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lei.talk
Tuesday, November 8th, 2005, 06:01 AM
a long-time friend
- noticing that i have no current projects
or protégé, but not aware of why (http://www.forums.skadi.net/showthread.php?p=102085#post102085),

and being very impressed
with the way i raised my son
- has asked me to help him raise his grand-daughter
as a live-in project.

i have a lot of experience with teen-aged girls
(i hear snickering), but, it has been over twenty years
since i have baby-sat female infants or children
and that was limited to hours or days.

from the female members, i request
any information that you regard as relevant.

from any one that has raised a girl-child,
please, share your hard-acquired wisdom.

not only will i appreciate your assistance,
she will benefit from your knowledge.

Death and the Sun
Tuesday, November 8th, 2005, 01:24 PM
from the female members, i request
any information that you regard as relevant.

from any one that has raised a girl-child,
please, share your hard-acquired wisdom.

not only will i appreciate your assistance,
the she will benefit from your knowledge.

Hmmm, I second that request, since I myself am in a somewhat
similar situation (http://www.forums.skadi.net/showthread.php?t=10910&).

Blondie
Wednesday, November 9th, 2005, 11:45 AM
Well, I'm raising my daughter by myself. Right now she is 5 1/2 months old and will be 6 months on Nov. 21.

Is there anything you both would like to know especially? I've also babysat female children from the ages of 1 and above.

lei.talk
Wednesday, November 9th, 2005, 04:52 PM
Is there anything you both would like to know especially?i am sure that we have much to learn
from your practical experience.

instead for telling us every thing,
all at once
- pick out one thing, to start.

some thing we will need to do every day
or some thing you regard as very important.

any of of your girl-specific knowledge
will be a big help.

Blondie
Wednesday, November 9th, 2005, 04:56 PM
That's so vague, I don't really know where to start, so that's why I asked. Hehe...

lei.talk
Wednesday, November 9th, 2005, 05:19 PM
some members, out of modesty,
sent "private messages" - instead of posting.

some other members, to avoid confrontation,
did the same.

here is one such response:
In my childhood, I suffered from low self esteem,
and lacking attention from my father,
I sought the attention of others.
I don't have any girl children, but I know
that the biggest problem
that young girls suffer with is self esteem.

It used to be that these issues would come about
around the age of thirteen or fourteen,
but in today's age,
we are seeing girls as young as eight
suffering with those issues.

And there are a few misconceptions
about how to handle this.
Some parents
take the route of constantly complimenting
the girl child's looks and other superficial things.

It helps a girl to recognize her value intellectually,
as well as character-wise and creatively.

You can help by emphasizing these last few things.
The key is not blind praise,
but recognizing who she is uniquely,
what she is good at,
and nurturing that within her.

Blondie
Wednesday, November 9th, 2005, 05:26 PM
I can say that I was "Daddy's Little Girl" when I was much younger but since I was a teenager and beyond, my father and I hardly speak. After about the age of, let's say, 12-13 or so, we never fully communicated in the way my brothers and himself did. Fathers, stay close to your daughters. I wish mine did. So, I suppose my suggestions/comments are these: cherish any time you have with your children, regardless of their gender; cherish your children regardless of what else is happening in your life; teach them to do right; and most importantly, love them.

For girls in particular, I would say to listen to them. Listen to their thoughts, feelings, and things that are happening in their life. Empower them. Teach them that they can be strong in the face of adversity, whatever that may be. My daughter's father is not "in the picture" on his own volition and I will teach her and try to empower her with tools which will show that she is worth more than she'll ever know and that she can succeed at anything, whether she wants to go to college, get married and have a family someday, or do both.

Death and the Sun
Wednesday, November 9th, 2005, 08:23 PM
For girls in particular, I would say to listen to them. Listen to their thoughts, feelings, and things that are happening in their life. Empower them. Teach them that they can be strong in the face of adversity, whatever that may be. My daughter's father is not "in the picture" on his own volition and I will teach her and try to empower her with tools which will show that she is worth more than she'll ever know and that she can succeed at anything, whether she wants to go to college, get married and have a family someday, or do both.

Souns like great advice. Of course, the primary responsibility for raising my goddaughter is with her parents (she's lucky enough to have her father around, although I've heard some worrying comments, from both parties involved, that this may not be case for much longer :frown: ). Still , I'd like to strike an appropiate balance between guiding her in what I believe is the right direction, and supporting her in whatever desicions she makes for herself.

Of course, this is still many years in the future, since she is about three months old, and therefore her interests are at the moment more or less limited to eating, sleeping and pooping. :D

Blood_Axis
Thursday, November 10th, 2005, 10:15 AM
At first I thought of replying to lei-talk by PM, but then I gathered that sharing my thoughts would be much more constructive and educational for all of us. :)

Well, I am not sure as to what to say to this as I was raised rather atypically.

My parents split up while my mother was still pregnant and I was raised by my mother, but practically on my own.

So, instead of a list of "do's" I'd rather provide you with a list of "don'ts".

My father was never near, as long as I can remember, except for some occasional visits during which he thought he would compensate for his absense with expensive presents.

During his rare, short visits, he would be constantly distracted on purpose by his new "wife" (the woman he left my mother for) who would call him up and chat with him about insignificant things, just to eat up his visiting time and distract him from myself. Luckily, he got what he deserved as he was in turn dumped by her for another man, who also happened to be his best friend :D

Later on he would start dating different women every week, and upon each of his occasional visits, he would drag them with him and hence every week I'd meet a new "mommy" :P

He finally got married for the third time when I was 12, and his new wife, at first, was far from kind to me.

