This is quite amusing. Just a quick reference to the not-so 'Nice' side of your sign.
ARIES: Crimes of accidental violence.
TAURUS: Outbursts of profanity & vile language.
GEMINI : theft, forgery, lying and financial manipulation.
CANCER: Overindulgence in drugs, drink, loosness in sexual practices.
LEO: Victimization, Overindulgence in food, drink, drugs and bullying tactics.
VIRGO: Miserliness, hypochondriasm, drugs and in some cases the tendency to poison.
LIBRA: Homosexuality
SCORPIO: Crimes of passion, sexual perversion, drink & drug abuse.
SAGITTARIUS: Lying, fraud, embezzlement, and theft on a large scale.
CAPRICORN: Organized crimes, crime of violence, homicidal maniacs.
AQUARIUS: Deceit through misrepresentation
PISCES: Deception, lying, fraud, self-pity, psychic degeneration, drink/drug abuse, sensationalism.
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