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Thread: Apologizing: A Sign of Weakness?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Drottin View Post
    I often meet people who look down on the ground, no real Viking looks down into the ground. Keep your chin high, be proud.
    Except if there is something interesting
    "Nothing is more disgusting than the majority: because it consists of a few powerful predecessors, of rogues who adapt themselves, of weak who assimilate themselves, and the masses who imitate without knowing at all what they want." (Johann Wolfgang Goethe)

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    I believe that if you have wronged someone and you feel guilt for it then this is your conscience telling you that you have broken your moral code. If you then go to that person, admit that you have wronged them, show remorse and apologise this is strength of character and a show of honour.

    While this view is not completely altruistic I believe that Apologies restore our moral balance when we truly know we were wrong. The refusal of an apology in this case would be an affront to the person wronged but also a dishonour to ourselves.
    I gcás na fola agus ithir na hÉireann

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    Senior Member Erlkönig's Avatar
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    Apologizing in todays society, western society anyway, is a wasted gesture. People want to be asked for their forgiveness but they dont want to give it, they will instead scorn the individual saying things like, "if you were really sorry you would not have done it". Repentance does not go down in western society, all they care about is punishment.

    An apology was once an emotional exchange, you would offer your shame and regret, and the other person would offer forgiveness. However apologizing has been turned into a sign of weakness it is viewed as allowing people to act as if they have moral high ground over you, and treat you with disdain.
    Life is a well of delight; but where the rabble also drink, there all fountains are poisoned.

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    Senior Member Cuchullain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alfablot View Post
    Apologizing in todays society, western society anyway, is a wasted gesture. People want to be asked for their forgiveness but they dont want to give it, they will instead scorn the individual saying things like, "if you were really sorry you would not have done it". Repentance does not go down in western society, all they care about is punishment.

    An apology was once an emotional exchange, you would offer your shame and regret, and the other person would offer forgiveness. However apologizing has been turned into a sign of weakness it is viewed as allowing people to act as if they have moral high ground over you, and treat you with disdain.
    You do make a good point there Alfablot. I have many examples of the exact circumstance you are speaking of. I look at it in terms of my honour and I don't allow people to hold the moral high ground over me.

    I will apologise once and if the person I am apologising to takes this attitude then I see at as irrelevant. I will know that I have done the honourable thing and my conscience is clear. An apology should really be a two way street in that if you make one the person should be honourable enough to accept it. If If the apology is rejected despite its sincerity that is their problem.

    If it is a fickle apology then that is a different issue.
    I gcás na fola agus ithir na hÉireann

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    Senior Member starprincess's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deary View Post
    How do you feel about apologizing and what were you taught about it? Are you one who is hesitant to apologize or not? When and when isn't it appropriate to apologize? How do your religious views or experience with relationships and marriage affect your stance on apologizing?
    I believe in apologizing for something I felt was wrong. I can be very stubborn at times, if I feel in my heart that I am right, then I have no need to apologize for sticking to something I believe in. I shouldn't have to apologize for something that I am not sorry for, because then what is the purpose of an apology if you do not mean it, it is not sincere. I do have my moments where I will apologize just to end an argument, but its a very small argument and probably not even worth the trouble

    For example, if my husband and I are arguing over something, and I am dead set that I am right, I will not give in... lol because the majority of the time I am right. However, there have been a few times during our relationship and marriage where I have been wrong, and I knew I was. So I then apologized for it, because in my heart I was truly sorry.

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    Senior Member Gary in TX's Avatar
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    Like with many things it kind of depends on the situation

    It really depends on the situation.

    If I'm in the wrong then I'm more than happy to apologize. My ego isn't so big that I automatically think that I'm never in the wrong or that I don't ever make mistakes. The only thing is that I'm sure not going to grovel, EVER.

    If I make a mistake out of anger or if I accidentially hurt someone's feelings when I didn't mean to then I'll sincerely say that I'm sorry and I'll apologize. Maybe I'll try and give a short explanation for why I did or said whatever mistake it is that I did wrong and then that's it.

    I expect to talk it out with that friend or family member in a calm rational manner and then for the issue to get squashed and for there to be no ill feelings on either side. Otherwise what's the point? I'm sure not going to apologize in a heartfelt manner if I believe that the person is going keep re-hashing everything in an attempt to get me to feel bad.

    So IMO that's where the difference lies.

    Apologizing if you're clearly in the wrong is honourable IMO just so long as you conduct yourself accordingly. In fact in most cases it would be a dishonourable action on your part NOT TO apologize if you've done someone in your life wrong (that might actually be against your moral code) and you feel bad about it.

    Groveling and apologizing over and over again on the other hand is not honourable and is a total sign of weakness though. Some people apologize so much that it seems like they're saying that they're sorry for their very existence.....forget that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alfablot View Post
    An apology was once an emotional exchange, you would offer your shame and regret, and the other person would offer forgiveness. However apologizing has been turned into a sign of weakness it is viewed as allowing people to act as if they have moral high ground over you, and treat you with disdain.
    That wouldn't be an apology, but a demand for forgiveness without giving the other person a choice. Apologizing requires strength exactly because people can choose too reject you.

    Consider that there are really bad things that people can do to each other. Let's say someone made you a cripple because he was driving drunk. Are you really obliged to accept an apology no matter what as long as it's honest?

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    Senior Member Kurt Steiner's Avatar
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    Never Trust the Submissive Who Grovels Out Apologies to Black Supremacists

    While a few of us are working to save and extend our civil rights, white cowards are groveling and apologizing to black racists.
    Such people cannot be trusted.

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    I very much approve of apologies, and I'm not afraid to make it known when one is needed.

    For example, an apology is always in order when someone thinks I'm wrong about something.

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    Senior Member Ulvoktr's Avatar
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    If I have done wrong to someone or realized that I was mistaken, I see no problem with apologizing.

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