She would obviously be threatened by the fact that he had a child, and she would try anything to get me out of the way. But she was more clever than the last one. She would do it subtly, pretending that she actually loved me and cared for what's best for me.

Thus, she would persuade him to cut down on my allowance so "I don't get spoiled"; to send me to a public school instead of private, because that would be "a learning experience for me"..and so on.. :rolleyes:

Some years later they had their first child. It was a boy. That was her greatest victory. Later on, "by accident", they also had a girl, thus she had covered all sides.

He would record his message on the answering machine as follows: "The family of "surname": dad's name-wife's name-son's name-second daughter's name- is away right now. Please leave your message after the tone.":rolleyes:

When I was 15, we took our first vacation together. One night, I had a minor argument with his wife. When I woke up, I found the following note underneath my hotel room door:
"If you don't apologize to my wife first thing in the morning, you can take the first boat out of here and never come back again".
A 5000drachmas bill was attached to the note, barely enough money to pay for my return ticket.

Years later, when they started having troubles and I took her side -because he cheated on her and hit her once-, she came to realize that I was not her enemy anymore, and we kind of made up with each other.

He would still do his thing though. Despite the fact that he opposed his parents will to make him choose a proffesion he did not want, he would oppose to my will to go into Psychology instead of Business which was his plan for me.

While I was getting straight A's on my field, he would constantly threaten me that he would quit paying my fees and send me get a job, because what I was doing "was useless" and "I'd never make enough money".. :rolleyes:

Luckily, I managed to complete my studies by working day to night in the university to get a scholarship/reduction of fees, which was also rather educational and good for me.

Like any other extreme left-winger in his youth, he grew up to a money-driven, aggresive capitalist whose sole purpose in the world is to climb higher and higher and spend as much money as he can on glamorous items: cars, clothing, exotic trips, expensive restaurants. :rolleyes:

During my childhood, I was growing up with my mother who was depressed and too weak to handle the upbringing of a child. She was working day to night to get along, and she was getting minimum child support from my father while he was spending his money on fancy restaurants and gifts for his girlfriends. My mom was always a weakling thus she never demanded anything more of him.

In my late childhood I was dumped at my grandparents (dad's side) because my mom "could not handle it anymore". I had a better time than before, where I was being taken care of babysitters, but still I had a lot of conflicts with them, let alone a huge generation gap that was the worse thing that could happen to a female child entering puberty.

My early adolescent years were filled with anger and turmoil, but luckily I took it out on my musical tastes and clothing rather than drugs or anything else. I had my nose pierced when I was 15, wore army boots and torn jeans and I was coloring my hair all colors of the rainbow :P

I had a lot of emotional problems, mainly when I started socializing. I'd been let down so many times, mistreated by various boyfriends and betrayed by best friends.

I remember each night, before going to bed, I would think of each day's experiences and try to detangle and organize my thoughts and feelings. I would even make up imaginary dialogs or scenarios to cover all aspects of a situation.

Being deserted and neglected, I practically had to bring my self up. I had no role models, no guidance and no support. I remember none of my parents ever coming to pick up my grades from school monthly, and they would pick them up all together in the end of the year.

Going through so much trouble, I learned from life itself and through trial and error. I had to strengthen myself and become resilient as people have ended up junkies for much less things.

I am proud of myself today, with all my errors, shortcomings and faults, as everything I am comes out of my own experience. I am myself and all by myself. I never regretted a choice, as all the errors and bad experiences I've had have contributed to my character.

I don't hate my father..I never did. I just feel sorry for him. It took me years to realize that he's jealous of me. I learned to get by with very few things. He looks at me, independent and conscious of myself, and he knows I am happier in my small appartment, with my few friends and even fewer belongings, than he could ever be in his mansion with all his money, luxuries and endless circle of other parasitic high-society acquaintances -but not as much as one real friend. Whenever he was offering me money -when I was younger- I declined it. Now I decline the whole of his lifestyle. I prefer my poor neighbourhood and my "simple" friends. I prefer my simple clothes and a warm, cosy diner than pretentious fancy restaurants and designer clothes. I'd rather spend my money on something more substantial than that. I derive happiness from little things that do not depend on money, and I live each day at the fullest.

Raising a female child is not easy, for sure. Not all girls after having undergone what I did, would have ended up as well off as I did.

--Overall, I wish I had a father that cared less for appearances and more for substance. I would have been much happier if he would have been a poor, uneducated, yet happy and loving man. If his horizons were shorter, if he was less travelled and international, and yet he was more profound in emotions and caring about his loved ones. I learned from life experience that it is love and care for each other that brings up strong families, not money and social status.

Sigel
Thursday, November 10th, 2005, 11:39 AM
here is one such response:
A first rate response it is too. There is much wisdom in those words. I'd also like to compliment everyone on this thread.

Lissu
Thursday, November 10th, 2005, 01:03 PM
I have been thinking about this issue ever since lei.talk wrote me a pm and asked about sharing my personal experiences about my childhood. Hmmm.... I really don't know what to say, because my childhood has been quite happy despite some quite serious crisis in the family which have conserned chronical illnesses. But our family has been very stable. My parents still seem to be very much in love even if they were married in quite young age and have been married nearly 40 years.

I have always been a daddy's girl. For example I never let anyone else touch my hair but my dad, and thus he was the only one who was able to wash it :P

Also before the school age my mom got very ill and during that time dad had to be both mom and dad, even though one of my aunts came to help into our house for some time. Perhaps also this brought me and my dad closer to each others. In good and bad I tend to turn to my dad instead of mom. I don't know how she feels about this, but I hope she accepts it.

