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Thread: Do Men Want Children, Too? / Are Modern Men Afraid of Commitment?

  1. #41
    Senior Member Catterick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpearBrave View Post
    Yes, that is true in many cases. Kids are having sex at much younger age than they did even when I was young.

    Do mean exploring as having a sense for adventure or are they two different things?
    The sense of adventure is masculine: in girls it is tomboyish. Fourteen year olds once fought in the trenches as an adventure, others joined whaling ships. Nowadays even paper rounds are banned as child labour, and we whine about ISIS and Joseph Kong using teenage soldiers.

  2. #42
    Blut ist ein ganz besonderer Saft. Juthunge's Avatar
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    The article describes the shallow behaviour of (post-)millenial men quite well, I doubt you’ll find many of those types on Skadi, though. But the reasoning of the article is totally wrong anyway, which is no wonder as it’s from HP.
    Chlodovech has addressed the underlying reasons quite well already, therefore I'll skip that part.

    Apart from the failed first love mentioned in the article, there is another, probably even more important problem, though: The nice guy/friend zone Chlodovech has already touched upon in his post, too.

    Many, if not most, men in my generation are somehow programmed to be at least initially a “nice guy” towards women they’re interested in. I used to be one myself, actually. If that is entirely down to feminist education or perhaps at least partly a natural stage of development in men, I don’t know.

    In any case it gets reiterated by women themselves that they like nice guys even though that’s evidently untrue. Probably that kind of thinking doesn’t come natural to women either but gets fed them with too many Disney and Hollywood films.
    Nice guys in reality, will just end up being “friendzoned” by them, will get told how nice they are and what luck some woman, not themselves though, will have one day to get them.

    It’s sort of a pet, that gets sometimes verbally stroked but is mostly used to dump all the emotional stress that woman experiences, without the guy being allowed in a physical relationship of any sort. Something akin to that happened to about every guy I know. Some break out of that early, others later, a few never.

    Likewise some can forget about this, become real men, not generalise and project this sort of behaviour on all women and go on to form proper relationships. That’s the proper middle way.
    Others however become entirely misogynistic and use women afterwards indeed only to sleep around. Which actually likewise degrades themselves as that sort of behaviour doesn’t even serve procreation anymore.
    Ironically however, this attitude makes them sub-consciously much more attractive to women, than they could’ve ever hoped for as nice guys.

    But now they’re fed up with women and don’t look for relationships anymore and they either look only for one-night-stands or sex relationships. That likewise leads women to think that all men look only for sex and might get themselves a nice guy. But that’s not what they’re looking for by nature, so they friendzone him. And the vicious circle goes on and on.

    But whatever the initial reasons, the outcome is quite obvious: Millenials, both men and women, are entirely confused and have no idea what they’re doing anymore.

    I’ll use the last woman I’ve dated as a quite symptomatic case.
    She was a beautiful, intelligent, college educated twenty-something I’ve met because she continued my work at a former workplace and I was asked if could explain it to her. We were actually getting along very well, could talk for hours without end, which is in itself quite unusual for me and it was also otherwise “sparking”.

    After three dates I tried to arrange for a fourth but somehow she was elusive and unavailable. Since such a cowardly behaviour is nowadays the new way of simply saying “I don’t want to meet again”, even if just via messenger and I didn’t understand her behaviour because it seemed to work between us, I persuaded her to at least tell me what the matter was.

    She told me, when we first met by chance she wasn’t actually looking for anything real. But apparently she realised only late that I “could be different to all the other men” she met and wasn’t only looking for a one-night-stand. She had a feeling after the second date, that we wouldn’t fit optimally, apparently deducing that from me being child-friendly. Which is an “interesting” reasoning in itself.

    But she liked the way I behaved, my character and also my looks so she decided to give it a shot despite all that.
    Eventually, however, she apparently realised, that she could never be in a classical relationship again in her life and since the one-night-stand wasn’t forthcoming, she gave up.

    The way she reacted and her reasoning say probably a lot about the behaviour of both millennial women. But also about men because the ones she had met before were never looking for a relationship either.

