What to Do if You Suspect Your Partner of Cheating?

[Leof]

I've starting seeing a girl lately. Hasn't been too long in the relationship and I knew from before that she and her ex were still friends. However, I'm at her flat and she just spent an hour getting ready to go over to her ex's for a couple of days. Fixed her hair and everything. Not only that but I know for a fact the bag she took with her had condoms and lube. I might be paranoid but doesn't this sound a bit odd to you? At one point she was talking to me about open relationships so that initially fueled my concern.

Fortunately I am not too emotionally attached to her yet but god it's tiring having to start all over again when we have only been dating for a few weeks now.

Anyone care to comment?

[MockTurtle]

I don't think you're being paranoid, given the circumstances. I would be quite suspicious too, especially if she mentioned the "open relationship" idea.

Since it sounds like you're looking for something substantial, If I were you, I would just tell her directly that you're not interested in an "open relationship" at all. Perhaps you might wind up starting over, but at least you won't get really crushed further down the road when you are more emotionally attached.

[Blood_Axis]

My Gods is that a catchy title or what!?

However, I'm at her flat and she just spent an hour getting ready to go over to her ex's for a couple of days.

Hmm...ok. I have also kept a very nice and friendly relationship with some of my ex's, especially one that has also become my best friend.

But why would I want to stay at their house? And for 'a couple' of days? It doesn't sound so normal, especially if I am already into a new relationship.
I would not do that to my new boyfriend, even if it was a completely innocent invitation, it still does not look good.
Maybe sometime later when we all get to know each other, if invited I could go to my ex's with my new boyfriend.

Not only that but I know for a fact the bag she took with her had condoms and lube. I might be paranoid but doesn't this sound a bit odd to you?

Dude, you gotta be kidding me?! :eek:

How did she justify that? :
What more evidence you need? Paranoid? With condoms? And lube? Oh dear Gods....just ask her straight-forwardly what's the deal with the -ex, and expect an honest answer. Otherwise just dump her.

[Veritas Æquitas]

Doesn't sound right to me dude, I second the motion on confronting her.. or play the same game and see how she feels about you going over to another girl's place.. Make sure she notices you take condoms and a big bottle of lube .. You don't even really have to go over to a girl's place, just go over to your buds' place, but don't let him see the condoms and lube, lest he get the wrong message..

[CrystalRose]

I've starting seeing a girl lately. Hasn't been too long in the relationship and I knew from before that she and her ex were still friends. However, I'm at her flat and she just spent an hour getting ready to go over to her ex's for a couple of days. Fixed her hair and everything. Not only that but I know for a fact the bag she took with her had condoms and lube. I might be paranoid but doesn't this sound a bit odd to you? At one point she was talking to me about open relationships so that initially fueled my concern.

Fortunately I am not too emotionally attached to her yet but god it's tiring having to start all over again when we have only been dating for a few weeks now.

Anyone care to comment?

First of all you're not paranoid, it's your natural instinct! Obvious signs are there in plain view. Condoms and lube? are you serious!? Going to her ex's for three days shows that the "open relationship" chat you had was real, she wasn't just blowing smoke up your bum. You're lucky you caught on to this before things got too serious. If it smells like ****, tastes like ****.. often times it's ****. You two obviously want two completely different "relatiopnships": you want to be exclusively devoted to each other since i sense anger.. and she's leaving for the ex's pad thinking she had the chat with you about having an "open relationship" and everything's just peachy. It's clearly not ok with you so I think it's time to move on.
I think you're smart enough to know better! You don't strike me as the type to cheat since you're concerned.. so just know that you deserve someone that wont cheat on you. I think people who put up with people walking all over them need to self-evaluate.. what they want and don't want in their life. What is your self-worth?
I feel that you deserve what you give..

Sounds to me you deserve better,
and she deserves meaningless, empty sex. Which will never fill the void in her life. It wouldn't surprise me if she was single for the rest of her life.. because men will think of her as just another piece of meat. Sad really.

Hope everything pans out for you!

[Leof]

My main reason for expressing caution and not being convinced immediatly is because she is absent minded enough to do stupid stuff like this. the condoms were one of many items in the backpack and they were their from the trip we went on last weekend so there's a valid excuse for that I guess. I think it's best to just confront her next time I see her like you guys said though.

[Mrs. Lyfing]

Um, Well, how do you know what she had in the bag? Did you peak?

Why going to visit for a " couple days? " Does he live hours away or something?

Sounds strange and whorish, I mean...I would of had to stop her and talked about it before she left. Girls who fix their hair will always fix their hair but condoms? Not a good sign.

Open relationships are not a good sign either, its a nicer way to put ...I am a whore who likes to sleep around. The only thing open about open relationships are legs.

[Kreis AnnA]

Unless you want sex with little emotional connection: Dump her. Don't even bother calling her. The only one who will get hurt is you. There's a type of woman who gets addicted to a man. They are emotional joy riders, and getting some is all they are good for.

[Leof]

Unless you want sex with little emotional connection: Dump her. Don't even bother calling her. The only one who will get hurt is you. There's a type of woman who gets addicted to a man. They are emotional joy riders, and getting some is all they are good for.

Let's not get hasty yet, I've done martial arts and security enough to read body language and I just want to talk to her about it first and see what response I get.

LoL what you say reminds me of something a friend of mine said on the Phora. There are two kinds of women: 401k's and 3F's. 401K's are what you marry, since they are good for life while 3F's you.. "find her, f*** her and forget her"

[Veritas Æquitas]

Unless you want sex with little emotional connection: Dump her.

And please send her my way..