I have no idea if this is post is any use for the purpose of this thread :redface:

Blondie
Friday, November 18th, 2005, 01:27 PM
a long-time friend
- noticing that i have no current projects
or protégé, but not aware of why (http://www.forums.skadi.net/showthread.php?p=102085#post102085),

and being very impressed
with the way i raised my son
- has asked me to help him raise his grand-daughter
as a live-in project.

i have a lot of experience with teen-aged girls
(i hear snickering), but, it has been over twenty years
since i have baby-sat female infants or children
and that was limited to hours or days.

from the female members, i request
any information that you regard as relevant.

from any one that has raised a girl-child,
please, share your hard-acquired wisdom.

not only will i appreciate your assistance,
she will benefit from your knowledge.
Do you want anymore suggestions, comments, or anything else? Is there anything you want to ask?

lei.talk
Friday, November 18th, 2005, 05:45 PM
Do you want anymore suggestions, comments, or anything else?
Is there anything you want to ask?yes! please!

i have been up here
only two days

and have learned a half-dozen
gender-specific requirements.

for example,
stroking those handi-wipes toward her os coccygis
during the clean-up
for a diaper-change

to prevent bladder infections

would have been useful information
(considering the frequency of application!).

that is not a problem
with a boy-child.

any other practical knowledge will be appreciated
by every one that desires to raise a girl-child.

why should each of us "re-invent the wheel"

when we could share our knowledge and experience?

IvyLeaguer
Saturday, November 26th, 2005, 06:21 PM
I apologize for being off the forum for some time. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago and I’ve been busy with her needs and those of my family. Mom seems to be doing better now although she was hospitalized after her 5th chemo treatment a couple of weeks ago. She’ll begin radiation therapy shortly. I feel she is going to be fine but any positive thoughts you fine folks want to send her way are greatly appreciated.

….just wanted to let everyone know why I haven’t been so active on here as of late.

After perusing some of these posts, I have to agree that the involvement, attention, and love of parents can be most helpful to raising a female child. After living for several years in Germany, Austria, and Sweden as an American, I couldn’t help but notice the difference and confidence many European women had that I saw greatly lacking in my female friends at home. (I am generalizing here somewhat but for the most part I have found this to be true.) As a woman, I know that I personally feel bombarded with media images letting me how I “should” be, and since many of these images and ideals are unfortunately coming from my home country, I think there is an even worse scenario for women in the US. As a young girl these images can be very confusing. Even if the child is self-assured and content with the individual she is, how she looks, strong in her beliefs, etc., the world she inhabits sometimes doesn’t respect that. I think you need to always discuss these things with girls, how they feel about them, and give them the confidence to deal with it.

I attended and graduated from high school (Gymnasium) in Texas. My best friend from that time was slightly overweight while we were in secondary school. She was continually teased about that although I felt she never did warrant any of those insults. She always kept to herself and was always kind to others. Her name was Shelley and I distinctly remember hearing whispers behind me in English class and some jerk calling her “Shellifant…Shellifant…Shellifant...” To this day, she is still traumatized from all of this. I can name several such incidents concerning friends I knew back then and often wonder if each one handled it in a similar way as Shelley has, which hasn’t really been too positive. Although Shelley is a successful engineer now, she has never had a stable relationship and her personal life is somewhat of a mess. She also is obsessed with her eating habits and suffers from some form eating disorder, although that has never been diagnosed to my knowledge. I think this all has to do with how she was treated when we were young. Her father was non-existent in her life and her mother was alone working to raise three girls by herself.

The point I am trying to make is that it is important that you have strong parental involvement in raising a young girl. It is important to talk about anything and everything, especially her insecurities. I have to say that I do feel that as a whole the Europeans for the most part are doing this very well. Families are closer and more open to having conversations about the personal lives of their children. I was shocked while living in Sweden that most of my close friends would talk about private aspects of their relationships with their parents. This seems so much healthier than what is going on over here.

I think something that can be confusing as a female is the role we play in today’s society. My friends who are stay at home moms feel guilty because they are not working and my friends with great careers are often depressed about not having a family and mourning that loss. As a young girl, I think sometimes it’s not clear about what you are suppose to do with your life. I know that I felt this way growing up. It is hard to be both of those things, so something has to give at some point. It is normal to go through a sort of “female identity crisis” at some point. It is part of discovering who you are and who you want to become.

I think feeling complete security at home while growing up is the key. That way a girl will not seek continual love and attention from someone outside the home. Spend time with her on activities she loves. Talk to her about her interests and try to foster those. This is the best advice I can give. If I can think of anything else I'll post.

lei.talk
Sunday, November 27th, 2005, 07:25 AM
the stock-pile of disposable diapers (http://www.huggieshappybaby.com/products/index.aspx?diapers)
that i found here, two weeks ago,
are almost gone.

before and after every nap,
i have been changing her diaper
- because they are soaked
from the volume of goat's milk (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=goat%27s+milk+babies&btnG=Google+Search)
and powdered colostrum (http://www.bestcolostrum.com/research.htm)
she is sucking out of these bottles (http://www.aventamerica.com/products/toddlerfeeding/toddlerfeeding_trainer.asp).

baby-products have improved considerably,
since i used them with my son
- nearly twenty years ago.

i welcome any recommendations.

lei.talk
Thursday, December 1st, 2005, 06:53 AM
Although you may be betrayed many times by others,
even including your own people,
never betray yourself. Never.

Because the ancestors are with us
and a betrayal of self
is also a betrayal of the ones who watch us
and keep troth with us
and with whom we are connected
by unbreakable bonds.

