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Thread: Do Men Want Children, Too? / Are Modern Men Afraid of Commitment?

  1. #11
    Senior Member Adalheid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jens View Post
    Damn Todesritter, that's depressing, I hope that attitude works out better for me

    @ Adalheid: I forgot to point out as I like to do, people tend to know people who are like them. Just as I sometimes suffer under the delusion that men are generally more frugal, responsibility oriented, and educated than they really are, ones own circle of friends rarely represents the wider population.

    The only women I've ever met that want to be, and have the capacity to be good homemakers, are married. Most of them are also old. I blame feminism's bad attitude toward this particular essential skill.
    Jens, agreed on the hateful thing that is feminism. I am thankful that I have a few friends who are also homemakers, but generally, there is a stigma to my home-centered choices applied by others.

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    I'm prepared to start a large family with my wife only as long as she respects my word when it comes to discipline. She'd prefer to be a 'modern mother'. I believe children should be seen and not heard, and definitely not 'friends' of the parents. Only if the first few children turn out right would I consider having more. I always addressed my father as 'sir', as he did his. I consider this the measure of a child's respect and worth. I find calling a father 'dad' to be inexcusable, and dangerously close to the 'friendship' the modern parent wants above all else to have with the child. When it comes to the rest: Bad grades? Grounded. Bad language? Grounded. This will take the place of the corporal punishment dished out by the patriarchs in my lineage. After-school hours should be devoted to supplementary study and completion of allotted chores. No 'Nintendo', no degenerate entertainment of any kind.

    Like I say, my wife doesn't feel the same way and it's causing some friction in our conversations lately. But I won't yield on the matter, and I'm sure sooner or later she'll come to my point of view.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Adalheid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aedan View Post
    @Adalheid

    With respect, I think you went past Jen's point.

    As a father myself, I find that even with our one daughter and my wife being a stay at home, it is hard enough with our one.

    I am either working all the time, with just saturday and sunday for the family as it is.

    Living where I do, even as she is very frugal and economic, a second or third would have me working overtime bleeding into Saturdays and Sundays.

    I do not believe men are against children, as you may have feared. We are just logical and have to think of our whole family and also, the time we get in with our women.

    With one child, we have perhaps a few dollars a month.. I would love to have a date night once a week, where I can remind her she is not just a mother but a desirable wife in my eyes. Yet, hiring a babysitter would be the whole disposable income for the month to do it more than once a month.

    Just my two cents.

    Duly noted, Aedan. I respect your position. I didn't mean to over look Jen's point. I was hoping to lay an alternative perspective out. It is my own opinion that raising a family needn't be financially troublesome. I do not see how adding a child or even two could be so beyond reach of an average budget. Perhaps you have expenses that we do not, and thus, I did not recognize them in my rationalizing.

    I should elaborate that we are not in the sort of financial condition that would be deemed truly irrational to add another child.

    If we were spending at every turn and had debt, bought brand name clothes twice a week or ate out every other day, I could see how life would dictate our childbearing.

    By the way, Aedan, have you considered finding another local family who also has children and swapping child care? I just though that I'd mention that. I do not pay for babysitting, and never will. We connect with other families and watch their little ones in return for the same favour when need be.
    Last edited by Elfriede; Tuesday, June 19th, 2012 at 08:52 PM. Reason: Merged multiple posts.

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    Love Conquers All Elfriede's Avatar
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    It has been my experience (though I don't have much) that men do indeed want children. It is only natural and healthy for a man to want children. The two main issues seem to be 1. financial and 2. finding the right woman. This is why I am such an advocate of gender roles. It allows for families to be happier and more fruitful.

    In an ideal setting: women would stay home with their children (at least for the first few years) then there would be more jobs available for men and men would be able to make more money and in turn have more children. I understand that I might be a little naive and not everyone will share that point of view. Another issue is that people have become quite materialistic and have abandoned the practices of their grandmothers and great-grandmothers. Women used to make a lot more things from scratch and it saves quite a bit of money. Being a housewife is a commendable job.

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    @Adalheid

    To be certain, I hope I did not come across as overly rough or abrasive. I was not displeased with your writing and was sharing my own background on the subject. To be clear.

    If a family has saved up money for this prospect, it would be thus quite easier I am sure. To answer your question, no, I do not live in such a neighborhood where that is possible.

    Most families I am aware of on a social/face to face level, see their children as things to pawn off to teenage girls for hours at a time so they can go out.

    I, however, see this as quite an ill and am loathe to think of it. Since said teen girls are used to being paid 10/15 an hour for these 'services', you can imagine the tab for 2hrs alone in addition to the expense of the going out.

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    I come from a large family and I want my own children eventually as well.

    The more the better!