    It’s probably also an extreme case, that she never wants to be in a relationship again, though and not representative of the majority of women. At least I hope so, otherwise our future is even darker than it seems now.
    "And in the shock of battle the men of the North seemed like a sea that cannot be moved. Firmly they stood, one close to another, forming as it were a bulwark of ice, and with great blows of their swords they hewed down the Arabs. Drawn up in a band around their chief, the people of the Austrasians carried all before them. Their tireless hands drove their swords down to the breasts of the foe." - The Mozarabic Chronicle of 754, about the Germanic victory at the Battle of Tours.

  3. #43
    Senior Member Catterick's Avatar
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    Juthunge: I posted about Shinji and Misato becoming normal for Millenials in the anime for Germanics thread. That program was as predictive as Paranoia Agent.

  4. #44
    Proffessional Hickerbilly SpearBrave's Avatar
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    About this "friendzoned" thing. I have a few things to say about that. I have had very few friends in real life, I mean true friends that is. A true friend is someone you can share anything with, both your darkest and brightest feelings and emotions. I have at least one of those here on Skadi, they know who they are so I won't say their name. With a true friend you are loyal to the end and will give your life for them. So, I would caution all men that have heard those words from most women, they will neither be your friend or your lover....move on.

    Now, about women being friends with a man. If you are in a committed relationship with a woman, you should be her friend as well as her lover. If that friendship dies so will the relationship. The two go hand in hand, if not you are not that committed in the first place.

    Funny I will say that all of my man friends I have been in at least one fist fight with. You dust yourself off, have a bier and you are still friends. Sometimes a true friend has tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Given that I wonder how many girls would want to be my friend knowing that it might come to blows and still be friends afterwards.
    Life is like a fire hydrant- sometimes you help people put out their fires, but most of the time you just get peed on by every dog in the neighborhood.

  5. #45
    Funding Member Georgia's Avatar
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    John 15:13: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Proverbs 17:17: "A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

    True friendship is also a wonderful prerequisite for a lasting and blissful marriage. Two people must be one in spirit, emotionally as well as intellectually, not necessarily equal in knowledge but never less intimate spiritually, mentally, emotionally and intellectually. And then, to crown this intimacy, marriage follows with the final bond, the physical intimacy.

    I am not so sure that men are afraid of commitment. I believe it is more of a culture change than being afraid. This culture change has affected both men and women, not just in personal relationships but also in the work place and every aspect of daily life. Responsibility, dependability, honesty, a portion of healthy pride which includes national pride, just to name a few character traits, no longer is being taught and those traits are becoming rarer and rarer as time goes on. The Western World at large has become sick and this sickness has affected the culture of the west. It is like a virus which spreads quickly and there seemingly is no cure for it. Is it any surprise that existing families are falling apart, women refuse to have children and many men have no desire to be a dad.

    Families no longer sit down for meals around a table to have this precious family time, oh no, way too many are busy sitting in the living eating breakfast, supper and dinner while watching TV or spending their time on social media. And so many times recreational sports have also taken the place of the family. I could write on and on this subject; however, I must tend to supper as my daughter is coming in a bit.

    Georgia
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided; and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging the future but by the past.
    Patrick Henry

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    Secure a future for Germanic children Bärin's Avatar
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    You've said it yourself, modern men. Modern men have become feminized and pussified while modern women have become feminist childfree hags. by the time they get bored of playing around, they will already be too old to have healthy children.

    Feminism, homosexuality and sexual deviancy in general have an agenda to destroy traditional relationships and traditional families. This is why we must resist this part of modernism and educate our children to be responsible when they themselves become parents.

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    Funding Member Schmetterling's Avatar
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    Modern men seem allergic to marriage but it's not for the reasons we may think. I don't think it's the idea of what a marriage truly means, i.e. a long term commitment, that scares them, but lot of men hate the superficiality of weddings and fear the possibility of a divorce leaving them bankrupt or separating them from their children. So they might just not like the legal and official ramifications of marriage.

    If marriage was a private verbal contract between a man and a woman, on their own terms, without the state meddling, it would probably be more successful. This is why we have so many modern coupled cohabiting and even having children without getting married.

