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Men, Women & Relationships Matters of friendship, love and marriage. Gender roles in society and matters concerning the sexes.

The Concept of "Dating"

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Old 1 Week Ago   #41
Sigurd
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Juthunge View Post
Doesn’t that sort of come across as even more consciously stingy as just not paying anything of hers? (And I’m saying that as a Swabian. )
Not sure, but I always had the charisma and the voice to pull it off. TBH, I also think most women this day and age are happy the man offers to pay for anything at all.
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In my opinion, this could provoke thoughts along the lines of "So he's paying something because he feels he has to (Why? Does he only want to get me into bed?) but I'm not worth paying the full bill?".
Both men and women, as a general rule, don't overthink things if the date's sound, relaxing and promising. At least not until later.

A lot of women these days, even those that aren't the one-night-stand types go to bars simply to have men who think they're going to get into their pants pay their drink, too.

It mattered to me to not be considered 'that type of guy', so you're looking towards some intermediate position which still bears the potential of coming across as charming and not play the idiot. :

Quote:
Was that “tactic” very successful?
It never failed me, not once.
It fact, it failed me way too rarely. It's no secret that I've "been with" more women than any sane man, even less so a man of principles, should admit to.
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Old 1 Week Ago   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chlodovech View Post
Practice makes artificial. It's a strange thing to practice.
Public speakers need experience to adequately convey what they want to get across, as well. It's not about changing what you are and what you stand for, but managing to stay clear-headed and relaxed, and not get caught up in the thrill of it all.

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Originally Posted by Chlodovech View Post
Know thyself is what I suggest; we're probably not as great as we think we are. It's a fine line between confident and ignorant. Deep down you know what she's going to say anyway.
If you're going into a social interaction, with the assumption you're not going to be well-received, I think that will quickly become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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Originally Posted by Chlodovech View Post
Plus, I would consider come ons between strangers rude.
Do you feel the same way about talking to a random person of your own age and sex, or older people, or children? For my part, I find that much easier, as there's no perceived "hidden" intentions in the air (in this case, sexual attraction) from any of the parties. If you're just trying to get to know a person, or enjoying some casual small-talk, instead of treating another person as an object of your fantasies, there isn't any rudeness involved.
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Old 1 Week Ago   #43
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Reality is largely a product of the mind, anyhow. If there is something that scares you about rejection, then that is just as much an "artificial" illusion as being completely unabashed by it. You can either settle with a perception that is a product of factors outside of your control, that inhibits your fulfillment and success in life, or you can seize control of your perception, and shape it to accommodate for your goals and challenges. In the ancient times, there was Valhalla and Elysium, Helheim and Hades, and later, the Heavens and Hell, which served a similar purpose, to help one adhere to one's principles and goals when met with adversity and fear. If these concepts are all a deception, or not, is largely irrelevant.

In the context of this topic, 'Hell' is dying alone and being a evolutionary dead-end. Whereas 'Heaven' is building a loving family and passing on your heritage into the unforeseeable future. Luckily, for most people, that is a conscious choice to make, and not something written in stone.
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Old 1 Week Ago   #44
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The talk about paying for the date invites 'gold diggers' is amusing. Most I think would have an idea if a girl was that type before they asked her out, but if not it would generally be pretty obvious after a few dates and as mentioned paying for her a few times is hardly going to send you broke.

Unfortunately waiting for things to take their course and the opportunity to arise as if destined have been no luck for me. Being shy I've twice let the fish slip away, on both occasions attraction seemed obviously mutual, but instead of just going over and saying 'would you like to go out?', I thought there will be a better time to ask and don't be so forward. They are two of my biggest regrets. There was a female member here years ago called Freja Se and she said that it was a form of cowardice. I really wish I could go back because I would just go up and ask them out and if lucky enough to go on a date I would pay, they could have champagne and caviar & I honestly wouldn't care. It reminds me of the old saying it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
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Old 1 Week Ago   #45
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Originally Posted by Chlodovech View Post
Were you able to confirm that yourself, RB? Did you experience it for yourself or is this something you've read?
I can tell you for sure I know what "being in love" is. It's a rollercoaster, haha.

Quote:
I've only read about the labor of love, I've never been in a truly lengthy relationship. I'm inclined to believe it's real, I wouldn't be able to tell you about the difference though. Certainly, love is too big a word to describe a relationship to someone you've only met a few weeks/months ago, I was thinking about a longer time period. Nonetheless: if love is only something that occurs after years of being in a relationship or even a friendship, let's say three or more, then I've no clue as to what love is. No regrets here, though.
I don't think it's that complicated, it's just a combination of knowledge, trust, emotional kinship with another person. Heck it could even be love for a friend or a pet (although that's not quite the same, haha)

What I meant about "it takes years" is that it takes some time before one knows somebody well enough to know whether you're still going to be on good terms even if bad things happened. There isn't really a time limit on it, but in the short term people who are convinced they "love" another person are just deluding themselves imo. That doesn't automatically mean that in the longer term it won't still be the case, just that in the short term it's unrealistic to be so certain about it.

Quote:
You simply know them or you don't, it's all in God's good hands. Bothering strangers and other typical black behaviour isn't appreciated around these parts.
People can be a mystery sometimes, you think you know them and you don't.

Also, remember the saying that God helps those who help themselves. Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. =)
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Old 1 Week Ago   #46
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Originally Posted by The Aesthete View Post
The talk about paying for the date invites 'gold diggers' is amusing. Most I think would have an idea if a girl was that type before they asked her out, but if not it would generally be pretty obvious after a few dates
It isn't always that obvious, some operators are quite skilled. And because it's a dating / romance situation, people can sometimes be quite dense and will stop thinking rationally.

But for what it's worth, if I were dating I'd be very wary of prospects who had average kinds of jobs yet wore trendy & fashionable clothes and possessed matching high priced gadgets, lived in trendy areas etc. That's already a giveaway that they're living beyond their means, and that it won't be long before you'll be the one funding their consumerist habits.

When one encounters such a person, run!
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