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Thread: My Ethical Dilemma

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    Senior Member Reshki's Avatar
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    My Ethical Dilemma

    I have a bit of an ethical dilemma. The last few years have been rather brutal on me. I've been through two major surgeries, laid off from work, etc. Despite all of it, I'd kept to my plans for the future.

    I had planned to have my house paid off, truck paid off, and a good chunk of change in the bank. Despite all of that, I remained on track by giving up some other things that weren't essential to my goals. I was almost there, I had success in my hand.

    But then, I lost it all. I won't go into the gory details, let's just say a certain family member got hooked up with some stupid vapid piece of meat crack whore (yes, she's literally a whore), who soaked him for everything. I agreed to bail him out of the trouble he was in, but with the understanding that it had to be paid back, or I'd lose everything.

    Of course, he was grateful to me. And of course, he never paid me back. In fact, he kept on doing it for another 4 months. I lost it all for my family, and got screwed. He won;'t even admit what he'd done. She kept coming back demanding more and more.

    This was a bit over a year ago.

    But I'm torn on what to do.
    My Christian friends tell me to let it be and let God have His justice.

    But my blood cries out for vengeance. I probably won't do anything to him for family's sake, but I have told hikm he's no longer welcome, and if he does it again, I'll watch him fall.

    The earliest I can get back to where I was will be in another 10 years. By then, I'll be too old to start a family, which is what I wanted more than anything since I can remember.

    I feel like my future was taken, and I want to tear her and her family's lives apart (being that she's a crack whore, there's plenty of legal ways to go about it, I just need to let her and her family -- all dirt bags -- hang themselves, and then give the authorities enough rope to hang them).

    I want to hear them cry. i want to hear their lament over the lives they've thrown away. I want them to suffer what I've been made to suffer.

    But can't reconcile if that makes me as bad as them.
    Should I just let them go, or should I listen to my inner voice that tells me not to let this crime go unanvenged?

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    Senior Member Wittmann's Avatar
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    First of all I want to say that I'm sorry for what happened to you, and I wish there was some way I could help. On the other note, I would agree that you should find a way to take (legal) revenge on her for what she did to your future. Sue her or report her to the police and do everything you can to get that money back. On a side note, when you agreed to helpp your family menber if he agreed to straighten out, that is technically a legal contract and you can sue him for breach of contract and recover your money.
    Ein Kampf, Ein Sieg! Fur Prussia!

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    Senior Member Reshki's Avatar
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    Verbal agreement won't hold up in court.

    Besides, I don't think I'd be any better than him if I did that. Not to mention neither he nor her have anywhere near the money. Costing her any joy or semblance of a good life is the best (worst) I can do. Her family is not above reproach as they stand by her, and even help her get her drugs and let her negroid sex partners stay with them.

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    Senior Member Wittmann's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reshki View Post
    Verbal agreement won't hold up in court.

    Besides, I don't think I'd be any better than him if I did that. Not to mention neither he nor her have anywhere near the money. Costing her any joy or semblance of a good life is the best (worst) I can do. Her family is not above reproach as they stand by her, and even help her get her drugs and let her negroid sex partners stay with them.
    I have seen verbal agreements stand up in court, and especially if you can prove you gave him the money. Mind if I ask how much you lost?
    Ein Kampf, Ein Sieg! Fur Prussia!

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    Senior Member The Aesthete's Avatar
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    Don’t let what happened stop you from having kids, racial others who have nothing come here and have several, to support Germanics having kids is ok by me (we aren’t even replacing ourselves). You don’t need lots of money for your children to have a happy childhood.

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    First off I'm very sorry this happened to you.

    As far as your family member goes you can't just blame the girl as it takes both of them to commit these acts against you. However there may be hope for your family member. Sometimes it takes people to hit rock bottom before they realize there is a better way. When this does happen and it will, you should remember he is your blood and you should try to help him. Just not with money, but with understanding and support. Time has a way of healing such things. Chances are this relationship with the trashy race mixer will not work out in the long term.

