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Thread: How Soon is Too Soon?

  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Astrid Runa View Post
    So, as you may all be aware, I'm currently in a very serious relationship.
    We've been dating unofficially for five months, but only officially for three months.
    We've been having some very serious discussions about marriage and children (sometimes silly discussions "Our child will never wear pink" "We're getting a VW Campervan, not a Subaru. Maybe even a bentley").

    My boyfriend is employed and is studying Computer Programming at University. He's very sweet, a real gentleman, and above all, he makes me very happy.

    Everyone who knows me has said that when I'm around him, I'm a different person. I'm bouncy, happy and generally a lot brighter looking.

    I'm happier than I have been in a very long time. This relationship really is like nothing I've ever had before in my life. Before I was scared to commit. But now, with this guy, I'm not.

    So, my question is this.
    How soon is too soon to get engaged to him?
    Only you know for sure.

    Personally, If I was with a guy for 6 months, and he did not propose, and I did not want to marry him, then it was over.

    I never dated my husband, we lived together since the first day we met.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huginn ok Muninn View Post
    Culture does not consist of whether or not you drink. It is a common basis for understanding based upon growing up in the same extended family of one nation.



    How incredibly sad that you allowed such a silly notion to dissuade you if you really did care for each other. No one knows how long we have on this planet. What if he lived to be 90 and you lived to be 70? Then he would have been alone for an extended period! If you care that much for someone, such ideas are foolish in the extreme!

    As a real life example, I'll give you my aunt and uncle. My aunt is now 97 and has been a widow for 20 years. She was 5 years older than my uncle, and they first assumed that he would outlive her. They spent almost 50 years together and were pretty happy as far as I could see. She still remembers him fondly and has busied herself with community work since he passed on. That's life.
    That same 28 year old, despite being born a Scot and living in Scotland for most of his life, he was a games developer living and working in Japan. At the age of 18, that would have damaged me emotionally. Barely seeing him for most of the year because he's working and living in another country thousands, not hundreds, of miles away from me.

    And for the record, he almost died. He was in Japan when the Earthquake hit. He was exposed to the radiation from the reactor and is now suffering from blood clots in his lungs. I would have stuck by him despite this, yes. But the point is, there were lots of other factors that lead to us breaking up, not just the age gap.

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    AR, you're a very emotional person. That fact oozes through all of your posts -- and it's endearing, don't get me wrong. I bear you no ill will whatsoever. But I do think your emotionalism tends to distort your view of things. I really doubt every single one of your Scottish boyfriends was as you described. In fact, you just described the 28 year old positively and cited the only problem between you was that he'd die long before you (which in itself strikes me as odd and irrational). Emotional people tend to charge their surroundings and recollection of things in such a way as to justify (in a half-hearted semi-logical way) their heart-led decisions. In fact, all people do this, but emotional people do it more often, and less abashedly. You have a tendency to exaggerate things: the crumminess of Scots, the virtues of Finns etc. And this can, and for many often does, become a barrier to any future rational decision, in this case a pro-preservation one.

    Only men who exaggerate the ills of Western woman and hyperbolise the custard-flavoured awesomeness of Mrs Chong talk about how 'it was the only option for them!!!'. Likewise with you, it seems. Emotional people always ultimately feel the bite of their ill-planned choices, but usually it's only after the irreversible has occurred. Maybe a couple of half-Finnish-children-in-an-already-foreign-infested-nation later, you'll realise Finns aren't so great and Scots not so bad. But then it'll be too late to nip things in the bud.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Astrid Runa View Post
    Bärin, either way. I don't associate myself with the pricks who call themselves men.
    In my entire life living here in the UK, never once have I met a man worth of calling himself a gentleman. Not until I met Juhana, anyway.
    I appreciate the concern, but trust me on this one. I know what I'm doing. I've been through a lot more than you'd believe.
    A for the record? The asshole who raped me was my best friend, not a love interest.
    You think you know what you're doing, so do most ethnic mixers. When they learn the incompatibility the hard way it's way too late for some. Look at Heidi Klum and Seal's failed marriage. A couple of niglets too late. Mixing with non-Germanics is not on the same level as mixing with Negroes, but it affects the nation, genepool and future generations too. Finns are alien to Scotland and Scots are alien to Finland. Your children will be mixed and have "dual heritage". Mixed children face more problems than normal children especially because they're not accepted as either, or. Race and ethnic mixers often overlook that, they make a selfish decision which will be too late to reverse.

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Astrid Runa View Post
    It was him who brought it up, not me. Dude, I was 18 at the time. He was an entire decade older than me.
    You believe that ten years difference is going to make such a huge difference in how long two healthy (I presume) people live? That is very irrational. You could step out in front of a car and die tomorrow.

    If the two of you were the exact same age, you could easily die 20 years before him. Do you see how your logic is irrational?