This means we are never alone,
no matter how lonely we may feel.

Blondie
Thursday, December 1st, 2005, 10:38 AM
the stock-pile of disposable diapers (http://www.huggieshappybaby.com/products/index.aspx?diapers)
that i found here, two weeks ago,
are almost gone.

before and after every nap,
i have been changing her diaper
- because they are soaked
from the volume of goat's milk (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=goat%27s+milk+babies&btnG=Google+Search)
and powdered colostrum (http://www.bestcolostrum.com/research.htm)
she is sucking out of these bottles (http://www.aventamerica.com/products/toddlerfeeding/toddlerfeeding_trainer.asp).

baby-products have improved considerably,
since i used them with my son
- nearly twenty years ago.

i welcome any recommendations.
As I'm sure you're already aware, make sure her bottom isn't red or inflamed. If it is, she may be developing or may have a diaper rash. If this is the case, there are many brands of diaper rash creams out there on the market.

Do you have any questions for us? :)

NordicPower
Thursday, December 1st, 2005, 10:40 AM
About girls I can't say I have a lot to offer, I never thought there were such great distinctions between boys and girls anyway, however, now I'm in my son's world, and completely unaware of what baby girls are like, or if there is a real difference. Still, all babies like to be talked to and read to. You will want to do things to stimulate her development (young children usually learn best through playing) and give her the right foods if she is old enough to eat solids, oily fish and eggs are both stimulating brain development and make a person smarter, especially babies.

Small babies don't seem to need as much care as older babies. When my son was little and something was wrong, he would cry, and it would be because he wants something to eat, a diaper change, he was cold or tired. Now he is 17 months and so also cries for other things, like when I tell him no, or that he has to wait for something, and he throws himself on the floor. I have to follow him around and watch him contantly so that he doesn't get into anything. But he speaks now, and lets me know what he wants.

Also, about babies and toddlers they pick up small things off the ground such as old food crumbs, or little plastic and eat them. If baby is on the floor I would reccomend you try to keep it spotless. All in all there is nothing especially mysterious or complicated about raising a child, if one is a good person, give both love and discipline, and try their best no doubt they will succeed.

Blondie
Thursday, December 1st, 2005, 10:49 AM
About girls I can't say I have a lot to offer, I never thought there were such great distinctions between boys and girls anyway, however, now I'm in my son's world, and completely unaware of what baby girls are like, or if there is a real difference. Still, all babies like to be talked to and read to. You will want to do things to stimulate her development (young children usually learn best through playing) and give her the right foods if she is old enough to eat solids, oily fish and eggs are both stimulating brain development and make a person smarter, especially babies.

Small babies don't seem to need as much care as older babies. When my son was little and something was wrong, he would cry, and it would be because he wants something to eat, a diaper change, he was cold or tired. Now he is 17 months and so also cries for other things, like when I tell him no, or that he has to wait for something, and he throws himself on the floor. I have to follow him around and watch him contantly so that he doesn't get into anything. But he speaks now, and lets me know what he wants.

Also, about babies and toddlers they pick up small things off the ground such as old food crumbs, or little plastic and eat them. If baby is on the floor I would reccomend you try to keep it spotless. All in all there is nothing especially mysterious or complicated about raising a child, if one is a good person, give both love and discipline, and try their best no doubt they will succeed.
That's great advice. I couldn't have said it better myself. :)

QuietWind
Monday, December 5th, 2005, 04:00 AM
You raised a boy, I am sure you will be fine raising a girl. Honestly, there is not much differences in raising the two in the early years. I have known people who have all boys and say that they wouldn’t know what to do if they had a daughter. For me, having had one of each so far, and also having worked in Child Development centers, I don't see much difference. So much of child rearing is the same no matter what the gender. You may find that your little girl likes cars, and playing ball. Maybe she is moody, maybe she is calm. A lot of differences are due to personality and parenting, not gender. I have known people to claim that boys are more active and girls more passive. Truth? Stereotype? Try asking a family who has a very active girl and a very passive boy which is which. My daughter is the independent type who has never liked dolls. My son is the cuddler who adopted his sister's first doll (that she never played with) and he gave it a name. Have I treated them differently because of their gender? Nope. As parents, we tend to treat children differently based more on what their personality elicits from us. You are probably more anxious about raising a girl, in part because it has been so long since you raised your son. Relax! This is the easy part. Just wait until puberty! You have gotten a lot of good advice already from TNPers.

When I had my first child, this was one of my favorite magazines to read: http://www.parenting.com/parenting/

Anyhow, I was asked to offer some advice, because of a reply I posted on Skadi about how I am big fan of non-physical discipline techniques and how wonderfully behaved my children are. So, I will write primarily about discipline here. If there are any specific questions on just about anything regarding children, I can answer those also. (sorry for this long post to come….) :D

Discipline is something that can be difficult for parents. One of the first things to consider is boundaries. Think about your boundaries and what limitations and freedoms are acceptable to you. If, as a parent, you have a clear idea, then it is easier to provide clear and consistent parenting to your child. One thing that is important to recognize is that children need to be able to develop independence and at the same time need to learn limits. Very young children are very curious about the world around them. Exploration is a natural part of their development. For this reason, it is important to safe guard their environment and make it child friendly. This goes beyond the obvious, such as putting outlet covers over outlets. This extends into things such as putting items that you do not want them touching out of their reach. My philosophy is that if they can reach it, it is fair game. It is unreasonable to expect a young child to refrain from touching something that is placed within their reach. Crawl around on your hands and knees and look at your environment from their perspective. That pretty, glittery glass object sitting on the coffee table is a prime example of something that should be moved out of reach until the young child is old enough to understand that it is breakable. If the environment is suited for them, they will be able to freely explore it and learn from it in a way that is safe and enjoyable.

