View Poll Results: Can a man and a woman have a purely platonic relatioship?

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  • Yes, a normal friendship without any lust.

    21 60.00%
  • Yes, but only as long as they ignore their primal instinct.

    4 11.43%
  • No, it's against our nature.

    5 14.29%
  • Other

    5 14.29%
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Thread: Can Men and Women Be Friends? The Science Behind Cross-Sex Friendship

  1. #21
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    Re: AW: Re: "I just want to be friends"

    Quote Originally Posted by Phlegethon
    Real men don't have any lists whatsoever.
    And you fancy yourself to be such a man?

  2. #22
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    Smile Re: "I just want to be friends"

    Sorry for taking so long to get back to you on this one Lei.Talk. I tend to get distracted very easily! Whoops!

    But the "gay friend" question was more to illustrate the fact that many women (as far as I know) tend to see male friends as "females" in a way. In that they're non-sexual iykwim? I'm always interested in hearing of people's personal experiences though!


    all of the other feelings
    the two of you had shared
    were not his real feelings?
    you did not respond to that important question.
    Sorry. I did avoid that one didn't I? LOL No they were real feelings alright.... just not what I thought they were to an extent. Maybe "betrayed" was the wrong word..... maybe "disillusioned" would be better.

    the only understanding of him
    that you had
    were those things that he spoke out-loud?
    No. You're right. Truth be known.... I guess I did kind of know, but more on a sub-conscious level. It was like an unspoken rule of our friendship to keep things non-sexual/romantic, and by him breaking this rule, I took it as him giving the finger to our friendship, so to speak. Not saying that my feelings are right (or wrong).... but that's what they were nonetheless.


    Cause women are manipulative. A lot of times a woman will just keep guy friends around so it seems like she has a lot of suitors therefore raising her price. Also she may want to keep her options open.

    What women lack in physical strength they make up for in sheer cat like sneakness. That's God's gift to women.
    I agree that women are often more manipulative.... like you said, it makes up for not being able to defend themselves with physical strength.

    But keeping male friends around to make herself look good? Wrong, wrong, wrong! (imo) Some women actually appreciate male company, and the differences that such a friendship will bring in contrast to being friends with females. I think personally that its nice to have a balance.


    And you fancy yourself to be such a man?
    I do.

  3. #23
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    Re: "I just want to be friends"

    Comrades,

    my problem has been the opposite of the premise stated in this thread.
    I have lost several close female friends because they wanted to be more than friends.
    Over time, when they realised they were not winning me over to the idea, they became hostile and vindictive, and formerly amiable relationships became embittered and finally ended in an acrimonious parting of ways.
    I tried to be patient, sympathetic, and understanding in regards to their unrequited passions, for i am a gorgeous man and they were but human.

    Women can be monsters when rejected. "hell hath no fury as a woman scorned"
    But the same can be said for some men.
    we cannot lay such behaviour on the shoulders of any particular gender.
    It is a universal phenomenon.



    Best wishes,
    _GM.

  4. #24
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    Grin Re: "I just want to be friends"

    I tried to be patient, sympathetic, and understanding in regards to their unrequited passions, for i am a gorgeous man and they were but human.



    Oh no!.... you poor thing.... 'tis such a curse to be forced to carry the burden of such physical splendour, no doubt. To be the desire of every woman too weak to contain her passions.... woe is you....




  5. #25
    Witukind
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    Re: "I just want to be friends"

    I think it just depends on people, maybe there are some tendencies for each gender however. About Bridie's story, I don't understand why the guy starts to hate her after that, it makes no sense to me. He must have obviously been very sad about it, but how you can hate someone that you 'loved' just before. Strange. I'd say friends is better than nothing.

    There are some girls I would never consider going out with for various reasons, but I wouldn't mind being friends with them. This "all or nothing" attitude seems a bit too restrictive to me.

  6. #26
    hagall
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    AW: Re: "I just want to be friends"

    Quote Originally Posted by Waarnemer
    Men don't have women just as friends, its non-existing.
    I must admit that I have very seldom encountered this, but I have a female friend who used to be the girlfriend of one of my buddies in the good old days, about 25 years ago. She left her husband (not my buddy) lately and is going to be divorced. She moved to another town with one of her sons and asked me to help her moving her belongings and to build up her new kitchen, wich I did for some years for making a living. So I went there and stayed for 3 days. She cooked for us in her old flat and her son helped me with my work. I like him very much as well. When I finished my job, she gave me a big hug and told me that my wife must be very happy to have a man like me. What a priceless reward! She never tried to approach me in a sexual or romantic way, because she knows my wife and likes and respects her. She knows very well that all 3 of us would not be happy if we ended up in a sexual relationship. So she honestly appreciates our friendship the way it is. So you cannot tell an old fart that this can never be!

  7. #27
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    A lot of females are horrible bitches

    Recently I had one of my female freinds say that I had feelings for another female friend we have in common. The allegations are utter nonsense - I'm completely in love with my girlfriend

    Both of these female friends live away from me in different parts of New Zealand and I think things would be stressed if they lived in the same city as I because women are always in competition to have a guys attention. I think that's one of the underlying problems with having women as friends, especially if you're in a relationship yourself.

    I think even women who are "one of the guys" never really are. Things can always happen.

    I don't have many female friends at all and don't plan on having any. As far as the title of this thread goes, what about another take on it? To me my girlfriend is my best friend. I don't need to go around walking on eggs shells, watching what I say or do because I know I can tell her anything and she loves me for who I am. There's no greater friendship than that

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    It doesn't work.

