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Thread: What`s Wrong with Me (Involuntary Celebacy)?

  1. #31
    Senior Member Berlichingen's Avatar
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    I wouldn't blame Marxism or Feminism. Blaming others makes you bitter and hinders honest self-appraisal. There are plenty of Skadi members in committed relationships. If they can do it, so can you.

    1) Practice talking/flirting with girls you aren't interested in(don't lead them on though).

    2) Learn to not care that you're single. It's good for your ego and girls will think you're mysterious/intriguing.

    3) Let go of guilt and jealousy. These "tough guys" aren't bad people just because they're better with girls than you are. And you're not a bad person for wanting sex. So there's no need to put on airs about how you have a moral high ground because you're looking for a long-term relationship.

    4) Talk to quiet/average girls. Half of the "nice guys" I encounter always seem to be throwing themselves at girls way out of their league - the female equivalent of those popular "tough guys" you mention. Give an average girl a chance. Having compatible personalities/interests in way more important than looks. And beauty is fleeting, anyways.

    5) If your day to day routine isn't leading you to meet girls, change it. Learn a new hobby, join a club at the university, go for a walk in a different park than usual.

  2. #32
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    1. Learn guitar and how to sing
    2. Grow long hair and tease it, wear leather pants and denim vests
    3. Start a band
    Then this happens every time you go out.

    Steel Panther - Death To All But Metal

  3. #33
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    Hej! Så hur gammal är du? Υou haven't said yet! It is important to know for this discussion

    First of all, you have gotten great advice in this thread. I cannot do much but add a little humor and some additional input based on my Psychology studies and also my own life experience.

    What`s Wrong with Me (Involuntary Celebacy)?
    The very title of the thread is wrong:

    It should be something like
    What am I doing wrong?
    or
    What should I do better
    rather than
    What is wrong with me.

    They say the devil is in the details and the phrasing says a lot about your self-perception. You perceive yourself as inherently faulty whereas the problem lies in some views and behaviors that can be fixed.
    But of course that will take some time and a lot of mental effort on your behalf

    Second....



    And pardon me for the raw sense of humor

    What I mean to say, in order to further unload some weight off your conscience, is that girls nowadays, especially young girls, are indeed immature and thoughtless. And it's not because of Sweden being a feminist country and all that. Trust me, it's the same in Greece, in the U.S. and basically everywhere.
    The "bad guy" phenomenon is a twisted version of an ageold truth, the fact that females (of most species in fact) are phylogenetically programmed to seek for the Alpha males to mate.
    In the place of good genes, strength and dominance, modern society has placed delinquency, deviance and all kinds of thuggish behaviors and that is the problem. Hence the drug dealing douchebag will get all the attention and nice guys like you will often go unnoticed.

    Does that mean you have to become more like them?
    Hell no!!

    From being timid and shy to becoming a douchebag there is a vast distance, and what you ought to do is bring out your best qualities and become more assertive at the same time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Berlichingen View Post
    4) Talk to quiet/average girls. Half of the "nice guys" I encounter always seem to be throwing themselves at girls way out of their league - the female equivalent of those popular "tough guys" you mention. Give an average girl a chance. Having compatible personalities/interests in way more important than looks. And beauty is fleeting, anyways.
    Hear, hear!!

    This is the advice I often give to my perpetually single friends who do the same mistake over and over again. If you hit on a girl who's out of your league you will get disappointed and bitter and you will start the vicious cycle of self-hating that will lead to further rejection and so on.

    That doesn't mean you should pick the ugliest and most uninteresting girl out of the crowd and go for it. Just have realistic expectations, if you know what I mean.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sågverksarbetaren View Post
    I am glad that you did not gave me the two advices that i would immediately reject though; go to a dance-class and visiting a prostitute.
    I cracked up at the dance class advice. My God, the Swedes have taken dating to a whole different level!

    The prostitute ... nah. It won't do you much good...you'll probably feel even worse that you paid for sex.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jens View Post
    You appear to be filled with a level of desperation and frustration that will terrify even the most open women away. If you can't let go of that it isn't going to work. Once you realize that you are ok without a woman, then you won't feel so much anxiety talking to women anymore. Which will make you a lot more attractive to them. This is why your first priority should be to get a hold of yourself and let go of this idea that you NEED a woman. That is an insane amount of pressure to put on a date, that she can feel even if you don't vocalize it. That is what sends them running. Girlfriends, wives, even normal friends, want to PARTICIPATE in your happiness and your life, none of them EVER want to BE your happiness and your life.
    This is probably the best thing said in this thread.