Secondly, make sure your rules are clear and consistent. If the rule is no milk or juice bottles in bed, because you want to prevent early tooth decay, then stick to it. Only offer water bottles to lay down with. By not sticking to your rules, you only teach the child that a little fussing will give them their way. No means no. No doesn't mean "cry and I'll say yes." Consistency is very important and sometimes very frustrating. Sometimes it can take several weeks before a young child will realize that no amount of crying will give them their way. Stick to it. Before setting a rule, make sure it is reasonable. For example, back to that pretty glass decoration on the coffee table. It is unreasonable to expect the young child not to touch it. Could you refrain from touching something that pretty? Do your adult guests refrain from touching it? Yet, some adults expect their young child to refrain from touching it. When considering if a rule is reasonable, think first about where the child is developmentally.

When disciplining the child, try using positive parenting techniques such as redirection and time out. Redirection is simple. Your child wants to smear the bowl of spilled cereal all over the table, so you take the child away from the table and get them involved in a new activity. Maybe the child is playing with a toy that is absolutely driving you crazy. Same thing, get them interested in something new. You are redirecting their behavior to something that is acceptable. It is a form of distracting them. It also works. Time out is one of the most misused forms of discipline. Time out is a way for a child (and adult) to separate themselves from a situation and calm down or think about the situation in order to clear their head. Time out is not something that kids are sent to for unreasonable amount of times because they are "bad." Time out can be used with children as young as a year and half (18 months). The rule of thumb for a time out is one minute per the child's age (1 year = 1 minute, 2 years = 2 minutes, etc.). Use an egg timer or other device that allows the child to physically see the length of their time out. Sit them in a place that is free from toys or other distractions. Explain to them that for X minutes they need to sit and think about or calm down. Explain that they are not bad, and that it is a way to calm down. Show them the timer and set it. Tell them when it rings, then they can come out of time out. Then leave them alone there. If they cry and throw themselves down, ignore it as long as they are still in the general vicinity of "time out." There is no need to be so anal as to make them sit on one spot. If they follow you, or sly out of time out, sit them back in it and explain that leaving time out early will cause them more time. If needed, hold them in time out for the time period so they can learn to stay there. If there is no additional trouble, and they compliantly sit in time out when you walk away, leave them there until the buzzer has sounded and they get themselves out of time out. Some children will actually choose to stay longer in time out then their time. If the buzzer has sounded and you have not seen them emerge from time out after several seconds, go over and ask them if they are ready to come out. It may be that they need reassurance from you that they are allowed to come out. Sometimes they may not be ready themselves to come out and they will choose to sit there. Let them, explaining that whenever they are ready, they can come out. Coming out of time out is a great time to hug your child, and talk calmly about the situation.

Discipline should always be immediate and specific to the situation. It also needs to be realistic. Don't threaten something that cannot be carried out. For example, never say that if they do not listen then they will not eat dinner. That is not something that you can realistically carry out, it is not immediate, and not related to the situation. Also, food should never be used as reward or punishment. This is one contributing factor to eating disorders later I life. Infants and toddlers learn to eat out of boredom, or for comfort. Discipline should be immediate. If you wait until later to discipline an action, then the child (or even you) have forgotten what even occurred. It needs to be specific and directly related to the action. For example, if the child is being destructive with a toy, take the toy away. If the child is turning over their sippy cup and spilling it all over, they are clearly finished, take it away.

One of the most important aspects of raising children comes from modeling of behavior. It is how children develop language, proper displays of emotion, etc. It is important to always behave in a way that you would want your child to behave in. If you make a mistake, apologize for it. If you need the time out, take one and explain to your child that you need a time out from the situation. If you are angry, sad, happy, etc. say it. Explain to the child, "this makes me so happy when you….." "I am sad that you are crying." "I get angry when you…." It is okay for you to have feelings, and it is okay for them to have feelings. Being able to recognize and express their emotions is very important. Model good communication. Wait for them to finish speaking and ask them to wait for you to finish speaking. Get down on their level and use good eye contact. Getting on the level of the child is very good. It shows them that they are important. Don't ignore them when they speak, or don't be surprised if they ignore you also. Teach them patience, and about mommy or daddy time. If you are busy, it is okay to tell them that mommy or daddy is busy right now, and in XX minutes, I will come play with you and you can tell me what you want. Then stick to it! (Remember, clear and consistent). If they want a timer set, set one, or do it even without them asking.

One of the best ways to foster independence in the young child is through giving them choices. Most young children are unable to handle more than two choices. An example of a good choice to offer a toddler would be to ask them at snack time if they want milk or juice. At first keep options simple. Another way is to encourage them to do things for themselves. At first they may need extra help and guidance with this. Let the older infant hold her own spoon while feeding her cereal, and you hold a second spoon with which to feed her. Help a toddler step into her big girl panties, and then encourage her to try and pull them up for herself.

