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Thread: Taboo Relationships

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    Taboo Relationships

    There is a thread about age difference relationships where people discuss their merits.

    But what about other taboo relationships, like dating your co-worker (or worse, boss), neighbour, landlord, doctor or psychiatrist, student/teacher, friend's ex, and so forth? Have you been in such a relationship or have an experience to share? Why yes or why not?

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    In Norway, I think you can't have your lover or partner as your doctor or teacher. I think 'the relationship' is ideally based upon male or female domination.

    My advice is honesty and to talk with those close to you.

    Yes, I been there. My belief is that it is only 'the couple' and those involved who should set the norms for their relationship as long as it's sane and healthy.

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    They're usually forbidden because it interferes with professional conduct and responsibility. Emotional and sexual blackmail can be used to alter professional decisions and that's not a good idea. But it's not only the professional that suffers, because if for example a lawyer or doctor is blinded by emotions the safety and health of their client goes threatened.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nachtengel View Post
    But what about other taboo relationships, like dating your co-worker (or worse, boss), neighbour, landlord, doctor or psychiatrist, student/teacher, friend's ex, and so forth? Have you been in such a relationship or have an experience to share? Why yes or why not?
    If there's true love on both sides, everything is possible, why not? Of course, it depends from case to case...

    Co-worker, or boss, here I don't see any problem... If both are single and want to be together, why not?

    Doctor... Hehe, I was and I still am in love with my stomatologist, I think she knows (I'm sure she does!), but this was always an advantage, in my opinion! Because I like her so much, it's easier for me to let her do the job, I don't think I could trust anyone else... And I feel so good when she's around!!! We're friends in real life (first I was only her patient), but I never dared to try anything more... I know she likes me too, but I have a feeling we both agree that we're better just as friends for now... Eventually our feelings towards each other might just develop into a closer friendship (most likely this is the case)...

    Student/teacher... I've heard many stories of people falling in love with their teachers... and it happened to me too, just once... Nothing else happened between us, just me day-dreaming...

    Friend's ex... Here it might be a problem. For me, at least... It depends from case to case (never say never!), but my morality would say no, just thinking about it...

    Also, the best friend of someone I love and with whom I couldn't be together... No... I can't do that... I've been proposed such a thing and no... Why not? Because I cannot lie to myself like that, and also because... I don't want to use someone just to be around their best friend (it sounds tempting, but I can't be a liar like that)... Better be single, than being with their best friend...

    If my best friend would be with someone I love and with whom I can't be together... I don't think I would feel so happy about it. There was an attempt like that many many years ago, my best friend being courted by the one I was in love with, but he stopped courting her. She said she wouldn't have said no to him, though. I am glad he stopped courting her, I am not sure if I could still have been friends with her if they were together (it wasn't love what she felt for him, she just liked him, and she knew well my feelings)...

    Ethnic-mixing, race-mixing? These are taboo relationships too, right?

    Ethnic mixing, why not, if they're Germanic too, even if not fully Germanic... I don't see any problem in me being with someone who's fully Germanic, having a family and children with them. Actually, I think I couldn't see myself with someone who is not at least partially Germanic... Over the years I've analyzed the behaviour of different ethnic groups, and those of other meta-ethnicities are not a good match for me... There are even Germanics who behave like being from Southern Europe, I don't think I would match with them either...

    Race-mixing? I simply find negroes and brown people disgusting, so far from me such a thought...


    Quote Originally Posted by Vanirmagic View Post
    In Norway, I think you can't have your lover or partner as your doctor or teacher.
    Really? Why not? I mean, with teacher is understandable, but you don't study forever, so at some point it won't be your teacher anymore, so no more rules like that. And your doctor? Why not? You can change your doctor, and be with the one you love, if that's a problem...


    Quote Originally Posted by Vanirmagic View Post
    My belief is that it is only 'the couple' and those involved who should set the norms for their relationship as long as it's sane and healthy.
    I agree with this!
    Die Farben duften frisch und grün... Lieblich haucht der Wind um mich.

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    At a time when 'inceldom' is spreading rapidly (..or so I'm informed..) and increasing numbers of Germanic males are into the MGTOW movement, I'm loathe to impose any further restrictions on who they can/cannot have a relationship with.