    When it comes to starting a family, do it now. If you wait until you think you are ready that day may never come. Starting family is something you just have to do, you never know what fate has in store for you. Really there can be no better joy than having your children and I would think you would want to enjoy that sooner rather than later. Don't worry so much about the money, it is only a small thing when compared to the joy of a family.
    Life is like a fire hydrant- sometimes you help people put out their fires, but most of the time you just get peed on by every dog in the neighborhood.

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    Senior Member velvet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpearBrave
    Time has a way of healing such things.
    No, it doesnt. Not when such an incident crushed your life, your own plans for which you worked hard and then it is taken away from you for nothing but sh*t.

    I've learned the hard way that family doesnt mean family to everyone. Giving unconditionally on the idea of family without looking at the other personally brings you in situations like that.

    In my case it was my mother who screwed me. I can never expect to get back what she took away (which is more than just money), so I quit contact, not only with her but also with my brother, who was somehow involved in that (wont go into details...). This protects at least me from future abuse for their egoistic wishes and behavior. Does it hurt? Yes, and it still does after eight years. Am I better off without them? Yes, too.



    Reshki, this is a hard destiny you got there and I really feel with you.
    What I did isnt maybe the right way for you though. This would depend on your relation before that to him, whether you supported each other and so on.

    In general though, when you gave him money, you can indeed sue him to pay it back. A verbal contract is still a contract. The problem is, if you do, it will most likely lead to a break up with your family, when they support him more than you or dont understand that you need to do it, because otherwise your life gets screwed.

    But I do indeed understand that will to vengeance, when you feel that strong about it. When you fought for years for what you had and then it goes all down the drain for nothing and you realise that the other doesnt even understand what he has done to you.
    Though I'd say go after him and not after that crack whore, when you bring her into prison maybe, it won't hurt him really. He might be pissed for a while, but when she's that terrible a person, he might at the end be happy about it and still dont see what he has done to you. So make him pay, with money and emotionally, let him feel your wrath and make clear for what he deserves it. Crushing third parties, or the assumed reason for that he screwed you just excuses his behavior, but won't bring you the desired emotional reward of vengeance.

    Though, again, when you decide to go that road, be aware of what side effects it has or can have. Although he, and probably other members of your family dont see why you are pissed (its just money and it was for family, but dont see that this also requires something in return), they will come and tell you that you cant sue family. Depending on how your family thinks about things like that and what relation they have to you, the reactions will differ. And in the worst case this then creates a break up.

    It is a hard decision to make with bad consequences that can occure. But when this really is about to crush your life, your future for that you fought hard, then you wont forget that ever. Could you just get over it, sit with that person together at one table at family meetings and do as if nothing had happened? This is the question you need to answer yourself.


    Good luck for whatever route to go you chose!
    Ein Leben ist nichts, deine Sprosse sind alles
    Aller Sturm nimmt nichts, weil dein Wurzelgriff zu stark ist
    und endet meine Frist, weiss ich dass du noch da bist
    Gefürchtet von der Zeit, mein Baum, mein Stamm in Ewigkeit

    my signature

  8. #8
    Eala Freia Fresena
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    The last few years have been rather brutal on me. I've been through two major surgeries, laid off from work, etc. Despite all of it, I'd kept to my plans for the future.

    I had planned to have my house paid off, truck paid off, and a good chunk of change in the bank. Despite all of that, I remained on track by giving up some other things that weren't essential to my goals. I was almost there, I had success in my hand.

    But then, I lost it all.
    It looks to me that your destiny is telling you something and you are too stubborn to listen. You are on the wrong way and the forces of fate try to stop you. If you don't let go, as your christian friends tell you, more shit is coming.

    You meet your fate on the road where you try to avoid it.

