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Thread: What`s Wrong with Me (Involuntary Celebacy)?

  1. #11
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    As a human male my first instinct is to try to solve your problem :

    Are you still in high school? If yes then it really doesn't matter. If the answer is yes then I know it seems like it matters a lot now but it really doesn't in a few years.

    A) You're not ugly and your problem is in your head.

    or

    B) You are ugly and that is your problem.

    If A) As a highly intelligent person, you are most likely over-thinking when around females. Average people have the easier time attracting other people because they 'click' with the most number of people. Think less and act more on feeling and instinct while not being totally stupid, but that's not something you need to worry about as a highly intelligent person. Don't go ass-grabbing but don't be afraid to tease the females or be a little saucy with them if it feels right.

    or

    If B) you are ugly so then you need to capitalize on your good attribute: your intelligence. Study hard and long hours to become something that females will respect you for (something that you are good at and hopefully don't mind doing) then your problem will be mostly solved. It still helps to have social skills but you will already be seen with a silver lining so social skills will become less important. Really you should do this anyway because it would be a waste of your intelligence otherwise.

  2. #12
    Member Finn's Avatar
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    Smile

    Just a bit of advice, from one of the small minded, ass grabbing, self absorbed jocks,not that I consider myself one, but wouldn't want to be in a line up in front of this mob
    When I was in high school 6'5 180 pounds not that I was ugly but girls wouldn't touch me if they had a stick in there hand. Never had a date for the high school dances, thought of myself as physically awkward or ugly in some way. Your youth and raging hormones make you feel this way, think most of us have been there.
    The cure is simple...
    Go to the gym, No matter how uncomfortable or intimidated you feel. If you don't know anything about physical fitness start slow watch the so called jocks at the gym and copy their workout. Pour all be pain you feel into it. In 6 months you will feel like a new man, in about a year you will be a new man, keep it up for 2 years and you will become "SUPERMAN" that's a 5 day a week job but man does it pay off. !!!
    And this will be the result...
    Physical perfection, confidence in yourself, and respect from your peers.
    No matter what people tell you 90 percent of women Are looking for a strong confident man whose arms they feel safe in.. don't want to sound like a jerk, there is a little more that goes along with that, but you learn as you go.
    Be strong and confident friend..

  3. #13
    Senior Member Sågverksarbetaren's Avatar
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    Wow, skadi surprises me, I never believed that I would get any (or at least this much) response. I am, of course, very thankful, and glad, and even relieved, even do I am still emberassed over my problem.

    But despite the support, I feel that the diversity of strategys you present to me, in some way, is the main problem why I am in this situation and why I feel like this. Let me explain; I have alredy tried different strategys, several times, and all of them ending in failure is the main problem when it comes to the root cause of my low self-esteem and my growing pessimism.

    I am glad that you did not gave me the two advices that i would immediately reject though; go to a dance-class and visiting a prostitute. On a swedish forum I was presented with these two options and they are out of the question for me. Just to talk to a girl, even more so when it comes to dating her, is extremely demanding for me to do (not because I dislike it, but because 1) I am shy as hell and 2) that I know that, statistically, my chances of succeding is minimal), so to dance on top of that would just be a TOTAL humiliation (and I need all the self-esteem I can get). Visiting a prostitute is also that, obviously, out of the question, since i am 1) ideologically opposed to prostitution (or well, as a libertarian I guess that woman should be allowed to sell sex if THEY really wish, but I still wouldn`t engage in such activities personally) and 2) isn`t really interested in sex per se. What I long have believed has been a high (and understimulated) sex-drive within myself, I have recently discovered is rather a high (and understimulated) "love-drive"; a need for, a wish for, love and affection and intimacy (with or without sexual activities involved).
    As for training my body, that is something I normally do. However, I have found out, this spring/summer, that I am not as fit as I used to be (the reason for this is my private life and my job which has been a bit more complex then usual (late 2011/early 2012), which has resulted in a lack of physical training. I am, however, catching up, and I see this is as one of my minor problems (it is good for your self-esteem to train your body though).
    If I am ugly or not is of course hard to say, but I don`t see myself as downright unappealing, and sometimes i actually consider myself to be pretty decent-looking. If i had a camera i could take a picture and let you decide whether my looks is a minor or a bigger problem (it would be emberassing to post a picture but I can take it). I don´t know what I would prefer (being ugly or being good-looking), if I am not ugly my problem must go so much deeper, something which is harder to change.

