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Thread: Fights in Relationships

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    Question Fights in Relationships

    What do you think about fights in relationships? Should there be any at all? Some of my friends fight all the time, even over insignificant things like who should drive or where they should go tonight. I wouldn't like such a relationship, it's too tense. But some say on the other hand if there are no fights, there is something wrong. So do you fight with your partner and if so, how do you solve your fights? What do you think of "make-up sex" as a means of solving it?

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    We fight sometimes and it's normal, but it's nothing too serious. It never happened for one of us to pack our bags and leave.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Todesengel View Post
    What do you think about fights in relationships? Should there be any at all? Some of my friends fight all the time, even over insignificant things like who should drive or where they should go tonight. I wouldn't like such a relationship, it's too tense. But some say on the other hand if there are no fights, there is something wrong. So do you fight with your partner and if so, how do you solve your fights? What do you think of "make-up sex" as a means of solving it?
    In my view (and my Wife's) fights are a normal and healthy manifestation of passion in our relationship. Most of them are over stupid things. They are not that frequent. When they happen, they are acknowledged as the excess of passion that they are and yes, they find resolution in make up sex.

    We have been together for 11 years and are very intimate. It is difficult to see 'fighting' as anything rational. Passion doesn't have to be rational. It just flows. "Fights" for us anymore are just intense bouts of edgy flirting. Passion doesn't have to be flowers and silk and slow soft touches. That has its place and time, but so does the other. I think if more people accepted that, there would more harmony in relationships in general.

    But that is just my view.

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    Many of the people who I know that have been married the longest are also the ones who fight/ argue the most.

    Fights about everything, such as who should drive, are usually power struggles. The real issue is not about who is driving, it is about who is in control and who can gain the power (and get their way).

    I was actually raised to give in to all the little things, and then stand my ground when it matters. If he wanted to drive, then he was more than welcome to. Whatever he wanted, he got. I stood my ground on things that were morally reprehensible to me, such as not allowing my young children to watch sexually explicit movies.

    Make up sex is a band aid. It is a quick fix that causes hormones to flow, and gives temporary temporary good feelings towards each other, but it doesn't get to the heart of a problem. If a problem is not addresed and a compromise or agreement reached, then the problem will keep returning. Many couples need to learn to talk rationally about problems and communicate in positive and constructive ways.
    "I do not know what horrified me most at that time: the economic misery of my companions, their moral and ethical coarseness, or the low level of their intellectual development." Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf

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    I think fights should generally be avoided, and I don't believe in the "make up sex" myth.

    Fights are always counterproductive to a relationship. I am not talking about normal arguments and disagreements. I am talking about bickering all the time over trivial things, especially when accompanied with screaming, hysteria, verbal and/or physical assault.

    Those situations are unhealthy, and when they happen, it means something is very, very wrong with the relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by Todesengel
    But some say on the other hand if there are no fights, there is something wrong.
    I can see where they're coming from, as the total absence of fighting might be an indication of indifference.

    However, it might also be due to excellent communication skills between the partners. In any case, I'd personally prefer the "non-fighting" scenario, than the "fighting all the time" scenario. I simply cannot deal with all that tension and frustration.

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    I think that fights on a certain degree are necessary in a relationship and I consider them as a "natural" manifestation of progress. However these "fights" are helpful only if they contribute in a positive way on a long term scale. Most fights and their reasons should be forgotten over time, the only problem is when one of the members or both can't or don't want to move on and still "chew on", in this case I think the problem should be discussed profoundly and made a serious decision about the future of the relationship.

    A few hours of passionate love might be a good solution for pitiful arguments that are usually forgotten in a few days, but when it's about something serious then the matter should be discussed face to face. I think that everything has it's own space and time and making love will not solve real problems in a serious relationship.
    :Überschöpfung:



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    I've got my 20th anniversary coming up soon so anyone that needs advice on relationships can always Pm me, if its serious.
    I tend never to argue or fight with my missus. I generally do what she says, laundry, housework, washing up, nappies. Partly because I secretly think she is a bit incompetent at these things, I have higher standards and want it done properly. Of course I would not tell her this.
    There tends to be an equal division of labour in the house that revolves around the WW1 German maxim "hold onto what can be held". Our version is "do anything that can be done." Thus anything that needs doing, either of us does it without promting, question or debate. With eight kids life is a full time job anyhow.
    My wife is a good cook, so she does that and I don't like driving so I'm happy to be driven.
    I think a sort of deafness and goodwill is a good recipe for a long relationship.

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    Seems to me different couples have different appetites, tolerances, and skills, and it's hard to generalize about this. The main thing to me seems to be to get a match, where both parties are on the same page, interpreting conflict and conflict resolution from the same basic pov.

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    Neither extreme is too good, me thinks. Folks who fight and are each other's throat all the time ain't got a healthy relationship, that's for sure. But folks who never have an argument don't either. If you compromise 100% of the time, then you're a pushover who allows other folks to decide everything for you. he occasional disagreement ain't gonna damage your relationship if it's got a solid foundation.

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    Too many fights in a relationship aren't a good sign in my view. However, it's also possible for couples not to fight at all. I've to disagree with Gefjon, it doesn't have to mean one or both peoples are pushovers. It could be that they have too similar views and don't disagree on any major aspects, or if they do, they learn how to solve the situation and communicate well instead of arguments. It's rare but possible to find such a partner. Some peoples refer to them as soulmates.

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