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    Yes. Gareth and I have both been involved with married individuals before we got together. This was at a troubled and confused point in our lives when we were vulnerable to such "taboo" indiscretions. Once we got our lives together and became Christians we found each other and began new lives.
    Not all in life is at it appears to be.

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    It depends on the relationship but I think in general they should be avoided or kept private as much as possible (by private I don't mean secret but if there has to be such a relationship, it should not influence one's professional decisions, for example).

    Teacher - student: generally unethical and possibly even illegal, especially if the student is under age. But even if the student is not a minor, there could still be consequences for the teacher. They could always be accused of favoring the student and the student will be constantly called into question On the other hand, dating a former teacher might be acceptable under certain circumstances.

    Doctor (including psychiatrist) - patient: also generally unethical and possibly illegal. Yes, it can certainly happen to fall in love with a doctor/patient, since the relationship involves empathy, care, a lot of personal details and the like, however the ethical thing to do if such a relationship progresses would be for the patient to switch doctors. Otherwise, the patient who is in a relationship with the doctor might receive preferential treatment, in the worst case at the cost of other people who are just as much in need for medical treatment/advice. If you are a doctor, and your patient demands to see you during your working hours, but they don't have an appointment, you might want to squeeze them in for fear of upsetting them and having a fight at home. Or what about if your partner wants a prescription for something, and then you get in trouble for it. Or the other way around, if the doctor wants the patient to do something for them and practice emotional blackmail they would have a lot of leverage. So many things that could go wrong. In addition, it may have professional or even legal consequences in some countries. For example, the American Medical Association clearly states that sexual contact that is concurrent with the doctor - patient relationship constitutes sexual misconduct. It even cautions about relationships with former patients. The AMA notes that the prior doctor - patient relationship may unduly influence the patient and that such a relationship is unethical if the doctor “uses or exploits trust, knowledge, emotions or influence derived from the previous professional relationship.”

    Superior - subordinate, this can also happen naturally but may have a whole host of potential complications. Just like in the case of doctor - patient, the relationship may not be truly equal in nature and the boss could hold significant leverage, and, like in the teacher -student relationship, the competence of the subordinate will always be called into question. For the subordinate, a relationship with their boss could actually damage their career prospects. Rises and promotions may not come your way if your boss tries to protect themselves from being accused of favoritism. You'll be gossiped about and envied by other colleagues. And of course if the relationship doesn't work out, you might find your work life so uncomfortable you are forced to leave or maybe the boss even fires you and gives you no/bad references. Some companies have a policy to deter relationships between bosses and workers from arising and you may both find yourselves on the receiving end of disciplinary procedures if your relationship is found out.

    Relationships with coworkers: less taboo, as they may generally be on equal footing, but there might be problems here as well. For example, one of the people might get promoted and the other not, then it could turn into a boss - subordinate relationship. If you can't navigate both your job and relationship, it's best to move onto another employer or ask for a transfer within the organization that would keep you from working together in that capacity.

    Relationships with married people: extremely frowned upon, I don't think I need to expand much on this. Unless the relationship is an open one (but even this is also quite controversial, not my cup of tea), it's unethical and a violation of marital vows.

    Some rules which should IMO work for all taboo relationships:

    • make sure the feelings regarding the relationships are mutual, the same goes for breakups, otherwise you could risk being accused of stalking/sexual harassment
    • don't lie about your relationship, but be discreet (flaunting such relationships can send the wrong message)
    • don't let your relationship be the cause or influence in your decisions, don't let your feelings influence your professionalism
    • if/when the relationship is over, don't try to damage the career prospects of your ex-partner (ideally, have an "exit plan" from the beginning, and agree what to do in case the relationship is over)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nachtengel View Post

    But what about other taboo relationships, like dating your co-worker (or worse, boss), neighbour, landlord, doctor or psychiatrist, student/teacher, friend's ex, and so forth? Have you been in such a relationship or have an experience to share? Why yes or why not?
    I know a woman who married a laicised priest, but I believe that he had already been released from the duties that were connected to the clerical state before they started dating. I also know of former nuns and sisters who married brothers, friars and monks, but I'm not quite sure if the relationships were entered into prior to them seeking dispensation from their vows.
    “She could never be a saint, but she thought she could be a martyr if they killed her quick.”
    ― Flannery O'Connor

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