    What`s so painful to think about is how my life lacks meaning without a girlfriend (both when it comes to the evolutionary aspect of a "meaning", but also on a personal level since this is something that I so badly, so utterly, want, and I am not a happy person living in a world full of love, but still being unable to participate in this love), and how the substitute of a life without meaning, that previous generations of males, that never had any girlfriends, was offered, is no option for me; a meaning of death. Death is something that should be avoided in our modern society, there is nothing good about death, but males in previous generations, in my position, had something to die for, I don`t. I don`t have anything to die for, we don`t live in a society where death is valued, in any way. So the only existensial concept that I can fill with meaning, is my life. But how do I do that if I constantly fail to grab what I so deeply desire, a partner, a girl, to take care of, to LOVE (and someone who hopefully can love me back, which, indeed, is the tricky part).

    Reading your comments (even though I have never met you face-to-face) I also begin to wonder if you are not better friends then my real "friends", who never help me and only mock me for being such a, quote, loser. One of my "friends" causes me pain in another way, he constantly keeps repeating that I do have a chance on finding girls since I am such a "nice guy" (I hate that cliché) and giving me false hopes telling me that he know a nice girl that I can meet at the next drunk/lowlife-party (excuse me for my bitterness), but while at the party, he often (with a little alcohol in his system) expose himself as a liar and a player, who at one time even had sex with the girl I was supposed to hook up with, despite the fact that he arranged this "date" for me. And even though I know how unattractive it is to be at bitter person (and it should be unattractive), I often find myself, helplessely, frustrated and downright upset over the fact that the lazy, intellectually stripped, mean, loud, abusive, drunk and cheating assholes just seems to receive the love, that I so deeply desire, just so easy as pressing on a button. It is not fair. It is painful .
    The "friend" I mentioned above, he is, or at least should be, a loser, since he is an impulsive idiot who have never cared for studies, intellectual stimulation or anything (but rather despised me for study hard). But just because I seem to be so damn unattractive, I have humiliated myself by being his little slave. He is my "relationship-coach". I am his loser. There have also been situations when other girls have been mean to me, which maybe have hurt me more than anything else, even though I outwardly held my head high to their insults.

    BUT, at least today, and many days to come, I REFUSE to give up, I REFUSE to be a slave to these people. My environment won`t help me (telling a psyhcologist or a therapist that you suffer from involuntary celebacy is a dead project since this is not a recognized problem by the cultural marxists who dominate this profession), so I am, at the end of the day, alone with myself on this struggle. Maybe "my mountain" is larger, higher and more harder to climb then many "other peoples mountains", but I won`t stand on the foot of the mountain and cry over how high it is. I will keep struggling, I refuse to believe (the thought itself is unbearable) that all the love I have inside me is just supposed to whitter, instead of being harvested and mutually responded by a girl. I am ready for this, I am ready to make the sacrifices and commitments a relationship demands, the only thing I need is someone who can respond that love, and reflect it back to me. I - I - must deserve this, I must FIGHT to show my value. Tonight is friday night, and I see no reason not go out and look for someone. Statisically, I will probably fail, but then I will rise back up again. And now I know that I have some people who, genuinely, support me. Wish me luck.

    I beg you pardon for my patethic emo-ranting, by the way.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Jens's Avatar
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    You appear to be filled with a level of desperation and frustration that will terrify even the most open women away. If you can't let go of that it isn't going to work. Once you realize that you are ok without a woman, then you won't feel so much anxiety talking to women anymore. Which will make you a lot more attractive to them. This is why your first priority should be to get a hold of yourself and let go of this idea that you NEED a woman. That is an insane amount of pressure to put on a date, that she can feel even if you don't vocalize it. That is what sends them running. Girlfriends, wives, even normal friends, want to PARTICIPATE in your happiness and your life, none of them EVER want to BE your happiness and your life. That is a responsibility that you can't ever hand off to someone else. That is your responsibility.