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    If it's right, then there is no too soon. If it's not, then no waiting years can prevent it falling apart earlier or later, there are couples who married pretty quickly and are still together after twenty years, and there are couple that waited for five years and got divorced after less than a year.

    I know this may not be of much help, but the important thing is that you do which you feel is right. There is no sheet of paper, or no promise of that which will make any love any more sacred by itself --- it's just a lot nicer to say "This is my wife/husband" than to say, "This is my girlfriend/boyfriend" at any rate --- it's the sacredness of the love itself that will make such sheet of paper or the promise of such.

    My mother and my stepfather (her third husband; both my father and her second husband ended up being abusive) got engaged after two weeks and married after little more than a month. Then again, they were at an age where they knew exactly what they were looking for - and it's sometimes a little embarassing to see how like teenagers in love a man aged 51 and a woman aged 48 can be.
    -In kalte Schatten versunken... /Germaniens Volk erstarrt / Gefroren von Lügen / In denen die Welt verharrt-
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    -Auch ich verspüre Demut / Vor dem alten Geiste der Ahnen / Wird es mir vergönnt sein / Gen Walhalla aufzufahren?-

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hamar Fox View Post
    AR, you're a very emotional person. That fact oozes through all of your posts -- and it's endearing, don't get me wrong. I bear you no ill will whatsoever. But I do think your emotionalism tends to distort your view of things.
    Oh, do you? Well, cheers for that.

    I really doubt every single one of your Scottish boyfriends was as you described.
    Well, that's your view. Just so happens that your view is wrong. You have no idea what those assholes put me through. The majority of them cheated on me, Hamar. They humped and dumped me. One left me for his ex. David was the only nice one I had the pleasure of dating before I met Juhana, but he was the one who ended it, for my sake he said.
    One tried to rape me. Then my best friend, years later, does.
    You have no clue whatsoever as to what I have been through, Hamar. So don't you dare try to tell me how it is when you don't even know.

    In fact, you just described the 28 year old positively and cited the only problem between you was that he'd die long before you (which in itself strikes me as odd and irrational).
    See above.

    Emotional people tend to charge their surroundings and recollection of things in such a way as to justify (in a half-hearted semi-logical way) their heart-led decisions. In fact, all people do this, but emotional people do it more often, and less abashedly. You have a tendency to exaggerate things: the crumminess of Scots, the virtues of Finns etc. And this can, and for many often does, become a barrier to any future rational decision, in this case a pro-preservation one.
    Again. See above.

    Only men who exaggerate the ills of Western woman and hyperbolise the custard-flavoured awesomeness of Mrs Chong talk about how 'it was the only option for them!!!'. Likewise with you, it seems. Emotional people always ultimately feel the bite of their ill-planned choices, but usually it's only after the irreversible has occurred. Maybe a couple of half-Finnish-children-in-an-already-foreign-infested-nation later, you'll realise Finns aren't so great and Scots not so bad. But then it'll be too late to nip things in the bud.
    I'm not even gonna comment on that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Astrid Runa View Post
    That same 28 year old, despite being born a Scot and living in Scotland for most of his life, he was a games developer living and working in Japan. At the age of 18, that would have damaged me emotionally. Barely seeing him for most of the year because he's working and living in another country thousands, not hundreds, of miles away from me.

    And for the record, he almost died. He was in Japan when the Earthquake hit. He was exposed to the radiation from the reactor and is now suffering from blood clots in his lungs. I would have stuck by him despite this, yes. But the point is, there were lots of other factors that lead to us breaking up, not just the age gap.
    Sorry to hear that.. Globalization and extreme corporatism is one of the reasons I am still single. Too bad he couldn't make a living closer to home. I hope he can recover from his problems.
    Most people think as they are trained to think, and most people make a majority.

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    I don't know about all this, I have been in love with the same woman and she is in love with me, we have been together for 12 years and have been engauged for I think four years ( no need to rush things when you know it is right).

    A piece of paper does not really mean much when it come to love IMHO.

    Yes, I would like to make it official by legal standards one day, but it really is not that important.
    Life is like a fire hydrant- sometimes you help people put out their fires, but most of the time you just get peed on by every dog in the neighborhood.

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    You keep mentioning that you're mentally ill. Most men who will be in a relationship with a seriously mentally ill woman, don't feel very good about themselves. So this is why you're getting losers. Regardless of nationality, they will probably be mentally ill themselves. No good will come out of any relationship you're in until you get better. Get better first, then your options will improve. I promise.
    "The mystery and secret of Wotan is not that "knowledge" of him is passed along through clandestine cults or even through the re-discovery of old books and texts--but rather that such knowledge is actually encoded in a mysterious way in the DNA, in the very genetic material, of those who are descended from him." - Secret of the Gothick God of Darkness

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