    When He Asks If You Can Still Be Friends

    It was your decision to leave. Looking back on it, yes, it was a good one, but at the time I thought you were right for me. At the time, I thought you would be apart of my future, but apparently my crystal ball was broken.

    And now, now that a decent amount of time has passed since you made up your mind, since you decided that I wasn’t the girl you wanted in your life romantically, since you asked me if I would stay in your life otherwise, simply as a friend, because even though you chose to leave, my laugh still made you smile, and my presence still gave you comfort, but it wasn’t love for you, it wasn’t love for either of us, you just made the realization first.

    And back then I didn’t want to be your friend.

    It was never friendship with you, it was delirious lust, it was almost love, not the real thing.

    It was sex that wasn’t meaningful, it was conversations that never delved deeper than their surface, it was a relationship I attempted to hold onto because I wanted it to be real. But my relationship with you was as fake as the promises you made me. It was only as real as you allowed me to believe it was.

    So when you asked me if we could still be friends, if we could still be apart of each other’s lives, were you surprised when I said no? You thought it was because I was being spiteful, didn’t you? You thought it was me saying, “If you can’t have me as your girlfriend, then you can’t have my friendship either.”

    But my spite for you isn’t as strong as the love I have for myself.

    Because we were never friends, we didn’t start that way, and we won’t end that way.

    You pursued me with no intent of friendship, so why pretend like you want it from me now? When you ask if we can still be friends, are you asking to make yourself feel better? Are you asking to ease the pain you think you’re causing? Yes, when you left I thought my heart was broken, but I let you leave as easily as I let you in, and that’s because when you asked if I could still be in your life, I realized I didn’t want you in mine.

    So please, I don’t want a friendship that is feigned.

    I don’t want a friendship that is founded on rejection, because if I were to agree to be your friend, if I were to give you what you asked for, I’d be feeding myself the same lies you fed me.

    And that’s the difference between us both. I’m not going to pretend like friendship is something I want with you. I’m not going to care if you think it means I’m immature, selfish, or sour. The truth is, I don’t play pretend, so let’s stop acting like friendship is our remedy. Our friendship would’ve meant as much as whatever you’d like to call it that we had which didn’t last.

    Every friendship that I have in my life is real. Real friendship, real love, that’s what I want, that’s what I have, and it isn’t, nor ever will be, with you.

  9. #29
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    Can Men and Women Be Friends? The Science Behind Cross-Sex Friendship

    We’ve all seen this classic TV/movie trope play out on the screen: guy meets girl, guy and girl become best friends, guy develops secret crush on girl, girl gets boyfriend, guy becomes jealous and confesses his feelings, and, finally, girl realizes she’s been in love with guy all along.

    This prototypical romance is the hallmark of shows like Dawson’s Creek and Friends and movies such as A Lot Like Love and Win A Date With Tad Hamilton. Hollywood has shamelessly exploited the idea of guy-girl friendships evolving into romantic interests, priming us to believe this is how all opposite-sex dynamics work.

    But, can guy-girl friendships work platonically, or is the old adage “friends make the best lovers” true?
    When we begin to look for friends of the opposite-sex, or cross-sex friendships, we are seeking “chemistry”— or that special “click” we have with someone that causes us to want to spend more time with him or her. We like how this person makes us feel when we hang out with them, and soon this individual becomes synonymous with fun.

    “When looking for friends of any gender, we tend to gravitate towards others with similar characteristics and interests of our own. Commonality and chemistry between individuals is important when developing friendships,” Dr. Ildiko Tabori, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, Calif., told Medical Daily.
    When we develop a sexual attraction to someone we’re involved with socially or with whom we are in frequent close proximity, we are left to decide whether or not to act on it. These levels of attraction do affect the guy-girl friendship bond dynamic, like getting attention from a really “hot” co-worker when we’re already involved with someone else, according to Tabori.

    “This is when we need to set limits and maintain appropriate boundaries,” she said.

    A 2000 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships showed out of more than 300 college students surveyed, 67 percent reported having had sex with a friend. However, 56 percent of these cross-sex friendship pairs chose not to take the friendship to romantic level after the encounter. This suggests these pairs valued their friendship over sex.
    The idea of falling in love with your long-time best friend is the basis of romance novels, rom-coms, and even fairy tales. They ignite the possibility this can happen to us, but our life is not a scripted storyline. A best friend of the opposite sex really could be just a best friend and nothing more.

    The bottom line is men and women can be friends, as long as there is no lingering romantic interest. Remember, just because we talk to someone of the opposite sex about our pasts, presents and futures, it doesn’t mean we’re meant to be lovers or soulmates. Deep love comes in a variety of forms, including friendships.

    In opposite-sex friendships, we want someone we can have a conversation with, and to feel a connection without worrying about catching feelings or awkward moments.

    So, for the sake of male-female platonic friendships, if we don’t let our sex drive get the best of us, it could be a beautiful thing.
    http://www.medicaldaily.com/platonic...friends-382135

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    I voted " Yes, but only as long as they ignore their primal instinct. " Because I have such a friendship with a woman and have had that friendship for many years.

    The biggest issue is the jealousy that comes from your romantic female partner(s). Your girlfriend/wife will always be jealous of this female friend no matter what. It does not help if your female friend is attractive physically.

    While I have had no desire to get into a romantic relationship with my female friend, I will admit that both our primal instincts have gotten in the way of the friendship in the past. The reason we have never acted on these instincts is that we are very much alike and she is not what I look for in a woman and I am not what she looks for in a man as far as romance is concerned. The good thing though is the friendship remains true even after some bumps in the road so to speak.
    Life is like a fire hydrant- sometimes you help people put out their fires, but most of the time you just get peed on by every dog in the neighborhood.

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