    They want to be happy, just like you. If you ARE happy or are working independently to get happy, other people, in their own quest for happiness, will suddenly be very interested in you and what you are doing.
    Apfelstrudel mit Vanillesoße, yeah I said it, what are you gonna do?

  5. #15
    Senior Member Sågverksarbetaren's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jens View Post
    You appear to be filled with a level of desperation and frustration that will terrify even the most open women away. If you can't let go of that it isn't going to work. Once you realize that you are ok without a woman, then you won't feel so much anxiety talking to women anymore. Which will make you a lot more attractive to them. This is why your first priority should be to get a hold of yourself and let go of this idea that you NEED a woman. That is an insane amount of pressure to put on a date, that she can feel even if you don't vocalize it. That is what sends them running. Girlfriends, wives, even normal friends, want to PARTICIPATE in your happiness and your life, none of them EVER want to BE your happiness and your life. That is a responsibility that you can't ever hand off to someone else. That is your responsibility.

    They want to be happy, just like you. If you ARE happy or are working independently to get happy, other people, in their own quest for happiness, will suddenly be very interested in you and what you are doing.
    Well, you are 100% right, desperation and low self-esteem are traits that no girl or women should be asked to tolerate when it comes to men, I realise that. The thing is, that if I just were this mask all the time, to hide my vulnerabilty, then I also hide who I really am. I mean, I HAVE low self-esteem, I AM, at least somewhat, desperate. I know I am pathetic, but if you have been in my clothes you would maybe understand. How am I supposed to improve my self-esteem? It`s exhausting to try to find this energy to keep on going time after time after time. If I just sit back home then people say that I must go out because girlfriends don`t fall from the sky, but everytime I go out (and fail) people say that I radiate an aura of low self-esteem and desperation that females can smell for miles, and that I should WAIT for the right moment and don`t have any high expectations.

    Who am I kidding, really? I am who I am, and if women don`t like me then that`s my fault. I should try to be happy for other peoples love instead of trying to chase an impossible dream.

    And on a side-note:

    ...This is why your first priority should be to get a hold of yourself and let go of this idea that you NEED a woman. That is an insane amount of pressure to put on a date, that she can feel even if you don't vocalize it. That is what sends them running. Girlfriends, wives, even normal friends, want to PARTICIPATE in your happiness and your life, none of them EVER want to BE your happiness and your life. That is a responsibility that you can't ever hand off to someone else. That is your responsibility...
    When I was a teenager I was suicidal and the reason why I even am alive today is because I BECOME my sisters happiness. She said to me that if you take your life I will be unhappy, and that`s the reason why I am alive today, I stayed alive and therefore become responsible for her happiness.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Jens's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sågverksarbetaren View Post
    Well, you are 100% right, desperation and low self-esteem are traits that no girl or women should be asked to tolerate when it comes to men, I realise that. The thing is, that if I just were this mask all the time, to hide my vulnerabilty, then I also hide who I really am. I mean, I HAVE low self-esteem, I AM, at least somewhat, desperate. I know I am pathetic, but if you have been in my clothes you would maybe understand. How am I supposed to improve my self-esteem?
    Look dude. I get it. I'm not ugly, but I didn't always know that and I know what it is like to, and actually have, spent months on end sitting around thinking up the best way to end it for similar reasons. My solution was internal. There might be others, but this is the only one I know. You're not pathetic. You have to understand that. Really grasp it. It isn't an intellectual hypothetical exercise, because you're actually not. The fact is that everyone has low self-esteem, except sociopaths. Being desperate is, in fact, the natural response, and a very common experience for socially unskilled people. You're totally normal. This is not rare.

