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Thread: Babies Sleeping with Parents

  1. #1
    Senior Member Brynhild's Avatar
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    Babies Sleeping with Parents

    There seems to be something in the air with all this recent talk about babies and parenting here on the forum.

    I was remembering a time when my kids were babies and how I loved having them close beside me - with their bassinet/cot in my room, and even sleeping next to me in my bed.

    I loved having my kids near me for several reasons. It was convenient to have them nearby when they suddenly woke up for a feed, nappy change, feeling cold etc. When they woke up, it was as easy as getting out of my own bed (especially during the cold winters) and tending to them straight away. Their warm bodies and unique baby smell is a delight as well, I just loved it!

    When the kids got older and slept in their own rooms (around 1), they still wanted to climb into bed with me sometimes and I let them. But in saying that, there came a time when it had to stop, and for all of them it was around the age of 7 or 8.

    So, for the new parents, expecting parents, the old hands whose kids are more grown-up, along with the non-parents - I would ask what you think of this practise.

    Did you/would you allow/not allow?
    Why or why not?
    Is it a common Germanic practise or something more universal?

    Your feedback is much appreciated.

    Was Hael!
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    Senior Member CrystalRose's Avatar
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    I would allow it to an extent.. obviously when they're babies you want to hear if they're choking, need to be changed and/or fed. It would seem comforting having them close by, gives you peace of mind. I also think it would affect your relationship with your partner.. so there would need to be an age limit for sure. I would be worried about the parents (my) sex life. I guess you'd wait till the kids were off to school? That's years away!! Sorry kids no homeschooling for you! 7-8 seems a bit old to be sleeping with parents.. but also common. It's not the first i've heard of it. A mother and childs bond is strong. I guess i'll know when i get to that point in life. lol

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    Senior Member Brynhild's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CrystalRose View Post
    7-8 seems a bit old to be sleeping with parents.. but also common. It's not the first i've heard of it. A mother and childs bond is strong. I guess i'll know when i get to that point in life. lol
    That is why I said sometimes. It may only have been a few times in a year, for instance, waking up from a nightmare - common occurrences at that age.

    Having all of your kids in the bed at the same time is fun!
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    "And now, Harry, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure." - Albus Dumbledore, from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

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    Senior Member CrystalRose's Avatar
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    Yeah, that's perfectly acceptable. I could see having movie night or something once in a while.

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    Senior Member MockTurtle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brynhild View Post
    Did you/would you allow/not allow?
    It would depend greatly on the situation. Obviously, when the child is very little, it is completely understandable given the particular needs of small babies. Also, most parents have special emotional attachments to the child during this time anyways, and want to be with them as much as possible.

    I don't think there's any universal 'cut off' point at which it becomes inappropriate; every child is different, and some might require more of this type of nurturing than others. Plus, besides the individual nature of the child, there are special circumstances that can make this practice necessary (or at least acceptable). For instance, what if the child watches a scary movie and then is too frightened to sleep alone?

    Of course, even if there are no universal endpoints, there are certainly some general guidelines that every child should be at least somewhat expected to follow. It's probably not good for the child to develop a negative type of attachment that might impair his/her ability to grow a sufficient sense of independence and personhood. It's okay to make substantial emotional bonds with the child, but there is a line beyond which it actually becomes harmful to the development of independence. This could have significant consequences later on. Apart from general guidelines, it's really a judgment call on the part of the parents regarding the exact location of this line.

    I don't have any children right now, but I've always really liked them myself. I can imagine that I will want to cherish the time when they're small babies to the utmost. In the really early years, I'm sure that it will be practiced quite a lot, but then later on I will just have to make an intelligent decision depending on the peculiar nature of the child. I would aim for creating a sufficient emotional attachment while at the same time allowing the child to make his/her own sense of individuality. Things will also most likely differ according to sex; I would expect to practice this less with a male baby, for instance, because of the relatively greater sense of independent-mindedness that is expected of males in general.

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    Senior Member CrystalRose's Avatar
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    What if they pee the bed? :p

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    My baby sleeps in bed (with us) next to her mom. She's almost 4 months old and we're starting to move her to her crib more often. I think it's ok for a few months, maybe a year (AT MOST!). I don't think it's too healthy or natural to have toddlers and school age kids in bed, they need there own bed it is only natural, cut the umbilical cord already!

    I could be seen as cold hearted at times :o

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    Having an infant in bed with the parents - when the parents are sleeping - can be risky. There have been cases of babies being smothered to death by the mother rolling on the babies, not necessarily all the way but enough to keep the baby from breathing. Ours slept in a crib in our bedroom for the first year. And they stopped crawling into our bed at about 6. My youngest is 4 & I normally wake up with him in the bed about twice a week.

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    Senior Member Mrs. Lyfing's Avatar
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    I never had my children in the bed with me, I thought it would turn into a habit I didn't want. I put them in their crib from day 1. Now there were and still are times they might lay there with me, but not sleep with me. I never liked the idea because it always seemed to turn into a never ending episode from the people I knew who did allow their children.

    Also, my grandparents did this with their first born. It was around 1930 or so, I don't know how old she was but she was an infant, the doc told them she had a cold, so whatever they were suppose to do they did, along with thinking letting her sleep between them would be good for her, since she was sick. She smothered to death. Or so they thought.
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    Senior Member Cuchulain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Æmeric View Post
    Having an infant in bed with the parents - when the parents are sleeping - can be risky. There have been cases of babies being smothered to death by the mother rolling on the babies, not necessarily all the way but enough to keep the baby from breathing. Ours slept in a crib in our bedroom for the first year. And they stopped crawling into our bed at about 6. My youngest is 4 & I normally wake up with him in the bed about twice a week.
    Human beings have a built in mechanism that keeps them from rolling over onto a baby, pet, midget spouse, etc. while they are sleeping. It can be impaired by alcohol, or prescription/nonprescription drugs.

    Thats what my nutrition professor said back in college anyway.

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