Do You Think You're Useless in Arguing ?

[Hanna]

Do you find yourself useless in arguing with your girlfriend or boyfriend or your wife or husband? I think we Scandinavian so bad in arguing, as for me I loose argument all the time.When I want say something at last then I'm too slow to win. Maybe just end up crying so saying sorry. Hmm silly right? In-addition to this I think men and women from different culture background argues differently, such as European's and African's, Chinese South American's, etc surely argues differently.What say you?

[Huginn ok Muninn]

This is entirely true, and it's one major reason different cultures should remain separate. Certain cultures have no problem spouting off and lying without any conscience about it at all, and somehow that makes them think they are smarter and that they "won" the argument because they talked the most. Intellectual discussion cannot be won by cheating like this, though. I think that's the Germanic view. We care too much about truth and good manners to just scream loudly and abusively whatever crap comes into our heads. As a society, I think we have been better served by our passion for truth than others have been served by a passion for argumentativeness.

[Florian Geyer]

I am incredibly useless at arguments. My wife (like most women) can remember everything that I've ever done wrong to use against me in an argument. I on the other hand never know how to reply. On the odd occasion that I win, I wish that I hadn't because like most men I pay for winning in the long run.

It's best to keep quiet. Nod and smile as the saying goes - it pays in the end!

[triedandtru]

I am incredibly useless at arguments. My wife (like most women) can remember everything that I've ever done wrong to use against me in an argument. I on the other hand never know how to reply. On the odd occasion that I win, I wish that I hadn't because like most men I pay for winning in the long run.

It's best to keep quiet. Nod and smile as the saying goes - it pays in the end!

Women do have very good memories, and I can indeed remember pretty much everything my boyfriend has ever done wrong since we started dating four years ago. I try to be reasonable, however, and only bring up offenses that directly relate to the argument.

[RoyBatty]

Do you find yourself useless in arguing with your girlfriend or boyfriend or your wife or husband? I think we Scandinavian so bad in arguing, as for me I loose argument all the time.When I want say something at last then I'm too slow to win. Maybe just end up crying so saying sorry. Hmm silly right?

I try to avoid arguments but sometimes let things slip when I'm irritable, when somebody becomes excessively controlling or when something has been annoying me for a long time. There are probably different ways to approach an argument but imo "trying to always win" them isn't necessarily the best approach (relationships are give and take) and people who always insist on "winning" tend to be quite selfish.

I suppose one should adjust one's argument strategy depending on the type of relationship (some people want equality, others dominate or want to be dominated) you're in or want.

In-addition to this I think men and women from different culture background argues differently, such as European's and African's, Chinese South American's, etc surely argues differently.What say you?

There are different types of arguments and different cultures have different ways of expressing themselves and communicating.

For example, Northern Europeans and Japanese tend to be quite reserved and often consider excessive gesticulation, touching and animated and loud conversation to be barbaric and offensive. It makes them uncomfortable.

Southern European, Middle Eastern, African and South American cultures tend to be noisier, more animated and are comfortable with being more expressive. During arguments and disagreements it is normal for them to argue loudly without letting themselves become upset for too long afterwards.

Northern Europeans tend to converse and argue more subtly. (Not always of course).

[Hanna]

I try to avoid arguments but sometimes let things slip when I'm irritable, when somebody becomes excessively controlling or when something has been annoying me for a long time. There are probably different ways to approach an argument but imo "trying to always win" them isn't necessarily the best approach (relationships are give and take) and people who always insist on "winning" tend to be quite selfish.

I know a person like that.... but its a guy at my school ... stupid exchange student.

I suppose one should adjust one's argument strategy depending on the type of relationship (some people want equality, others dominate or want to be dominated) you're in or want.

I think when one come from the Northern European culture and the other one is Southern European, there's surely a clash. But you know sometimes men from the dominant culture like to be nominated and I believe only their women knows how to handle them. Totally true, how a Scandinavian girl can handle a temper of a Southern European?

Southern European, Middle Eastern, African and South American cultures tend to be noisier, more animated and are comfortable with being more expressive. During arguments and disagreements it is normal for them to argue loudly without letting themselves become upset for too long afterwards.

True, some people have the tendency keeping their anger longer too.

I suppose one should adjust one's argument strategy depending on the type of relationship (some people want equality, others dominate or want to be dominated) you're in or want.

I don't think any normal person want to be dominated, but these are norms hard to brake away.

Northern Europeans tend to converse and argue more subtly. (Not always of course).

Most of the time... at least Scandinavians

[RoyBatty]

Totally true, how a Scandinavian girl can handle a temper of a Southern European?

By making it clear to such a person that excessive fits of anger won't be tolerated. Of course people can sometimes get angry but when it happens all the time then a person needs to decide whether to become a martyr (and to accept it) or to say "enough".

When the choice is "enough" either the other (temperamental) person will have to change or the relationship will come to an end.

C'est la vie.

[Bärin]

No. I always win my arguments. Although sometimes I'm aware my husband lets me win them on purpose.

[PendaMercia]

To me, 'arguing with the wife' isn't so much about winning or losing as it is about coming to some kind of productive resolution. Being wrong but still 'winning the argument' gets neither of us anywhere.

[heloise]

Hello,
I have come to the realization that as for myself, if I were to have a husband one day, that there must be a head to the marraige and that head must be the husband. I would strive not to argue with him but to defer to his wishes and to see to his needs and happiness in all matters.