    I certainly suggest you go into a retreat, if you are christian go to one of theirs, a place where you have time to think and to let things sink in.
    weel nich will dieken dej mot wieken

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    Senior Member Reshki's Avatar
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    Appreciate it Ocko, but I think maybe things happened because I was on the RIGHT path. I try to treat everyone fairly, done well at work (moved up rapidly, despite really not trying to (this is after I got laid off and started my new job). Sometimes people just don't like it when someone does right and is successful for it.

    To the others:
    I do blame him more than her. Maybe 60% his fault, 40% hers. I lay so much blame on her and her family, because I went to them, explained what they were doing (the "relationship is, in fact, over) and they didn't want to hear anything bad about their little angel, and she just sneered and said she's going to do what she does. Knowingly doing such damage requires payment.

    As for him, well, he's my father, and is the last of my family. All of my grandparents are dead, my mother is dead, and my brother was killed (on the way home by some drug pushers -- yes, I admit this biases me against them) about 12 years ago.
    In reality, I don't have to do anything to punish him. He's been a fool hiks whole life, and hasn't stopped. He's already mostly squandered the chance I gave him, and isn't far from losing it all again. This time I will do nothing and let him fall. I have a clear conscience about it, because he's the one who made me incapable of helping him, even if I was inclined to. It also means that he doesn't have anything to pay me back with.


    Starting a family is a no-go. I am selling everything noty nailed down just to stabilize myhself, and it'll be close to 10 years until I can pay my bills on time and stop robbing Peter to pay Paul. That'll put me in my 40s, and that's just to be scraping by. That is, unless something fortuitous happens.

    Contrast that with the fact that, had this not been done, I would have had my house paid off, my truck paid off, and a little over $30,000 in the bank LAST JULY. That takes into account having the two surgeries.

    So, as far as not waiting to start a family because it'll never happen; it would have happened a year ago. I had it, I did it right. How many people would have had a start like that in their early 30s? I sacrificed everything else to get there, and I was thrown under the train by my own father.

    His response? "Well, I didn't have any of that when I got married." So sinc ehe didn't have it, he saw that it was just fine to take it from me.

    I'm really pissed.

    The dream is gone.

    I'm not going to get over it, every day of my life will be a reminder.

    Sorry for being such a downer.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ocko View Post
    It looks to me that your destiny is telling you something and you are too stubborn to listen. You are on the wrong way and the forces of fate try to stop you. If you don't let go, as your christian friends tell you, more shit is coming.
    I have quite the same feeling about it.

    First of all, Reshki, I am sorry for what you had to suffer, but try to understand that nothing happens by accident, and you have something to learn from every little issue of life. I can feel your wrath about what happened to you, but don't let the anger, wrath and other negative feelings like that dominate you.

    As Ocko said, you probably need some time to think more about what those things are trying to teach you. Even if some things seem to happen with no reason, or without being deserved, everything, with no exception, happens with a reason.

    Also, sometimes things just cannot go as we planned them. There are some reasons for that, reasons which we are sometimes not able to see. But we can reach the understanding of those, or at least accept them. Just be careful and don't make things worst for you. If you believe in something, God, or gods, or whatever, you can ask for help, to help you understand, to open your eyes in the good direction.

    It's more than just ethics. Spending your time thinking of revenge, or about how bad you feel, won't solve the problem. Ethics were created for some reasons. Sometimes is just better to try to see the more general 'landscape', the big picture. Even if things seem to be painful. It's always better to try to view things with a free heart, I mean without being leaded by anger or vengeance. Of course it's better to listen to your own intuition, but be careful to discern between what is truly your own intuition, and the negative feelings that can make you react impulsively and against the universal laws.

    What goes around comes around
    , so the only think I can advice you, is to try to get a rest and think about it all with calm and understanding. There is something you have to understand, for sure. But you should know it better.

    Good luck! And it's good that you asked for opinions, maybe this will help you think more about it, and give you some better insight!
    Die Farben duften frisch und grün... Lieblich haucht der Wind um mich.

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