    Listen to me, I've also run away from guys that made me feel they are overly attached to me.... and I've made guys run away for the same reason too!!

    The thing is, being into a relationship or having sex should not be an end in itself. It should rather come as a natural consequence of your own happiness and self confidence.

    I was asking how old you are because I realized that kind of late, I was in my 30s when I figured out, after a lot of broken relationships, that I do not need a man by my side to be happy. My happiness does not depend on having a relationship. Rather, if I am happy, I will find a man to be happy with.... you get it?

    It would have saved me a lot of trouble to have known that earlier because I got into a few relationships simply because I felt I had to be in one to feel complete.

    The paradox is.... the more you do that, the less complete you will feel and progressively you will be reduced to zero unless you realize that!

    If you yearn for a relationship just for the sake of being in one, you will end up sacrificing more and more of your own wishes and goals in order to keep in and most likely you won't be able to keep it anyway...

    Also your looks don't have to do much with anything. Unless you are morbidly obese or you're missing an eye or something, that is.

    I've seen guys who I would characterize as gross getting a lot of attention, and why? Because of the attitude they have.
    They are assertive, they have self-confidence and they are go-getters in life.

    You guys are lucky, you don't have to struggle in this constant race with beauty and age as we, the girls, do.
    Men pay much more attention to female looks than what females to male looks. For females other things come first, such as personality, strength, charm, and unfortunately in many cases, money and social status, but in any case the looks don't matter so much.

    So to cut a long story short;

    stop thinking like something is wrong with you. And get it out of your head for a while.

    You know how it goes, if the girls pick up the vibe that you're interested, they run away. If all of the sudden you become indifferent to them, they run towards.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sågverksarbetaren View Post
    My environment won`t help me (telling a psyhcologist or a therapist that you suffer from involuntary celebacy is a dead project since this is not a recognized problem by the cultural marxists who dominate this profession), so I am, at the end of the day, alone with myself on this struggle.
    Untrue!
    Your problem is not involuntary celibacy. That's the consequence of your problem, which is among other things, a low-self esteem. And that is a recognized problem that you can work on with a therapist. Not because something is "wrong" with you but because we all need a little help to get unstuck, sometimes. I sincerely believe it would help if you went and talked to one, and get a professional perspective.

  5. #35
    Senior Member Sågverksarbetaren's Avatar
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    Blood_Axis: That was a great post. I am 22 years old and aware of my immaturity/lack of experience when it comes to the other sex. I have always been insecure and uneasy around girls and women in my own age. This saddens me deeply.

    Jens post made me aware of how emotionally disturbed my "I need love, I crave love"-rant might have seemed, and from an objective perspective I realise that such an attitude can`t define a healthy relationship.

    Your post really inspired me and suddenly I feel a whole lot better. I hope that such a nice lady like you can find yourself a loving and caring husband in Greece .

    Have a nice evening, fellow skadites.

  6. #36
    Senior Member Svanhild's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sågverksarbetaren View Post
    Then i figured, what if I, the nice, somewhat geeky, kid would treat her the same way. I mean, she knew me better then the "ass-grabbers", so if she enjoyed such a treatment by these guys - that just goes around treating other girls like that to - why would she then be horrified, disgusted etc. if I would treat her that way (let`s face it, that`s how she would react, right?). I just can`t, logically, understand that behaviour.
    To begin with, you need a hug. For your courage. And your display of profound thoughts.

    You give the answer to your lack of understanding in your last sentence. 'Logically'. That's the crux of the matter. Humans aren't logical. Humans don't act logical. There's nothing logical about our behavior and preferences in relationship. We are born to act illogical, to make mistakes and to repeat them a little later. Truth be told, I'm both perpetrator and victim of our irrational actions and decisions. Victim because I've been dumb in my choice of some previous partners and perpetrator because I'd probably treat you like all the other people who rejected you. Just being honest here. It's not deliberate rejection! It happens automatical. You go around, meet people and our heads judge them straightaway. Most people are estimated as average but there are those few individuals who are strikingly different. Strinkingly different in a beneficial way: Here you go, that are the hip types who create swarms of followers around them. Strinkingly different in a negative way: That are the ones who stand in the shadow, forgotten, ignored and rejected. It's not your fault. The fault is in the head of the others and I'm afraid that there's nothing what you can effectively do to change your situation.