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    Let's say that between clothes, day care, food, as mentioned in a google answers reply to a child cost inquiry, it would average out to 12,000 a year per child, or 1,000$ a month.

    Anyone think that this estimation sounds unrealistic? I'd say that I could eliminate day care needs altogether with a partner willing to stay home and care for the kids, and I could live for several years off of a year's worth of clothes.. So about 12,000 annually or less per child if I'm only worrying about food and misc stuff?

    Ideally, as my family is nearly non-existant, I'd love to have 4 boys and 4 girls.. Maybe not all at once, but.. Eventually. I can see that this might be difficult, and I may only have half of that. Only time will tell.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gustaaf View Post
    After-school hours should be devoted to supplementary study and completion of allotted chores. No 'Nintendo', no degenerate entertainment of any kind.
    In that you're just substituting bad parenting for over-zealous parenting that is going to keep them as unhappy with their free time as they in essence are when they play the Nintendo all day long. If you're going to demand they use their free time sensibly, enrol them to the tennis club or send them playing ice hockey, the chess club, or let them learn a martial art, this teaches discipline.

    In my humble opinion, also, once they've done a reasonable amount of supplementary study and a reasonable amount of alloted chores, they should have the liberty to go outside and play football or cowboys-and-soldiers with their friends. When I see a crooked wooden stick in the woods, I muse about the fact that these used to be guns when we were young, it's an uplifting experience and it teaches them both social competence, creativity and to think outside the box.

    When I was a child, we'd usually be finished with our homework and supplementary study by around 4PM, we'd in fact put extra effort into being studious in it, so that we'd get the full four hours to spend outside with our friends (minus the obligatory thirty minutes for dinnertime). Sometimes when we showed off to our mothers just how well we had learnt it, we were allowed an extra half our for being a good boy.
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    Senior Member BigNoise's Avatar
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    I absolutely want to have kids. I think 5-8 would be about right.

    The important thing is finding the right woman, one who is on the same page when it comes to parenting (or can be brought to my page) One who comes from a stable, functional, intact, and preferably large family.

    As a young man (22), I am focusing on saving money, gaining skills, etc. that will enable me to support a family in the future. My goal is to not have to leave the home for work once I have kids, or at least a very minimal amount. No 9-5, Mon-Fri for me. That is the one thing I wish I would have had when I was growing up...more time with my dad.


    Quote Originally Posted by Hrodebert View Post
    Let's say that between clothes, day care, food, as mentioned in a google answers reply to a child cost inquiry, it would average out to 12,000 a year per child, or 1,000$ a month.

    Anyone think that this estimation sounds unrealistic?
    I think that is FAR to high. I could live on $12,000 a year, and I'm the size of half a dozen kids! I would cut that estimation in half, at least. If you are buying clothes at Goodwill and garage sales, feeding your kids REAL food (fresh, homemade...preferably home grown), swapping kid-watching duties with other families, etc., kids should not be a financial burden at all.

    Granted, if you know that your income will not support a given amount of children, DON'T HAVE THAT MANY! The nice thing about kids though, is that the older they get, the more helpful they are....more farmhands, more employees for a home based business, etc. I see no reason why someone earning an average income for their area shouldn't be able to support 5 or 6 kids.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigNoise View Post
    I absolutely want to have kids. I think 5-8 would be about right.

    The important thing is finding the right woman, one who is on the same page when it comes to parenting (or can be brought to my page) One who comes from a stable, functional, intact, and preferably large family.

    As a young man (22), I am focusing on saving money, gaining skills, etc. that will enable me to support a family in the future. My goal is to not have to leave the home for work once I have kids, or at least a very minimal amount. No 9-5, Mon-Fri for me. That is the one thing I wish I would have had when I was growing up...more time with my dad.




    I think that is FAR to high. I could live on $12,000 a year, and I'm the size of half a dozen kids! I would cut that estimation in half, at least. If you are buying clothes at Goodwill and garage sales, feeding your kids REAL food (fresh, homemade...preferably home grown), swapping kid-watching duties with other families, etc., kids should not be a financial burden at all.

    Granted, if you know that your income will not support a given amount of children, DON'T HAVE THAT MANY! The nice thing about kids though, is that the older they get, the more helpful they are....more farmhands, more employees for a home based business, etc. I see no reason why someone earning an average income for their area shouldn't be able to support 5 or 6 kids.
    Well, the first half of your post sounds like I could've written it. I definitely wouldn't have more children than I could afford.. But I'd love to have a huge family and see them grow up, see how their personalities develop, ect..

    If you really believe that even 12,000 is too high.. I'm sure if I'm financially responsible in the future, by the time those planets align, I should have far more than I really need to take care of several children.

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