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Thread: Beards Directly Related To Combat Effectiveness

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    Senior Member celticviking's Avatar
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    Post Beards Directly Related To Combat Effectiveness


    Tampa, FL – Forget new gear, weapons, or sophisticated targeting systems. The newest tool coming to combat troops is low-tech: beards. In a report released yesterday, research think-tank Xegis Solutions noted that beards have a direct correlation to combat effectiveness.
    Jonathon Burns was the lead researcher in the study.
    “We took 100 soldiers. 25 were Special Forces qualified and had beards, 25 were Special Forces qualified without beards, 25 were regular Army allowed to grow beards for the study, and the last 25 were regular Army without beards. All 100 of these subjects were in direct combat in Afghanistan during the study.”
    He continued, “Xegis Solutions had several teams of researchers embedded with these troops to make observations on their combat effectiveness. The results were overwhelming, out of the 50 soldiers with beards, zero were wounded or killed and they had a significantly higher accuracy of fire than the soldiers without beards. The soldiers lacking beards had a higher rate of weapons malfunctions and basically, shit went wrong most of the time.”
    CENTCOM wasted no time establishing a new rule forcing males to grow beards.
    Commander Gen. James E. Mattis issued a statement to all troops in combat zones.
    “The time has come for the Armed Forces to accept the facts, and the facts are that beards save lives. All this time it was speculated that Green Berets were better because of their superior and intensive training while in fact, most of it had to do with beards.”
    There’s no doubt that many in the Special Forces community will be angered, but General Mattis is convinced.
    “It’s settled science. In light of this information we will enforce a rule requiring all males to wear at least one inch of facial hair at all times. Furthermore, any females able to grow facial hair are encouraged to do so as well.”


    http://www.duffelblog.com/2012/04/pe...effectiveness/

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    I also recently read a blog article about Injun trackers they used in the Vietnam War, that mentioned that when they received a haircut, they had lost their "supernatural" tracking abilities; when they later conducted a study, they found that those who kept their hair were often superior in maintaining their erstwhile tracking abilities to those who had been coerced to lose theirs.

    It does certainly make sense, hair of all type is there for a reason, and is in a way an extension of the nervous system, so the idea that people who do not shave and have slightly longer hair than the trimmed army hairstyle would be more perceptive in certain situations to some extent. As I always said: Had nature wanted us to be entirely devoid of hair (and this includes facial hair), she would have created us without any.
    -In kalte Schatten versunken... /Germaniens Volk erstarrt / Gefroren von Lügen / In denen die Welt verharrt-
    -Die alte Seele trauernd und verlassen / Verblassend in einer erklärbaren Welt / Schwebend in einem Dunst der Wehmut / Ein Schrei der nur unmerklich gellt-
    -Auch ich verspüre Demut / Vor dem alten Geiste der Ahnen / Wird es mir vergönnt sein / Gen Walhalla aufzufahren?-

    (Heimdalls Wacht, In kalte Schatten versunken, stanzas 4-6)

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    Senior Member Patrioten's Avatar
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    Commander Gen. James E. Mattis issued a statement to all troops in combat zones.
    “The time has come for the Armed Forces to accept the facts, and the facts are that beards save lives. All this time it was speculated that Green Berets were better because of their superior and intensive training while in fact, most of it had to do with beards.
    There’s no doubt that many in the Special Forces community will be angered, but General Mattis is convinced.
    “It’s settled science. In light of this information we will enforce a rule requiring all males to wear at least one inch of facial hair at all times. Furthermore, any females able to grow facial hair are encouraged to do so as well.”
    I think this is enough to tell you that the article is a joke .

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    Quote Originally Posted by Patrioten View Post
    I think this is enough to tell you that the article is a joke .
    Why would it be a joke on the account of women being able to grow a beard. It's perhaps clear that it's not the ideal we're looking for in a potential partner whom we may strongly prefer without; however going by the Guinness Book of World Records, I believe the longest female beard was some 42cm long, this is by far a longer beard than I appear to be able to grow.
    -In kalte Schatten versunken... /Germaniens Volk erstarrt / Gefroren von Lügen / In denen die Welt verharrt-
    -Die alte Seele trauernd und verlassen / Verblassend in einer erklärbaren Welt / Schwebend in einem Dunst der Wehmut / Ein Schrei der nur unmerklich gellt-
    -Auch ich verspüre Demut / Vor dem alten Geiste der Ahnen / Wird es mir vergönnt sein / Gen Walhalla aufzufahren?-

    (Heimdalls Wacht, In kalte Schatten versunken, stanzas 4-6)

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    Senior Member Germania Magna's Avatar
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    Arguably a beard is, in historical terms, a manly attribute while beardlessness is a boyish or feminine trait. Ironically the modern tendency to crop a soldier's hair and to deny him a beard actually humiliates the warrior. It is a shameful thing to have your hair and beared shaved off, especially for a warrior. I speak only in historical terms there, I dont wear a beard.

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    Senior Member Patrioten's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sigurd View Post
    Why would it be a joke on the account of women being able to grow a beard. It's perhaps clear that it's not the ideal we're looking for in a potential partner whom we may strongly prefer without; however going by the Guinness Book of World Records, I believe the longest female beard was some 42cm long, this is by far a longer beard than I appear to be able to grow.
    It's basically the Onion with a military twist .

    http://www.duffelblog.com/about/

    http://www.duffelblog.com/

    I don't object to discussing beards and their potential benefits in various situations, but I just figured I would inform people about the nature of the article so as to prevent us from risking ridicule for treating a joke article seriously .

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    That's why us ancient Britons fought naked in battle, because we had long beards and thick body hair. Who needs armery when you've got nature on your side?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sigurd View Post
    ....I believe the longest female beard was some 42cm long, this is by far a longer beard than I appear to be able to grow.
    If female soldiers had such, it would be an excellent disincentive to rape them if they were taken prisoner.
    Das Recht und die Gerechtigkeit haben nur selten miteinander etwas zu tun. Höchstens machen sie winki winki wenn sie aneinander vorbei gehen.
    The Law and Justice have only seldom anything to do with one another. At the most they wave at each other when they pass one another on the street.
    Niemals vergessen. Niemals vergeben.

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    Senior Member Meister's Avatar
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    I wonder if it because the soldiers with beards didn't have to waste time shaving and grooming themselves and therefore could spend more on what really matters like training and maintaining their weapons.

    It's already been pointed out but the warriors of old would laugh at the clean shaven, short haired, skinny soldiers of today.
    I grew up on a belief of honour, courage and the old world values. The world isn't about that anymore, preferring to die a slow death of fast food and cheap thrills.

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    Senior Member KingBritannia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Schnadelbach View Post
    If female soldiers had such, it would be an excellent disincentive to rape them if they were taken prisoner.
    There's something creepy about you saying that with a big smile on your face.

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