    But I don't want to conclude my post with such a grim outlook. The ones who are strinkingly different are of either gender. You'll need to look after the women and girls of your age who share your fate. They're out there. Now you may say 'I can't find and see any!' but that's because they stand in the shadow, are full of self-doubts and give up hope. Just like you. That aren't the kind of women who reply to messages in flirting portals or in your local newspaper.

    Forgive my gloomy estimation, but us humans are the most flawed lifeforms on earth. To find happiness and satisfation in life despite all of our flaws is the aspiration. There is a matching partner for you somewhere in Sweden but she cannot be found at the usual places or by the usual methods. Never give up hope. Hope is my religion.
    Die Wahrheit ist vorhanden für den Weisen, die Schönheit nur für ein fühlendes Herz.

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    It is sad to see our Folk reduced to this mess, where our young men lack esteem through misplacement and derision from society. You are a Germanic man and this makes you a great commodity which should be charged full price for, and if the girls don\'t like you it is only because they are brainwashed. Do NOT think low of yourself. Keep your head up. It is a vicious cycle, your self-doubts, which were woven by the System, make you become less confident and then the ladies detect that signal and treat you in a way which makes you even less confident.

    You are a brave man and I have much respect for you and heartfelt considerations, and I hope my words can help you overcome the sickness placed in all Germanics by our enemies - which you know who I\'m talking about.

  8. #38
    Senior Member Kaetzchen's Avatar
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    Lots of things has been said here and anyone can tell you wich is the right way to handle your *problem*, you have to finde it by yourself, but you should definitely come down!
    You've said, that you look at yourself every night and you're thinking *whats wrong with me?*, so tell me, how should women look at you and not think the same? You put yourself into this role in your life, come out of it!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sågverksarbetaren View Post
    A woman, and men who aren`t in my position, can never understand the loneliness I feel.
    I'm a female and in a similar position, and I want to thank you for posting this, because it makes me feel less alone.

    I'm only 17, so I don't exactly need to be having sex or even dating right now, but it seems like everyone I know is in some sort of relationship, and no (mentally stable) guy has ever expressed any sort of attraction to me, and that makes me feel incredibly inadequate and lonely. It's a feeling similar to the empty ache one gets when one hasn't eaten in a long time.

    I'm pretty intelligent, at least by quantitative standards (IQ test/ACT/SAT/etc.), and that hasn't helped me, obviously, but then, I don't think men find intelligence attractive in a woman. However, I refuse to dumb myself down for anyone. I'd rather be "foreveralone," I think.
    Leben heißt für mich, mehr Träume in meiner Seele zu haben als die Realität zerstören kann.
    -Hans Kruppa

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    Brother,

    You have already received some excellent responses in this thread, to the point that I thought about not posting at all, simply because almost everything relevant has already been said.

    I would, however, like to emphasize your youth. You are only 22 years old. That is far too early to write yourself off as a "lost cause". Your life could be radically different in two years, and you will still only be 24; and none of the women you meet when you are 24 will know how you defined yourself when you were 22, or what you happened to post on Skadi relative to these issues.

    The problem, ultimately, seems to be in your own head. Were I you, I would consider actively resisting the idea to even find a woman at the moment, and instead focus on becoming the type of person that a woman would want to be around and be with, in terms of personality, finances, morals, hobbies, physical fitness, etc.

    If you do that, chances are, life is going to bring someone across your path. I think that worrying about "being single" or "being a virgin", and constantly thinking about techniques, your own problems, your failures, etc., are really just sapping your energy. As I said, you are only 22. Most people in life would kill to be 22 again. If you work wholeheartedly towards improving yourself and building a person to be proud of, "finding a woman" won't be an issue. If you don't, you will probably be making these same posts and feeling these same things when you are in your 30's.

    All hope is not lost. Chin up and cheer up.


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