    It`s exhausting to try to find this energy to keep on going time after time after time. If I just sit back home then people say that I must go out because girlfriends don`t fall from the sky, but everytime I go out (and fail) people say that I radiate an aura of low self-esteem and desperation that females can smell for miles, and that I should WAIT for the right moment and don`t have any high expectations.
    From what you said earlier I assume you have a job and are ready for a relationship. You SHOULD have high expectations, because women can tell when you're settling, and that is a profound insult to them, to be settled for. If you are not good at controlling social interactions (you're apparently not), you have to go with what is honest. Use a medium you are familiar with. Do something you already enjoy, or even use the internet to meet someone. You're not going to meet someone who can relate to you in a setting where people who are like you (and who have things in common with you) don't hang out, like a bar.

    Who am I kidding, really? I am who I am, and if women don`t like me then that`s my fault. I should try to be happy for other peoples love instead of trying to chase an impossible dream.
    That's pussy talk. Go do something you enjoy. There are bound to be other people, including females, doing it too. You only have one life, don't spend it moping. It's obvious that no woman in a bar would be interested in you, you're not a party person. Where do YOU hang out? Women who want you have similar interests. Pursue those interests and you will find the correct women.

    Here is a big useful tip: Let go of the concept of dignity. Personal pride is only a good thing when it propels you to do things, when it gets in your way, step over it.
    Apfelstrudel mit Vanillesoße, yeah I said it, what are you gonna do?

  7. #17
    Senior Member hyidi's Avatar
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    Hello,

    First, how old are you? If your still in your teens / 20/ 21, than that's OK, just relax.

    I lost mine very late for a female (by accident) so really,I should had lost it even later. Also, its easier for a female to receive sex than a male, the balls is always in the male's court. Sadly, its the guy that has to make the moves.

    Your Swedish,right? what's not to love about that? Swedish people rule and you are very popular. If you travel to England, US, Australia (English speaking countries) so many females will be intrigued and find you out of the ordinary all due to your European substances.

    Or why not meet up with Swedish lasses from here for a drink? Got many in common with each other.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Dropkick's Avatar
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    Its really simple what the problem is. You have a negative view of yourself. You believe you have all these problems and even falsely believe that it could be genetic.

    All the men who attract women are confident and believe women are lucky to be around them. They believe that because they keep telling themselves that over and over. It doesn't matter how much money they have or what they look like. What matters is they give off positive vibes/energy and women like that.

    Behaviour is congruent with belief. You believe you're not good enough then naturally that comes out in how you behave. Thats why you might seem a bit weird to women.


    When around women think of yourself as a great catch. Act like a great catch. Don't be too concerned if they like you or not. The important question is - do you like them?

    Treat women like little girls. Have fun, don't ever be too serious and never take women too seriously. I'm not sure militant feminists would like that but who cares!

    It will take a while to change your bad habits to good habits but it will come. Its easy to reinvent yourself you just needed to be shown what direction to go.

  9. #19
    Senior Member hyidi's Avatar
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    My other opinion would be get yourself a German style haircut. It's a good look and attractive to the type of girls you wish to attract.

    When you meet a lady, don't tell her your a virgin, bluff through it like you know what you are doing, women love men that are confident, incontrol and know what they are doing in bed.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Sågverksarbetaren's Avatar
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    Thanks for your posts.

    The guys who run the show inconvenienttruth1 adress my issue from a very sad, but still maybe also a realistic, perspective. I highly recommend you to listen to their videos, for example this one:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ab7yf...feature=relmfu

    A woman, and men who aren`t in my position, can never understand the loneliness I feel.

    I also thought about this, that it`s by defintion must be something wrong with the society, not me. Let me explain; according to the society, drug-use, violence, thugish behaviour and so on, is what is wrong about our society. However, in the real world, it is rather these things that are rewarded and attractive characteristics for women. Let`s face it, women and girls prefer jocks, thugs, criminals, drug-addicts, paedophiles, murderes and terrorists over me (they really do, you cannot escape the fact that this is the case). It should be one thing if these types of characteristics and behaviours was NOT seen as bad things in our society, but they are. And still, men like me find ourselves overrun by these "bad boys". It sucks. And then some people say that I must improve my self-esteem. Yeah, that is easier said then done if you find yourself to be lesser valued then Al Bundy, Anders Breivik and average street criminals.

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