Messes….they happen! Kids are clumsy. Their motor skills are not as fine tuned as ours.

lei.talk
Saturday, December 17th, 2005, 04:18 AM
...give her the right foods if she is old enough to eat solids, oily fish and eggs are both stimulating brain development and make a person smarter, especially babies.i started spoon-feeding her scrambled (http://ronco.com/rco_prodinfo.aspx?pid=RO2001101001&color=&active=desc) soft-boiled (http://www.oster.com/productdetail.aspx?id=14&cat=19) fertile eggs,
instead of baby food.

she did not digest puréed fruits and vegetables
from these little bottles (http://www.babiestravellite.com/earths_best.html) very well.
this brand (http://www.gerber.com/prodcat?catid=530) caused an equally foul chemical process
in her tummy.

i made the mistake of standing between her legs
as i was changing her diaper, the first couple of days.

i wish some of the moms had warned me
to stand to one side,
while changing her diaper.

she was lying on her changing-pad (http://www.simmonskids.com/babiesToddlers/accessories/Contour_Changing_Pad.cfm);
i was standing at her feet,
struggling through an other messy diaper-change
using a pair of rubber gloves (http://www.playtexproductsinc.com/glovesproduct.html)
that are never going in to the kitchen, again.

there were no clothes-pins (http://www.polsteins.com/prod-0103364.html) in the house,
so, i was gagging from the stench
and my eyes were watering.

blinking away my tears ("do not touch your face!"
mister hess reminded us in biology class),
i concentrated on mopping her clean
with the baby-wipes (http://www.playtexbaby.com/babymagic/products/babywipes.asp).

with a sound like ripping canvas,
she sprayed my shirt with nearly-liquid goop.

this never happened with my son
because we did not feed him carbo-hydrates (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Causes).
the body-part constructed from carbo-hydrates
is adipose. possessing a reliable food-supply,
we did not need to fatten our baby.

we leave our calories in the coolerator,
until we need them;
we do not carry them around
on our hips and bellies.

lei.talk
Thursday, December 22nd, 2005, 12:48 AM
Hmm, well, I have a few things to say:

- Girls need strong male role models that they can turn to in times of need and trouble. I was one of the lucky ones. Though I did not have a strong male role model at any time in my life (my father was very uninvolved with my brother and me), I turned into a solid, strong individual. I can't say the same for most girls, though. Later in life, these girls might look for the wrong types of men in order to fill the void left as a child. All children need good role models; a good male role model will love his daughter, constantly tell her how wonderful and special she is, and take a very active interest in her life. If a girl is exposed to a good man at an early age, she will later marry a good man who will ensure that her children are healthy and happy. This ensures the health and happiness of future generations.

- Always remind her how loved she is and how special she is. I think that while all children need this attention, girls do especially. In this day and age, girls are much more likely to suffer from low self-esteem. We need to encourage them to love who they are.

- Instill her with pride in her heritage! Whatever nationality she is, expose her to her culture and her people and encouarge her to be proud. If she is instilled with this pride from an early age, it will be more difficult for her to be influenced by "outside sources" Give her a sense of identity by participating in cultural events that are unique to your nation/heritage. I have always regreted that my parents weren't more involved in our heritage and I think that being more involved would have given me a much better sense of identity.

I hope this helps!

If I think of any more, I'll send you another message. :)

QuietWind
Wednesday, December 28th, 2005, 07:40 PM
i started spoon-feeding her scrambled (http://ronco.com/rco_prodinfo.aspx?pid=RO2001101001&color=&active=desc) soft-boiled (http://www.oster.com/productdetail.aspx?id=14&cat=19) fertile eggs,
instead of baby food.

she did not digest puréed fruits and vegetables
from these little bottles (http://www.babiestravellite.com/earths_best.html) very well.
this brand (http://www.gerber.com/prodcat?catid=530) caused an equally foul chemical process
in her tummy.

i made the mistake of standing between her legs
as i was changing her diaper, the first couple of days.

i wish some of the moms had warned me
to stand to one side,
while changing her diaper.

she was lying on her changing-pad (http://www.simmonskids.com/babiesToddlers/accessories/Contour_Changing_Pad.cfm);
i was standing at her feet,
struggling through an other messy diaper-change
using a pair of rubber gloves (http://www.playtexproductsinc.com/glovesproduct.html)
that are never going in to the kitchen, again.

there were no clothes-pins (http://www.polsteins.com/prod-0103364.html) in the house,
so, i was gagging from the stench
and my eyes were watering.

blinking away my tears ("do not touch your face!"
mister hess reminded us in biology class),
i concentrated on mopping her clean
with the baby-wipes (http://www.playtexbaby.com/babymagic/products/babywipes.asp).

with a sound like ripping canvas,
she sprayed my shirt with nearly-liquid goop.

this never happened with my son
because we did not feed him carbo-hydrates (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Causes).
the body-part constructed from carbo-hydrates
is adipose. possessing a reliable food-supply,
we did not need to fatten our baby.

we leave our calories in the coolerator,
until we need them;
we do not carry them around
on our hips and bellies.


Since you are not sure of her age, you may want to seperate the egg yolk from the white and just feed the cooked yolk for now. The white is not recommended for infants under a year, because of the potential for developing food allergies. Also, if the packaged baby foods give problems, you can try making your own baby foods (mashed potatoes, cooked mashed carrots, etc.) If she is having problems digesting foods and such, then you may have to completely take her off foods and then slowly begin re-introducing foods into her diet from scratch. See this guide for starting solids: http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/infant/startingsolids.html

Also on this site is some good tips for nutrition: http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/infant/infantnutrition.html

If you are unable to find out her exact age, you could probably estimate based upon developmental milestones (physical, language, emotional, etc.)
Language development: http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/speechandlanguage.asp
Physical: http://missourifamilies.org/features/parentingarticles/parenting11.htm

One thing to keep in mind is that many of these milestones use the average age, but there is an entire range that the event could occur within. For example, on average infants begin walking around 12 months, but the range for walking is 8-17 months. Because of this, if you are going to estimate her age based upon where she is developmentally, you should look at several areas and not just one event. Also consider her height and weight compared to the averages, but keep in mind that these factors are also not good indicators alone. One 12 month old might weigh close to 30 lbs., while another may be only 16 lbs.