    On a personal note, my man tells me he loves me with or without a ring, I find that romantic.
    "Tradition doesn't mean holding on to the ashes, it means passing the torch."
    - Thomas Morus (1478-1535)

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    Member ProEuropa's Avatar
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    I think men today have been lulled into just boinking as many women as they can instead of having a fruitful relationship, effectively hindering them from having children.

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    Funding Member Nachtengel's Avatar
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    Why Men in Long-Term Relationships Haven't Proposed

    You've heard what makes guys propose, now hear this: I interviewed some great guys I know to find out why they're not proposing to their long-term girlfriends. And it was an eye-opening experience. Could one of these factors be holding your man back?

    These men have all been dating their girlfriends for four - seven years and are all between the ages of 27 and 30, aka they can afford engagement rings and have been with their significant others long enough to know what they need to know before they get engaged. Here's what they had to say about why they're not proposing:

    "She was slow to want to move in with me and seems somewhat petrified of marriage. My only constraint is that I would never propose without living with a girl for at least a year, so I would probably be willing to propose in the next few months if she was ready. As it is, I think our timeframe is most likely the first half of 2011."

    "We are still apart on wanting children. I do 100%. She's undecided. She switched her position on having kids after we had been dating for four years. I guess the complication is why her opinion changed and why we are still together."

    "There's a great deal of truth to needing things to be fresh and spontaneous. The underlying problem is that by this point in my relationship, it feels like we've mimicked a full life-cycle. The feeling I get is one of hanging around with my wife of 20 years; not that it's bad, but there's no next step and no need for more significant gestures. Since this mock marriage has taken place, wanting to go for a real marriage has become much less likely. I feel that my relationship has in large part run its course, and that's a big part of what keeps me from moving forward. There's certainly no sense that things would improve, and at times, I have a strong feeling that marriage would make things worse."

    "My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly four years. We moved in together last fall, and have been very happy with this step. We enjoy living life together; we like traveling and going out. We think of marriage as a step towards starting a family. We definitely talk about getting engaged, but we agree there's no rush."

    "She has a job that makes her move all over the place; it's kind of hard to pull the trigger when you don't know where she's going to be working every two years. We're in the same city now, but we've only been able to be a grown-up couple dealing with grown-up couple situations for a short time. I've known I wanted to marry since I met her; it's never been a matter of commitment. If anything, I've been waiting five years to be in the same state just to make sure that it's something we both wanted. We've talked about our potential lives together, but it's kind of hard to take it seriously when you don't live in the same time zone."

    Did their answers surprise you? What would your advice to these guys be? Do you think your boyfriend could be thinking any of these same things?
    https://www.glamour.com/story/why-me...term-relations

  10. #50
    Funding Member Siebenbürgerin's Avatar
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    Unfortunately I've had the experience that most men my age don't want to commit, the idea of marriage and family seems too early or even outdated to them. But, it's not only the men. Women my age feel the same, sometimes even worse. They want to "have fun" first and focus on other things before they are "ready". And they're already in their late twenties or early thirties. I wonder when they feel they're going to be ready at all? When they turn 40 or 50?

    Also few peoples want marriage, they prefer cohabitation. It's more convenient, less effort and hassle. In my view however, it shows a lack of seriosity towards traditional family structure and values. Because of this general negativistic attitude towards marriage, I wasn't able to hold a long-term relationship so far. I'm traditionally minded and want something serious, but the other party had other plans. A discussion of engagement, marriage and family for the future was off-putting for them. The only person I found to be open to these things was someone I met from another country. We tried a long distance/online relationship but it was difficult so we ended it...

    However, we shouldn't lose hope. There are still traditionally minded men out there who want these things and who are probably facing the same issue - can't find a traditionally minded woman who wants a family. I've had a little bit of luck and destiny made it happen that this person I was talking about earlier and I crossed paths again, and now the distance problem doesn't exist anymore. Both him and I feel ready and although it's a little bit later than we'd have imagined, we still think about a family for the future. My lesson I've learnt, traditionally minded men are a gem these days, sometimes it's hard to find the diamond from the rocks but there are still diamonds in the world.

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