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Men, Women, Relationships, & Gender Roles Matters of friendship, love and marriage. Gender roles in society and matters concerning the sexes. No nudity, pornography or sexual vulgarity.

The Art of Being a Gentleman

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Old Sunday, April 15th, 2012   #21
renownedwolf
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renownedwolf is considered wise by the elders.renownedwolf is considered wise by the elders.renownedwolf is considered wise by the elders.renownedwolf is considered wise by the elders.renownedwolf is considered wise by the elders.renownedwolf is considered wise by the elders.

I don't go in for the effeminate rituals of being a gentleman, poncing about with what fork goes with what is just daft and pointless. GentleMAN! I'm more of a barbarian at heart and I believe that the acts of being a gentleman should have a practical use more than just for show.
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Old Sunday, April 15th, 2012   #22
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Originally Posted by renownedwolf View Post
I don't go in for the effeminate rituals of being a gentleman, poncing about with what fork goes with what is just daft and pointless. GentleMAN! I'm more of a barbarian at heart and I believe that the acts of being a gentleman should have a practical use more than just for show.
1st: Proper manners is a way of respect.
2nd: Proper manners, or the lack thereof, shows who belongs and who does not.

There time and place for proper manners is always right here and now:

.


Between gentlemen, even a duel is no excuse for bad manners.
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Old Sunday, April 15th, 2012   #23
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Neophyte, you reminded me of this film... itself a must see for those interested in the gentlemanly and chivalrous art of the duel.

The Duellists


And a more Germanic tradition, from the film version of Der Untertan:

Mensur
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Old Monday, April 16th, 2012   #24
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What is on the fire ?


Pig, what else? Like it“s good tradition among Germanic and Celtic tribes...

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Old Friday, April 27th, 2012   #25
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Originally Posted by Hersir View Post
Once I held the door open for a woman when me and some friends were going to a pub, the girl got mad and said she could perfectly open the door herself.
Yes and next time you should let her do just that, along with other things that said individual might want.

I say a good Idea is to only treat a Lady like a Lady. Just because it is female, does not make it a Lady.

And Ladies are getting harder and harder to find these days but the B-s tend to grow on trees, they are a dime a dozen.

Personally I’m a Selective Gentleman, if the girl is worth it, then treat her like what she deserves. If she is a B then treat her likewise.
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Old Friday, April 27th, 2012   #26
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Originally Posted by Sindig_og_stoisk View Post

However, the oddest response I have so far gotten was one girl whom I held the door for when we were both on our way to the campus library. The following day we were both approaching the same door again and all of a sudden she ran ahead of me, grabbed the door handle and held the door for me to pass through, giving me a wide smile as she did. How is a gentleman supposed to respond to that?
She probably has a fancy for you...
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Old Friday, April 27th, 2012   #27
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I try to be courteous and gentlemanly and show high enough regard for basic etiquette such as holding open doors, pulling out chairs, helping into coats, giving directions, walking the unsafe side of the sidewalk, helping over rifts, puddles etc., offering comfort and conversation, not rubbing into a woman's face I'm better at playing the darts, you-name-it.

I don't try to overdo it though, your behaviour should always measure up to the situation: You don't appear at the local barbeque with your set of silver cutlery and you don't wait for the queen to be toasted at the local village festival before rising from the table. At the same time, when eating with a business partner or with someone of higher social station, the very same mannerisms might be appropriate. It is also in the idea of gentlemanly behaviour to adapt to the company and not embarrass your host by over-etiquette or under-etiquette.

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Originally Posted by Herr Weigelt View Post
I try and keep these formerly widely accepted male behavioral norms in mind whenever I'm out and about. I try and either let others in before me and open the door, especially for the elderly and women.
Don't forget however though, that when entering a restaurant or other establishment with a potentially unknown number of strangers, it is highly inappropriate for the man to let the woman walk in first: I was taught it is then considered important and appropriate that the man should make sure that the venue entered is safe for those under his protection (namely women, children, elderly) resp. deal with possible organisational arrangements (the reserved table etc. pp.) --- when you're a gentleman, you simply don't send your woman face-first into a wild-wild-west pub brawl.
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Old Sunday, May 13th, 2012   #28
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I think it is important to be a gentleman when dealing with ladies. The problem is that there are not very many women who know how to be a lady anymore. I refuse to treat a fat androgynous cow, who has no manners of her own, as a lady. Do not throw pearls before the swine they say. Respect is a two way street.
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Old Monday, May 14th, 2012   #29
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Herr Weigelt has earned the respect of peers.

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Originally Posted by Sigurd View Post
Don't forget however though, that when entering a restaurant or other establishment with a potentially unknown number of strangers, it is highly inappropriate for the man to let the woman walk in first: I was taught it is then considered important and appropriate that the man should make sure that the venue entered is safe for those under his protection (namely women, children, elderly) resp. deal with possible organisational arrangements (the reserved table etc. pp.) --- when you're a gentleman, you simply don't send your woman face-first into a wild-wild-west pub brawl.
Thanks for the tip. But I find it highly unlikely that people would enter a venue while a pub brawl or bar fight was breaking out. The day that I have children and/or elderly in tow with me while attending a bar or any other social event or occasion is a day that will never come.
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Old Monday, May 14th, 2012   #30
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Originally Posted by Herr Weigelt View Post
Thanks for the tip. But I find it highly unlikely that people would enter a venue while a pub brawl or bar fight was breaking out. The day that I have children and/or elderly in tow with me while attending a bar or any other social event or occasion is a day that will never come.
Of course not. I suspect the wording was meant to be taken as an 'extreme' to get the essence of the point across. Most manners and gestures are primarily symbolic, and not always performed with practicality in mind. Drawing the chair out for a woman or opening the door for her, for example, is likewise not done in the name of practicality, but in order to signify that you are looking out for her and are invested in her well-being. Opening the door or pulling out the chair herself would hardly decrease her level of physical comfort. It is just a way to display your consideration.
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