I don't think it's possible for partners to be on the exact same level in a relationship. Different genders fulfill different roles. Both my husband and I work at the moment, while I take care of the wifely house chores (cooking, cleaning, washing, etc). Like in Idis' case, my husband usually does the bulk shopping on weekends (Saturday mornings). I give him readymade to buy lists which I make after analysing the content in our home and planning meals. Sometimes we do the shopping together but Saturdays is usually cleaning day so I stay home to take care of that while my husband goes out. I consider cleaning and similar chores a traditional wife's occupation and duty. I don't consider it demeaning and don't require that my husband participates in those. He sometimes gives a hand, a very nice gesture which I appreciate but again, don't require. Having a husband who doesn't vacuum is not a tragedy in my view. My husband participates with typical gender-specific chores like fixing what's broken, installing devices, etc. On the other hand, I consider myself lucky that my husband is a pretty organised person, he doesn't make a huge mess. I don't find clothes thrown on the floor, no empty wrappers in the kitchen and thankfully he doesn't smoke - something very rare in men these days. So our house never has that "pub" smell. I also do the organisational, "secretarial" tasks like taking care of our calendar, reminding my husband of events, sending out cards or invitations, medical appointments, etc. and lately took over his mail. It doesn't bother me to do it because my husband is pretty busy in his professional life and needs a helping hand here and there. So to put it simply, a husband who vacuums isn't on my top list. A kind, loving and decent husband on the other hand, is, and those traits can be expressed in so many other ways.