Congrats on getting initiated into parenting through diaper changing. :) My newborn did it to me the other day as well. One day you will look back on this and laugh at the time your little girl "got you" during a diaper change. :P
The gloves you are using must be difficult to change a diaper in. If you need to use gloves, I'd recommend disposable gloves (you can buy in the first aid section of most stores): http://www.dealtime.co.uk/xDN-health_aids--first_aid_supplies-disposable_latex_gloves~V-rows

Another great contraption for the diapers is this thing called a diaper genie. It is a diaper pail that seals away the diapers like little sausages, and eliminates odor. Currently, I am using cloth diapers until my newborn gets older, but when I start using disposables, I'm going to be getting a diaper genie. http://www.playtexbaby.com/diapergenie/ I had one before and there is no odor. If it does start to have an odor, you can always buy little deoderizer stick ups that will stick to the bottom inside of it.

http://www.acehardware.com/sm-stick-ups-12-pack--pi-1279042.html

elina
Thursday, December 29th, 2005, 07:03 AM
This forum seems difficult to use. What means Quote ?

My advice to raising girl: Do not force yuo or her to do anything that you not feel be your own thing.

Buy her lot of books. No matter, what books. When she reads, she thinks.

Svanhildr
Sunday, January 8th, 2006, 08:59 AM
My mom read books to us when we were babies, and it made us smarter than most kids when we entered school. I think talking to babies and interacting with them allot is good and increases their intelligence.

mothdust
Monday, January 9th, 2006, 01:04 AM
I originally sent this to lei.talk in a private message, but I decided to post it here.

I'd be more than happy to talk to you. My childhood was pretty great, I was an only child with a very active imagination. But, my teen years is when I started having problems.
I was diagnosed with depression and Borderline Personality Disorder (it's similar to bi-polar). I started cutting myself and even mutilating my face. I've been in the hospital 6 times in the last couple of years for being suicidal and self injuring.

This is the odd thing. I was a straight A student, on the honor roll, did volunteer work in my community, never did drugs, won voice and piano competitions, I was basically a goody two shoes. But, my parents still pushed me to be better. They pushed way to hard. And it added tremendously to my stress.

My mom was the worst about it, and we are just recently trying to build back a relationship. No matter what I did, how hard I tried, it was never good enough for her.

Needless to say, all these problems put my college plans on hold. But, I'm starting back to classes next Monday, my problems are getting better, and I think I will be successful this time.

My advice, is to love the child no matter what. Don't push too hard, let them follow their own dreams, even if you might not agree. Don't always act like a parent, act like a friend. If you ever see the warning signs of depression or anxiety, get help as soon as possible. And always be supportive.

Hope this helps,
Wassail, Tiffany

miss patriotic
Thursday, January 12th, 2006, 02:11 PM
hi all,
i raised all three of my children on my own for 12 years, two are teenage girls, and one is a teenage boy,
i didnt have a very good child hood due to my parents splitting when i was 2, i was forever passed around the family and went to lots of different schools around the country, so when i had my children i decided that no way would i put them through what i'd been through, so i surrounded them with lots of love a safe enviroment and lots of nationalist education, i am very proud of all of them, i can honestly say. they have grown up with there mind focused on fighting for our nationalism survival,
we are also best friends, i find it very important to talk to them and be very close, it brings a bond no one can seperate.

im sure you will be fine, take everyday as it comes and just enjoy every precious minute with her.

lei.talk
Tuesday, January 17th, 2006, 06:20 AM
in response to the reaction to this post (http://www.forums.skadi.net/showthread.php?p=133682#post133682),
i offer this video (http://www.ucsd.tv/library2.asp?Date=&summary=show&title=&keyword=7474&showID=).

the university of california (http://www.ucsd.edu/) at san diego (http://www.google.com/lochp?hl=en&tab=wl&q=9500%20Gilman%20Drive%2C%20Dept.%20010 6%20La%20Jolla%2C%20CA%2092093)
offers many other interesting on-line videos (http://www.ucsd.tv/library-series.asp).

aprilness
Wednesday, February 8th, 2006, 02:44 PM
I have an 11 month old little girl, she is my first girl after having two boys. So far I can't see any difference in behavoir between her and my boys at this age. I hear that girls get their feelings hurt more easiler when they learn to talk, and they can be a bit more shy, but then again it's all individual.

You should have no problem once you get used to being a parental figure. I would suggest when she gets older (pre-teens) that you find her an older female friend to learn from. I would suggest the same if you were a woman raising a boy alone. They need the interaction and guidence that someone of the same gender can give them.

Kids need love, if you have that, you are on your way. Everything else you will learn as you go. Always take advice from other parents, but never believe they are better parents than you are!

Good luck!
~April

in response to the reaction to this post (http://www.forums.skadi.net/showthread.php?p=133682#post133682),
i offer this video (http://www.ucsd.tv/library2.asp?Date=&summary=show&title=&keyword=7474&showID=).

the university of california (http://www.ucsd.edu/) at san diego (http://www.google.com/lochp?hl=en&tab=wl&q=9500%20Gilman%20Drive%2C%20Dept.%20010 6%20La%20Jolla%2C%20CA%2092093)
offers many other interesting on-line videos (http://www.ucsd.tv/library-series.asp).

