and the old world values. The world isn't about that anymore, preferring to die a slow death of fast food and cheap thrills.

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