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Thread: Do You Hold Grudges?

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    Do You Hold Grudges?

    A little psychological thread. Do you hold grudges towards the peoples who harmed you or wronged you?

    My mother always told me, I should forgive, but not forget. That means more precisely, I should give peoples a second chance, but not close my eyes completely, and expect the possibility to be wronged again.

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    Yes, I do. Not for many things that happened, but just some serious ones, like the betrayal from a good friend.

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    It takes a fair deal of skill to get me to permanently hold a grudge. If someone proves themselves again, there is rarely a cause to hold a grudge, as the betrayal has been rectified. If the debt's been paid for, it's artificial to hold a grudge.

    If someone doesn't prove themselves again, then it is futile to pursue a grudge beyond the reasonable - just ignoring the person lacking integrity is much more conducive. There are many good things I can do in life, wasting my energy on paying someone back for his or her betrayal for little else than momentary ego-gratification is not one of them.

    I certainly do not forget anything that has happened though, and yes, of course it influences my judgment as to whether someone is to be trusted with a certain situation, their performance in similar situations in the meantime will have a bearing.

    So in a way, I forgive and give people another chance to prove themselves - it is then up to them to show that they are made of better flesh. If they do so satisfactorily, then there is no need to hold a grudge --- and if they do not manage to prove themselves, then it is best to dissociate oneself from that personal altogether and keep better times as a fond memory instead.

    In essence, I either hold a grudge till the debt's been paid - or till I simple no longer care about the matter at quarrel and either drop the matter or drop the person, depending on which is more applicable in the situation.
    -In kalte Schatten versunken... /Germaniens Volk erstarrt / Gefroren von Lügen / In denen die Welt verharrt-
    -Die alte Seele trauernd und verlassen / Verblassend in einer erklärbaren Welt / Schwebend in einem Dunst der Wehmut / Ein Schrei der nur unmerklich gellt-
    -Auch ich verspüre Demut / Vor dem alten Geiste der Ahnen / Wird es mir vergönnt sein / Gen Walhalla aufzufahren?-

    (Heimdalls Wacht, In kalte Schatten versunken, stanzas 4-6)

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    Pretty much what Sigurd said. A few times I've been hurt enough where I've held a grudge, but I typically feel like it is against my nature, I feel that grudges are often too distracting.
    "So, yes, we are better than others. Our worldviews are better than those of others. This does not need to be universally true, it is enough when it is true for us." - velvet

    "Our blood unity is of infinitely more worth than religious particularities;" - Chlodovech

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    I do not hold grudges, but I do collect information and build psychological profiles based on my observations of a person. Therefore, If somebody continually did something detrimental to me, I would try to figure out what led them to do it, see if it can be rectified, and if not, I take action accordingly to protect myself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Freigeistige View Post
    I take action accordingly to protect myself.
    You say "protect myself." but all I read is "destroy them utterly and in totality!"
    "So, yes, we are better than others. Our worldviews are better than those of others. This does not need to be universally true, it is enough when it is true for us." - velvet

    "Our blood unity is of infinitely more worth than religious particularities;" - Chlodovech

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    I´m not bearing strong grudges in general but my will to grant forgiveness knows borders. If someone wastes his or her second or even third chance then I reach the point where I say "No more chance, there goes my aversion..."

    It´s very hard for someone to overstep my borders but if someone exceeds them I´ll hold my grudges - permanently.

    "Judge of your natural character by what you do in your dreams" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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    OH yeah. Forgiveness is for Christians. If you don't fight back you will get it twice in the future. You have to crush people who mess with you.

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    I do forgive people because everyone makes mistakes. I like to see the best in people and believe they are acting in good faith. That being said when someone does take an action to harm me then I will remember it. It doesn't mean I can't still be good friends with them, I just might not trust them in certain situations
    I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

    - Bilbo Baggins

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    There are things that people/friends do or say that peeve me from time to time, but I don't hold grudges unless there has been some real injury done to me. People are pretty free to be themselves around me, but if there has been real damage done I can be quite cruel and retaliate.

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