WestOfTheMoon
Wednesday, February 8th, 2006, 09:34 PM
I have an 18 year old step daughter and have been through the difficult teens with her.
It is not easy but to take time to talk and listen to her seemed to help us throng most problems.

sunne
Sunday, February 12th, 2006, 12:00 AM
i was raised to be self-reliant, independent free-thinking and self-controlled. i was so self-reliant that i could leave home and start on my own life at age 18. i was constantly made aware of my cultural heritage: dansih and german and to be proud of it. i was able to read books about my own people and do so still. all these things i believeshould be part of raising a girl child of our people. dana pallessen

lei.talk
Thursday, April 17th, 2008, 05:40 AM
i apologise
for the many unanswered posts,
"private messages" and e-mails.

as many of you will recall,

i was in the process
of adopting a girl-child.

in the last quarter of ought-six,
that adoption became final.

it was, also,
her second birth-day -

she became articulate, arboreal
and mercurially fleet/agile.

as with my (now grown) son,

i refuse
to utilise any negative re-enforcement
to manipulate a child:

the resultant conflicting engrams
and inhibitory circuitry
produce neurotic behavior

that is inconsistent
with the euphenic physiologic,
psychologic and intellectual development
of a child.

my intransigent application
of only positive re-enforcement
to satisfying
the girl-child's needs/wants/desires

completely fills my days
and nights.

children are our most precious creation

and require the ultimate
in desire, knowledge, resources,
time and attentiveness.

again, as with my (now grown) son,
the product
is far more valuable
than the investment.

it is tragic
that so many children are born

to persons possessing
neither the desire,
knowledge, resources or time
to be a parent.

my constant engagement with the girl-child
should be anticipated
for many years.

thank you
for your time and patience.

Gagnraad
Thursday, April 17th, 2008, 09:50 AM
It's been a very long time since last time you were here, so let me be the first to welcome you back!

And I must say I agree, there are too many parents who should invest more time and love into their children, adopted or not. No wonder that children of this age are more criminal than those for fifty years ago.

Blood_Axis
Thursday, April 17th, 2008, 12:44 PM
He's back?! Wow, I just realized this isn't a revived old thread but a new one!

How are you doing? I have often been wondering about your whereabouts. It's really nice to see you back, we can always use a little (more) wisdom here :bub

917111
Monday, April 28th, 2008, 06:00 PM
Hello lei.talk .

I am still working on a project which we discussed at the TNP a few years ago. I have made steady progress, but things have moved a little slower than anticipated due to personal circumstances. If you are still interested in this project, send me an email at crossedz@yahoo.com .

lei.talk
Friday, June 20th, 2008, 09:48 AM
I have often been wondering about your whereabouts.
It's really nice to see you back...

so many things to say, but,
fulfilling the girl-child's needs
requires so much of my time.

occasionally, she is observing
my son's mother and her girl-friend

which allows me brief moments
of activity
that she will not witness and imitate.

my posts will be short and infrequent.

i have a question:
i clicked on the link to skadi.com
and arrived at a place
that did not recognise my user-name
or pass-word (http://www.thealthing.com/).

do tiwaz and haldis preside?
does agrippa persist in anthropological classifications?
do the posts from skadi.com
and the nordish portal reside there?

i see the girl-child returning
from across the goat-pasture,

i am turning off
this box of flickering colored lights -

until next time.

Blood_Axis
Friday, June 20th, 2008, 10:11 AM
do tiwaz and haldis preside?
does agrippa persist in anthropological classifications?
do the posts from skadi.com
and the nordish portal reside there?


Boy, have you missed episodes! :D

The forum Skadi.net was closed and a while later a new forum emerged that is similar to Skadi in many respects but not the same forum at all. :)
The posts from Skadi and tNP were not saved, to my knowledge. In theAlthing we made a fresh start and the forum grew very quickly.

Agrippa is unfortunately not (or very rarely) participating anymore but there are other capable classifiers (though I think noone shall ever match the glory of Agrippa;)).

TheAlthing does not recognize your username & password because it is a new forum. You'll have to register again. I say it's worth it, if of course you have time to enjoy it.

In any case, it is nice to see you again :)

ladybright
Saturday, June 21st, 2008, 03:22 PM
Welcome back Lei. talk. I am glad to see you here. Children certainly do take up a lot of time.:D I have a baby boy now so I am here less as well. I am more often over at The Althing.

Aragorn
Monday, June 23rd, 2008, 02:51 PM
True.

Iam parent myself so I know what's like. Oh Yeah

Mrs. Lyfing
Wednesday, September 10th, 2008, 01:17 PM
I have a 4 year old daughter and a 7 year old son, and I can say there is a world of difference in raising the two. My daughter is much more emotional, seems as if she runs off her emotions. My son is different than that, like a man ( boy ) would be I guess. He doesn't need as much explaining or reason and if he retaliates its in a different manner.

From my own view, a daughter is a little more tough to handle. :P She is full of life and emotions. While both children need love, and support and praise, I think they as individuals need a little different kind.


The most important thing I can think of is how important it is for a girl child to know how much her father or father figure loves her, there needs to be a great relationship between the two and a constant understanding. Which will decrease her chances as an adult to always seek a man's attention.

CrystalRose
Thursday, September 11th, 2008, 12:20 AM
I don't have any children, yet. But I grew up in a close-knit family. 'It takes a village to raise a child.' I think it's important to have them around family as much as possible to create strong bonds, and shared life experiences. so they don't go looking for outside acceptance. They'll already have a family full of acceptance, so no need to go looking for it. :D I think helping her to maintain a healthy level of self-esteem is key for her evolving into a strong woman in the future.